Troubles of a Genderly Confused Teen
by Lanky Nathan
Summary: Naruto awakes to find that he cannot control when or where his sexy jutsu will activate. The only thing he can say for sure is that his day thoroughly sucks. Naruto/Naruko friendship
1. Chapter 1

_- EDIT - rewriting the first few chapters because a long time reviewer of mine pointed out they pretty much suck. Will put a note up in the header as they are done. Basically I'm trying to smooth out writing crinkles and OOC characters, where ever they are._

_Ok try follow me with this... when Naruto is a boy, I refer to him as a him/he/his. When Naruto is a girl, l refer to HER as her/she/hers. Or something like that. You'll get the idea as you read._

_I own a couple of dubbed episodes of Naruto but not much else. This disclaimer covers all following chapters so don't report me or else._

**Chapter 1**

"Ok, something has to be up for Naruto to actually be later than Kakashi-sensei."

"Maa, don't say that! I had a perfectly good reason because of..."

"Liar!"

"Whatever. I just wish dobe would hurry the hell up. We are missing out on training."

Today, we find three of the members of team 7 awaiting the arrival of their fourth member with varying degrees of patience. Like usual, their sensei had turned up a good two and a half hours late. Strangely though, what was unusual was that a certain blond haired nuisance was running even later than that. While incredibly annoying and more of a handful than a day care centre on a sugar rush, the one thing that could be said about him was that he was never late... more or less. Sighing again, Sakura raised a hand to her brow and squinted into the distance.

"Hang on a second, I think I see him!"

A dust cloud was rapidly rising as a small figure was racing towards them. Skidding to a halt, the said figure revealed itself to be none other than their missing member. Before even managing to get a word in, Sakura near blew him off his feet as she shouted at him. If there was one thing anyone could say about the girl, was she had a good set of lungs.

"WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU SO LONG? We have been standing here a good forty-five minutes longer than usual because of you! Sasuke-kun has been missing out on vital training!"

Satisfied that she had disciplined the boy, Sakura sent her crush an endearing look as she searched for approval. She was quickly disappointed to realise he didn't even look at her.

Clearing an ear, Naruto sent Sakura his wounded puppy look, but that was quickly replaced with a scowl and middle finger raised proud after Sasuke gave the boy a menacing look. It was then the group noticed the roll of ninja wire slung over his shoulder.

"Naruto-kun, what, pray tell, have you got all that ninja wire for?"

The boy frowned slightly and motioned for his teacher to lean in closer. Cupping a hand around his mouth, he began whispering into the older man's ear.

"Well, it's kinda hard to explain... you see, I have a small problem with my Orike no Jutsu..."

As if on cue, Naruto instantly was shrouded in a white smoke cloud as a bamph sounded out. Kakashi coughed and waved his hand to clear his mouth.

"Naruto-kun what are you play... oh my..."

The man's only visible eye widened significantly as he took in the sight before him. Where Naruto once stood was now a very leggy, very curvy and _very_ sexy blond girl with a frustrated look on her face, trying with some difficulty to hold her pants up.

"DAMN IT!"

Looking down, Kakashi then noticed her sizeable cleavage poking out of the now too tight top she was wearing. In that moment, Kakashi was never more thankful for the mask he always wore or else the girl before him would have been introduced to a blood bath, courtesy of one perverted Jounin's nose.

Naruto made an upset noise and started whining, "Maaaan why does this have to happen now?"

"NARUTO!"

Not giving the girl a chance to think or even look up, Sakura charged over, fist raised and seeing red at Naruto's apparent perversion. She unleashed a righteous uppercut not too far short the power of an exploding tag right into the unsuspecting chin of the perturbed blond and sent the poor child flying over the trees and into the town. She held the pose for a few seconds, panting frantically from the exertion. It wasn't until an incredibly girly scream rang out that the pink headed girl blinked and lowered her hand.

"Oh dear..."

Turning, she saw her sensei holding up a very familiar pair of bright orange pants.

"Wha...?"

She then heard Sasuke behind them let out a giant snort. Considering this was Sasuke, he well could have been rolling around on the ground in fits of laughter. Sakura couldn't work out what it was that was so funny, but it was nice to see some emotion on her normally stony heartache.

More girly screams echoed out in the distance and Sakura looked up questioningly at Kakashi, who was still mesmerised by the pants he was holding. Having had enough, Sakura grabbed them from him and clicked her fingers in front of her teachers face.

"Oi! Wake up! Just what is so entertaining?"

Kakashi snapped out of it and looked at the girl with a raised eyebrow.

"You honestly don't know?"

"Know what?"

Sakura could swear she felt Sasuke roll his eyes at her.

"WHAT?"

Kakashi sighed and pointed at the pants.

"Ok. Those are clearly Naruto's pants. And Naruto is now running through the streets of Konoha. Make sense?"

Sakura's stomach sunk. "But, why are they here? Any moron knows to strap their pants of securely for the day!"

She heard an exasperated sigh from the powerful boy behind her. Turning to him, she wilted under the glare. She then cringed slightly when Sasuke quietly muttered, "So much for the grades smartest girl."

Eyes now at the ground, Kakashi started explaining it in more detail to her.

"Yes, even Naruto would remember something like that but in his current form, didn't you notice his pants being a great deal looser than usual? You just punched him into the main street of Konoha, right in peak hour, in his female form, with no pants on."

Sakura's eyes widened and she made a small eeping noise before dropping the pants. Now she could understand why Sasuke had found it so hilarious. Hearing a rustle, the group turned to look towards a bush by their side. Slipping through came Naruto, a healthy blush across her cheeks and equally healthy curses being muttered about the majority of the male population. After freeing herself from the last of the snags, Naruto looked up at Sasuke. The smallest of smirks was on his face, no doubt enjoying every second of Naruto's pain. Instantly assuming the arrogant boy had her clothes, Naruto stormed up and poked him several times in the chest.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE MY PANTS?"

Taking a step back, Sasuke looked down in distaste at the point the girl had touched him. "Please restrain yourself from touching me. I do not wish to catch whatever diseases you currently have."

Watching the argument, Sakura noticed Naruto holding down her jacket top over the front of her...*ahem* more private anatomical parts. Unable to get a clear view, for some reason Sakura couldn't seem to make out any fabric under the jacket. "Naruto... do you have underwear on?"

Hearing a thump, Sakura's question was indirectly answered as Kakashi hit the ground. It seemed the man had just copped an eyeful of Naruto's unclothed rump and had promptly passed out. It didn't really help things that he had his sharingan out, the tomoe's spinning furiously as the dōjutsu burned the image into the mind of the Jounin forever.

Growling, the blond refocused her anger as she walked over to the downed man and began kicking him in the ribs.

"Dobe, please stop kicking Kakashi-sensei. No matter how much you love running around naked, we have things to do. Do that kind of thing in your spare time."

Giving her sensei a final solid boot, Naruto whipped around and glared at her team mate.

"Damnit Sasuke it's NOT FUNNY! I nearly got raped out there! Now where the hell are my pants?"

Sasuke shrugged dismissively and turned away from her. "What do I look like, your nanny? Why would I know where they are?"

Naruto began grinding her teeth together in fury as she desperately tried to glare holes into and through her mocking rival's back. Taking a step forward to extract revenge on Sasuke, she felt a tug on her sleeve and saw Sakura holding up her pants, the girl's other hand covering her eyes in distain.

"Here are your pants. Now for the love of all things good and holy in this world PUT THEM BACK ON!"

XxXxXxX

About an hour later, Team 7 now found themselves standing in front of the Hokage's desk. Tsunade had a raised eyebrow as she surveyed the unusual team. Kakashi had a happy, faraway look in his eye, Sakura was glowering at Naruto and Naruto (still in his female form) had her arms crossed under her chest and was pouting, pants held up by what looked like a roll of ninja wire. To top it all off, the last Uchiha was doing what he did best, except he kept glancing at his team mate and smirking occasionally. Not a good sign. Rubbing her temple, Tsunade could tell this was going to be a long day.

"Ok. Would someone please explain what is happening here and why Naruto is a girl?"

Naruto huffed unhappily as Kakashi stepped forward, running somewhat on auto pilot. "Hokage-sama, it seems that Naruto-kun has lost control over his Orike no Jutsu somehow and is swapping between his male and female self."

Tsunade raised both eyebrows when she heard that. "Really? How long has this been happening?"

Naruto looked over miserably, pout still firmly in place. "I duno, sometime last night I think. I went to bed normal but when I woke up I was a girl! Do you have any idea how freaky it is to wake up to your pork sword gone?"

Sasuke blanched and glared at Naruto. "What have I told you about details dobe? Please, you're nasty enough without knowing what goes on in your pants."

Naruto flinched and the gender troubled teen started leaking killer intent towards the pale boy. Before a fight could break out, Sakura grabbed Naruto's head and turned it back to face Tsunade. Grating her teeth, Naruto continued.

"So... yeah anyway I then found out I couldn't find any pants that fit me so I had to make up this belt to hold my pants up. The only problem with that though was that when I turned back into a boy, it..."

At that exact moment, Naruto's haywire jutsu decided to undo itself and display exactly what happened when he changed back.

"HUK!"

Naruto was now a boy again and gasping on the ground, the ninja wire constricting his gut and airways significantly as the boy struggled to breath. He flapped around manically for a few seconds before managing to release the knot holding his pants tight. The resulting intake of oxygen made everyones ears pop from the pressure drop.

"GAH! I thought I was gona die!"

"Well that would have saved someone the trouble."

Instantly on his feet, Naruto rushed Sasuke. The next thing that the raven haired boy knew was the sensation of flight as Naruto unceremoniously tossed the boy out of the Hokage's tower via the window. There was a pop though and Naruto could make out Tsunade's chair flying away through the air. Turning, he glared at the conceited Uchiha.

Sakura however hadn't noticed the Kawarimi and was now positively seething that the dead last had done something so barbaric to her Sasuke-kun! Growling in rage, she grabbed the disgruntled boy and quickly threw him out the window as well. Noticing a pop in the distance, she whirled around to see Naruto pouting.

"Why'd you have to go do that Sakura-chan? I nearly didn't get time to substitute!"

Growling again, she made to march over and get the real one but her shoulder was caught by a scarily firm grip. Looking up, she saw the Hokage looking down at her, daring her to try it again. Meeping timidly, Sakura jumped back into place and fell silent.

"Good move brat. Had you tried that stunt again I can promise you that you would have been flying across the city via my foot."

Looking back at her main problem, she nodded at Naruto. "Right. I can see your problem now. Can you tell me anything about what happens when you change? Like if it feels different in any way?"

Naruto's eyes thinned to slits as he cupped his chin and struggled to remember. "Well... I duno it feels pretty much the same as usual, except for the fact that I can't dispel it. Oh wait, actually I do feel..."

Trailing off, he looked over at Sakura. Moving up to Tsunade, he whispered quietly in her ear, "I actually feel that old bag of a fox's power spike a little when I change. I have no idea what that means but."

Leaning back, the older lady sighed in confusion. Had that damn fox suddenly developed a warped sense of humour or something? Furthermore, how was it even able to influence Naruto's abilities? Shouldn't the seal be inhibiting that? Sighing, she shook her head.

"Ok. As of now Team 7 is on leave until we work out what is exactly going on with Naruto. Kakashi, you can train Sakura and Sauske like normal but Naruto isn't allowed."

An undignified "WHAT?" sounded out from said boy but Tsunade ignored him. "We can't have you using any chakra in the state you're in. So until we work out what is wrong, no chakra manipulation. Got that?"

Naruto instantly turned on his most whiney voice and raced up to Tsunade. "But Baa-chan that's not fair!"

Knocking him flat to the floor, Tsunade's eye twitched as she stood over him. "NO! No more training until Jiraiya gets back! That will be about three days so just go home and sleep or something until then."

Naruto muttered something into the ground that sounded suspiciously like a swear word and quickly rolled out of reach of the Hokage.

XxXxXxX

_AN – I just got this random thought that hit me out of nowhere and wouldn't leave me alone so I thought I'd follow up on it. It will probably end up being a few chapters long so there's more to come._

_Hope the new read chapters are a little more entertaining! Remember to let me know too if you spot anything amiss._


	2. Chapter 2

_Dyslexia is a curse =( Thanks to __kitsuneluvuh for pointing out my error. All fixed now!_

**Chapter 2**

Naruto grumbled to himself as he watched the rest of his team walk away from the Hokage Tower. Flipping them off to their backs, the now bored Genin stuffed his hands into his pockets and started walking home, angrily kicking some rocks in front of him. One managed to fly off and through the window of a shop who's owner did not like him at all. Seeing the furious man stomp out, Naruto sighed. Today couldn't be more sucky.

"What the hell do you think you're doing you little gutter rat? You are so paying for that!"

Raising his middle finger for a second time in as many minutes, Naruto stuck his tongue out at the man. "I think I was just about to leave Grandpa! Maybe if you didn't have your shop in such a stupid place it wouldn't have gotten busted up in the first place!"

The flawed logic stumped the man long enough for Naruto to make a quick dash for safety. Naruto rounded a corner just as the man started chasing him. He smirked though as there was NO way that old fart could follow him through the streets. He wasn't called the street fox for nothing!

It was then though that the cursed Jutsu reared its ugly head. In a puff of smoke and a girly squeal, Naruto tumbled to her face as her pants promptly dropped to her ankles. Coughing the dust away, she totally forgot about the furious shop keeper following her.

The man rounded the corner and skidded to a stop, quite taken back by what was now facing him. All he saw was a bum in the air, highlighted by dust and orange clothing as well as a blond head now buried in the dirt. All logic left the man's head as the fury of being mooned encompassed him. In a battle cry of rage, he charged the child, murder evident in his eyes. A moment before he landed a dangerous kick to the unprotected behind, a flash of green grabbed the leg and twisted him in a way that he ended up swinging his leg through sweet fresh air. The momentum carried through him and he found himself in a crumpled heap on his head, wondering what the hell just grabbed him and what that flash of unsightly green was.

XxXxXxX

Naruto couldn't work out what was happening as she felt a pair of strong arms carry her through the streets at an unbelievable pace. Eventually the blur of shops and houses melted into the comforting green of trees and grass. Finally coming to a stop, Naruto sighed when the arms dropped her.

"Look, thanks for the help but I really didn't need it."

She turned to face Rock Lee in his classic good guy pose, one eye closed, thumb extended beyond normal human capabilities and a highly offensive gleam from a smile far too wide assaulting the blonds' delicate eyes.

"Fuzzy Brows! What the hell?"

The term didn't even register to the hype active teen as he dropped his extended arm.

"Fear not my lovely friend! While the flames of youth have long since extinguished in that poor souls life, I have just saved you from such a fate!"

Naruto sweat dropped. "Lee. Please, it's me, Naruto."

A twinkle of recognition sparked in his dark eye. "Naruto!"

The blond nodded.

"Why I have a friend who is named exactly the same! You should perhaps meet him! It is not every day you find another person named after a noodle ingredient, much less a very pretty girl! Perhaps I might interest you in a walk to find him after lunch? I can assure you, his youthful flames burn brightly indeed."

Naruto slapped a palm to her face. "No you jock I meant I am... wait, are you hitting on me?"

The instant blush on Lee's face, accompanied by the tip of his toe beginning to dig into the ground sickened the girl beyond belief.

"Oh no, no, no, no, NO you are not!"

Lee just giggled and magically produced a bunch of flowers from nowhere. "Well, yes, I am actually. While my friend is extremely vigorous, there is no way for him to match my vitality! I thought that maybe such a beautiful and energetic girl as yourself may be interested in accompanying me?"

Naruto began gagging violently as Lee mostly ignored/ didn't understand her reactions. Taking a few steps back, Naruto held her hands out. "No, no, no, Lee, you need to realise, I AM Naruto! This is just my Orike no Jutsu gone wrong! Please you need to... Lee?"

Naruto tipped her head to the side in confusion as she noticed the spandex clad youth looking at her in a very unusual way. Waving a hand in front of his face, Naruto tried to draw life from the now comatose boy.

"Lee?"

A small trickle of blood dribbled out of his nose. Casting a confused look at the boy, Naruto wondered what the hell just happened.

"It couldn't be a Genjutsu could it? Like, nothing happened I don't think..."

A cool breeze around Naruto's lower area then alerted her to the problem. In that movement, the now far too baggy pants had come loose once again and had dropped to her angles. Screaming bloody murder, Naruto instinctively hiked her pants up as high as her chest. The only problem with that was that the fabric only went so far and as a result, she gave herself a massive atomic wedgie. The following shriek echoed around Konoha several times before fading. Thankfully, the noise was enough to snap Lee out of it.

Looking down, he noticed the lovely girl curled up in a foetal position, eyes shut tightly in pain and her hands cradling something of vital importance between her legs. Instantly in valiant hero mode, the boy rushed to her side, checking for any injuries, asking if she's ok and just generally making a fuss. Lee stepped back as Naruto growled, an octave higher than she would have liked mind you, and struggled to push herself up to her knees. She was a shade or two paler than before and looking severely irritated. Glancing up at her fellow ninja, she put a hand on one shaking knee and unsteadily pushed herself to her feet.

"Lee... dude... don't you have a crush on Sakura or something anyway? Just leave me alone and go torment her."

Lee blushed again and began digging his toe hole again. "While I do admit to having feelings for that wonderful woman, my magnificent instructor Guy-sensei said there is nothing wrong with asking other girls out while single. So I thought that you... and me..."

Naruto quickly cut him off before anything else could happen. She took a moment to tie her pants up and pointed an accusing finger at him. "Now look here! You cannot date me. I AM the real Naruto, this is just my Orike no Jutsu gone all wrong. This is beyond wrong and I really don't think I'll ever look at you the same again."

Lee started tearing up at the obvious rejection. Composing himself though, he raised an upturned fist in determination. "You may say that now my dear but I will not fail you! I shall never give up my attempts to court such a wonderful girl! You will see!"

Sure she was turning green, Naruto did the only thing she could think of. "KYA! PERVERT! You saw me without any pants! HOW DARE YOU! You should be punished!"

Instantly alert to the fact that he had indeed seen such a fine specimen half nude, Lee took off screaming that he would run 200 laps around Konoha's borders on his thumbs as penalty. He did however, have a seedy little grin on his face as he ran away thinking about one of the rare girls who forwent the need of panties.

XxXxXxX

Thoroughly fed up with the day already, Naruto traipsed into Ichiraku's for a well deserved fix. She pushed aside the flap and was greeted by the pleasant voice of Ayame calling out, "Be there in a second!"

Taking her usual spot, Naruto dropped her head onto the bar top. Her spirits lifted when she heard Teuchi call her name. They instantly dropped again when the man blushed and apologized.

"Oh, sorry there miss! It's just that with your head down like that I thought you were one of our regular customers. He actually dresses exactly like you!"

Sighing, Naruto shook her head. "No, it is me. This is just my damn Orike no Jutsu gone bad. I duno why but ever since this morning I just can't control it. The day has been absolute hell and it hasn't even started yet!"

Not quite understanding everything but simply accepting it as another bizarre quirk in his most prolific customer, Teuchi dropped a bowl of ramen in front of the distressed girl. "Well... Naruto... I can't say I fully understand that but never the less, I cannot have my favorite customer unhappy. Here, the first one is on the house."

Instantly, the world was brightened, the sweet chirping of birds reached her ears and all was right with the world as Naruto happily tucked into her FREE bowl of ramen. Neglecting her manners like usual, Naruto glanced up as Ayame walked out. The brunette took one look at the adorable blond with noodles all over her face and squealed in delight.

"SHE'S SO CUTE!"

Barely controlling herself, Ayame sat with dazzling eyes and her hands clasped in front of her chest as she so desperately fought the urge to pick up the girl and cuddle her like a squeeze toy. Naruto noticed and looked across at Teuchi.

"Hey old man, what's up with Ayame? She's gone all squishy and stuff."

Teuchi just shook his head. "It's a girl thing. I don't understand it."

Naruto's eyes thinned as she tried to make sense of Ayame's reaction to her form. Failing, the girl just shrugged and decided there were more important things to contemplate in the world, such as her FREE bowl of ramen before her. Slurping down another mouthful, she heard the tent flap get pushed back. Looking over her shoulder, she saw her favorite free meal ticket Iruka entering. Waving him over, the blushing Chunin took a seat beside her.

"Um... hello, I don't think I've seen you before have I?"

Naruto looked up at his teacher questioningly before she remembered what she still was. A she. Waving her hands in front of her face rapidly, Naruto swallowed a rather difficult mouthful before explaining.

"No, no, no not you too Iruka-sensei! It's me, Na-ru-to! Just I've lost control of my Orike no Jutsu so I'm currently stuck as a girl."

Blushing again for a different reason, the now supremely embarrassed man started stuttering incoherently before just resorting to an intelligent, "What?"

Naruto just turned back and started inhaling her next bowl. "You heard me. The whole morning has sucked balls and because of that, I'm taking a meal break."

It took a moment, but his brain rebooted and he raised an eyebrow. "Really? Well that will teach you to invent stupid Jutsu's."

Naruto cast him a glance and sucked up a stray noodle, ignoring Ayame's squeal of delight. "You say it's useless and yet I took you down with it before I even became a Genin. Explain that uselessness."

Iruka blushed yet again and wondered if he was going to spend the day red faced. "Ok, look. If it's acting up that means something is shot with your chakra coils. Maybe if you used a chakra suppression seal you could pause the changes? Atleast until you worked out what's wrong."

Naruto sighed at the idea. It was good but it wouldn't work. "I wish. Only Ero-Sennin can make one strong enough to hold back my amount of chakra and he isn't due home for three days. Anything else lasts maybe thirty seconds before melting."

Iruka looked at the blond girl apologetically, kind of understanding the position she was in. Actually, not really but he could pretend to. It was then Naruto stretched and Iruka had his attention drawn to another problem for the girl. Another two very sizeable problems. Coughing, he discretely looked away and waited until Naruto was done.

"You know Naruto, you really should probably get something to properly support yourself with."

The blond looked up at her teacher with questioning eyes. Iruka mentally slapped himself for saying that.

"Well, just with you flicking between being a boy and a girl and all, you might want to look into something to... um, that better fits your... you know..."

He made a motion of cupping invisible boobs. Naruto's eyes widened and looked down at her straining top. Licking her lips, she contemplated the idea. While she really didn't wana go and buy anything girly, it could maybe be a good excuse to stock up on her clothes since most of her stuff was in a bad state. Not to mention those bogus shops with the douchebag managers that sell the good stuff wouldn't recognize her. Nodding slowly, Naruto decided it was a good idea.

"Ok Iruka-sensei, thanks for the tip. I'll go right after I'm finished here."

Seeing her teacher smile warmly, Naruto smiled back before tucking back into her cooling bowl. When Iruka got up and left, Naruto thought nothing of it until a familiar voice reached her ears. And not a good familiar either. Stiffly turning, she saw Iruka leading the gossip queen and general town busy-body into the shop. Seeing the evil grin on Ino's face, Naruto's stomach dropped. And here she thought today couldn't suck any harder.

XxXxXxX

_AN - Yes, I do believe a girl would get an even higher voice after that kind of trauma to her bits. The reason I think so is cause a girl I knew told me so so that's all the proof I need._


	3. Chapter 3

_Thankyou so much for the reviews everyone! They're greatly appreciated. It's just like a big warm fuzzy for the heart, you know? _

_And just for reference, _

_"blah" means talking and_

_'blah' means thinking. ENJOY!_

**Chapter 3**

"Come on!"

"No."

...

"I said, come ON!"

"NO!"

Ino strained as hard as she could and found to her pleasant surprise that she was indeed winning the tug of war. But instead of a rope, she was holding the arm of her fellow blond and part time girl, Naruto.

The said girl had her heels dug firmly into the dirt but this only slowed the inevitable as Ino dragged her along, deep parallel groves following the two. Shaking the sweat out of her eyes, Ino gave another mighty pull.

"You do realise this would be a whole lot less painful if you just cooperated. Hell, you might even have fun!"

Naruto only dug her heels in deeper in a futile attempt to get away. "Yeah, but maybe if you don't remember, I am a BOY! I'm just stuck in this stupid girl body!"

An agitated tic mark appeared on Ino's forehead when she heard that. Summoning more strength than she remembered having, she heaved the girl up onto her shoulder and slapped her rump soundly. The resulting cry was a satisfying melody to Ino's ears.

"THAT'S what you get for saying girls have stupid bodies! So if you don't want more of that, you'll just shut up and deal!"

Swearing profusely, Naruto struggled to escape from her uncomfortable perch on the now jogging kunoichi's shoulder. She tried punching Ino's back but that just resulted in a grunt of indigence and another, much harder slap to her tender behind. This had to happen several times before the pain convinced Naruto to stop. This didn't mean she had to enjoy it though and it showed. It also meant a bunch of drooling boys were introduced to a variety of colourful words that they hadn't heard before as the pair jogged towards a _very_ girly clothes store.

XxXxXxX

"Come out!"

"No."

...

"I said, come OUT!"

"NO!"

Placing her delicate fingers to her forehead, Ino could swear she had heard this before. In an amazing feat of endurance and strength, Ino had managed to not only get Naruto into the shop, but also into a changing room with some clothes that actually looked half decent. The only problem with that was that now she was in there, Ino could not for the life of her convince Naruto to come out. Patience wearing thin, she knocked hard on the door.

"I swear, you don't come out and I'll come in there and MAKE you come out!"

Her answer was a cheerful click as the lock snapped shut. Ok, that sealed it. Growling, the girl stomped her foot thinking of a way to go about this. Quickly spying her advantages, she happily noticed the common change room door design. Pausing, Ino took a look around to make sure there weren't any nosey so-and-so's looking for a cheap thrill. Satisfied with the peace, Ino dropped down to her back and wriggled under the thin gap beneath the door.

Unfortunately for Naruto, she didn't notice the triangle hand sign until too late.

"Shintenshin no Jutsu!"

Ino instantly went limp as an unfamiliar smirk replaced Naruto's previous look of abhorrent terror. Giggling, 'Naruto' grabbed Ino's body and pulled her over to an observer's chair. Sitting herself up in a relatively comfortable position, she giggled and ran back into the changing room.

A few silent minutes passed, the only noise being Ino's surprised exclamation, "Wow Naruto-san has a knockout set of tits!" Silence then resumed for a bit until a muffled scream of horror came from the change room. A second later, a very red faced 'Naruto' stomped out, heading straight for the underwear section, very clearly mumbling, "Who the hell in their right mind goes commando during the day?"

In Naruto's defence, the poor boy (at the time) had found that when wearing his usual briefs, every time he swapped genders, his undies dropped uncomfortably around his knees inside his pants and as such he couldn't hoist them back up into place without looking like he was doing something _very_ socially unacceptable. But Ino knew nothing of this and so it just meant more information, i.e. blackmail for later.

SO, finally after finding an acceptable pair of lace panties, the girl quickly paid for the garment and ran back into the room. The changing process was now a lot faster that everything was there and barely a minute later, 'Naruto' sauntered out to face a look in the mirror. Her mouth dropped to an astounded 'O' when Ino realised just how much potential Naruto's female form had. The baby blue button up top hugged her figure beautifully and the matching, slightly darker blue ankle length skirt sat perfectly atop her hip bones, accentuating Naruto's womanliness.

Ino paused for a moment. Now that was probably the weirdest thing she had ever thought in her entire life. Naruto, sexy? Naruto, _womanly? _Reaching a verdict though, she just shrugged her shoulders in indifference and adopted a very sexy stance. Blowing a kiss into the mirror, she winked at herself before cancelling the technique.

Instantly alert, Ino quickly sat up and tried vainly to rub the kink out of her neck as she watched Naruto come around. She grinned as Naruto's wits slowly came back to her. Looking into the mirror and seeing what position that strangely familiar girl was in, dread washed over Naruto in waves. An ear-piercing screech echoed through the shop as in a blur, Naruto disappeared back into the change room. A second gasp of disbelief followed when she found none of her clothes remained in the booth. Hearing her demonic tormentor outside laughing gleefully, Naruto had to actively suppress the rising need to cry.

"DAMNIT INO WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?"

Ino struggled to catch her breath and wiped a tear away. "Oh come on Naruto-_chan_! You have a smashing figure! I'm actually a bit jealous truthfully. Do you really want to hide that beauty from the world?"

It was then that Naruto let out a pathetic whimper from inside the booth. That sprung a small stab of guilt within the girl as she realised that maybe Naruto had had enough. Sighing, Ino stood up.

"Ok, ok, fine. Just wait a second. I'll grab your clothes."

Not taking more than two steps, it was then that a loud poof went off and a smoky mist drifted out from the change room. There was a gasp of breath and the distinct sound of fabric ripping as a much more manly voice called out in supreme urgency, "Ino? Ino! Please hurry up with those clothes!"

Eyes widening, Ino quickly grabbed the hidden atrocities and was about to throw them over when the door opened briefly and an arm snatched the clothes from her hand. Blinking twice, it was now Ino's turn to shiek when she realised she had just seen Naruto fully nude, save for a small scrap of that dress covering what was left of his modesty and the fully stretched bra across his chest. Covering her eyes in horror, she didn't notice the attendant walking across, looking very confused and a tad suspicious at all the noise.

"Miss? Are you ok? I heard a fair amount of shouting and was just wondering what's going on..."

Ino waved a hand nonchalantly in the clerk's direction. "No, no we're ok. It's just my friend was having some problems with her dresses."

"Oh, what friend would that be?"

Looking up through her fingers, Ino noticed that the room Naruto previously occupied was now dubiously bare. Instantly alert, Ino looked around, trying to find where her rogue dress up game had gotten too. Seeing a flash of orange disappear out the front door, Ino growled dangerously and made to follow when she was stalled by a spike of killer intent and a very unsatisfied grunt.

"Oh? Seeming you're 'friend' isn't here I assume you'll be the one paying for these clothes today?"

Turning stiffly, she saw the very displeased clerk standing in the change room, arms crossed and foot tapping. Ino could see why too because had looked like an outfit bomb had been triggered in there as it had bits of clothing everywhere.

Ino started stammering and attempting to explain but slowly fell silent under the disapproving glare she was receiving. Dropping her head in defeat, Ino fished around in her skirt pockets for her wallet.

XxXxXxX

Naruto was running as fast and as far as he could manage from that torture chamber. After that experience, he was CERTAIN that the world held nothing left to fear. He did get a small amount of satisfaction from knowing he deserted that evil blond witch with the clothes bill. Rounding a corner, Naruto had to unleash a powerful display of agility as he twisted around a shocked girl, stunned into place by his arrival. Quickly checking himself to make sure nothing dislocated from that epic piece of mastery, he turned to face the person.

"Hey, look I'm really sorry about that. I didn't mean to... Hinata-chan?"

There standing before him was the heir to the Hyuuga clan and overall strange and weird dark girl, Hinata. He noticed she was pushing her fingers together rapidly and her face was blossoming into a healthy shade of red. Dropping the hand from behind his head, his eyes thinned as he leaned in.

"Hinata, are you ok? You've gone all red again. Have you got some kind of disease or cancer or something 'cause seriously, every time I see you you're burning up."

The shy girl's eyes widened as she waved her hands in front of herself. "N-no Naruto-kun it's nothing like t-that!"

Placing a hand on her forehead, Naruto cupped his chin with his other hand and shook his head wonderingly. "Well what is it then? Cause seriously, you are so hot!"

Instantly taking things the wrong way, Hinata felt her treacherous legs begin to give out under her.

"I-I-I-I'll be ok, s-s-seriously! I-I-I'm not all that hot..."

Naruto shook his head. "Na-ah you totally are! See?"

In an act of total social retardation, he pressed his cheek up against Hinata's in an attempt to show her the error in her judgment.

"See? I could pretty much fry an egg on your face at the moment! I... oh... oh no, wait, Hinata-chan!"

It proved too much for the girl as her mind misinterpreted it as, "See? I could pretty much suck face with you the moment!" and she lapsed into unconsciousness, beet red with a small trickle of blood running down her lip.

XxXxXxX

Groaning unhappily to herself, Hinata sighed. She had been having the most wonderful dream that her and Naruto-kun had been dancing through fields of flowers. For some strange reason though, an unexpected rainfall helped kick-start the dream into something a bit steamier in which Naruto sent her a wink and began stripping. It was then she started to wake up and no amount of mental kicking and screaming could stop the image from fading. Pulling herself upright, she turned to see that she was beside a freshwater lake. And in that freshwater lake, was a topless Naruto-kun splashing in the shallows. Rubbing her eyes, Hinata made sure she wasn't seeing an illusion.

'This can't be real...'

Discretely activating Byakugan, she saw the tell tale sign of a chakra pathway coursing within the boy.

'Yup, it's real.'

She noted with interest that when the water splashed down his body, it _really _helped her eyes trace his muscles move beneath his skin.

'Ok, this is the single greatest moment of my life.'

Sighing, her look turned dreamy as she watched the boy play in the water.

'So beautiful...'

It was then that Naruto turned around from his swimming and saw a slightly wet Hinata, probably from one of his more vigorous splashes. Lifting an arm, he waved at her.

"YO! Hinata-chan! It's good to see you're awake! And look, you aren't even red anymore! Did you wana come in for a swim? I duno if you have any clothes for it though..."

The last sentence of Naruto's dialogue held absolutely no significance in Hinata's short life what so ever as she replayed possibly the greatest thing she had ever heard over and over again in her head.

'Naruto asked me to come swimming! Me! Now! But in what? I don't have anything!'

Comical tears began streaming down her cheeks when she realised the fact. Steeling herself though, she took a breath.

'M-m-maybe I could j-just take my j-jacket and p-pants off... I h-have a shirt and t-training pants underneath... t-t-that couldn't be too b-bad...'

Naruto slightly lowered his arm when he saw Hinata's face start glowing again. Sighing, he started to make his way up to her when he felt a familiar tingle in his tummy.

"Oh sh-"

BAMPH!

Naruto paused in shock, as did Hinata. Naruto's eyes met Hinata's. Hinata's eyes met Naruto's. Naruto's eyes stayed on Hinata's. Hinata's eyes stayed on Naruto's. Naruto's eyes pleaded no with Hinata's. Hinata's eyes met Naruto's chest. And the girl's nose promptly exploded, coating the ground in a thick layer of blood before passing out, totally unresponsive to Naruto's scream of terror.

XxXxXxX

_AN – All I can say is that chapter was really REALLY easy to write and an absolute joy doing so. Everything flowed smoothly straight out, first time and I couldn't be happier. Let me know if you agree!_

_By the way, if anyone has any constructive criticism, I am always keen to listen and improve my ways. So don't be shy, if you see something wrong let me know! I don't bite!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Hinata slowly came to from one of the weirdest and yet loveliest dreams in her life. She had just been ogling her long time crush turned love splashing majestically in a lake, and then the boy had asked her to come for a swim! It was then the dreams took a strange turn and for some reason Naruto had swapped genders and become the exact copy of Naruto in a female form, i.e. crazy hot. It was disturbing to think she thought a girl was hot but then... it was Naruto... even if he was now a she... so everything the girl loved about him was still there. Well... not _everything_ she supposed, but it was the personality that made the person in Hinata's eyes. Besides, it's not like Naruto would actually do that to her and above all, it had just been a messed up dream.

Sighing happily to herself, she opened her eyes to find herself at that exact location in her dream! Looking around, she saw Naruto sitting a bit away grumbling to himself as he struggled to his vest on for some reason.

'...That was a dream, wasn't it.'

Taking a mighty breath of courage, Hinata reached out and tapped the boy on his shoulder. Her hand instantly recoiled like she had been shot, but never the less chalked up a silent victory in 'Hinata's Moves In On Naruto' book. As her crush turned, she couldn't help but look away and blush yet again.

"I-I-I'm sorry! I shouldn't have made such a forward move seeming were not really friends or anything so..."

"Hinata-chan, what are you talking about? Of course we're friends. And... as friends, I know this will sound weird but can you help me with this?"

"Huh?" Hinata's blood ran a tad colder as she realised that the voice, while still distinctly Naruto's, was now a few notes higher and more girly. Taking another breath, she started to look up.

'It's just a dream, it's just a dream, it's just a dream, it's...'

Her thought's trailed off when a voluptuous cleavage and gorgeous face came into her field of vision.

'...not a dream.'

Naruto cocked her head to one side. For some reason Hinata had totally spaced out after making eye contact with her chest and face. Naruto looked down at herself, then at Hinata. For the life of her, she could not work out what zombified the girl. Surely it couldn't have been the boobs. While Naruto was no ladies man, she knew a good set of boobs when she saw them and Hinata had them in abundance. So the best the blondie could do was assume it was the shock of seeing her as a girl. A small part of her brain said that then the boobs were directly related to the problem, but that was ignored. Rationality had never been Naruto's strong point. No reason to start over thinking things now.

Snapping her long fingers in front of Hinata, she finally roused the girl. Hinata then took one look at Naruto, screamed, and then passed out. Naruto sighed petulantly. This was almost more trouble than it was worth. The only thing that kept her at it was that Hinata was really the only normal girl she knew, and that was saying ALOT. Grabbing Hinata and lifting her up into a sitting position, Naruto took a breath.

"HINATA! WAKE UP!"

The shrill noise accompanied by the violent shaking of her shoulders brought the girl around in an instant. Not even checking to see what happened, Hinata jumped back 5 steps and began apologising profusely and bowing repeatedly in several directions. Naruto didn't know what any of that was about and she had a fair idea neither did Hinata. Waiting for the moment to finish, Naruto raised a hand and quickly started talking.

"Ok, Hinata, you are awesome and all but seriously you faint one more time and I'm not gona ask your help anymore."

The world crashed hard upon the Hyuuga's shoulders as she desperately tried to salvage the situation.

"I-I-I-I'm s-sorry Naruto-kun it's just that... ummm... well..."

Desperately trying to avoid having to tell Naruto about her crush, _especially_ while he was a she, Hinata started mumbling incoherently to herself and doing her finger poky thing. Naruto on the other hand just slapped a frustrated hand to her face and sighed.

'Atleast she didn't pass out I guess...'

Standing, Naruto walked over and grabbed the girl's hands. She instantly started going woozy.

"Ah, ah, AH, remember what I said!"

Hinata slowly nodded and sat down, desperately willing her spinning head to go away. Taking several deep breaths, the yucky feeling lifted enough for her to begin normal thought processes again.

"I-I'm ok now Naruto-kun... so w-what was it you needed help with?"

It was now Naruto's turn to blush and made sure not to make eye contact with the girl at her feet.

"Well... you see, seeming I got boobs now and all... I'm having like, SO much trouble getting into my jacket now and I was wondering if maybe you could help me with that..."

Absentmindedly wiping another small dribble of blood away from her nose, Hinata closed her eyes and mentally calmed herself.

'Ok, this is no different than helping Hanabi out. It will just be a simple matter of... tucking things in and making sure no skin gets caught in the zip. Easy enough... Right, I am ready!'

Opening her eyes, she stood back up and gingerly reached out. "O-ok N-Naruto-kun, I'll slowly pull the zip up and you j-just tuck your boo... your brea... y-yourself away s-so you don't catch any skin."

Steeling herself with a resolve unlike anything before, Hinata began pulling the zip up, trying so desperately not to dwell on Naruto trying, with little result, to push her boobs back under her top. Getting about half way up, Naruto unleashed her trademark grin and looked up into Hinata's eyes.

"Yes! It's working! Thanks so much for this Hinata-chan! You're the best!"

Blushing from the praise, Hinata just struggled to stay focused on the task at hand and get it finished with. Three quarters of the way up though and an unearthly howl in the background made both girls jump several feet off the ground in fright.

It had seemed that Kiba and Akamaru had decided to go for a swim after training and had happily stumbled across something neither human, nor dog, had ever thought they would see. And upon seeing such a sight, Kiba had been unable to contain his whoop in delight before collapsing to the ground with swirly eyes, the image of Hinata and some unknown girl doing something sexy burned into his memory. Days later, Kiba even questioned if he had momentarily activated the Sharingan as he recalled everything so well.

Thoroughly jumpy after the fright, both girls were panting deeply. Normally that wouldn't have been a problem, but the stress from that on a jacket not meant for such assets proved too much for the fabric. In a horrific tearing noise, Hinata was brained by a flying zip. Turning to face her attacker, she noticed Naruto looking down in despair. At that moment, two very different things were said.

"My favourite jacket!"

"Naruto's boobs!"

It took no super genius to work out which comment made the girls look up sharply, both blushing.

"H-Hinata-chan... w-what was that?"

Dismayed at being discovered, Hinata thought to herself, 'To hell with restraint. He found out. Why not.' And promptly dropped her gaze to Naruto's chest.

XxXxXxX

Naruto was down in the lake again, surrounded by a red tint in the water and grumbling darkly. It had seemed that when Hinata had copped her second eyeful for the day, she had had the same reaction as the first time and as a result, coated Naruto's chest in a lovely shiny crimson. Quite disgusted, Naruto had run screaming down into the water to clean herself off. Thankfully though, halfway there she reverted to being a he. It was just as well too, cause Naruto nearly tripped several times on his confounded pants as he made his mad dash down to the water.

Sighing when he finally finished wiping everything away, he turned to look up at the cause of his latest problems. He couldn't fault the girl on her want to help him. It was just that she was just so weird... and her strange disposition to becoming an explosive blood cannon made things difficult, not to mention messy. Sighing again, Naruto began trudging up out of the water.

Yeah, he had said he would leave if she passed out again but then, that was before Naruto lost his shirt to a boob related accident. Now he couldn't really go anywhere, lest he became a she again and flashed everyone within seeing distance his lovelies. Glancing at Hinata, she was now actually a rather sickly pale. Naruto rolled his eyes, knowing she wouldn't be up for a while till her blood count rose. So with nothing to do he sat. Yawning, Naruto stretched and looked around sleepily. Grabbing his ruined top, he pulled it on and wrapped the front of it around his chest as best he could without the zipper. The last thing he thought of before he dozed off was that Hinata was easily the biggest closet pervert in all of Konoha.

XxXxXxX

Something poked Naruto in the side. Normally that wouldn't be enough to disturb his sleep but when it happened repeatedly, even he was forced to come around. Groggily opening his eyes, he came face to face with Hinata. The girl instantly squeaked in surprised and jumped back. Ignoring her apology, Naruto stretched happily, his muscles happily being pulled into limber. He felt an incredibly satisfying pop in his hip and shivered in contentment. Scratching his head, he sat up and yawned.

"Hinata-chan! Good, you're awake now. How long have I been out?"

The girl looked up at the sky and squinted. "Perhaps an hour Naruto-kun? N-not too long..."

Running his tongue around the inside of his teeth, he made a face at the horrid flavour.

'Yuck. My mouth tastes like the bottom of a birdcage.'

Taking a quick look down, he was also very happy to notice that he was still male. Crossing his legs under himself, he looked up at the girl.

"That's not too bad then. Anyway, I have a favour..."

Instantly alert to the desires of her love, Hinata's eyes twinkled happily. "Y-yes Naruto-kun?"

Naruto made her take notice of his ruined jacket. "Ok, well I can't really go anywhere at the moment cause if I did and turned into a girl like this... well, that little blood bath you gave me would be the least of my problems."

Hinata instantly blushed in embarrassment as she remembered. "S-sorry..."

Naruto just waved a hand on her direction. "Nah, don't worry about it Hinata-chan. Though you would have been the last girl I'd have expected to like other girls."

Hinata's blush increased tenfold. For the first time in her life, Hinata unleashed a mighty shout of protest. "IT'S NOT LIKE THAT NARUTO-KUN!"

Pressed hard up against the tree he had been leaning against, Naruto took a moment to clear the ringing from his ears. Shaking his head, he looked at the girl who had clamped her eyes shut tight, her beet red face covered by her equally beet red hands.

Wriggling a finger in his ear, Naruto pulled out a bit of earwax. "Uh, ok, I just thought it was, seeming you like, coated me in blood and boogers when you saw my boobs."

Seeing the mortified girl ready another ear numbing scream, he held his hands up. "Ok, ok I get it! You don't like girls. Sweet. Now, onto that favour I asked."

Hinata didn't trust her voice and just nodded through her hands.

"Ok, well, seeming I can't really go anywhere, I was just wondering if you could maybe run back to your place and grab a spare shirt for me to wear until I get back home?"

Thankful for a chance to escape, the humiliated girl just nodded before turning and running off as fast as her legs could take her.

Watching her escape, Naruto chuckled to himself despite having a strange feeling about Hinata's strange mood swings around him. Swinging an arm around, Naruto stood up and began to get ready to go for another swim when a rustle in the bushes behind him put him on guard. Ready for combat, what he did not expect was to see Kiba blast through the bushes, his keen senses desperately trying to pick up something. Lowering his guard, Naruto called to him.

"Oi! What you doing?"

It was then Kiba noticed him. His eyes widened and he started flapping his arms around. "DUDE! PLEASE! You HAVE to tell me if Hinata and some other chick was just here! I swear I just saw THE most amazing thing of my life but passed out due to the awesomeness!"

Naruto paused for a second. Yeah Hinata was here but another chick...?

"Nah, sorry Kiba, Hinata and me were here but no other chick."

Kiba's eyes dropped slightly as he looked down at his little companion. "Hey Akamaru, can you tell anything?"

The tiny dog sniffed around a bit before letting out a few high pitched yips. It translated roughly to, "Yeah, Hinata-biped was here as well as Stranger-biped. I can't tell what happened to Stranger-biped but. She just... changed."

That was all Kiba needed to hear and simply dropped to his hands and knees, his acutely sensitive nose going into overdrive to try and decipher this eye catching mystery. Naruto meanwhile, just went back to the lake and dived in and began splashing happily with himself. The both of them stayed like that for a bit until Naruto got tired of watching his hairy friend act even more doggy than usual. Grinning evilly, he crossed his fingers and created ten clones. They instantly huddled up close and in one movement, twenty-two sets of hands heaved a giant wave up at the boy. Kiba's eyes widened just enough to say 'oh crap' before he was flattened by the volume of water.

Coughing and spluttering, Kiba spat water violently all over the place before raising himself up onto his hands and feet and having a furious shake before standing up. He eyed the guffawing blond with hatred and threw a rock at a Naruto. Unfortunately for Kiba, it just popped from existence but never the less, it got the attention of the real Naruto.

"DAMNIT NARUTO WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR? I JUST LOST THE SENT OF THAT GIRL! YOU **RETARD!**"

Naruto just laughed harder which in turn further infuriated the Inuza. Snarling, he charged Naruto, intent on maiming him badly for the loss he just caused. Jumping high, he raised a hand when Naruto, all of him, stopped laughing and took a collectively massive gasp.

"NO!"

XxXxXxX

_AN – oh nos what just happened? Like you don't already know. Anyway, enjoy! I'll get on with writing the next chapter now._


	5. Chapter 5

_Well, here's the next chapter! While I'm here I thought I'd just quickly say that a lot of people are favouriteing the story. That is great and all but the only thing is would it hurt to leave a review as well? I'm not gona do the whole 'you better leave atleast 100'000 reviews or you'll never see the next chapter' thing cause that's just lame. However, it is nice to get people telling me they like it instead of just a bunch of random adds. _

_A quick spoiler, but with Naruto's little bit on total oblivion to sex, I'm just assuming for the moment that that's just another attempt to sabotage his early learning back in his academy class._

_With that in mind, I hope it stirred the hearts of you all to review and stuff. Anyway, chapter._

**Chapter 5**

Kiba was dreaming. Such a thing was not possible. Nope, not even possibly possible. Hell, even that other dream he sometimes had of Sakura and Ino was more possible. So why was it all so soft?

Backing up a few seconds, Kiba was flying through the air with the intent of murdering his fellow Genin. For some reason though, Naruto (and all his clones) had gasped and then... changed. Totally blowing his concentration, Kiba lost his control of his flight and ploughed headlong into the blonds in a chorus of girlish screams.

The impact had caused a total tangling of limbs and other bits that both parties couldn't identify. Finally coming to rest, Kiba found himself lying in amongst a pile of moaning and squirming softness. Wondering what all those pained groans were, he tried to move but found he was caught in a very awkward position. To put it simply, he was stuck. Trying to gain a hold of anything, he squeezed a bump under his hand and to his befuddlement found to find it elected another, even more girly and high pitched scream. Opening his eyes owlishly, he turned his head to find himself face to face with his missing girl. Or to be more precise, multiple girls. That was when he deduced he was dreaming. Because Naruto had not just changed into that girl and he was not currently lying on a whole lot of female Naruto's. A whole lot of... topless, soft, sexy, tangled and drenched Naruto's.

Kiba decided to have another quick squeeze just to check if it was real. He got another squeal.

...maybe one more. Another squeal. And this time, a whack to his head.

"Dude cut that out! That feels super weird, not to mention you groping me is creepy!"

He felt the body mass under him heave and finding purchase, dragged himself out of the mound amidst another few squawks. Tumbling into the water, Kiba quickly wiped the water from his eyes and looked back at where he came from. A hint of drool followed.

XxXxXxX

Naruto struggled to pull herself free of her annoying clones. While they were a blessing in battle, right now their solid form was the worst thing ever. They had even pinned her arms down so she couldn't cancel the damn things. Growling, she channelled chakra into her arms and began throwing clones left, right and center. Finally digging her way out, she stood panting for a few moments till her eyes rested on Kiba. She slapped a hand to her head seeing the brain-dead look on his face. That boy would never let her live this down. Cancelling the remaining clones, Naruto was hit with the unpleasant feeling of her boobs being squeezed. Quickly covering the assaulted item, Naruto stalked over to Kiba.

Before she buried the boy's head into the sand, Naruto blushed as she heard, "Best. Dream. Ever."

Stomping/ sloshing her way away from a struggling Kiba, Naruto made a beeline for her jacket. Broken or not, that thing would provide protection from roaming eyes. Slinging it on backwards, she sat down in a huff and waited for Kiba to release himself. A small yip to her left made Naruto look down. Akamaru was looking up at the blond and then back at a still struggling Kiba.

"Na-ah, he's totally getting out of it himself. He deserved that."

Akamaru whined pitifully and ran down to the water's edge. The dog needn't have worried though as in a pop and splash, Kiba shot out of the water, gasping desperately for air.

"DAMNIT NARUTO! What the hell? I could have drowned!"

"Well you deserved it."

"Huh?"

Looking up, he saw the whiskered blond glaring at him. A pervy look oozed its way back onto his face.

"So... that _wasn't _a dream, huh?"

Naruto just flipped him the bird. "Closest you'll probably ever get to the real thing anyway."

Despite the memories, Kiba bristled. "OOOoooh you little prick! I'm surprised you even know what a naked chick's body looks like! Besides, atleast I can tell when a chick likes me!"

Naruto just sniffed. "Rape doesn't count Kiba."

Kiba growled and went to attack but paused. A sly grin spread across his face. "I wana beat you down so hard right now but I'd feel bad about hitting a _girl._"

Naruto looked down at him indignantly. "Please, you couldn't hit me if you tried!"

Kiba shrugged. "Results always proved otherwise, Dead Last."

"OOOOOH!"

Naruto stalked up to the snickering boy and jabbed a finger in his chest. "You couldn't hit the broad side of Choji! And don't say you can cause everyone remembers **that** day in academy!"

Slapping the hand away, Kiba grabbed Naruto by the jacket and lifted her clear off the ground, bringing the two raging teens nose to nose. "You wana test if my aim's improved from then?"

Naruto just raised an eyebrow. "I thought you wouldn't hit a _girl_."

Kiba raised a fist. "A henge doesn't make you a girl anymore than standing in the head office makes you Hokage."

"THAT'S IT!"

Grabbing the boy by the neck, Naruto pulled Kiba to the ground and the two began a furious wrestling match. Biting, scratching, punching and kicking from both members of the fight quickly began drawing flecks of blood from the two. Neither noticed though, each so intent on causing the other harm. Had Iruka been watching, he would have been totally devastated at the lack of fighting form. Anyway, after a particularly heavy hit, Naruto was send flying back and they both collapsed panting. They both lay there for a bit until they started laughing.

"Man, who would have guessed _you_ were the mystery girl! Totally gross, but still awesome. What the hell were you and Hinata doing anyways?"

Naruto pulled herself up and sighed. "Well, I can't control my Orike no Jutsu at the moment so I had another moment like this and I was getting Hinata to help me with it cause boobs don't fit so good into my top."

Kiba looked up dreamily into the sky. "Really now? That's pretty cool... if only you had been a real girl though..."

Naruto looked at him indignantly. "What you talking about? I thought I got my henge perfect!"

Kiba threw her a sidelong glance. "Yeah, I never said you got it wrong. It's just, you're a dude and always will be. No matter what kind of body you managed to create, you'll always be the same Naruto."

Naruto nodded slowly. "I spose so. Still, it's a pretty nifty distraction!"

Kiba nodded with a dirty smile. "Yeah..."

Naruto scratched her arm and looked off in the direction Hinata ran. "Still, I never thought it would work on a kunoichi."

Kiba's ears perked and he quickly rounded on Naruto. "Say what? Please, explain."

Naruto gave him a suss look. "You're just gona go spank something I'd rather not think about if I do tell you."

Kiba used a considerable amount of energy to control himself. "Naw, maybe any other time but you're a _dude_ and I actually know you. Gay, no matter how you look at it."

Naruto considered it for a second. "Well, if that's the case you don't need to hear it."

Kiba visibly deflated. 'DAMN!'

While not usually too observant, even Naruto noticed this and silently thanked his gut feeling for staying quiet. The result could have been grossly scarring. Quickly changing the subject, Naruto ended further discussion.

"I wonder what Hinata is doing. Her house is just around the corner from here! All I wanted was a shirt."

Kiba lay back. "Who knows. She might be trying to sneak it past her dad or something. You never know in that house."

Naruto nodded. He then noticed movement and turned to face the newcomer. At first she thought it was Hinata but the long hair and clam face quickly changed her mind. Raising an eyebrow, Naruto looked up at the Hyuuga prodigy.

"Yo Neji. What brings you here?"

The boy held his arm out with a smirk. "Hinata-sama requested that I deliver her shirt to you as her father called her aside for something."

Kiba looked up at the proud boy. Looking back at Naruto, Kiba shook his head. "Surely it didn't go that smoothly. You weren't interested in _why_ Hinata wanted to give Naruto one of her shirts?"

Neji glanced over at the scruffy Inuzuka. "Yes I immediately inquired why but she simply said I would understand when I found him... her." The prodigy chuckled. "Quite the predicament eh, Naruto? So what are you exactly? A boy or girl?"

Naruto shrugged. "I duno. I tried really hard to make this transformation perfect but I've never seen a girls insides so I just tried to make the outside as girl as I could."

Neji raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you pay attention in anatomy?"

Naruto looked up curiously. "What's that?"

Kiba gave her a strange look. "Did you manage to sleep through a whole semester? It's like a glorified sex ed class on human bodies."

Naruto crossed her arms and began thinking. "Sex... yeah, I heard about that. You make babies with sex hey."

Neji and Kiba shared a look. "You seriously don't know what sex is?"

Naruto looked up angrily. The two ninja couldn't help but notice the innocent look in their friend's eye though. "Yeah I do! You make babies with it!"

The pair cast a sidelong look at each other. Kiba shook his head. "Na-ah. This is one thing I refuse to talk with him about."

Neji sighed. How could she have such limited knowledge on that topic? It was a big part of being a ninja as who knows what could happen out on the field. Activating the Byakugan, Neji had a look at Naruto. Normally he was abjectly against using the Byakugan to look beneath clothing, but in this case, Naruto needed help and a quick look would be enough to establish her knowledge on the subject. Naruto reacted as he expected and shrieked.

"STOP LOOKING YOU PERVE!"

Kiba slapped his hands against his ears and let out a whimper. "Naruto, please! Your voice is even more shrill being a girl! Quiet down!"

Naruto huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. She relaxed a bit when Neji deactivated Byakugan. "I wouldn't have to if Neji didn't want to slip a peak at me!"

Neji sighed at the loud blond. "Honestly Naruto... It's against my principles to simply look under peoples clothes for my own satisfaction. I was looking at you to see exactly how much you know. Physically you have the girl thing down pat. If I didn't have these eyes, I would have been fooled."

Kiba looked across at Naruto with a hint of jealousy. "Dude... have you actually ever seen a chick naked?"

Naruto shook her head. "Nah, don't think so. But with two sensei's that are the biggest and boldest perverts in all of Konoha, it's kinda hard not to know what a naked chick looks like."

Neji nodded in understanding. "So that's how you got it so perfect. Understandable. As for the insides though... Naruto, you said you know sex 'makes' babies. Can you tell me what it is exactly and where the babies come from?"

Naruto narrowed her eyes and began thinking deeply. "Right... sex makes babies and so the babies come from somewhere. The stork brings the babies, so there must be a production plant somewhere that makes them to give to the parents... Seeming the stork is the messenger, it must also be like a postman or something so sex must be the currency used to pay for the new baby!"

Naruto looked up in glee at the revelation. "Wow, I never thought I'd work something like that out! Thanks Neji!"

Both Neji and Kiba had blank looks on their faces as they struggled to comprehend what they had just heard.

"Your... your being serious, hey Naruto."

Naruto nodded. "Yup!"

Kiba looked up at Neji. "Statement from before holds true."

Oblivious to their surprise, Naruto started grabbing at the air. "Hey Neji, can I have that shirt now?"

Neji looked over at the blond girl and shook his head. He tossed the happy girl his cousin's shirt and turned his back to the stripping blond. "This is going to scar... ok Naruto, this is the _real_ way babies are made."

XxXxXxX

_A/N – hey guys. Sorry it's been such a long wait. Hopefully it won't as long between updates for the next chapter. Anyway, Like my little bit at the top, reviews are always appreciated. Don't be afraid!_

_Lanky Nathan _


	6. Chapter 6

_And here we go with another chapter. I know a few of you are keen to see what happens so I hope it's up to your expectations! _

_I also gotta say, I got a whole bunch of really great reviews from everyone so I just wana say thankyou to you all! It's you guys that I'm writing for so every positive remark makes it worthwhile =) So, this fast release goes out to everyone who took the time to throw me a line!_

_COMMENCE!_

**Chapter 6**

Naruto sat with his lips pursed slightly. During their talk he had startled everyone when he swapped back into boy mode. Never the less, the _talk_ continued leaving Naruto with a lot to think about. Hinata had returned mid sex ed and had promptly passed out by a tree. The group had ignored her as it had been a common occurrence in academy for some reason.

Anyway, now Neji and Kiba were watching carefully as Naruto mulled over the information.

Neji was the first to speak; carefully choosing his words as who knew how the boy would approach such an uncomfortable topic.

"So, Naruto... any thoughts on this?"

Naruto twitched slightly and looked up at him. He pointedly made an effort not to look at Hinata. "So... babies are actually grown in women hey?"

The two teens nodded.

"And to get there, a guy needs to stick his thing in there."

He made a motion of poking his index finger through the hole created by his other hand as the thumb and forefinger came together. Again, the duo nodded.

"That means your parents had to do that to make you hey?"

Both Neji and Kiba turned a bit green but nodded. NOONE in their right mind really wanted to think of that. But for Naruto... nope. Not even then.

Naruto then pointed at Hinata. "So she has the cave where babies hide yeah?"

Neji and Kiba had found quite early on into the description of things that Naruto had absolutely no concept of the internals of women. As such, they had tried comparing various anatomical elements to natural counterparts. Unfortunately, that plan backfired and now Naruto was stuck with a very different view of things in his head.

"No Naruto, it's not a cave, it's a womb. And babies don't hide there, they grow there."

Naruto's eyes lit up. "Oh, so like a fungus?"

Kiba smacked his head into the nearest tree and Neji seriously felt like giving up and running home to his bedroom. Unfortunately though, his Hyuuga pride didn't let him.

"Not quite Naruto, but almost. The baby grows in the womb via the umbilical cord... remember how we spoke of that?"

Naruto nodded slowly. "Uh...ha? That's the leach attached to the belly button and cave wall yeah? I still don't get how it feeds its host..."

Neji cut him off. "No, the umbilical cord is _a part_ of the baby. That's how the baby feeds."

"But the mouth... it doesn't eat through the mouth?"

"Nope. Think of it like a drip into your arm, just in the middle of your tummy."

Naruto looked at him questioningly. "So... no ramen?"

Neji shook his head. "No. No ramen.""

Tears began welling up in Naruto's eyes and Neji slapped a palm to his face. "I believe we may have done more damage than good Kiba."

Kiba rolled his eyes. "You did all the explaining and thinking. When you suggested we use metaphors, I just threw out ideas. It's all on you."

Looking back down at the distraught boy, Kiba sighed and walked over to him. Grabbing his arms, he picked Naruto up and placed him on his feet. Brushing down his jacket and pants, Kiba then looked at Naruto, eye to eye.

"Ok big guy, you've had a biiiig day haven't you?"

Naruto nodded unhappily.

"Well, how about you just trot on home and forget all about this yeah? I'm sure there's a nice packet of instant ramen you can drown your sorrows in."

Sniffing and wiping an eye, Naruto nodded and began walking home. Who could live without ramen for so long?

Kiba sighed and looked back at Neji. Both boys just shook their heads and sighed.

"Well, it's unfortunate that it turned out the way it did but I'd had enough. Thanks for sending him off Kiba."

The Inuzuka scratched the back of his head as he looked off in the direction Naruto wandered. "You're telling me. I didn't even hardly say anything and I feel worn out! But one thing I'm so happy about is that we didn't get around to explaining _that_ time of the month to him. Seriously, even I'm still struggling to understand how something can bleed for a full week and survive."

Neji cocked an eyebrow at him and smirked. "I dare you to ask your sister. I'm sure she could explain. She is a vet after all..."

Kiba shuddered and shook himself at the thought. "Dude, she is my _sister_. Do you have any understanding of how bad and just plain weird that would be? That's nearly as bad as thinking about what Naruto made us think before!"

Neji looked across confused. "What was that again?"

Kiba blanched and shook his head. "Na-ah, I am not repeating that."

Neji shrugged and turned back to watch Naruto wander off. "After talking with Naruto I suppose its best I don't. Who knows what he could have said! He could have even mentioned..."

Neji turned a tad green. "Bother."

Kiba snickered. "Yeah, you remembered."

Neji swallowed and calmed himself before speaking. "Right. Well, it's starting to get late so I think I'll head home. I've had quite enough of today thankyou very much."

Kiba yawned and nodded. "Yeah, true that. I'll take one last dip and head back home. Come on Akamaru!"

Neji watched on then as Kiba jumped in fully clothed and started splashing around. Feeling Neji's eyes on him, he turned back around. An unspoken question passed between them, although it took Kiba a few seconds before he received the transmission.

"Oh, clothes? Yeah, I do this and that way I don't have to wash them for tomorrow!"

Neji's nose twitched and the Hyuuga promptly began walking away. "Good-bye Kiba."

XxXxXxX

Tenten was skipping back from her training grounds with a large smile on her face. The day had been exceptionally successful with her achieving a new personal best on most kunai deflected in one throw. Humming happily to herself, she continued to bounce along until a shock of blond made her look over.

She saw Naruto wandering along, dragging his feet and just in general looking very sullen. Ever the compassionate kunoichi, she quickly made a bee-line for the depressed ninja.

"Hey Naruto what's up?"

Naruto looked over at the vibrant girl and sighed. Even her infectious personality was doing nothing for him.

"Oh, hey Tenten. Yeah, I'm ok I guess. Just had an off day."

Tenten raised a fine eyebrow. "Really? Must have been a doozy 'cause I don't think I've ever seen you this down. Wana talk?"

Naruto looked at her carefree face and sighed. Spotting a bench a few feet away, he traipsed over to it. Taking a seat, he dropped his chin in his hands and sighed again. Tenten slid in beside him, silently waiting for him to begin.

"Well, you see it all started this morning when I lost control of my Orike no Jutsu for some reason."

Tenten frowned. "What's that? Can't say I've ever heard of that."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Of course not! I go and put all this effort into creating an amazing diversionary jutsu and everyone tells me it's stupid and that I shouldn't do it ever again. Not to mention Sakura-chan always beats me up for it."

Always the sucker for new jutsu, Tenten leaned in. "Oh! How does it work?"

Naruto looked up, kind of surprised anyone actually wanted to listen to him. "Well... it changes me into a girl that I use to distract guys. Like, I've beaten Ebisu-sensei, Iruka-sensei, Ero-Sennin and Sarutobi-jiji all with it! Like, they get knocked out for a few seconds but then all that happens is I get called a pervert and smacked."

Naruto huffed and looked away, a pout on his lips. What he didn't see though were the masses of sparkles in Tenten's eyes and joyous hands cupped under her chin.

"YOU BEAT ALL THOSE AMAZING NINJA WITH THIS TECHNIQUE?"

Naruto had to smooth his hair back into place and clean an ear after the loud shockwave near knocked him off the chair. Looking back up at the girl, he raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah? Anyone who even has a tiny bit of perversion in them is affected."

If Tenten's eyes were sparkling before, they were now positively glowing. Her mouth opened into a massive smile as she latched onto his arm.

"That is so COOL! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE SHOW ME?"

"You seriously want to see this thing?"

Tenten nodded vigorously. "YES! Anyone who can beat a _Hokage_ in one move has got to be one of the most talented ninja ever!"

Naruto felt his head begin to swell. It felt good. "Well, it is pretty awesome."

Tenten nodded. "Yup! Though I'm guessing the problem has something to do with the change process yeah?"

Naruto looked up in surprise. "Yeah! How did you know?"

Tenten giggled into her hand. "Well, there's gotta be a reason you're wearing Hinata-chan's shirt."

Naruto blushed and pulled his jacket together. "Yeah... I guess..."

He then had to back up as Tenten's head got uncomfortably close to his chest. "So what's the problem huh? You stuck with boobs in guy form or something?"

Naruto quickly imagined the consequences of that and shuddered. That would have been horrendous. Wrapping the jacket around himself tighter, he shook his head.

"Hell no! Thankfully, hell no. What it is, is I can't control where it activates. Like, this whole day has just been me swapping from boy to girl to boy at the worst times ever!"

Tenten nodded understandingly.

"Then Tsunade-baachan goes and tells me I can't train while it's happening and then to top it off, I found out babies go without ramen for atleast the first year of their life!"

Tenten didn't really know how to take that last bit so sensibly avoided it. She could, however, totally relate to Naruto not being allowed to train. That would have been the death of her!

"Wow that's a rather hectic day. And how long till it's fixed?"

Naruto sniffed and wiped his nose. "Another three days until Ero-Sennin gets home."

"Awwww!"

Patting the distraught boy on the back soothingly, Tenten leant in.

"So where were you going now? Surely there must be something you can do to take your mind off things!"

Naruto nodded. "I was gona go to Ichiraku's for tea. I have ramen at home but nothing quite tastes like his ramen, you know?"

Tenten smiled. "Yeah, that's true. Hey, how about I come with you? I haven't eaten yet so I'm famished! Besides, if I do that means I'll have a good chance of seeing this Orike no Jutsu of yours!"

Brightening, Naruto smiled up at his newest best friend. "Yeah, sure! Follow me!"

Grabbing the surprised kunoichi's arm, he began dragging her off towards one of his many shortcuts.

XxXxXxX

The whole way, the two talked about training, ramen, Naruto's technique and ramen. Well, Naruto mostly talked about ramen. Tenten just guided the topic back to the Orike no Jutsu. Nearing the store, Naruto picked up the pace and dashed into the store, grabbing his usual seat. Tenten followed and found him sitting expectantly, swinging his short legs under his seat. Smiling to herself, she pulled up a seat beside him and looked at the menu. Hearing Naruto start slapping the counter and shouting, the girl giggled and looked up. Ayame had wandered across and was now serving the hyperactive blond. Remembering his manners briefly, he turned and pointed at Tenten.

"Ayame! This is Tenten! She likes ramen too!"

The taller teen laughed merrily and extended a hand to Tenten. "Anyone who is a fan of ramen is welcome here."

Tenten took the hand and shook firmly. "It's a pleasure! I was thinking of starting off on something lighter... maybe a miso?"

Naruto grinned broadly. "You are SO gona have a mouth orgasm when you taste this!"

Both Ayame and Tenten choked on the air and looked across in disbelief at the boy.

"What was that Naruto?"

Said boy looked back, his smile replaced with confused innocence. "What was what?"

The two girls shared a look before Tenten got the guts up to repeat what he said. "Mouth... orgasm. You _do_ know what and orgasm is yeah?"

Naruto instantly brightened. "Yeah! Neji and Kiba told me all about that stuff this afternoon! Apparently an orgasm is something that makes you feel really, REALLY good, like weak knees and unable to speak properly after it good. What better explains what happens after I've eaten here then?"

The girls paled, wondering just what the hell was implanted into the boys mind that day.

"Hmmm... maybe Hinata is always having orgasms too... she's always got weak knees and stuttering and stuff..."

And then the cheeks of said girls had the colour returned to them in a vibrant display of red. Ayame quickly took both of the ponderous boy's hands and looked him square in the eye.

"Ok. Naruto. Listen very carefully to me when I say that you are not to say that in front of Hinata. _Ever._ Or any other person for that matter. Ok?"

Naruto looked up with big eyes. "Uh... ok? But why?"

Ayame paled a touch from her previous brilliant red. Tenten came to the rescue though, taking the boys attention from the flustered attendant.

"Because it is actually a very adult word that shouldn't be used around big groups of people. It actually means something very different to what you think."

Naruto's eyebrows raised at the revelation. "Really? What's it mean then?"

It was Tenten's turn to get all flustered as she tried to tell the boy.

"W-w-well... i-it's like... it's like that a-a-as you c-c-clima..."

Naruto leaned in close, eyes narrowed. "Are you ok? You sound like your orgasming."

Poor Tenten very nearly died. Thankfully though, Ayame came to the rescue, flushing so red that it looked like it hurt.

"F-free ramen the rest of the night!"

With a whoop of delight, all former questions were forgotten as Naruto tucked into his FREE bowl of ramen!

Holding a hand to her pounding heart, the little kunoichi wondered if she had just suffered a mild panic attack. Looking up to her saviour, Tenten mouthed a very big 'Thankyou!' to Ayame and promptly dropped her head to the bench.

This was way more effort than it was worth.

XxXxXxX

_A/N – Hahaha dirty dirty dirty! But it's only dirty if you take it that way. Dirty minded people! _

_Anyway, tell me what you think! XD_

_Lanky Nathan_


	7. Chapter 7

_Again, I got a whole bunch of really positive reviews! It's great to know the work is appreciated ya know? This chapter goes out to you guys! It's kinda fluffy in places but I'm sure you won't mind =)_

_Big thanks to librarycat9 for pointing out a grammar error =) All fixed now!_

_BEGIN_

**Chapter 7**

After finally feeling her blood pressure stabilise, Tenten had managed to get two bowls of ramen down in the time it took Naruto to put away ten. Her hands were still a little shaky as she placed her chopsticks down and thanked Ayame for the wonderful food. Looking across, she silently tried to compose herself further as Naruto continued inhaling noodles. There was one thing she could give him credit for and that was this jutsu had to be _incredible_. If he could turn such a durable kunoichi (such as herself) into a stuttering mess that easily with just words, she couldn't wait to see his transformation! So far though, nothing had changed about him, other than the ever increasing mess around him. Turning to look up at the older, warm-faced teen, Tenten raised an eyebrow.

"Does he always eat this much?"

Ayame nodded. "Yeah, this and more on a particularly hungry day. I swear, Naruto-kun is what keeps our business afloat sometimes."

Tenten nodded slowly as she tried to rationalise why he could eat so much. 'He does have crazy amounts of stamina. Maybe he swallowed a sealing tag when he was younger? That would explain where it all goes...'

Hearing a final sloppy burp as the full stop, Tenten saw Naruto patting an ever so slightly distended tummy happily.

"Thanks Ayame-neechan! Delicious like always!"

Turning a bit red again, Ayame bowed to him a bit. "A pleasure like always Naruto-kun."

Slapping the money down on the bench, Naruto hopped from his chair and started waving goodbye to the shopkeepers. Tenten quickly hopped up and followed, throwing her words of thanks over her shoulder too. Jogging to catch up to the waddling boy, Tenten fell into step beside him. Looking up into the twilight, she sighed at the beauty of the sky. The blues, reds and blacks made a wonderful contrast to the small specks of light as the stars began poking through the sky. In a small moment of observation, Naruto noticed Tenten's attraction to the sky.

"Hey, do you have to get home any time soon?"

Tenten shook her head. "Nah, I still got a few hours before I'm due anywhere."

Grinning happily, Naruto grabbed the girls arm and in a squeak of surprise, dragged her off towards the Hokage's monument.

XxXxXxX

"Ugh, where are you taking me Naruto-chan?"

The blond just grinned and pushed another branch out of his way. Tenten had to quickly duck or else cop a face full of leaves and bark.

"Just wait and see ok? You'll love it!"

Sighing, Tenten continued to struggle after the hyperactive boy as he pushed through the undergrowth. After what seemed like an eternity, her guide finally disappeared through a bush. Pushing her way through it, she stopped and dropped her jaw at the sight. She was standing on top of the Hokage's heads with a brilliant view of the city and, more importantly, the sky.

"Pretty neat hey!"

Tenten couldn't make any words as she just stared up into the sky. The twinkling stars beckoned for her to just reach out and touch them. They were so close she almost felt she could. Standing up on her tip-toes, she reached out to the brightest and attempted to pinch it between her fingers. Tenten smiled as the light winked out between her fingers. Opening her fingers again, the little star remained, shining on happily.

"So close..."

Naruto watched her the whole time, grinning as she reached up to the sky. The few words she breathed as she retracted her arm were too soft to hear, but Naruto didn't mind. Tapping her on the shoulder, he stepped back.

"So what do you think huh?"

Tenten took another look over the breathtaking view. "It's beautiful Naruto... why haven't I ever been up here before?"

Naruto shrugged. "Not many people ever come up here. It's not out of bounds or anything; I just don't think too many people know about it." He turned a beaming smile back to her. "I only show my best friends this place!"

Tenten blushed slightly and placed a hand on her chest. Her, one of his best friends? Surely not! They had only ever spoken briefly at best!

Shaking her head, she looked at Naruto. "Me? But we've only just met! Besides, I bet you have heaps better friends than me."

Naruto looked around sheepishly. "Well... not really hey. I've only just started really making friends and you're the first person ever to really want to listen to my problems. Well, the first after Sarutobi-jiji died."

Tenten's eyes took on a sheen as she looked at the embarrassed boy. Why didn't he have more close friends than just her? Smiling at him, she gave him a light punch on the arm.

"Well, everyone who doesn't wana be your friend is just dumb. You seem like an awesome person to be around!"

Naruto blushed. "You mean that?"

Tenten propped her hands on her hips. "Course I do! You're the most fun person I've ever met! Not to mention you have a crazy jutsu at your disposal! Now come on, you gotta show me this thing!"

Naruto looked up at her in wonder. Was this girl for real? Because if she was, she had just made a friend for life.

"I'd love to but Tsunade-baachan said I can't do any chakra moulding or anything until Ero-Sennin comes back."

Tenten pouted. "That's so not fair. I wana see this thing!"

Naruto felt a familiar tingle in his tummy.

*Bamph*

A shroud of smoke covered the boy and Tenten blinked in surprise. When a breeze whipped through and took the smoke away, it revealed Naruto grumbling and holding her pants up with both hands. Tenten smiled and started walking forward.

"Well can I call it or can I call it? So this is your Orike no Jutsu!"

Naruto looked up. "Yeah, this is it. Stupid thing has been giving me hell all day."

Tenten ummed and ahhed as she walked around Naruto, studying every bit of the girl. Meanwhile, Naruto was growing embarrassed with the unusual attention.

"Are you ok there Tenten? This is a bit weird..."

Tenten circled another two times before coming to a stop in front of her. "Well, I gotta say Naruto, that is pretty damn impressive!"

She then reached out and grabbed both of Naruto's sizeable boobs. Squealing in surprise, Naruto jumped back while holding her violated chest. Tenten opened and closed her hands as she studied the feeling. "Yup! They sure feel real alright!"

Looking back at Naruto, Tenten's eyebrows disappeared into her fringe as she whistled in surprise.

"Wow Naruto-kun! You sure went all out!"

"Huh?"

Following Tenten's gaze, Naruto noticed that her pants had dropped to her ankles when she grabbed her chest. Quickly pulling her pants up, she shot Tenten a dirty look.

Tenten just waved it off. "Oh come on Naruto, it's just a Jutsu. Not the real you right?"

Naruto shrugged. "Felt pretty real."

Tenten nodded as she looked at her hands. "Sure did! You have a great set of knockers actually! I'm jealous!"

Naruto gave her a suss look. "Just so you know, I'm not playing that you-show-me-and-I'll-show-you game. It always got me in heaps of trouble."

Tenten's eyebrows rose again. "You used to play that? So did I! But yeah, I got in trouble too. But that's ok, we don't have to play here 'cause you don't have anything I don't... atleast, at the moment you don't."

Naruto's suss look became more intense. "Tenten-chan... do... do you like girls?"

Tenten giggled. "Nah. I can however respect a good female body when I see one!"

Naruto covered her chest with one hand. "I bet you respect me heaps then seeming you got to grope me."

Tenten missed the sarcasm. "Yup, sure do!"

Leaning in, she gave her another look. "So how do you use this hey? How did you beat all those amazing ninja?"

Naruto blushed. "Well... if I tell you, you promise not to hit me ok?"

Tenten nodded furiously. "Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye!"

Naruto gave her a confused look but nodded anyway. "Ok... well, for the diversionary part, I actually transform into this, just... naked."

Tenten went still for a moment and Naruto hardened herself for the eminent beating. After a few moments passed, Naruto opened an eye slightly to see Tenten cupping her chin in thought.

"Tenten...?"

Tenten looked down at her. "You know, I didn't think of that. And seeming you're a boy, you can easy do something that any self respecting girl couldn't!"

Getting into the swing of things, Naruto brought up a fist in excitement. "Yeah! That's it! And also, I know what guys like so I can totally play out any fantasy any guy would think of!"

Tenten leaned in, even more excited. "Really? How? How? HOW?"

Naruto crossed her fingers in front of herself. "Just watch."

"HAREM NO JUTSU!"

"Eh?"

An all inclusive puff of smoke went up around the girls. Tenten started coughing but before she could so anything, she felt several soft bodies latch onto her.

"Tenten-chaaaaaaaan~!"

"Eek!"

The surprised kunoichi's eyes bulged out as no less than seven very naked and very close Naruto's pressed themselves up against the girl. Tenten stiffened as one Naruto started playing with her hair while another started nibbling her ear. She then felt her face begin heating up as some inquisitive hands started running across her firm stomach and lower back. Just when the embarrassed kunoichi felt the hands start dropping lower, the clones dispelled in a puff. The result left a very red and uncomfortable looking Tenten struggling to make sense of what happened. Hearing an uproarious laughter, she looked across at Naruto and found the girl lying on her back struggling to catch her breath. Trying to regain as much composure as possible, Tenten sighed and ran a finger under her nose.

"You s-should have seen y-yourself!"

Tenten smirked at the incapacitated blond before her. It seemed this distraction jutsu was a double edged sword.

"Very nice Naruto-chan. But if every time you use this you end up like this, it's not that effective after all!"

Naruto struggled to pull herself up. Wiping a tear from her eye, she hiccupped a few more times before finally settling on chuckling occasionally.

"Heh, heh, yeah, maybe. That's the first time I've ever used it on a girl. It seems to work just as well though!"

Tenten crossed her arms. "You just caught me off guard, that's all."

Naruto snickered again. "Not what your face said."

Tenten started sweating. "What did it say... exactly?"

Naruto smirked. "You liked it. TENTEN-CHAN IS A PERVERT!"

Tenten instantly rounded on the girl and held her hands out, making shushing gestures. "Naruto please! Everyone will hear you!"

Naruto laughed again. "So you _are_ a pervert!"

Tenten paused. "N-no... well, I mean, everyone has _those_ thoughts sometimes."

Naruto stuck her tongue out happily. "Ha-ha, still got you but didn't I?"

Tenten sighed in defeat. "Yeah, you did." Straightening, she smiled at her. "If it didn't then that would have just meant that the Hokage was weaker than me!"

Naruto grinned and popped her hands on her hips. "You bet! Be grateful you got to see the wonderful Uzumaki-sama in action!"

Tenten dropped down beside Naruto and laughed. "Yeah, I suppose so."

Naruto nodded and looked up at the sky. Tenten then raised an eyebrow and looked at her friend.

"Hang on a second Naruto. Didn't you get told not to use any jutsu of any sort by the Hokage?"

Naruto's eyes widened. "Actually, yeah, she did!" She ran a hand into her hair and laughed. "Whoops. Guess I forgot."

Tenten smirked and gave Naruto a playful shove. "Well, remember for next time ok? I can't sit here with a clean conscious and let you get away with disobeying Tsunade-sama!"

Naruto stuck out her tongue. "Yeah, I suppose. Ah well, I won't forget ok?"

They then fell into silence as they watched the moon rise over the horizon. While watching, Naruto snuck a glance at his female companion beside her. Sighing, Naruto leant back with a smile. The blond hadn't felt this at ease in years. Just being in the company of someone who accepted her as who she was was something Naruto had never truly experienced. Closing her eyes, she fell asleep.

XxXxXxX

Tenten had sat for a long while just staring at the sky. It had been a while since she had just relaxed with someone. Normally the girl was so focused on training that all other things were put on the backburner. She never really had any girly friends because they never held any interest. Shopping, make-up, boys, love... all that stuff was kinda pointless in Tenten's mind. Tsunade-sama was the perfect example of her ideal kunoichi with her strength, power, dominance and self reliance. But then here was Naruto, this weird boy... girl who she had randomly met this afternoon and in the space of a few hours had made her totally forget about training, power and getting stronger. Turning to face her new friend, she smiled when Naruto let out a little snore. Poking her in the side, she sighed when Naruto didn't move. The blond was out cold. Standing, Tenten stretched and looked down at Naruto. Normally it would have been way too weird to carry a boy home, but seeming Naruto was currently a girl...

Picking up the little blond, Tenten giggled when Naruto snuggled into her arms. "You're just a poor little darling, aren't you Naruto-kun?"

Shifting her position to make sure her pants didn't fall off, Tenten started the trek back down the mountain to Naruto's flat.

XxXxXxX

_A/N – Hmmm... maybe I should throw 'friendship' into the genre as well as humour? Meh, I duno and it's not worrying me too much so unless someone wants me to I can't be bothered =P _

_Let me know what you think about this chapter too ok? It's fairly different from the other ones so I just wana know if you guys think it's ok. Gotta keep my readers happy and all that, wot!_

_Anyway, until next time,_

_Lanky Nathan_

_P.S. – Anyone wana see any particular character next chapter? I'm just having whoever turns up meet Naruto as he goes along with no planned order. So if you wana see someone specific, just throw their name into your review =)_


	8. Chapter 8

_Ok peeps. Got some unfortunate news in regarding to this fic. As of today I'm back at Tafe so I'm not gona have the same amount of time to put into writing. Disappointing I know, but I do hope to continue pumping out chapters on a regular basis. I'll let you know what the work load is like when I get a bit further in. Anyway, enough sadness. Time to read some madness! _

_By the way, Orannis4 requested a Tsunade moment in this chapter. Here you go mate! Hope it meets your standards =)_

**Chapter 8**

"Tenten-chan..."

Tenten slowly came to as the strange voice penetrated through her sleep.

"Tenten-chan..."

"Mmmmm..."

Groaning, she rolled away from the voice, determined to get more sleep. She felt the bed depress around her.

"Come on Tenten! It's like, Eight o'clock! Last night seriously couldn't have tired you out that much!"

Sitting bolt up, Tenten looked at Naruto, still female, with incredibly wide eyes. "Say WHAT?"

Naruto cringed at the scream but sat back on the bed. "You know, last night? Harem no Jutsu, big talk, Hokage mountain?"

Tenten's somewhat sleep-fuzzed head struggled to remember the night. Yeah, she remembered climbing up to the mountain top, Naruto turning to a girl, Naruto then swamping her with Kage Bunshin's...

Tenten's eyes widened even further as she remembered that bit. "Naruto... did you... and me... last night..."

Naruto raised an eyebrow. Currently, Tenten was flushing red very badly and was looking at her with a scared, almost maniacal look in her eye. Trying very hard to understand what she was talking about, Naruto started off slowly.

"Uh... did we what, Tenten?"

Tenten was struggling to work everything out. While she was a fan of early starts, even her brain took time to have its morning cuppa' before appearing. That, coupled with being very abruptly awoken in a strange house by Naruto AND the foggy memories of the night before, made for a very concerned girl. Rubbing her eyes, Tenten swallowed.

"Did we... you know... Harem no Jutsu... you and me?"

"Ah!" Now completely on the same page, Naruto sent her a beaming smile. "Yeah, we totally did! You wanted to see my Harem no Jutsu and I showed you good! You even enjoyed it a bit if I remember correctly."

Naruto sent her a wink, happy to give her friend an early morning teasing. What Naruto didn't expect though was for Tenten to burst into tears.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE MY FIRST WAS NARUTO! AS A GIRL! WHAT AM I?"

Now thoroughly perplexed, Naruto sat back wondering what just happened. Apparently their pages were slightly different. She knew girls had the mood swings of a crusty old parrot but nothing she could think of explained this. She sat back with a finger on her chin as Tenten wailed, mentally blocking out the sound as she tried to remember the night.

'Nothing really naughty happened. Besides, what's her first? We didn't do anything up there for the first time. Except to talk... actually, what happened after that?"

Naruto looked back down to see Tenten hugging her pillow and crying into that. Gingerly reaching out, Naruto tried her best to detach the bawling teen from the now soggy cushion but was left with several scratches up her arms and an even bigger question mark floating over her head. Moving around, Naruto leaned into Tenten's ear and spoke above the muffled noise.

"Oi! Tenten! I duno why you're having a life crisis in my bedroom but I was just wondering if you can remember how we got home."

Naruto waited a while but Tenten made no sign of answering. Sighing to herself, she leant in again.

"Tenten!"

*Bamph*

"Damnit!"

"EH?"

Jumping back in surprise, Tenten ended up on the floor as the explosion of manliness took place. Naruto looked down at her happily and repeated his question.

"Ok, you listening? Cool. Now, how did I get home?"

Tenten just stared up at him for a bit before stumping him with her reply.

"Naruto did we shag up there?"

The boy looked at her with wide eyes. Not quite sure how to answer the question, Naruto just let his mouth take over while his brain went to its empty box.

"What's a shag?"

Tenten let out a frustrated yell before grabbing the surprised boy by his shirt.

"DID WE HAVE SEX?"

Naruto's eyes widened as he finally caught on.

"No, we couldn't have! I don't even know where to get any and on our Genin wages there's no way just you alone could pay the stork! Besides, why do you want a baby? You're so young!"

Having no answer to that, Tenten did the next smartest thing and gave Naruto a big W.T.F. face.

But then Naruto's eyes widened as he remembered Neji and Kiba's enlightening chat the previous afternoon.

"No, wait, that's not right. I gotta put this..."

He stuck his finger up.

"Into your..."

He made a circle with his other fingers and then poked his index finger through.

"Like this for sex. Right?"

Tenten started slowly backing away as she contemplated having spent the night with the world's biggest pervert.

"Naruto... I don't think that... but the... what are you... _what the hell?_"

Naruto looked up from poking his finger back and forth through the hole to focus for a second. Biting his lip in memory, he then sent her a big grin as he came to his conclusion.

"Nah, nothing to worry about Tenten-chan! We didn't hold hands or anything so there's NO way we could have had sex!"

It was Naruto's turn to start to feel awkward as Tenten sent him the most scrutinising glare of all time. This went on for several minutes till Naruto couldn't take any more.

"So... want some breakfast? I got ramen?"

Tenten shook her head in amazement. "You really have no idea, do you?"

Naruto looked over his shoulder indignantly from the walk to the kitchen. "Excuse me but I think you'll find I have the most smarts on ramen in the whole village!"

Tenten let out a bark of laughter. What the hell was she thinking, sex with Naruto? Besides, when Naruto was a _girl_, there technically was no way they could have done that anyway! Naruto sent a suss look over his shoulder as Tenten's laughter slowly grew more insane.

'She has got to be the weirdest girl I have ever met. I might have to take her to Tsunade-baachan to get her fixed.'

Tenten meanwhile felt the weight of being a bisexual teenager fall from her shoulders as she rejoiced in her continuing straight-ness. Twirling twice, she fell back onto the bed and let out another crazy laugh and ran her fingers through her hair. After that fright, NOTHING else could scare her for the rest of her life! Looking across at Naruto, she snickered as she saw him huddled over his cup on instant ramen. Feeling an overwhelming need to right Naruto's (for lack of a better word) retarded views on life's more intimate times, the girl stood up straight with a new purpose. Seeing Naruto slurp up the last of his beloved ramen, she grabbed his arm and started dragging him towards the door amidst a cry of protest. Swinging it open, she tossed him out.

"No, no, none of that Naruto-kun! We're going to see Tsunade-sama this instant!"

Naruto's eyes lit up. He always thought the first step to recovery was admitting ones faults. Sending Tenten another of his beaming smiles, he nodded happily.

"For sure! We'll get you fixed up all better in no time!"

XxXxXxX

"So I gotta stick my..."

Naruto stuck his finger up in the air. Tsunade sighed.

"Into the girls..."

He made the circle again. The woman before him looked like she was itching for a drink.

"And do this..."

He started poking his finger through the hole repeatedly. Tenten blushed slightly seeing the effort put into the motion.

"To make..."

He stuck his finger up into the air again.

"Throw up _inside_ the girls..."

He held up his circle.

"And from that, the baby grows in the..."

He held the circle up higher. Tsunade slapped a hand to her head. "Womb, Naruto. It is called... a womb."

"And then like, ages later, a baby pops out from there. Right?"

Tsunade sighed. Tenten shook her head. This was proving to be an impossibility.

"Kind of Naruto-kun..."

Naruto looked up at the two women before him. He smiled at them to show he understood... kind of. He then went back to sticking his finger through his circle again. Tenten blushed and made to grab at his hands but was dodged.

"Honestly Naruto-kun, can't you stop that? And why can't you use the correct names?"

Naruto looked up at them and grinned. "Cause it's more fun like THIS!", and pumped his finger a few times to emphasise the point. Looking up at her idol, Tenten could tell the older lady was as close to tears as she could get in a situation like this.

Trying to recover the already far lost situation, Tenten spoke up. "Well, please Naruto, can you atleast _point_ to the bits your fingers mean?"

For Naruto's benefit, Tsunade had unearthed two human body posters, male and female of course, and stuck them up on the wall. Unfortunately for Tenten, Naruto still had yet to realise they were for him.

"There and there!"

Following Naruto's fingers, Tenten found to her horror that one hand was pointing at his own crotch and the other was pointing at her own. Squealing in mortification, the girl quickly crossed her legs and hands over that part of her, her face burning bright red. Naruto laughed at her reaction and went back to playing 'pokies' with his fingers.

Tsunade had seen where Tenten's failed attempt to direct the conversation was going and as such had already sunk back into her chair and cracked open a bottle. Seeing Naruto react how he did after he pointed at Tenten's groin and not even blush slightly, the old medic could tell Naruto really had no idea what was going on. Paging one of her ANBU, she shouted to be heard over Tenten and ordered a TV and tape recorder. Standing quickly, she then walked over to the two teens and picked them both up by the scruff of the neck. Throwing them down on separate chairs, Tsunade held out a very full cup of a strong alcoholic substance to each of the teens.

"Drink."

"What?", came the unison reply.

Tsunade just thrust it into their hands and walked to the door. Opening it, she dragged the TV in and then barked an order at the guard outside to not be bothered until further notice. Slamming it shut, she then activated a Silence Seal. While Naruto happily sipped on his beverage, Tenten watched her idol with concern. Something about this wasn't right. She then saw Tsunade slip a tape in and the girl let out a terrified gasp when she realised just what it was.

"Oh, please, please, please Tsunade-sama don't do this to me please I beg you! My eyes are still innocent!"

Tsunade just grunted at her. "Naruto can't seem to grasp what we're talking about so just pretend this is a balls out, crash course in anatomy... or something. Either way, I am sure as hell not doing this alone. Now settle yourself down for a show."

*Bamph*

Both women turned to face their smoky, now third female member. "Awww man, this sucks! Ah well. What we watchin' Tsunade-baachan?"

Tsunade turned to see Tenten desperately mouthing 'NO'. Shrugging, the taller blond just grabbed a bottle and took a swig before settling down for the show.

As soon as the cheesy music began to play, Tenten gave up hope and sank her cup in one gulp. She could only pray that this would get her sloshed enough that most of the 'session' will be just a bad dream. Naruto meanwhile was chirping happily to Tsunade while waiting for the movie to really get going. It seemed she was a chatty drunk.

"So yeah, I haven't seen this movie anywhere before. What did you say it was called? No? Oh that's ok here's the title anyway... Hmmm, Sexy Night Time Adventures? That's one I've never heard of... it's almost sounds like something Ero-Sennin would write. So yeah anyway what's it aboooooooh... my..."

Tsunade smirked as Naruto's eyes grew rounder, the perverted image holding her attention captive. Her eyebrows went up though as Naruto then quickly pulled the waist band to her pants out and looked down.

"So that's what it _really_ looks like down there hey?"

XxXxXxX

_A/N – And that's the latest amount of twisted material that's flown from my mind. As I said though, Tafe is gona be taking over my life now. That's why the chapter was a bit shorter too cause I just wanted to get it out into your guys' waiting arms! So consider this my sorry if the next update is a while away. Till then though, hope I brought a little bit of life into your otherwise boring day =)_

_Lanky Nathan_


	9. Chapter 9

**_*EDIT - Sorry the chapter corrupted so I had to repost it*_**

_Librarycat9 has been throwing this idea at me for a while now and I only just realised the potential it has! So thankyou Librarycat9 for your contribution =)_

_As for tafe, it hasn't fully kicked into the swing of things just yet so things are safe for the moment... as such; I present a chapter as a peace offering._

**Chapter 9**

The three ladies sat in silence as the credits rolled through. The movie had run for a full hour and atleast two of the members present had seen things they had never even thought possible. Actually, just one of those two never thought it possible. The other one just never thought. Taking another swig from the nearly empty bottle, Tsunade glanced down the neck to see what was left. Turning her gaze to the company, she smirked. That had to have worked or else nothing would, short of actually making the boy... girl do the deed. Leaning forward, she suppressed a chuckle at their faces. Naruto was sitting straight, eyes impossibly wide and her mouth a touch open. It was actually rather cute Tsunade mused, but that was for another time. It was also the longest period she had ever heard the boisterous blond stay quiet for.

'Gotta enjoy the little things', she supposed.

Tenten however was hilarious. The girl was painfully red faced and pressed back into the chair like she was trying to escape some form of attacker. Her body was turned away from the TV like she wanted to hide but her eyes had seemingly remained glued to the screen. Her mouth was also wide open in terror and was squeaking softly to herself in what sounded like a comfort noise. Seeing the taller blond move in the corner of her eye, the traumatised girl dragged her violated view from the TV to her. Her eyes began filling with tears and she let out a sob.

"H-how could you do that to me Tsunade-sama? I'm only Fourteen years old! I haven't even had a real boyfriend yet!"

The accused woman just shrugged. "You should know full well what you got yourself into when you were promoted to Genin. The second you got that headband, you instantly told the world, 'Hey, I'm now an adult and able to do all sorts of adult things!' Watching porn for educational purposes are well included within that."

Tenten flapped an angry arm at the TV. "Educational maybe, but I didn't need to see how two people can get it done on a ceiling!"

Tsunade just huffed and rubbed her nose. "Don't give me that. There was a valuable lesson on stamina and chakra control there."

Tenten's mouth dropped open in disgust but couldn't fault the woman's words. 'I suppose it would be hard doing that on a ceiling. Especially being distracted so much by – '

Her face instantly turned red and she slapped the dirty thoughts away. Tsunade chuckled and downed the last of her drink with a satisfied smack of her lips. Turning to look at Naruto, she saw the girl sitting there quietly, watching her friends talk. The lack of reaction on her face though made Tsunade worry. Either that little session broke her already fragile brain or it didn't go as desired. Spinning her chair around backwards, she plonked herself down in front of the girl.

"So Naruto, any questions?"

Naruto shook her head. "Nope. I more or less worked everything out from that show. A few things did surprise me though."

Tsunade nodded. "Alright. Re-cap for me."

Naruto nodded with a grin. "Right! The man's..."

She held up a finger.

"Goes in a girls..."

She pointed down at herself this time to Tenten's enormous relief.

"And it then goes in and out, but that's when I started getting confused."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

Naruto laughed. "Well, I was always thought the throwing up was done down there! Hahaha, who would have guessed that the womb was down a girls throat?"

Tenten snorted violently and turned a sickly green while Tsunade felt like writing off the fellow blond as a lost cause. "No Naruto, that's not right."

Naruto's eyebrows then shot up into her hairline. "But that's where all of it went!"

Tsunade sighed. "Maybe in what you saw just then it did but no, that's not right."

Naruto huffed in frustration and crossed her arms in thought. " Well why the hell did they do that then? And how was I meant to know? I mean that's where all the – "

"**DON'T SAY IT!"**

Cleaning an ear after Tenten's mighty roar, Naruto continued. "But yeah, like, it went there but then I still had a guess of two other places! Seriously, girls are a maze! Pick the wrong entrance and you hit a dead end."

Tenten held her head in pure embarrassment for the young girl, also feeling a might headache coming on. She really wished that the shock of seeing what she saw chased away the hangover as well as the buzz.

She unfortunately tuned back into the conversation at the wrong time. "So babies do actually grow in the tummy? I thought so... but how else would the man's ball snot get there if not though the mouth?"

Tenten thought now was a very good time to just lie down and sleep off the headache. The thump of body hitting floor didn't even register to the conversing blonds.

Tsunade meanwhile had convinced Naruto on her error. "So you're telling me that the front bum is the baby cave?"

Tsunade sighed. It seemed that that was as close to the real thing she was gona get her. "Yes Naruto, that's right. Then it's a 9 month wait and then the baby comes back out the same way the man went in."

Naruto's eyes scrunched in thought. "But, aren't babies like, way massive to fit out that?"

Tsunade nodded. "Yeah, but woman stretch. Usually the baby comes out just fine."

The sparkling in Naruto's eyes made the woman facepalm furiously. "That is AMAZING! So girls have like super powers or something I've never been told about? Man I wish I was a girl!"

Tsunade sighed in frustration. "Believe me when I say you really don't want that Naruto."

A little tick went off above Naruto's head as she realised something. "Wait, I AM a girl! I have super powers!"

She instantly started running around the room making zooming noises and laughing all the while. Tsunade growled and grabbed Naruto as she ran past and lifted her off the ground. The excited blond giggled furiously and blew a raspberry as she defied gravity.

"NARUTO!"

One big shake had the girl quiet and holding her head as the room spun. Tsunade then pointed to the charts behind her.

"Look, Naruto, just because you have a faulty henge on does not mean you are a girl! There are so many differences between guys and girls that it would take me a full week to explain it! To you, probably triple that length though."

Naruto tenderly shook her head and looked up at her captor. "Na-ah! I did a really good job of creating this jutsu. I AM a girl. See?"

Naruto then grabbed a handful of her chest in proof. Tsunade raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"That's quite the creation then Naruto. Not many people can make solid transformations, but I suppose with your unique ability with the Kage Bunshin's it's to be expected. But never the less, on the inside you are still a boy. Not a girl, no superpowers, nothing. Ok?"

Naruto crossed her arms and pouted. "But it feels so real! I thought I'd gotten everything right too..."

Tsunade sighed and dropped the girl. "Ok Naruto, I'll show you the difference. I'll scan you to show you what your insides look like then scan..."

She saw Tenten volunteer. Atleast that's what she'd tell the girl later.

"Tenten to show you the difference."

Naruto whooped in glee, previous foul forgotten. "Woo! I get to see my guts!"

She motioned for Naruto to sit on the desk and then whipped out an ultrasound. "Ok, lift your shirt. This will be cold alright?"

The blond tensed and them gasped as the cold goo hit her tummy. Looking up at the screen, Naruto scrunched up her face as she tried make head and tails of the screen. Tsunade pointed to the diagram to her left.

"Ok Naruto this is a boy and a girl right?"

Naruto nodded her understanding. Not a reliable source.

"Right, so right now you can see your lungs here and here."

Moving the scanner up to Naruto's ribs, she pointed out the dark makings on the screen and then pointed them out on the charts. Pushing up, she moved the scanner higher up Naruto's chest. That was when the woman gasped in surprise. Naruto looked up at the screen wondering what happened.

"Baachan...?"

"Oh, it's nothing Naruto, just thought I saw something. Never mind though it's gone now."

Actually, Tsunade HAD seen something and it was a very important something indeed.

'Breast tissue! He actually has breast tissue! That's impossible but! This is meant to be an external change! So what is going on?'

Frowning, Tsunade moved the scanner down lower across Naruto's stomach. Thankfully there was nothing different there but what she saw back up on Naruto's chest concerned her. Returning to the girls chest, she checked Naruto's boobs again. And again, the same tissue that should not be present was quiet clearly, present.

"You having fun there Tsunade-sama?"

The blond duo looked over to see Tenten looking up from her spot on the floor. Tsunade looked down at her hand to see the scanner had pushed a good distance up onto Naruto's chest and was revealing quite a significant amount of under-boob. Tsunade straightened up as Naruto pulled her shirt down.

"Not as much fun as you watching I'd guess."

Tenten sent the older lady a look and pushed herself to her feet. She groaned and held her head as the headache returned. Tsunade just laughed.

"You're a bit of a light weight there Tenten-chan." She tossed the girl a packet. "Take one of these then go have another nap. You'll feel right as rain after."

Tenten nodded and swallowed one of the pills inside. Sighing, she bowed. "If that's the case Tsunade-sama, unless you have more porn to scar me with, I'll be off home."

The Hokage just waved a hand in her direction. "Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Just take Naruto with you. It's a fast acting sedative so have her there to catch you just in case you drop off."

Naruto nodded and smiled. "Right! You can count on me!"

Tsunade sighed and then shooed them out. Calling out to them, she made one final request. "Oh, and Naruto, when you change back to a boy, come see me would you? I need to run another scan over you."

Remembering his forgotten lesson, he nodded. "Sure thing Baachan! See you later then."

Closing the door on the two teens, Tsunade felt like slumping to the floor. Yet another mystery surrounding Naruto had appeared and it definitely had to rank up in the top five weirdest of all time. Walking over to her ultrasound, she glared at the screen.

"Naruto, how the hell did you manage to actually add that kind of tissue when you don't even know where the spine attaches to?"

This definitely called for more sake and thought.

XxXxXxX

A dusty Tenten was now slung over Naruto's shoulder snoring blissfully. The girl had managed to make it out of the Hokage's tower before slumping onto Naruto's side and dropping off before she could say 'catch me'. The result now drew strange looks from the crowds as the bouncy blond skipped along happily. She was so very happy that she was able to help Tenten out for carrying her home! Naruto had managed to get Tenten to explain how they got home the previous night and as such was incredibly grateful to the girl. A strange cat call made the girl look over and she saw Anko throwing her thumbs up.

"That's how we used to do it! None of this romance and stuff! Just in and out. Keep it real girl!"

Having absolutely no inkling to what the crazy snake lady meant, Naruto just smiled and waved. "I plan to! A Hokage's gotta keep it simple to run a village after all."

Anko whooped in joy and pointed a finger at the disappearing pair. "THAT'S MY GIRL! Cannot wait to see you making the decisions!"

Grinning broadly, Naruto shouted a thankyou over her shoulder to her newest favourite adult. 'What a nice lady! I was all wrong about her! I'll have to remember that.'

Finally reaching Tenten's house, she kicked open the door and found Tenten's bed. Dropping the girl into it, Naruto kind of tucked her in as best she could before leaving. Closing the door behind her, she smiled happily at the completed mission and jumped off the balcony. On the way down her tummy growled and reminded her of her rather limited breakfast. Landing lightly, Naruto then made to head off to her most favourite-est restaurant in the whole wide world when a voice sent a shiver down her spine.

"Guy-sensei! There she is! That wonderful spring lotus that bloomed with only the finest of flowers and fragrances!"

Turning stiffly, Naruto saw Konoha's green beast and his apprentice running towards her.

"What a fine young lady you have found Lee-kun! We must show her the strength of your own youthful blossom!"

"HAI, GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GUY-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

Knowing it was a futile attempt to run, Naruto still turned and ran, if only to prolong the inevitable for a few more moments.

XxXxXxX

_A/N – well that was fun to write! I actually managed to pump this out in a few hours too =) I got a bit stuck about halfway through the chappy but librarycat9's idea came to my rescue. Anyway, hope you all found it as unexpected as possible! I even had a laugh at my own idea. Is that weird? Probably, but damn does it help my writing XD_

_Lanky Nathan_


	10. Chapter 10

_Hey people how are we? I'd like to thank everyone who left a comment last chapter as it made it the most reviewed instalment yet! The love was flowing freely and I appreciate every remark posted. I strive to reply to every review I get too so if I missed you I'm sorry!_

_I'd also like to make special mention of amaranteotaku. This guy gave me one of the greatest reviews I have ever received and as such, I just wana dedicate this chapter of laughs to him =)_

_Right, Tafe is starting to pick up. Fun, but time consuming. Anyway, here ya go. An overdue chapter of the story you all love and dream about =D _

**Chapter 10**

"What a youthful specimen Lee-kun! Look how eagerly she runs!"

"I know Gai-sensei! She truly is the rarest of all springtime flowers!"

"DAMNIT I'M A GUY!"

"She's acknowledging you sensei!"

Dust clouds billowed up through the streets as a streak of orange closely followed by two blurs of green raced through the streets. More than once a civilian was blown over from the air pressure of the speeding ninjas, their limbs flapping as they were gusted away from the street in a confused mess until they smacked up against a building. Naruto hardly noticed though because of the fear the two following youth fanatics induced.

While having a near unrivalled amount of chakra and stamina, the two hunters both had a crazy amount of up-and-go in them too and as such couldn't be shaken easily. With this main problem in mind, Naruto had taken to tipping bins over in front of them to slow their pace. She also took to throwing as many objects back at her pursuers as physically possible, including but not limited to, fruit, clothing, a child's ball, vending stands, rocks, another child's ball, cats, dogs, a Frisbee, sign posts and the occasional surprised civilian. Unfortunately though, the two work out junkies just whooped in delight and vaulted, dodged, ducked and weaved their way around the obstacles. Short of upturning a house, the pair were not stopping.

"We're gaining Lee-kun! We nearly have this fine young lady in our grasp!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Frontflipping over a chair, Naruto gripped the back of it and hucked it backwards at the men, screaming woman and all. Laughing loudly, Gai just soldiered through it, catching the still screaming woman in one arm and letting the chair smash to splinters across his manly chest. Carelessly throwing the lady into the nearest bin, he let out a cry and upped his pace.

"LEE! SHE IS A KEEPER! CATCH HER!"

"HAI! GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

Screaming in frustration, Naruto blotted out the maddening chorus behind her and ducked into an adjacent alleyway. Unfortunately for her, the particular owner of a particular shop chose that exact moment to walk outside, only to be bowled over by a flying blond ball. They rolled several meters before landing on top of each other, nose to nose.

"YOU!"

"Eep!"

Instantly recognising the wretched little child that had kicked a stone through his window the previous day, the furious shopkeeper lunged at the girl.

"Now I got you, you little rat!"

Just as his fingers satisfyingly clamped around the little urchins neck, the same flash of unsightly green momentarily blinded him and had him sitting back rubbing his eyes. Tenderly opening them again, he noticed his pray had disappeared once again. Swearing profusely, he picked himself up only to catch a tomato straight to the bean.

XxXxXxX

"Nice shot Lee!"

"Thankyou sensei! I could never let such an unyouthful man handle this delicate flower in such a manner and get away with it!"

"Yosh! That my cute little Lee-kun!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

Blinking dazedly, Naruto had a disturbing sense of déjà vu as a pair of strong arms carried her through the streets at a ludicrous speed. Instantly struggling out of the grip, she hadn't accounted for the rapid pace and as such smack face first into the ground as soon as her feet touched down. Sliding a good fifteen meters on her face, she heard her kidnappers skid to a stop in front of her, a gasp of shock emanating from both. Raising a groggy and bruised head, the first thing her delicate eyes were treated to were a pair of thick, black, crawling, hairy _things_.

"KYAAAAA FLESH EATING CATERPILLARS!"

Rolling backwards, she couldn't decide whether to feel relieved or not when it just turned out to be both Gai and Lee's enormous eyebrows wriggling in worry. Choosing not to be, Naruto quickly skited over onto all fours and made a desperate attempt at freedom. Just as her fingers dug into the ground though, a strong arm wrapped around her middle and with a grunt from the girl, the blond was easily lifted into the air. Unleashing a more colourful noun, the blond began belting Lee's back in frustration.

"Gai-sensei! Look! A massage from the lady!"

Growling, Naruto did the next best thing and swung a leg downwards. Now, with the leg usually being longer than the torso, Naruto's flailing foot had some extra distance and as such came in solid contact with Lee's more intimate parts. Knocking the wind out of the boy, Lee doubled up but didn't let his prisoner go. At this Naruto screamed in frustration.

"Can't you just go down like any normal guy?"

Instantly standing up straight, Lee managed to shoot her a way too bright smile over his shoulder. "Never fear my beauty! My wonderful teacher also has training that includes working on ones greatest weakness!"

Gai crowed his compliment. "WELL SAID MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT! As men, we cannot afford to have such a blatant weakness! That being said, we have trained our balls to be the most durable balls in all of Konoha!"

Swinging his fist down, Gai smacked himself fair in the Johnson and took it smiling.

"YOSH! GAI-SENSEI!"

Swinging down a fist, Lee also took one to the duffel bags. Flinching only slightly, his teacher smiled.

"Well done Lee-kun! Only a small amount of conditioning to go until you truly obtain, 'The Rocks of Konoha'!"

"HAI, GAI-SENSEI!"

Taking off again at breakneck speed, Naruto could only cup the place her balls usually reside in the one pain telepathically shared by all men.

Well, almost all men.

XxXxXxX

Naruto had well and truly given up trying to escape the two excitable ninja as they simply cried 'youth' every time an attempt was made and treated Naruto's flee as another chance to prove their burning flames to the overwhelmed girl. Finally coming to a stop in some training field, Naruto was dropped onto her behind as the green pair began another chorus from their favourite song. Rubbing her tender bottom, Naruto sighed as the noise escalated into a manly explosion of tears and hugs. Looking up at the glowing duo, Naruto's brain decided to make a rare appearance and began thinking a way out of this.

'Right. Lee has no idea who I am and currently, neither does Gai. Hopefully though, what with being a super power Jounin and all that, he will be able to work out that I'm me and take care of Lee for me. It's just how to explain it..."

Lost in her thoughts, she failed to hear the immense cry of, "BEGIN!" and was treated to an abrupt attack from mini Gai. After a rapid fire combo, a powerful throw lobbed the disgruntled girl high into the air before falling to the ground to begin rolling several times. Bouncing to her feet, arms straight against her side, fists clenched and whole body shaking in fury, the girl gave the grinning pair the most evil, death inducing glare she could manage.

"WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

Looking at her with wide eyes, Gai actually had the gall to look surprised.

"What do you mean, what was that for? Surely you couldn't have missed my explanation!"

Taking one mighty breath of restraint, Naruto looked him square in the eye. "Well, just for a moment, why don't you humour me and pretend I DIDN'T listen to your continuous ramblings for one damn second!"

Either not noticing the insult or choosing to ignore it, Gai smacked her in the face with a classic good-guy pose.

"Very well! I said to my cute student that the best way to judge a person is to fight them! And with you clearly being such a well trained kunoichi, I thought what better way to begin such a youthful romance such as this with a blazing fight of love!"

Turning to face his teacher, Lee looked up at him in awe, tears streaming down his face.

"Gai-sensei! It is truly the most honourable of honours to have you supporting my youthful flames of love so passionately! Who could ask for a better teacher than yourself?"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

Arms open wide, they ran into each other and as they collided, rainbows poured from their bodies the same way a unicorn vomits fairy-floss and stars. Instantly feeling sick, Naruto had the great urge to tear her eyes out with the closest stick but couldn't manage to even look away. After what seemed like an infinity, they finally released each other and Naruto found herself back in control of her body functions again. Dropping to the ground, she covered her eyes, ever so thankful that she DIDN'T own a special bloodline. Remembering team Gai's strongest member, she could only grieve for the Hyuuga prodigy. Poor, poor Neji. No wonder the boy was so bitter and twisted the first time she met him.

After finally having fed the last of the memories to the Kyuubi, Naruto slowly lifted her head and looked at the pair. They were still standing close to one another and smiling broadly at her. Sighing, Naruto pushed herself to her feet.

"Seriously, you two are meant to be together. Why chase me when your soul mate is two steps away."

Not meaning for them to hear, the acute hearing of both ninja picked up the comment clear as day. Naruto was then subjected to being the first person ever to see the pair blush furiously and denying the claim adamantly. Raising an eyebrow, Naruto looked at the flustered pair.

"You seriously heard that? But yeah, anyway, why chase me? You two are so close I'd be surprised there's a married couple alive today that hug as much as you two do. Everyone in town has thought about it atleast once. Not to mention I'm really a _boy_. So what gives?"

Not really understanding the 'I'm a boy' comment, the older man pressed on. "Y-you shouldn't make such claims miss! Lee is a valued student of mine! He is like a son to me! There is no way I would ever consider approaching him for such an unyouthful relationship!"

Lee nodded feverously. "What sensei said! While male company is a great pleasure, a woman's company, such as yourself, fills the gap that no man should fill! So do not fear, I hold no such emotions for my amazing mentor and can focus on such a relationship with you!"

Screaming in frustration, Naruto stomped a foot and pointed an accusing finger at the Jounin.

"Damnit Gai! I thought you would have been smart enough to see who I really am! Didn't my name give away **anything**?"

Pausing for a second, Gai looked down at Lee. "You never told me the name of this fine young flower actually!"

While Naruto face-faulted in the background, Lee smacked a fist into the palm of his hand. "How could I forget! Gai-sensei, I would like you to meet Naruto-chan."

A twinkle went off in Gai's eye. "Naruto, you say?"

Lee nodded. Naruto meanwhile looked up from the ground, hope beginning to blossom in her chest.

"Why, don't you have a friend who is named exactly the same? You should perhaps take her to meet him! It is not every day you find another person named after a noodle ingredient, much less a very pretty girl! Perhaps she may be interested in a walk with you to find him after lunch? I can assure you, Naruto-chan, his youthful flames burn brightly indeed."

Hitting the ground again, Naruto could only cry in frustration. It was damn near word for word what Lee had said yesterday! Punching the ground futilely, Naruto scrapped the man-love idea. It was clear their relationship was so close it was to the point of sharing a brain. Pushing herself to her feet again, she screamed.

"DAMNIT YOU TWO! WORK IT OUT! I-AM-**THE **UZUMAKI NARUTO!"

Unfortunately, the strain of the scream was released from both ends, one in a loud shout, the other in a loud 'Parp'.

Both males present instantly froze when they heard the fart, blushing for the modesty of the fuming girl before them. Casting each other a sidelong glance, they looked back at Naruto.

"Look, I don't care about the fart and I sure as hell don't want sympathy so – "

She was then cut off by duel farts from the men. Blinking owlishly at them, she was rewarded with a nice guy pose.

Gai spoke first. "We couldn't let a lady embarrass herself like that in front of two men! As such, we didn't want you to feel uncomfortable and farted too."

Lee smiled at her as some residue gas squeaked its way out. "Farting is a perfectly normal human function! Nothing to be ashamed about!"

Slapping both hands to her face, Naruto groaned painfully. "Please, you two, I don't care about the fart. I never did before and I don't now. So would you _please, _just let me go?"

Seeing their smiling faces remain unchanging, Naruto began resigning herself to her fate.

'Huh, I guess Neji really was right.'

Fate though, had other ideas. Feeling the familiar tingle in her tummy, Naruto whooped in joy.

"Praise all things good and holy in this world!"

*Bamph*

The stunned look on the men's face was enough to make every bad thing that had happened to him today worthwhile. Laughing uproariously, he pointed at them and promptly collapsed to the ground.

"YOU SHOULD SEE YOURSELVES!"

Rolling around in stitches, Naruto gasped for breath as the two ninja looked on in surprise and confusion. This continued on for several more minute until a still giggling and now hiccupping Naruto sat up, wiping the tears from his eyes. Meanwhile, the teacher and student were busy working out what happened. Seeing their plight, Naruto pushed himself to his feet and walked over to them.

"Can't you see what I meant by I'm a boy now?"

Seeing the blank looks on their faces, he sighed. "I lost control of my Orike no Jutsu and now I'm spending half my time as a girl. Understand?"

Seeing Gai begin nodding, Naruto sighed in the knowledge that this fiasco was over.

"By the Hokage's, I have never seen a _**Kawarimi**_ of such speed before! Naruto-kun, I am sorry but we must be off. Lee!"

The boy snapped to attention. "HAI!"

"We must catch this girl and prove to her your burning passion for her! Such a magnificent woman cannot hold out for long against Konoha's Mighty Green Beasts!"

"HAI, GAI-SENSEI!"

Instantly disappearing in a cloud of dust and the repetitive calling of names, Naruto felt the growing need to punch something innocent as hard as he could muster.

"Perhaps I can get a restraining order from Baachan when I go see her next."

He then remembered her order from earlier and as such, Naruto began trudging towards the Hokage's tower. He knew he was meant to go straight there, but he still hadn't had lunch and after that horrible mess, he thought he was well deserved a bowl or three of ramen. Heading towards the next highlight of his day, Naruto started humming happily.

XxXxXxX

_A/N – Aaaaaaaaand that's a wrap. Sorry for the long wait but I have a bunch of assignments that are sucking because Flash isn't working right and making my life hell. I know it's just because I can't remember what I was taught but still._

_Anyway, hope this is enough of a fix before the next update. Thanks again for reading!_

_Lanky Nathan_


	11. Chapter 11

_Ok people. I officially over tafe and it has only been a month. I know you probably don't care but I'm gona rant to you anyway._

_Basically there are 2 sections to my tafe. Print based and Web based graphic design. Now, I love web based simply because of the things possible with it. So guess which one is most predominant in my final semester? Yup, print. Honestly, I know it's important but it's so damn boring! I really wish there was more animation and stuff like that but nooo... *sigh* ah well._

_If you read that, you just wasted several moments of your life on my own pitiful one. Sorry peeps. If you skipped it, you just saved yourself a sob story and now can get on with this long overdue chapter quicker._

_Enjoy_

**Chapter 11**

Naruto had the dirtiest pout on he could possibly muster. The reason for his extreme displeasure was the blond Hokage before him giggling furiously into her hands in a massively failed attempt to hide her mirth from the boy.

You see, Naruto had come to her with a serious problem he wanted to see fixed in a calm, collected and above all, adult manner. What he got was a lady old enough to be his grandmother barely being able to maintain bladder control.

"Damn it Baa-chan, stop laughing! It's not funny!"

Tsunade let out a very unladylike snort and sniffed up an escaping snot dribble. "Oh yes, I completely understand. We really must do something about this. Having Lee and Gai as fan boys really is a troublesome predicament!"

Instantly falling back into peals of joyous laughter, Naruto ground his teeth together, storing this in his memory for a well deserved prank down the line.

"Come on Baa-chan, let it up already! Seriously, I wana see this fixed! Can you ever say you've been hit on by a pair of hyperactive fitness freaks?"

Tsunade stuck her tongue out and wiped away a tear. "No, can't say I can there Naruto. It must be a strange experience having someone with a man-crush on you."

Naruto stomped his foot. "ENOUGH WITH THE GAY JOKES! Or else I find you a few fan-girls of your own!"

Tsunade waved a hand at him. "While gross, it doesn't have the same humour so don't bother."

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Depends from what angle you're looking at it from."

Tsunade shrugged. "Meh, do you worst."

Naruto's eyes thinned evilly. "I plan to."

Ignoring the threat, Tsunade carried on. "Anyway, so you want a restraining order placed on Lee and Gai, correct?"

"Not want Baa-chan, need! Life is one consistent fear with them around!"

Tsunade raised a curious eyebrow. "Need? Naruto, this is Gai and Lee. While strange, they would never hurt a fly... a friend fly atleast."

Naruto shook his head in terror. "You obviously haven't been subjected to one of their 'youth' moments then." Naruto shuddered. "It is easily one of the scariest things I have ever witnessed."

Tsunade nodded sagely. "From what I've heard, one of the very few genjutsu's that actually managed to bring down Yuuhi Kurenai. I'm impressed."

Naruto's eyes widened. "It even brought down Kurenai-sensei? And I lived through it... I must be immortal..."

A thump to his head brought him to the ground and back to his senses. "No, you most definitely are not Naruto. You're just durable."

She then handed his a piece of paper. "Take this to Shizune. She'll see to it that it gets filed and the green duo are notified about it."

Rubbing his head, he gave the old lady a smile. "Well, thanks. Looks like you came around after all!"

He dodged the flying stapler and sent the Hokage a cheery wave before trotting out the door.

XxXxXxX

Naruto left Shizune's room in a huff. Having read what was being lodged, the brunette instantly burst into peals of laughter before shooing him back out to see Tsunade again. Her high pitched chortle followed Naruto the whole way back to Tsunade's room and with a satisfied slam of the door, finally stopped the noise. Huffing lightly, he turned back to face the older lady and grunted at her. Hearing the noise, Tsunade looked up happily.

"Good. I was hoping you would still be a boy. Right, time for the second round of tests."

She dragged out the ultrasound again and pointed at her desk. "Sit."

Naruto did as instructed and crossed his arms, still very unhappy at being laughed at so much. "Shirt off."

Naruto looked up at her. "But why? You're just gona scan my tummy again yeah? I didn't need to take my shirt off last time."

Tsunade just pointed at his top. "Off! I'm gona be scanning up over your chest this time so you need to be topless."

Grumbling, Naruto complied and tossed the shirt to the ground. "Now what?"

"Now you be quiet and go into your little box of nothing while I study you for a bit."

"But – "

"NOW."

Grumbling again, Naruto quickly turned off. Sighing happily at the quiet, Tsunade set to work. Quickly lathering up his torso, Tsunade set to scanning him. As she expected, he had no remnants of anything female to be found.

'What the hell is causing this? This kind of total transformation is unheard of. It's a shame he doesn't have control over this as it could be a fantastic infiltration technique.'

Looking up at the vacant eyed boy, a smile tugged the corners of her mouth. Looking back down at his tummy, she poked the probe into his belly button.

"Naruto, channel some chakra, would you?"

She got a lazy grunt and a light blue haze encompassed the boy. Watching the screen, she sighed as nothing happened. What she needed was for Naruto to swap genders there so she could record the results. Looking up, she decided she could risk it.

"Say Naruto, would you please use your Orike no Jutsu for me?"

Naruto came back from his box and looked at her. "Huh? Why?"

Tsunade waved the probe around. "I want to see what happens inside you when you change."

Naruto nodded and formed the seal. He then paused though, and began looking around.

"Hold up, I just wana grab my shirt."

Tsunade pushed him back down. "No, still no shirt. I need to see everything."

The two blonds locked eyes for a moment and silence reigned supreme.

"Tsunade Baa-chan's a pervert."

Eye twitching, the lady slammed a hand down on the solid desk. "Now listen here you little brat, if I wanted to be going and peeking at boobs, you don't think that I wouldn't just go down to the baths?"

Naruto shook his head. "Everyone knows you stopped going to the public baths for fear of Ero-Sennin getting his leach on."

Tsunade growled and grabbed a handful of her own chest. "Well why would I want to look at your flat chest then anyway? I got more here than you could ever create."

Naruto shrugged. "Everyone knows looking at yourself isn't the same. And at your age, I wouldn't put it past you to hunt down fresh eye candy."

Tsunade gasped indignantly. "What? What the hell have you been drinking to go and start thinking that stuff? Seriously, has someone been telling you things?"

She then smacked the top of his head. "AND I'M NOT OLD!"

Growling, Naruto rubbed the sore spot. "Whatever. You can't fool me. I seen you checkin' out Shizune-neechan."

Now, at that previously mentioned time, Shizune had dropped something onto her top and had stained her front, so Tsunade was trying to discretely work out what it was so she could tease her about it later. Try telling that to Naruto now though.

"Damnit brat that is totally out of context!"

Naruto looked at her suspiciously. "That's what everyone says when they get caught doing something pervy."

Growling, Tsunade pushed Naruto down onto his back and glared at him, lacing it with a mild dose of killing intent. "You listen up you little rug rat. The only reason I haven't thrown you into the forest of death from here is because I need to find out what is going on with your body when it changes. Being a doctor means I have to look at rude bits from time to time. You should be thanking your lucky stars I didn't order a gynaecology assessment for you!"

Naruto looked at her curiously. "Gynae...cology?"

Tsunade leaned in with an evil gleam in her eye. "Yeah. It means an assessment of – " She flicked her eyes down to Naruto's crotch and back up again. " – down there. While you're a girl."

Naruto swallowed.

"And you wana know the worst bit?"

Naruto shook his head.

"They go _inside_ for the inspection."

"NOOOOOOO!"

Instantly curling up in a ball, Naruto cupped his hands lower than usual and started crying.

"No, no, no I don't want one! I don't wana!"

Smoothing him out on the desk, Tsunade held him flat, one hand on his chest, the other on his legs. "Well, do as I say or else."

Without a second warning, her hands disappeared into a cloud of smoke and a soft bump appeared under her hand.

"Good boy Naruto. That's what I wanted."

When the smoke cleared, she was felled with the power of the horrified gaze that hit her.

"YOU SO _ARE_ A PERVERT!"

Realising that what she said coupled with where her hand was could lead to some very unwanted reactions; she did the only thing a Hokage could do. Just as Naruto was about to scream again, she tapped the girls skull and instantly knocked her out. Sighing in relief, Tsunade then got to work on the _finally _silent girl before her.

Quickly running the scanner up over Naruto's breasts, Tsunade frowned. 'Instantaneous transformation. The breast tissue is all fully formed and functional, assuming it was needed. It's like she was never a boy."

Quickly grabbing a syringe, she drained a small amount of blood from her patient and bottled it. 'That will see just how far this transformation affects her, if it's just physical or actually a genetic change.'

Moving down to Naruto's lower stomach, Tsunade frowned at the screen. 'Yup, the beginnings of female internals. Not all there, but if the rate of complete transformation is to be judged, Naruto will be a full girl by tomorrow. Good thing Jiraiya will be here then... I think..."

Packing up the device, Tsunade then threw Naruto's jacket back on her and then splashed her face with the nearest liquid.

"YUCKY!"

Instantly rubbing the burning sake from her face, Naruto eventually looked up at the Hokage with badly blood shot eyes.

"What was that for?"

Tsunade shrugged. "You know I never have water in here and that sake was old and needing to be thrown at someone anyway."

Grumbling to herself, Naruto pulled her top back on. "Thanks for nothing Ero-Baa-chan."

"Eh?"

"Nothing..."

"Good."

Tsunade then returned to her chair and sat down with a sigh. "Ok Naruto, you can change back into a boy now."

Nodding, the girl clasped her hands and concentrated. Nothing happened. She then looked at the older lady.

"Nothing happened."

Frowning, Tsunade bit her lip. 'That cannot be good. _Very_ not good."

She looked back up at Naruto. "Ok, I think I know what is happening. Whatever it is that has taken control of your jutsu is actually changing you into a girl. Permanently I fear."

Naruto's eyes doubled in size and she opened her mouth for a powerful scream. "I DON'T WANA BE A GIRL! TSUNADE BAA-CHAN, HELP MEEEEEEE!"

Naruto was quickly decked with a harsh slap across the back of her head.

"Shut up Naruto, I was getting to that. When I just checked you, you were more a girl than when I checked you last. I think you using chakra has something to do with speeding up the process too. So until Jiraiya gets back, I order you not to use any chakra at all. You follow that order, or you turn into a girl faster. It's easy as that."

Hanging her head, Naruto sighed. Why did this stuff always have to happen to him... her? Nodding her understanding, she slowly got up and trudged towards the door. Having pity on the troubled youth, Tsunade called out to her.

"Here, have a free ramen coupon. I know you're doing it tough so go spoil yourself."

Smiling a bit, Naruto took the ticket and gave the Hokage a little wave. "Thanks Baa-chan. I'll do that."

Closing the door behind her, Tsunade began biting on her nail. Naruto was NEVER that subdued about free ramen so this must be really affecting her. Leaning back into her chair, the blond looked over backwards and out the window.

"Jiraiya, you better get back here quickly. Naruto's in a bit of trouble."

XxXxXxX

_A/N – yeah, kinda serious update, I know. But never fear, more humour will return next chapter!_

_I'd also like to thank everyone for the reviews. They really make my day. __Anyway, that's me out. Hopefully the next chapter isn't so damn far away. Until then my loyal fans!_

_Lanky Nathan_


	12. Chapter 12

_Good day all my readers! I decided to do shout outs cause I'm awesome and so are these people. _

_This chapter goes to thisismedealwithit. They specifically asked for... well, you gotta read to find out, but yeah, they asked, and thusly, they shall receive._

_Next up is Kurtulmak. This fine person gave me a well rounded review as well as a little clip around the ear to tell me to shut up and write and forget trolling for reviews and basically remember why I started writing (for the enjoyment). Thanks for that mate, you brought me back to earth. _

_Shiso Kitsune has been lurking around throwing me reviews here and there for a while now so I'd just like to throw a shout-out back. I got your back if you got mine... *looks around suspiciously for any angry fans* (If you wana understand this, just read the review S.K. left in the previous chapter)_

_A special mention goes out to Orannis4 for being my 100__th__ reviewer! Whether it was planned or lucky coincidence, this fine fellow has been following me for a while now and so I'm happy to have O' as my number 100._

_And finally, I gotta do the biggest shout out to amaranteotaku. She has been throwing me confidence boosting reviews left, right and center for the last few months and just happened to leave one in chapter 11 that gave me fuzzy feelings in my tummy. Such love! So thank you very much for the continuing support and I'll do my best to keep you entertained. _

_And with that epic intro done, I now allow you to continue on with the bit you actually came here to read._

**Chapter 12**

"SAAAAAAAASUKE-KUUUUUUUUUUN!"

Sweat burned as it dripped into his eyes, his lungs screamed at him from lack of oxygen, his legs buckled at the knees in fear and his whole body felt as sturdy as a wet noodle and yet he kept running. A scarce glimpse over his shoulder confirmed that the rising dust cloud was only getting bigger as the monster grew in size. Balling his fist and grunting in exertion, Sauske dipped his head and forced himself to run even faster. Being the last Uchiha and the epitome of cool and all that sure had its let downs.

XxXxXxX

Naruto was traipsing along unhappily kicking stones as she went. She was mostly ignored as the villages didn't recognise her, but Naruto herself didn't notice the lack of glares and whispers. Seriously, turning into a girl was the last thing she wanted! Like, not that there was anything wrong with them but it's just... you know... there all soft and... like flowers and... and are... are just _girls_. In any case, being a girl sucked and Naruto couldn't want anything less than this. Sighing again, she continued kicking the hapless rock until a faint rumble in the distance made her look up.

She spied a rising dust cloud that was rapidly growing closer with every second passing. Whenever such an occurrence happened, it could only mean one thing.

Sasuke.

And his screaming legion of fangirls too.

In other words, the perfect opportunity to have a laugh in an otherwise completely miserable day. Quickly running towards the noise, Naruto spied a shop with the perfect view of the mayhem. Dashing in, she settled herself down in the doorway, half her face peeking out. Her little smile grew in proportionate with the growing noise; the excitement building. Her eyes then twinkled as she saw Sasuke round the street corner at high speed. A chuckle then emerged as she watched the Uchiha bolt down the street as the screaming masses of female rounded the corner after him.

Seeing the wide eyed look of panic of his face was too much for Naruto and the girl collapsed in a laughing fit, rolling around as the memory was played over and over in her head. Looking up through the tears, she then noticed that the black smudge of an Uchiha was rapidly growing. Wiping her eyes, she took another look. It wasn't so much that he was growing, it's just he was getting closer, and fast. Her eyes then widened as she realised where he was headed. She started scrambling to try and get out of the way but to no avail. Sasuke careered in through the door, tripped over the blond bump beneath his feet and sent the both of them down in a tangled mess.

Cringing in pain, Sasuke looked back down and saw behind him a blond girl nursing a bruised side from where he kicked her.

'Oh no... not another one...'

The reaction though was far more favourable than he could have imagined.

"Damnit Teme, watch out where you're going! That hurt!"

"Naruto?"

His brilliant mind started whirring as he factored in the new variable. He saw the girls rapidly closing in. He saw the back door too far away to reach in time. He saw Naruto was a girl.

He saw a plan.

"OI!"

With a startled shout, Naruto was dragged up and bustled out of the shop by a determined Sasuke.

XxXxXxX

"W... what?"

One girl of the Sasuke fan mass noticed something. A heartbreaking something. No, it was worse than a heartbreak. Uchiha Sasuke was walking out of that shop with a _girl_ on his arm! She was even resting her head on his shoulder as they walked!

The mob screeched to a stop and looked on with wide eyes at the totally impossible scene. Sasuke, their Sasuke, was walking with some blond girl! Instantly surrounded, Sasuke looked around cautiously at the varying emotions displayed. Horror, despair, betrayal, devastation and anger were just a few he picked up as he tried to move forward.

"Uhhhh... what? Teme, what the hell did you knock me out for?"

Eyes numbering in what seemed thousands instantly fell on the girl by Sasuke's side, now nursing her head. A moment of silence passed before a roar of disapproval erupted from the crowd.

"YOU CANNOT TALK TO SASUKE-SAMA LIKE THAT!"

"HOW DARE THAT LITTLE SLUT SAY SUCH A THING MASTER UCHIHA! THE NERVE!"

"SKANK!"

"WE SHOULD STRING THAT LITTLE BLOND WHORE UP BY HER TOES AND BEAT HER LIKE A PINATA!"

"SHAVE HER HEAD!"

As one can imagine, those were the nicer of the insults that instantly bombarded Naruto. Still not totally back from unconsciousness, Naruto just grabbed onto the supporting arm tighter and clenched her eyes shut, hoping that the arm would shoo away all the noise. Instead, the noise paused for a moment before exploding into an even louder volume, the air filled with death threats, suicide threats and arson threats at the sight of Naruto clinging on tightly to a now slightly blushing Sasuke.

Quickly though, the noise became too much for the last Uchiha.

"SHUT **UP!"**

Silence instantly followed with a faint 'up... up... up...' echoing in the distance. Naruto, now wondering if she had been killed or not, tentatively opened one eye and looked around. What she saw was a ring of girls of all ages looking on in shock. Following their eyes, she looked up and saw a heavily breathing Sasuke standing above her.

'Why am I so close to the teme?'

Following his body down, Naruto then realised that it was actually Sasuke's arm that she had been clinging to so tightly. With a scream, she let go and dropped to her behind before scrabbling away from him.

"What the hell Sasuke?"

Instantly, the eyes dropped to Naruto and the girl froze under the weight of killing intent focused at her. One or two civilians don't have all that much strength behind their gaze, but multiply that by a hundred and things start getting serious. Totally ignoring them though, Sasuke walked across to Naruto and tenderly picked her up. Totally shocked, Naruto didn't offer any resistance as her 'saviour' gently dusted her down.

"Are you ok, Naruko-chan?"

"What the f-"

With a sharp pull, Sasuke had pulled Naruto in close and buried his face into her hair, right beside her ear. He then began whispering into the disgusted blond's ear.

"Shut up dobe, I don't like this any more than you do. Less even. The ONLY reason I am doing this is to get rid of this plague that follows me everywhere. Now be quiet and play along and I'll buy you an all you can eat seat at that ramen place of yours."

Naruto then stiffened as Sasuke started running a loving hand up and down her lower back. As impossible as it sounded, Naruto was still seriously tossing up if even ramen was worth this. She shuddered as Sasuke nuzzled into her neck a little more. Realising she probably wouldn't get out of this alive any other way, Naruto decided to make a compromise.

"You make that a week's worth of free ramen, plus some one on one time with Kakashi and you have yourself a deal."

Growling unhappily, Sasuke nodded. Trying his best not to puke, he pulled himself from the blond locks he had his face buried in and looked around. The reaction was even better than he could have dreamed.

Every single one of the girls jaws were touching the ground and their eyes were so wide Sasuke guessed that the only thing holding their eye balls in was the optic nerve. Taking a cautious step forward, he suppressed a repulsed shiver and grabbed Naruto's hand. He heard the girl stifle a gag and stiffly step forward too.

Taking a shaky breath, Sasuke tried to keep his voice as steady as possible. "O-ok girls. You need to stop chasing me around now. This is Naruko...chan... and we are d... da... *cough* we're daaaat... *sigh* we're dating."

Naruto visibly wilted at the name Sasuke gave her but weathered it, all the while chanting, "Weeks free ramen, Weeks free ramen, Weeks free ramen."

One irate girl though stepped forward and pointed accusingly at Naruto. "Whatever! I totally deserve to be your girlfriend so much more than that flat-chested bimbo! I've been chasing you since before the academy, but I have never even seen her attempt to get you once!"

Sasuke growled at her tenacity and took a menacing step forward. "Whether you have seen her or not before doesn't matter. She passed the academy test, you didn't. She _does_ have breasts, you don't. And the reason why I chose her is because she didn't chase me!"

Naruto just picked up the tempo of 'weeks free ramen' and desperately tried not to think about Sasuke staring at her chest. He wasn't of course, but every other girl in the vicinity was.

"I must admit, he's right."

"Is that what Sasuke-sama really likes in a girl?"

"I thought he liked long hair? Maybe he likes both..."

"I hope I get big boobs one day so Sasuke-kun will look at me."

"I bet their fake."

Watching the now mortified girl slink back into the crowd covering her chest, Sasuke allowed a smirk of success. This was going perfectly.

Of course though, 'Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, at the worst possible time', as quoted by Edward Murphy. Now was no exclusion. Another brass girl then stepped forward and smiled evilly at them.

"I haven't even seen her before. None of us have! For all we know, she could be a he! So prove it."

Sasuke's eyes widened and Naruto's chanting picked up speed again.

"P-prove it?"

The girl nodded. "Yup! Kiss her. Show us that you aren't just trying to pull another one over us."

Instantly the blood drained from Sasuke's face as he turned to face the still mumbling girl attached to his hand. Nothing he thought of ended up working.

On one hand, he could tell all those evil creatures to rack off and mind their own business. That wouldn't work though because they never listened before and that would just prove to them that the 'Naruko' and Sasuke pair was false. An added downside to that was that he was now stuck in the middle of a ring of girls and even with his speed, he wouldn't be able to avoid that many bodies.

On the other hand, he could kiss Naruto and be done with it. But. It was Naruto. It didn't matter how girly she currently looked, Naruto was still a boy. He'd already accidentally kissed him once and that was one far too many times by anyone's taste. Turning to face the blond, Sasuke's mind shut down. It was all a loss. All a loss...

The next thing though came as a total surprise. While Naruto had been chanting externally, internally her mind had been running a mile a minute. There was NO way in hell that she was kissing Sasuke and she did not want to lose that week of ramen and Kakashi. So quickly steeling herself, she pulled Sasuke in close. She purposely pressed his arm in-between her breasts and wriggled around slightly to increase the effect. The result was instantaneous as Sasuke instantly hit levels of red unknown and all the girls dropped their jaws for the second time that day.

"Oh come now. We don't need to kiss to prove anything. Besides, we're saving that for tonight, aren't we, Sasuke-kuuuuuun~!"

"WHAT THE F-"

Instantly copying the Uchiha's previous move, Naruto pulled his head close and pretended to nibble on Sasuke's ear.

"Shut up! There is absolutely NO amount of ramen on this world that would make me kiss you again! And seeming you were so dumbstruck, I decided to do things my way. You play along and we'll hopefully be out of here soon enough, no kissing."

Leaning back, Naruto put on a false smile and gently blew into Sasuke's ear, eliciting a rush of goosebumps down the boys back.

Trailing her hand down his cheek, 'Naruko' played with a loose hair strand hanging down the Uchiha's brow. She put on an adorable pout and looked up at Sasuke disappointedly. "Would you really allow these big, mean girls to ruin our night?"

A clammy sweat broke out all over the boy but he swallowed the enormous lump in his throat and stiffly shook his head.

Naruto's reaction was immediate. Her enormously cute eyes widened exponentially, her smile stretched and her boobs bounced happily as she jumped onto the frozen boys arm, trapping it between them again.

"Yay! Thanks Ducky-kun! I knew you wouldn't let them destroy our night together!"

Sasuke looked down at Naruto in horror. "Ducky-kun?"

All the girls looked at Naruto in envy. "Ducky-kun?"

Naruto smiled brightly and beamed it around at the girls. "Yup! Who else has such an adorable hairstyle that looks just like the fluffy bottom of a cute lil ducky?"

She played with the back of Sasuke's hair while the boy twitched violently. Naruto squee'd at the softness. "SO CUTE!"

Thoroughly grossed out and in need of a serious shower, Sasuke grabbed Naruto's hand and quickly led the charge back towards the Uchiha state. All the girls robotically parted as they stared on in shock as the pair rushed through them.

Naruto's then let out a travelling squeal and giggle, making everyone blush as the words reached them. "My, you want to do this already Ducky-kun? Just be gentle ok? It's my first time!"

Bile filled Sasuke's mouth but he quickly swallowed it back down with a dangerous thought. 'As soon as we get to my home dobe I am killing you. I swear on my family's honour!'

As they passed the last of the girls, Naruto turned back and looked at the stunned group. She let out a high pitched giggle and pulled down one eyelid.

"Maybe next time honey!"

XxXxXxX

_A/N – Wow that was a really easy chapter to write. Fun too! I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did too =D I do have a reason for writing this chapter the way I did too and that will be explained in the next one. For now though, I hope you had your fix of laughs and I shall see you next time!_

_Lanky Nathan_

_P.S. If anyone picks up any mistakes I missed, let me know yeah? _


	13. Chapter 13

_Well that was annoying... This update is later than it should have been because FF has been giving me this damn error the last few days that doesn't allow me to update any of my stories. I duno if it's only me or a widespread thing but it drove me barmy cause I wanted this up! Anyway, atleast it's ok now "deep breaths* but first..._

_Wow, I gotta say that I was bowled over by the response for the last chapter. Over 30 reviews and 10 communities! Really, thank you everyone who thought this story good enough to comment. It really made my day. It was also enough to tip it over into being my most reviewed story *cheers* party at my place!_

_For anyone who is worried as well, this is NOT a NaruSasu. I cannot stand yaoi and that is one of my most hated parings. So you can let out that breath you were holding._

_On another note, I thought it would be funny to say how popular pure smut is. I read a 6 chapter story... well, half of the first chapter anyway, that had absolutely appalling grammar and no flow to the story other than a rabid half man, half girl Naruto who just sexed everything in sight. It also had 200+ reviews from people just screaming for more pairings. It was quite a laugh at how desperate(?) some readers are for sleaze. I duno if anyone else finds it as strange and/or as funny as me but meh, I thought it was a riot. ^.^_

_Anyway, that's my little observation done. TIME FOR MORE STORY!_

**Chapter 13**

Naruto was actually beginning to trip over her own feet with how fast Sasuke was pulling her along. Growling, she tugged a bit on her arm.

"Oi! Slow down! We got away now so you can stop with the sprinting!"

Sasuke just pulled back, making Naruto stumble badly. "Shut your gaping hole! I don't care what you think!"

And in an unexpected moment, Naruto did. Sasuke was still too livid to notice but Naruto was really shocked with herself. It actually hurt something within her to hear that! While most of her concentration went to not falling down, a small part of her mind was having a little war with herself.

'What the hell? Why didn't I tell him to get over it or something? And what is that annoying nag in my stomach?'

Frowning in confusion, Naruto punched herself in her gut. Nope, that was a different pain. So what was this other one?

'What is wrong with me?'

'Sasuke told me to shut up...'

Naruto's eyes widened to enormous proportions. Digging her heels in, she instantly dragged a surprised Sasuke to a stop. Turning around, the boy gave Naruto an angry glare and tugged on her arm.

"Come ON!"

Naruto didn't budge and just looked at Sasuke in horror. "No freaking way..."

Sasuke scowled at Naruto and got right up in her face. "'No freaking way' what?"

Naruto shook her head and refused to look up at her taller companion. "I think I'm gona be sick..."

"Fine."

Scooping Naruto up onto his shoulder with a surprised squeak, Sasuke took off, intent on getting back to his home and then murdering Naruto quietly for his public humiliation. The whole way there though, the girl couldn't stop thinking, 'What is going on with me?'

XxXxXxX

Dumping Naruto onto her behind, Sasuke quickly went back and locked the door in preparation for the maiming. Naruto just rubbed her backside and absently thought that girls must have really tough bottoms if they get dropped on their backsides anything near as much as she did. Looking up, she saw Sasuke lock the door and turn around with a glint in his eye. That was when Naruto realised something bad was going to happen. Moving back slowly, Naruto didn't take her eyes off the boy.

"So... what now hey? Now that I helped you escape with no kissing or anything..."

Sasuke just started stalking towards her in anger. Naruto took it a different way.

"S-Sasuke?"

Shaking his head, the boy growled. "After that little stunt you pulled back there, I'm simply repaying the offer. This is going to hurt."

Naruto's eyes widened as she began piecing things together. Naruto 'teasing' Sasuke. Naruto frustrating Sasuke. Naruto insinuating more to come later with Sasuke. Sasuke now advancing on her like a predator... naturally, she came to the wrong conclusion.

Screaming in unparallel horror, Naruto instantly jumped to her feet and ran for the door. She slammed into the door at high speed and struggled to pull it open, screaming shrilly all the while.

While still wanting to cause the girl much physical pain, this new behaviour confused the boy. He was expecting Naruto to atleast scream at him and offer up a bit of a fight, not just turn into a shrieking mess. Clamping his hands over his ears as Naruto hit a particularly shrill note, Sasuke shouted to be heard over the noise.

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM NOW?"

Naruto turned around with fear filled eyes and boomed back at him, "DON'T YOU DARE RAPE ME!"

Colour instantly drained from the boys face and he stumbled back as Naruto returned to trying to unlock the door. Quickly regaining control over himself, Sasuke charged up to the blond and grabbed her shoulders. Spinning her around, he then unleashed a furious punch across Naruto's face, promptly knocking her out before she could start screaming again. Dropping the girl, Sasuke staggered back to the back wall and slumped down against it. He gripped his head in confusion as he struggled to figure everything out.

"What the hell came over him... her? Boy or girl, it's still Naruto! That's just nasty! What honestly gave him that idea?"

Sighing, he leant back and took a few calming breaths before looking across to the now peaceful girl. The quickly forming bruise on her face though made him chuckle. Granted, he wanted to beat her down worse than that, but he knocked her out with just one punch and that felt pretty damn good. Besides, after that fiasco, Sasuke knew he had to work things out with his crazy blond team mate or else there would be some hectic repercussions. Hearing a low groan emit from the downed girl, Sasuke sighed again. Hopefully that punch knocked some sense into her.

"Ohhhh..."

He watched Naruto sit up holding her head, cringing when her fingers brushed against the bruise.

"W...where is he? Oh... oh I think..."

Sasuke's eyes widened when he heard a sniffle. No way, this was not happening. His keen ears picked up the tiny splat of a little drop of water hitting the floor. Apparently, way.

A sob filled the room and then within seconds, Sasuke had a balling Naruto to deal with. Normally in such an instance, he would have run away as fast as he could manage but this time, the object of his detest was in his actual home.

Frowning over the noise, he struggled to understand what was happening. Naruto was taking this whole 'being a girl' thing way too far. He looked over when the note changed. Naruto was now huddled down in a tiny ball, sobbing into her arms. Maybe if he could atleast get Naruto to see reason, he could make progress. Standing up, he quickly walked over.

XxXxXxX

In Naruto's head, there were WAY too many things going on for her to deal with. On one hand, her brain was screaming at her, telling her to suck it up and quit crying, not to mention it was _Sasuke_ that she was crying about. But on the other hand... there was this weird feeling, much like her brain was turning into mush. It felt soft and emotional and afraid and... and _girly._ And when that part of her brain heard the footsteps coming towards her, it completely freaked out.

Jumping up, Naruto screamed again and started banging on the wall in a futile attempt to break out. Sasuke had had more than enough and with a growl, he grabbed his teammate and spun her around and slammed her into the wall. He then clamped a hand over her mouth and then positively deafened the girl.

"**NARUTO, GET A GRIP OF YOURSELF!"**

Her wide eyes flickered around and her chest heaved violently as she hyperventilated, desperate for escape. Unfortunately for her, Sasuke had no experience in tactful explanations and as such received another hard thud into the wall.

"Dude! What the hell is wrong with you? You're acting worse than Sakura!"

That statement thankfully managed to sink into Naruto far enough to calm the girl. While her eyes were still wide, they weren't as frantic as before and her breathing was more controlled. Sasuke looked at her with a stern gaze and cocked an eyebrow.

"Ok, now, I'm gona let you go so you can tell me what the hell is going on alright? You scream again though and I'll punch you so hard you grandkids will be bruised."

Naruto nodded sighed as Sasuke let go of the girl. Dropping to the floor, Naruto gripped her head and cursed. Sasuke allowed her a minute before interrupting the moment.

"So... what the hell was that back there? Rape? Where the hell did you get that from?"

Naruto shook her head violently and took a few deep breaths. Finally calming herself, she looked up at Sasuke and frowned.

"Look about that... sorry. You will never hear that again but there you go. I honestly duno where that came from but. Like... it was this weird overpowering fear I couldn't control. It was so dumb but! It was totally... um..."

"Irrational?"

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, that. The whole time I was like, get over it! But this stupid fear just wouldn't go away!"

Sasuke frowned. "So what does that mean?"

Naruto shrugged. "Duno but I don't like it. Tsunade Baa-chan said I'm turning more into a girl with each change so that might have something to do with it."

Sasuke swallowed. He did not want another fan girl, especially one who knew everything about him. He then came up with an idea to check if things were really going the way they feared.

"Right. I got an idea to check if you're girling out on me. I say a word; you say the first thing that pops into your mind. Easy."

Naruto nodded slowly. "Ok... so how will this help?"

Sasuke sighed. "If you say stuff that's girly we'll know you're changing."

Naruto bopped a fist into her palm. "Ah. Got ya."

Sasuke nodded. "Right. We'll start with something easy. Sakura."

Naruto's eyes lit up. "Babe."

Sasuke sighed again but nodded. "Predictable, but a good start. Kakashi."

"Pervert."

"Sasuke."

"Bastard."

"Hokage."

"Me."

"Ramen."

"God's gift to mankind."

"Kiba."

"Smells."

"Kunai."

"Stabbing."

"Gaara."

"Psycho."

"Konoha."

"Home."

"Hinata."

"Closet pervert."

Sasuke sent Naruto a weird look.

"Neji?"

"Whooped his ass."

"Flowers."

"Pretty."

Sasuke paused.

"Shopping."

"Clothes."

"Bed."

"Soft toys."

"Dirt."

"Gritty."

"Orange."

"Tacky."

Both their eyes widened immensely as Naruto slapped her hands over her mouth. She then took to shaking her head while shouting, "I'M A BOY! I LIKE ORANGE AND MUD AND GIRLS AND ROLLING IN DIRT AND PORN AND SPORTS AND GRAFFITI!"

Sasuke frowned as he seriously considered something. Looking up at the frustrated girl, he waved at her to grab her attention.

"Hey Naruto, what do you think?"

Sasuke then struck his usual brooding pose that he knew attracted women like vultures.

Naruto instantly squeed.

They then both paused in shock before Naruto started clawing at the door in renewed vigour. "Get me out of here! Damnit I want out!"

Sasuke paled considerably and really felt like he needed a little lie down. It was then though that Naruto flinched and a puff of smoke went off. Coughing, Sasuke waved a hand in front of him to clear the air. He heard a manly shout from within the smoke and was instantly tackled by a much more solid Naruto.

"YES! POWER TO THE MAN!"

He then punched Sasuke in the gut and jumped off him, leaving the Uchiha rather winded on the floor.

"Yes! Punching stuff is fun!"

He then farted brutally.

"Disgusting! I love it!"

He then grabbed his top and started making out with it lovingly.

"Oh sweet, beautiful, vibrant, sleek and sexy orange! I will never bad mouth you ever again, I promise! It's a promise of a life time!"

He then jumped through the nearest window and landed in the dirt outside. He began rolling around in it, creating one huge dust cloud. When he emerged, he was now a dull brown.

"Yes, dirt! Natures cleaning agent!"

Raising his eyebrows, Naruto remembered something. Stretching his pants open, he looked down them. He grinned broadly.

"YES! IT'S ALL THERE AGAIN!"

He jumped around a bit and watched everything else jump around in time. He let his pants go with a snap and then patted his flat chest.

"Woo! Pecs!"

His eyes then lit up and taking a deep breath, he shouted down the street as loud as he could.

"What kind of bee's harvest milk?"

He paused for a few seconds for added effect.

"Boo-bees!"

Naruto then began laughing uproariously and collapsed into the dirt again.

"Yes! Manly jokes! I love them!"

He then started swinging his arms and legs and made a dirt angle. Jumping up, he shook himself like a dog and sneezed when all the dust went up his nose. Feeling something solid come forward, he blocked a nostril, tilted his head back and blew as hard as he could. The chakra boosted booger flew down the street and out of sight.

Raising his arms high in the air, Naruto bounded down the street, singing loudly, "I AM A MAN! I AM A MAN! SOMEONE BRING ME A BEER!"

As his energetic form disappeared down the street Sasuke struggled to the door and pulled it open. Clutching his gut, Sasuke growled and spat in the direction Naruto took.

"He is never coming back here again so long as I live."

XxXxXxX

_A/N – and that is another chapter done. It was a bit tricker to write and I'm not 100% happy with it. The second half was heaps easier to write though, probably because it was more focused on manly stuff._

_And just so I don't get any cranky comments, I couldn't care less about male domination and all that stuff. I believe there are strong women out there, but just for the sake of this chapter, Naruto is how he is as a girl and is as he is as a boy. I mean, this is a pretty weird time for him so everything he does is gona be extreme. So don't take it personally._

_With that then, it's time for me to go._

_Kthanksbye._

_Lanky Nathan_


	14. Chapter 14

_Hey peeps. Seeming I was locked out of FF and had nothing to do, I wrote the next chapter faster. It's also a bit longer because I love you all and stuff but mostly because I wanted to set this chapter up for some real mayhem. How lucky are you guys huh, huh?_

_Aaaaaaand START_

**Chapter 14**

"MAN, MAN, MAN, MAN, MAN!"

Naruto was stomping through the streets singing loudly and horribly off key as he positively glowed in his re-found manliness. Civilians were glaring at him in distaste; the demon boy now being even louder. One particularly crank old lady threw an old shoe in his direction. Naruto noticed and turned to find out who it belonged to. He saw the woman glaring holes through him. Feeling way too good about himself to just let it slide like all other times, he sent her a big false smile and picked up the shoe.

"May I be led to believe this shoe is yours?"

The old lady snarled at him. "Damn right it's mine! You're making all this horrible racket, disturbing the peace more than normal and I cannot stand for it!"

Naruto cocked his head at the screaming children playing ball no further than 10 meters away.

"Perhaps you should sit down then because there's a whole lot more noise than just me around. Turn your selective hearing aid off and look around. Those kids over there are making twice the noise I am. So why don't you crawl back into that little shop of yours and go count the floorboards because I have so many better things to do right now than listen to one cranky old bat."

The woman started frothing in fury at being spoken to like that. Several other shop keepers and bystanders stood up too.

"H-how dare you! You cannot speak to me like that! Shinobi or not, you need to learn your place!"

There was a mumble of agreement through the crowd. Naruto just shrugged and started walking away. "My place is protecting happy people from bitter old fossils like you."

The crowd instantly circled around him menacingly. One large citizen stepped up, looking down his nose at the boy. "You do realise we can write out an official complaint that can have you reprimanded and sent back to the academy. I suggest you watch what you say boy."

Naruto looked up at him disinterestedly. "I'm sorry. You must not understand vast amount of damn I do not give."

The man growled at him and raised a hand. "Watch yourself boy. You might bite off more than you can chew."

Naruto laughed. "Yeah, maybe one day. But at the moment, all I see is a bunch of overconfident airbags threatening Konoha's demon. I'm pretty sure that would go down well in my favour."

He gave them all a smile, just allowing enough chakra to lengthen his canines a tad.

'Surely that tiny amount wouldn't affect me... no harm done.'

The group stepped back a bit and with that Naruto stepped forward and walked through them. He threw them all the bird over his shoulder and laughed as he walked away.

"Maybe next time you gang up on me, you can bring me something that will actually pose a threat. I feel bad fighting armatures."

He was instantly showered in insults and curses but Naruto couldn't have been happier. He spun the shoe around his index finger and began whistling.

"Demon, 1. Brainless villages, 0."

XxXxXxX

Anko was happily chewing one her most favouritest treat of all time, eyes scrunched up in pure bliss as the delicacy slowly slid down her throat. Kurenai was watching disinterestedly as the vibrant woman leant forward and grabbed another 3 sticks of dango before stuffing her face again. Sighing, Kurenai dropped her arm to the table and looked out at the sun.

"Seriously Anko, you've been eating for the past hour. Keep that up and you'll get fat. Besides, I have things to do! You really don't need me to stay here and watch you gain weight."

The snake mistress strained as a not fully chewed piece was forced down her throat. She breathed out happily she eyed her friend. "Oh come on Kurenai, you know you need me to make you stop working. If I wasn't here, you'd be nothing but bones. Just watching you work makes _me_ tired."

With that said, another stick found its way into her mouth. Frowning, Kurenai went to say something but just as she opened her mouth, Anko flashed forward and stuffed a dango ball into it. Coughing in surprise, Kurenai had to quickly chew and swallow or face having to dislodge it from her lungs. Anko laughed and ended up spitting food everywhere. Not caring though, she pointed a stick at Kurenai as said woman wiped food from her face.

"That's more like it! Eat! Drink! Be merry! You don't have hardly enough down time. Atleast not for me. If I had a beard and smoked though I'm sure you would..."

"Shut up."

Cheeks now matching her brilliant eyes, Kurenai looked down shyly and ignored Anko's chuckles. Sticking another ball in her mouth, Anko looked around and peered out the window as she heard a horribly off key voice nearing them. Happy for the distraction, Kurenai followed her friends gaze until she saw the tell-tale tuft of striking blond hair.

"Oh, that's Naruto-kun."

Anko gave her a vacant look.

"He's on Kakashi's team."

"Ah, that Naruto."

Turning back, they saw him nearing them, swinging a shoe around one index finger. Noticing them, he stuck an arm up and waved vigorously before running over.

"Kurenai-sensei. Crazy snake lady. How are you both?"

Anko's eyebrow twitched and Kurenai eyed her cautiously. "We're doing ok Naruto-kun. How about you? You seem very lively today. I would have imagined you'd be training with all that energy."

Naruto deflated a bit but shrugged it off. "Ah, I can't. Tsunade Baa-chan told me I can't because of a medical condition, or something."

While she was a serious work-a-holic, Kurenai ALWAYS had time for a troubled student. Patting the seat beside her, she shuffled across.

"Really? That's quite disappointing. Did you wana tell me about it?"

Naruto shrugged again and dropped down besides her. "Yeah, I suppose so. I duno how you haven't heard about it yet though. I'll was just off to find something to eat though. I'm really hungry but don't have much money."

Patting his tummy, he was happy to hear it growl angrily. Perfect timing. Looking ever so slightly up at Kurenai, he tried his best to look as malnourished as possible. He saw her face crack slightly and he knew he had her. Sinking into his chair, he sighed despondently as his stomach grumbled again. Hearing a defeated sigh from the woman beside him, he internally grinned. Food always tasted better when it was bought by someone else.

"Fine. If that's the case I suppose I can buy you one bowl of something. What would you care for?"

"Ramen!" In a stroke of genius though, he remembered his manners and bowed slightly. "Please. Thankyou so much for this too. It's been hard for me lately so this is a big help."

After much experience in draining Iruka's savings, he found it was much easier to get a second serving if one was extremely polite. Seeing Kurenai smile down at him, he was pretty sure he was going to be waddling out of here once his tale was finished. As Kurenai waved over a waiter, the purple haired lady on the other side of his meal ticket waved him over. Leaning in, she cupped her hand to his ear.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing. You're just lucky Kurenai is a softy."

Leaning back, she smiled. "You played it well though. Hell, if I could pull something like that off as well as you can I'd be doing it too!" Seeing Naruto smile sheepishly, she grinned and stuck another dango ball in her mouth. "But why ramen? You are sitting in the greatest dango restaurant in all of Konoha, and you order ramen. Did someone stick a hot coal in your mouth at birth or something?"

Instantly in serious mode, Naruto looked at her evenly. "Because ramen is only the greatest food of all time. Not only is it filling, it comes in a wide variety of flavours and is high in carbohydrates, exactly what a growing body like mine needs. It also has a high sodium content which is the perfect cure for muscle cramps. It is delicious, nutritious and above all, incredibly tasty."

Anko blinked several times as Naruto crossed his arms in finality. "Kid, I didn't think you even knew those words, let alone how to put them into a sentence. And ramen is most definitely _not_ nutritious. Where did you hear that?"

As if coming out of a nap, Naruto blinked and looked up at Anko. "Nutritious? Is that a new brand of ramen?"

They fell into an uneasy quiet as they stared at each other. Anko slowly dropped an eyebrow as Naruto slightly tilted his head to the side in question. They continued staring until Kurenai finished ordering and looked back at the two. She looked from one to the other in confusion until she tapped Anko's arm.

"Uh, what did I just miss?"

Anko paused a moment. "I'm... not too sure myself."

Kurenai looked at Naruto questioningly. "Naruto?"

Naruto looked up at her with wide eyes. "Yes, sensei?"

Kurenai glanced at Anko. "What just happened?"

Naruto smiled and looked up as he remembered. "Oh, I was just telling Snake Lady why ramen was like, 100 times better than dango."

Kurenai cocked an eyebrow at Anko and motioned for Naruto to continue. He didn't catch the hint though.

"Ok Naruto, what did you tell Anko?"

Naruto instantly went serious again. "Ramen is only the greatest food of all time. Not only is it filling, it comes in a wide variety of flavours and is high in carbohydrates, exactly what a growing body like mine needs. It also has a high sodium content which is the perfect cure for muscle cramps. It is delicious, nutritious and above all, incredibly tasty."

Kurenai's eyebrows shot up in surprise. While she didn't know the boy all that well, it was general knowledge that he struggled to piece together a word much bigger than three syllables.

"How did you know all that?"

Coming back down again, Naruto took a moment before looking up at her. "Know what?"

She caught Anko's eye. "Um... never mind. Anyway, how about we get onto the story about why you can't train?"

Sitting up a bit Naruto nodded. "Alright. Well, it starts two days ago when something happened to my Oiroke no Jutsu. Basically I lost total – "

Butting in, Anko looked at the boy curiously. "Wait, what?"

Naruto raised his eyebrows. "That's right, you and Kurenai-sensei don't know. It's a transformation technique that turns me into a girl version of me."

Both Jounin widened their eyes at this. "Come again? It actually turns you into a girl?"

Naruto nodded.

"Do you have big boobs?"

"ANKO!"

"Yup."

"And everything down below gets vaginafied?"

"**ANKO!**"

"Yup."

Totally ignoring the fuming Genjutsu mistress, Anko leaned back in wonder, a finger touching her chin. "Well I'll be... that has to have thousands of applications!"

Naruto nodded unhappily. "Yeah, but I've only ever met one person who actually thought it useful. Everyone else just calls me a pervert and smacks me."

Kurenai came to the rescue, somewhat. Still very cautious, she was still open minded enough to hear out any new technique created.

"Well... it sounds like it has its uses. What do you usually use it for?"

Naruto paused. "Promise you won't hit me?"

Kurenai nodded.

"Ok, well, it's a diversionary technique. Anyone who has even a hint of perversion is instantly knocked out."

Hearing this, both Jounin's leaned in. "How do you do this?"

Naruto paused. "Well... I'm naked when I transform and then I jump on them."

Anko instantly burst out laughing while Kurenai's eyes hardened and hands formed a seal. Instantly cowering, Naruto threw his hands out.

"Ah-ah-AH, remember you promised!"

Freezing, the powerful woman took several breaths before forcibly pushing her arms down to her side. Calming herself, she spoke carefully through clenched teeth.

"You do realise what you're doing is making a mockery of women everywhere by using this?"

Naruto nodded slowly. "Uh, kinda, but it's only for a moment, and it's really effective! Like, I even beat Sarutobi-jiji with it!"

Anko slapped her hands down on the table, eyes wide in surprise.

"You even beat the Hokage with that?"

Naruto nodded proudly. "Yup! Ain't met no one yet who can withstand it."

While Anko was stunned into silent respect, Kurenai was running the whole scenario over in her head. No matter what way she looked at it, she still found it offensive. It must have been painfully obvious on her face though because Naruto looked up with big puppy eyes and blinked several times.

"I – I'm really sorry Kurenai-sensei. It's also a really good sneaking technique too! No one can tell who I am! Like, I've been running around the last two days as a girl half the time and unless I tell people who I am, they don't know it's me!"

Frowning, she looked at the pleading boy sternly. She couldn't fault the second reason and after consideration, she kind of understood the first. Every kunoichi had atleast a little skin showing to distract the opposition. That was why she went around only wrapped in bandages and a top.

'Well, every kunoichi except Hinata.'

Sighing, she consented. "Well... I do suppose you have a good excuse. Just try keep the nakedness to a minimum. Deal?"

Naruto nodded promptly. "Deal." He also internally sighed in relief. His meal was still safe. Leaning back, he crossed his arms behind his head and continued.

"So yeah, anyway, from there I lost control of it. I duno how, but every few hours or so, poof! And I'd be a girl. Kakashi-sensei sent me to see Tsunade baa-chan after he got an eyeful of me naked as a girl and then she told me not to train."

"Wait, Kakashi saw you naked?"

Naruto growled. "Yeah. I kicked him pretty hard in the guts for it too."

Anko laughed. "You're salty about that? But you just said you jump people naked for a distraction!"

Kurenai just shook her head as Anko continued to laugh. Naruto however started drooling and making 'gimmie' hands at the waiter who was bringing him his ramen. When the waiter saw who it was though, his eyes narrowed and his grip changed on the bowl.

"Here's your ramen you filthy fox."

He then sent it at the boy food first. The two Jounin didn't even have time to blink before it smacked into Naruto's face with a wet squish. Turning to face the waiter, they were ready to gut him like a fish when an empty bowl hit the table and a satisfied burp sounded out behind them.

"Gah! Yummy! That's how I like it, fast and filling! Keep 'em coming!"

Three sets of eyes landed on him in shock as Naruto licked up the remains of the food from his face. Anko poked his jaw just to see if it would dislocate like a certain someone she knew.

"How did you do that? You ate the whole bowl in what, a third of a second? How didn't it go all over your face?"

Naruto just grinned and licked his lips. "I duno, that isn't too different to how I normally eat anyway."

He looked up at Kurenai again with big eyes. "Could I please have seconds?"

Still somewhat in shock Kurenai nodded and turned to the waiter. "You heard him. But if you pull a stunt like that again, I promise you I will make your wildest nightmares come true."

Anko grinned and slid her tongue along the edge of her kunai. "And then after her the real fun will start."

Eeping, the man ran away in a flurry of 'yes, sirs' and towels. Turning back to the boy, Anko leaned in and sent Naruto a creepy smile.

"So, now we know why you can't train, tell me more about this technique of yours!"

Naruto leaned back slightly and looked up at Kurenai. "Uh, what else do you wana know? I turn into a girl..."

Anko grinned wider and started crawling across the table. "Well duh, like have you snuck into the women's baths yet? Or have you teased a guy into sexual paralysis yet? Or, or, have you shocked the hell out of other girls?"

"Anko, behave yourself!"

Naruto started understanding what she wanted and frowned. "Well, I haven't gone into the girls bath yet..." He eyed up Kurenai and saw her nodding dangerously. Swallowing, he continued. "But I kinda sprung it on Tenten and she forgot how to move for a while, oh Hinata too! She's a massive closet pervert, did you know that? Um, Fuzzy Brows has a crush on me, Ino is hunting me for leaving her with a massive shopping bill, Neji and Kiba tried to tell me about sex and sexing, I watched a porno with Tsunade Baa-chan, I flirted with Sasuke in front of his fangirls to save our lives and flashed the whole main street my bum."

Anko whistled in surprise and Kurenai dropped her head into her hands, not fully comprehending just how this child managed to get himself into so much trouble.

"How about that! You do in two days what takes me a week! I'm so proud!"

Naruto sent her a winning smile. "Thanks! After you shouted at me in the street I knew you weren't as bad as everyone said!"

Anko's grin became positively dangerous and she leered over Naruto. "Not as bad hey?"

She went to grab him but stopped mid motion. "Hang on a second, I shouted at you?"

Naruto nodded. "Yup, when I was taking Tenten home on my shoulder."

Anko's eyes widened as she remembered and whistled again. "No way! I thought you were just a girl out for some girl on girl action!"

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "What? Girl on girl? What's that?"

Anko's smile turned from dangerous to predatory. "Oh, it's when girls do the same thing as what you saw in that porno, just with each other."

Blushing furiously, Kurenai slapped a hand down on the table. "E-enough Anko! Naruto is barely a teenager! You shouldn't be telling him this stuff!"

"Wait, what?"

Leaving the innocent boy's question unanswered, Anko jumped across the table, grabbed Kurenai's waist and pulled her in close, nuzzling her face. "Oh come now Kurenai-baby. He's gotta find out what it is eventually..." Anko began trailing her fingers over Kurenai's stomach and slowly started moving her hand in a downward direction. "...actually... why not just show him what I mean?"

She then licked Kurenai's neck and blew on the wet patch.

"A-A...Anko, p-please st-stop!"

Anko leaned in and moaned into Kurenai's hair as her fingers got ever so lower. The whole store stopped and drool started running a-plenty as the two kunoichi got down to business. Kurenai was blushing up a storm and desprately trying to free herself from Anko's devious grasp, not even noticing the stalled shop around them. She was far too flustered to escape however and juuuust before Anko's fingers disappeared...

Thump.

Jumping back over to the other side of the table again, Anko smiled brightly at Naruto. "And that's that problem taken care of! Now, if you would come with me, I have MANY things to do with you!"

Pulling the boy away, he could only stare at the unconscious Kurenai in wonder at such a devastating tactic. He _so_ had to learn that.

XxXxXxX

_A/N – that was a bit more adult than I normally do wasn't it? I hope it was still in good taste and (hopefully) in character. Anko would do something like this yeah? I can totally see her doing something atleast like this. But the main point of it was to get a laugh out of you readers. Hopefully I succeeded!_

_Catch ya's next chapta peeps_

_Lanky Nathan_


	15. Chapter 15

_Wow just finished watching a bunch of 'world's greatest freakout' parodies and I gotta say I nearly died. The Kirby remix was the best. My tummy hurts from laughing._

**Chapter 15**

Today was a dangerous day. Word had spread throughout the city that of all the days of the year, this was going to prove to be the most hazardous. Gossip rapidly enhanced these stories to the point that everyone, even the ninja of the village, were taking a look over their shoulder to make sure they weren't being followed. Normally such a powerful village as this didn't have anything to fear as it could easily dispatch any enemies that tried attacking. However, when the threat is from within, from its own very members, that is when true panic can be assured.

The reason for this was because two particularly heinous individuals had been spotted walking side by side down the main street until they disappeared into the shadows of Konoha. This day had always been feared but had never actually happened until now. Some even went as far to say it was pre-destined. The union of the two most despised figures of Konoha.

Uzumaki Naruto and Mitarashi Anko.

One can only begin to speculate on the horrific destruction those two could unleash on the innocent people. Why even now, they could very well be plotting the downfall of Konohagakure...

XxXxXxX

"But Anko-chan! I still didn't get that other bowl of ramen! I wana go back!"

"Shut up! We're not going back and that's final! Besides, ramen sucks anyway."

"No, ramen is only the greatest food of – "

"I swear, you say that ONE more time and I will gut you, season you and then feed you to my snakes."

"You're just jealous Kurenai-sensei didn't buy you dango!"

"I don't need sympathy food when I can afford it myself, orphan."

"... you're so jealous."

"Pfft, am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"AM NOT!"

"ARE TOO!"

Now nose to nose, the two glared each other down until Anko smiled. She then flicked his head hard and made Naruto stumble backwards, crying out in pain.

"OW! What the hell? Just because you can't take the truth you go all violent!"

Anko just shrugged. "Maybe, but it makes me feel better anyhow."

She grinned wider as she saw Naruto lining her up for a tackle. "Ah-ah! Didn't the Hokage specifically tell you not to train?"

Growling, Naruto paused. Some form of conversation went on within his head and then he charged. Totally catching Anko off guard, he head butted her square in the gut, knocking her back into the wall with a loud "Oof!" Looking at the blond in annoyance, she marched up to him and picked him up clean off his feet.

"What was that? You're not supposed to attack people you little dropkick! Tsunade told you you couldn't!"

Naruto just stuck his tongue out at her as far as he could. "I'm not meant to _train._ Getting even with you isn't counted. Besides, I still want my ramen!"

Anko shook him like a doll. "You're not going back! You are coming with me, we are going to embarrass the hell out of a bunch of people and you are going to enjoy it!"

Slightly dazed from the shake, he looked up at Anko questioningly. "What? Is that why you brought me out here?"

Anko rolled her eyes. "Na-durrr. Of course that's the reason. What else were you thinking?"

Naruto's eyes lit up. "I thought you were gona show me how you took out Kurenai-sensei!"

Anko chuckled. "Oh, that. That's an advanced technique. I'll tell you later."

Naruto giggled happily. That was gona be a keeper. That quickly reminded him of something else though.

"Wait, so what was that girl on girl thing you said?"

Anko dropped Naruto and started walking along. "Um, how do I say this... you remember that porno Tsunade-sama showed you?"

Naruto dusted himself down and ran after her. "Yup. It was a pretty intense show."

Anko grinned. "Well, just imagine that with only chicks."

Naruto stopped walking. "Huh? Why would they do that? That's totally pointless."

Anko looked at him in surprise. "Are you for real?"

Naruto squinted up at her. "Uh... yeah? You need a guy and a girl to make the baby. Two girls... that's just weird. And again, pointless."

Anko whistled in surprise. "Well I'll be. You have gotta be one of the few guys in all of Konoha who don't like that kinda stuff."

Naruto shrugged. "Well then, they're all weird too."

Anko raised an eyebrow. "Are you by chance gay?"

Naruto sent her a weird look. "Uh, not sure how this relates to the topic but yeah, I'm happy most of the time."

Anko shook her head. "Never mind. Anyway, onto the real reason we're here."

Naruto instantly brightened. "Yeah, to embarrass people and stuff!" He then frowned. "But how are we gona do that?"

Anko shrugged. "I duno. We'll work something out. I mean, you're the biggest prankster the village has ever seen and I'm me."

"Ah."

*Bamph*

Anko grinned. "So many more possibilities just appeared."

Naruto sighed. "Yeah. Damn thing."

Leaning in, Anko took a closer look at Naruto. "Wow, you really are a stunner aren't you? It's a surprise you don't have more boys after you!"

Naruto shuddered. "No thanks. Having Lee chasing my tail is plenty enough. On that note though, could you please tell me when they're close so I can hide?"

Anko smiled sweetly with fingers crossed behind her back. "Sure! Now, to liven up this dull community. Naruto, if you would follow me?"

The girl hopped happily into step with the older woman, quite ready to unleash a world of orange upon the people.

XxXxXxX

The following few hours proceeded to be highly productive. All forms of pranks and set ups were placed, ranging from the classic bucket full of water on the door right through to the 'Thanks for last night...' letters dropped off in random letterboxes.

One particular prank that Anko was especially proud of was when she convinced Naruto to go and hug a random woman from behind and tell her how much she loved her. The simplicity of it was pure gold as from there the prank matured itself. Hiding on a roof, the two ninja struggled to keep their voices down as the woman blushed deeply and her husband was left unconscious by the apparent revelation. When he came to, a loud shouting session resulted, the man expressed his interest, the woman voiced her disapproval, several colourful words were exchanged and they then fell into a tangled mess of adults making out. Not exactly what Anko and Naruto predicted but hey, it was funny.

Naruto then spotted Hinata and grinned. "Hey Anko... watch this."

Wondering what he was going to do, she hunkered down and prepared for the show. Landing behind Hinata, Naruto gave her a tap on the shoulder and moved around behind the girl as she turned.

"Hey Hinata!"

Squealing in surprise, the girl spun around. "N-Naruto-kun! W-where did you come from?"

Naruto smiled. "Behind you. Hey, what were you looking at?"

Hinata turned slightly. "Someone tapped my shoulder so I thought..."

Naruto's eyes widened. "Oh, is that them?"

"Where?"

Turning, she saw Naruto in the exact same pose looking away from her. "So, is that them?"

"Wha...?"

Turning back, she looked over her shoulder again. Seeing no one, she turned back to see no one there.

"Oh, must have missed them. Oh well."

Squealing again, Hinata whipped around to face Naruto. "Naruto-kun! What the-"

"Hmm? What's wrong Hinata-chan?"

She pointed behind herself. "You were just there and now you're here!"

Naruto shook her head. "Nope, I've been here the whole time. Are you ok?"

Hinata looked behind herself, her eyes wide. "B-but I just saw you standing there!"

Turning back, she found no one.

"Well of course Hinata-chan. I've been here the whole time!"

Spinning back around, she saw Naruto looking at her strangely. Holding her head in her hands, Hinata moaned. "Naruto-kun please, this is hurting my head!"

Naruto just cocked her head at the girl, internally grinning.

Anko however was having a right laugh at Naruto making use of a simple well placed clone and damn good timing to confuse the hell out of the poor girl. This continued on for a few more moments until Hinata politely excused herself before running away to find someone to check her sanity with.

Jumping back up, Naruto sent Anko a proud grin. "It's the simple stuff that works so well."

Anko nodded in agreement. "For sure! What next..."

Upon looking around, Anko spied a certain best friend of hers that was always good for the tail end of a practical joke. Grinning, she leapt down to greet Kurenai.

"How's it goin! I see you woke up?"

Kurenai growled at her 'friend'. "I ort to lock you up in my worst technique after that stunt. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was for me to wake up to a restaurant filled with all sorts of people drooling on me?"

Anko grinned. "Yup, happens to me all the time. It's called alcohol. Say it with me, al-co-hol. It's up there with you as my best friend! I should introduce you two sometime."

Kurenai snorted. "No thanks. I'd prefer to keep my mind, _especially_ when I'm around you."

Anko sidled up close to the frowning Jounin. "Oh come now Nai-baby... don't be like that. I'm just helping you lighten up."

Not amused, Kurenai gave Anko a hefty shove and sent her stumbling backwards. Hearing a thump, the two Jounin looked over. Kurenai raised an eyebrow and Anko smirked. Good to see Naruto getting involved. The blond ran over and helped the taller lady out of the dirt she fell into. What caught Anko's attention though was the large amount of cleavage that was mere centimetres away from her face. Taking another look, she saw that Naruto had gone and (from who knows where) managed to get her hands onto some of the sexiest clothing Anko had ever seen, and that was saying a lot.

Her feet were covered with incredibly pointy high heels that only seemed to make her already infinite legs longer. A tiny mini skirt hung around her waist that was cut up the sides, revealing even more luscious leg than normal. A strange top that barely maintained modesty was covering her chest. The back was cut out, revealing that the girl was wearing no bra. Her face was also ever so tainted with the mildest hint of makeup and her hair was let out, the long silky locks cascading down and around her face like the most beautiful of waterfalls. All in all Anko had never seen a more alluring girl in all her years and was thoroughly impressed.

Looking over, she saw a highly unimpressed woman staring at them, arms crossed. While being classed as a one of the top fighters in all of Konoha, Anko knew her chances of holding up against a raging Kurenai was slim.

'Whatever you're planning Naruto, I sure hope it's good. Cause this could get ugly."

Naruto, seeing the look in her companion's eye, simply sent her a crafty wink and spun around sharply.

"My, you must be Yuuhi Kurenai! I've heard all about you!"

Anko's eyes widened at the adorable squeaky voice that the blond let out. It sounded even more ditzy than that Ino chick was! Watching Naruto rush up to a suspicious Kurenai, Anko bit her lip in apprehension. This could be awesome, or it could be disaster.

Holding her hand out, Naruto's wide eyes gleamed up at Kurenai in awe. "You are the Illusion Mistress of Konoha yeah? I have always wanted to meet you! Anko-chan there is always telling me about your amazing illusions and stuff. Seriously, you're like, my total idol! Imagine being able to hide all those nasty pimples and things like that with a wave of your hand! You're so incredibly awesome it's like, unreal!"

Kurenai looked down at the girl in distaste. Taking the girls hand like it was a old hanky, she shook it once before quickly letting go.

"Really. And you are...?"

Naruto gasped. "Oh, I totally forgot! I'm Anko's little cousin from the other side of the fire country."

Kurenai raised an incredulous eyebrow and Anko fought the urge to facepalm. Seriously, everyone in Konoha knew she had no relatives. That had to be the worst cover ever.

Kurenai of course, saw straight through it. "Honestly Naruto, you could have tried harder than that. I know everything about Anko there is to know and that was a terrible effort I must say." Her eyes then hardened. "But as for using this disgusting form of yours on me. Well, let's just say I am not at all impressed."

Bringing her hands up, she focused her chakra. "Believe me when I say after this, you will never want to use this form ever again."

"KAI!"

*pop*

Anko sweat-dropped as she resisted the urge to shake her head. That's it, game over. Now both of them will get Kurenai's wrath and then, Naruto will get the life beaten out of him by Anko, assuming they survive. Looking up, she sighed as the smoke cleared. What she saw though was unexpected.

Naruto, still fully female, was now fully nude.

The whole world seemed to grind to a halt as every set of eyes within range tuned into the stunning body glowing in the afternoon sun. The perfect curves... the immaculate legs... the firm stomach... the ever so perky breasts...

"EEEEEEYYYYYYYAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Windows shattered as Naruto's shrill voice reached pitches that had the Inuzuka dogs howling in the distance in pain.

"YOU PERVERT!"

Kurenai instantly went shock red, unbelief displayed across her face. "T-there's no way... you are... but what... you're n-not Naruto?"

The girl just curled her legs together and wrapped her hands over her chest and screamed again. Kurenai held her hands out and looked around in fear. Every single one of these people saw her dispel this girls clothing. There was no escaping this. No escaping...

Thump.

Naruto looked down at Kurenai. The Jounin sensei now lay in a heap at the blonds feet, unconscious for a second time that day. Smiling brightly, Naruto ignored the stares and snapped her fingers. In a small puff, she was now covered in more decent clothes. Turning, she looked at Anko and threw her the victory sign.

"Woo! Chalk one up to me again!"

Nothing happened for a moment until a gut busting laughter ripped through the streets. Collapsing into the dirt, Anko held her sides until she was sure she was going to die. This continued on for several more minutes until she finally managed to get herself under control. During that time, Naruto had managed to glare the civilians away, staring at them until they were too uncomfortable to watch any longer.

Feeling a solid hand land on her shoulder, Naruto looked up. Anko was still chuckling, a hand wiping away several tears that were still falling. Giving her shoulder a squeeze, Anko shook her head.

"Seriously, that was the greatest thing I have ever seen. I was certain we were gona be dead but then that... outstanding! But how did you not dispel?"

Naruto grinned up at Anko and cupped a handful of her own boobs. "Can't dispel what's real."

Anko's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Wow, that's an honest to goodness transformation? Damn, you are so gona have to show me how to do that!"

Naruto smiled. "I'll trade ya then! You tell me how you took down Kurenai-sensei and I'll show you this."

Anko shook her head. "No need there squirt. You just did that times ten." She wiped away a fake tear. "I'm so proud!"

Naruto beamed up at her happily before looking down at the fallen woman. "So what will we do with sensei?"

Anko hoisted the woman onto a shoulder and motioned for Naruto to follow her. "We'll take her back to my place. Can't just leave her in the dirt."

Naruto nodded and trotted along beside the taller lady. Anko rested a hand on Naruto's head as they walked and let out another small laugh.

"You know what kid? You ain't too bad. Not too bad at all."

XxXxXxX

_A/N – I really wanted to get this out tonight and well, here you go. Not too sure how this one went either. Not as happy as I could be with it but I suppose me being 100% happy with myself is a rare occurrence in itself. _

_Question! I'm still undecided on this so I'll ask my faithful readers. What do you think, should I do another chapter of pranks and stuff or get on with it? _

_ Anyway, hope you liked the chapter and I really hope it brought a smile to your face. =)_

_Laters!_

_Lanky Nathan_


	16. Chapter 16

_And with that last chapter, I topped 200 reviews. I just wana say thanks to everyone out there who has contributed to this number! Let's see if I can write well enough to reel another hundred in yeah? ;)_

**Chapter 16**

As Anko and Naruto wandered along, they chatted about random things, laughing loudly and talking about all forms of inappropriate things like there was no one else around. That being said, it's a real talent managing to be so blissfully ignorant when you ARE being stared at so blatantly. But then, for these two, walking down the main street of Konoha with one of the most powerful Jounin in the country slung carelessly over your shoulder is something that's not really worth mentioning. I mean, that kinda thing happens all the time yeah? Totally normal.

XxXxXxX

"Oi, so you're telling me that cat-anbu actually got that into it she started cleaning herself with her tongue?"

Anko laughed. "Yup! Like, everywhere too. It was crazy to think a human could bend like that."

Naruto stared up to the sky in awe. "Man... I cannot wait till I can get to see what happens in there! Any other crazy stories?"

Spying a tuft of silver-gray hair walking on the other side of the road, Anko grinned evilly. "Wana make a story now?"

Naruto sucked in a big lung full of air when she realised what Anko mean. "Hell yes! What we gona do?"

Dropping Kurenai in a conveniently placed chair, the taller trouble maker leaned down and began whispering into her little blond friends' ear.

XxXxXxX

"Hey Kakashi-senpai! What you doin?"

Barely glancing up from his ever present book, the well renown Jounin waved at his student. "Mmm... not much... just got the latest Icha Icha book so kinda busy."

Leaning in, Naruto stood on her tip toes to try get a look at what he was reading. While a perve, Kakashi was not about to (totally) corrupt his students just yet.

"Ah-ah, not till you're older Naruto. This is a grown-ups book!"

Naruto leaned back and put on an adorable pout. "Awww, I just wanted to quickly check something but! I made a modification to my Oiroke no Jutsu and I just wanted to see if it was accurate."

Ear twitching, Kakashi looked over. "What was that you say?"

Naruto grabbed a duel handful of her boobs and looked down at them critically. "Well, I was told that I wasn't sexy enough yet so I went ahead and made some changes."

Kakashi might have been protective of his students minds, but his had well and truly been corrupted.

"Well now, perhaps I can help you with that? I do know a thing or two about women's bodies."

Naruto looked up at him and smiled brightly. "Really? Thanks sensei! Lets just duck into that alleyway so I don't cause mass blood loss."

XxXxXxX

Now relocated, Naruto quickly crossed her fingers. In a poof, there was a new girl standing beside her, covered in nothing but smoke. Kakashi felt his top lip start itching and his fingers began giving off sporadic twitches. Seeing this, Naruto grinned.

The 'clone' wasn't actually Naruto at all, but Anko coming into the mix. While any local dropkick would be able to tell the difference in chakra signature, Anko knew for a fact Kakashi would overlook such a minor detail when presented with such an *ahem* show.

In any case, Anko's clone and Naruto quickly embraced and pressed themselves together, looking up at Kakashi with wide eyes and lips pursed.

"How's this Kakashi-sama? Is it ok? Pleeeease say yes!"

To add to the pleading voice, the two girls pulled the hug in closer, making bits squish out. Dropping his book, Kakashi blasted smoke from his nostrils as he over heated and threw two very eager thumbs up.

"BRILLIANT! ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT NARUTO-KUN! Easily the finest thing I have seen all year!"

Squealing and giggling, Naruto and Anko-clone rubbed themselves together a bit more before in a puff of smoke, the clone disappeared. Grinning up at her teacher, Naruto blinked rapidly.

"Thankyou so much Kakashi-senpai! I'm glad it's so much better!"

Throwing him a wave, the girl then merrily skipped out of the alleyway. Taking a moment to recover, Kakashi leaned up against the wall and took several deep breaths. A show like that would easily give a weaker man a heart attack. Finally composing himself, he looked around. Spying his book on the ground, he picked it up. Dusting it down, he found his page. Smiling to himself, he began to read.

'"Oh Kakashi-san, you're so muscular..."'

Pausing, Kakashi read the line again. Why was his name in there? Shrugging, he guessed it was just another of Jiraiya's amazing plot twists.

'"Oh Kakashi-san, you're so muscular. Come here right now and let me rub my hands over your body. I'm gona do things to you that you can only have dreamed of." Mito-Gai grinned.'

Kakashi's eye twitched. He read the line again. And then again. And then once more just to be sure. Rubbing his only visible eye, he sighed. He must be tired. Flipping the page, he started reading the first line.

'As they continued to stare into each other's eyes, Kakashi slowly began rubbing Gai's powerful back as the taller man traced Kakashi's well defined pecs.'

Kakashi's pupil began to shrink and his eye widened in horror as he read more lines. Kakashi and Gai this. Gai and Kakashi that. Kakashi doing WHAT TO GAI?

XxXxXxX

Naruto was giggling as Anko finished explaining exactly what it was she did to Kakashi's book.

"... and so I basically turned it into one massive man on man story, featuring Kakashi and his eternal rival as the main characters."

Just then, a horrific screech erupted from the alleyway Naruto had just been in before being quickly followed by a high powered Katon Jutsu exploding out through the gaps. Both Anko and Naruto looked back until a small, mostly burnt piece of paper floated down in front of Anko's face. Grabbing it, she read the small amount of legible text on it and grinned.

"That was a heaps better reaction than I expected."

Passing it to her smaller companion, she then laughed as Naruto blanched after reading some of the man-love. Slapping Naruto across the back, Anko started walking.

"Come on kid, let's get Nai-baby back to my place before Kakashi destroys the area."

XxXxXxX

Unlocking the door to her apartment, Naruto and Anko were having a royal laugh after word reached them that Kakashi had had to be tackled and held down by several Anbu before being taken away, near in tears. Walking inside, Anko kicked off her shoes and tossed Kurenai onto her bed without even looking. Turning back to Naruto, she pointed at the grubby girl and then pointed at the shower.

"Na-ah. You are covered top to toe in dust and I ain't having none of that in my house. Shower first and then afternoon tea."

Grinning, Naruto nodded quickly before dashing over to the mentioned door. Slipping inside, Naruto stripped and jumped in.

Anko was busy removing Kurenai's shoes when a loud gasp came from the shower.

"No way! You have clear water! What's up with that?"

Looking at the door incredulously, Anko continued with the shoe removal. "Uh, yeah? What did you expect, mud?"

"Yeah actually! I mean, that's the colour of my shower water atleast. What did you do, put a purifier seal on the shower head or something?"

Anko paused. Was the kid for real? "Hey Naruto..."

"Yeah?"

"How long has it been since a plumber came and had a look at your pipes?"

"... a what?"

Anko looked at the door.

"Anko?"

Anko just looked away. "Never mind."

It seemed she needed to have a quick word with the Hokage.

XxXxXxX

Still wondering what Anko was going on about, Naruto got back to washing. Being a girl meant that while there was less to wash in some areas, there were substantial amounts elsewhere that needed attention...

Like her hair. Damn stuff now fell way past her shoulders and it was full of sticks and dirt and other awesomely man-worthy stuff. Grabbing the soap, she began scrubbing at the gold locks because that's how real men wash their hair. Shampoo is for wusses. It was while she was doing that though that she noticed something.

A hair.

Normally, a hair isn't worthy of note but when it's that high up on the wall, one wonders how it actually managed to get there. The dark colour was also a dead giveaway that it wasn't hers either. Trying to get back to washing herself, Naruto couldn't help but keep looking back at the hair. Now that she knew where it was, her body seemed to gravitate towards it no matter where she went. And what's worse is touching someone else's wet hair is super icky. Frowning, Naruto grabbed the shower head and pointed it at the hair. It slid a little bit down the wall but then it stopped. Squinting, Naruto then began the game of cat and mouse with the hair as she chased it down the wall. Finally reaching the floor, Naruto quickly ran into the corner and began trying to wash it down the drain. Unfortunately though, the tables turned and for some reason, no matter where she pointed the shower head, the hair was sure to wash closer to her than comfortable. So with that, Naruto had to jump from corner to corner as she avoided the hair. After what seemed like forever, the girl finally succeeded in washing it away. Allowing herself a little fist pump of victory, Naruto claimed her win and put the shower head back.

*Thump, thump*

"What the hell are you doing in there Naruto? You've been ages! If you're doing _that_ then the least you could have done is told me to wait a bit before I started cooking!"

Wondering what Anko was on about, Naruto quickly washed herself down. "Sorry, be out in a minute!"

When she finally emerged, Anko looked over at the girl as she towelled her hair dry. "Thanks to you, the foods nearly cold now. Well done."

Naruto looked down at the few lukewarm noodles and shrugged. "That's ok. Food's food, no matter how warm. It just tastes better when hot."

Sensing something a bit deeper in that, Anko leaned in slightly. "What you mean by that?"

Eyeing up the noodles as she lifted them up with her chopsticks, Naruto blew on them needlessly.

"Oh, just when I was a little kid after I was kicked out of the orphanage, I learned that food was food no matter how it came and to be thankful for every little bit I got."

Slurping up the noodles, Naruto's happily closed eyes missed Anko's face harden. No child deserved to be treated like that. Grabbing her own, Anko resolved to be more grateful for the little things. Deciding that she was feeling a bit too cranky with that, she changed the subject.

"So when can you train again?"

Looking up, Naruto grinned. "Hopefully tomorrow! Ero-Sennin is due back some time tomorrow so hopefully he'll be able to fix whatever's wrong with me and then I can get back into it!"

Anko's eyes twinkled as she slurped up some more noodles. "Sounds like fun. Mind if I join you for your first training session back?"

Naruto gasped happily. "Would you? That would be awesome!"

Anko nodded. "Yup. You interest me so I wana see what else you can do."

Naruto smiled broadly and nodded. "Sure! I'll be sure to... where's the toilet?"

Sighing at the abrupt end to the conversation, Anko pointed down the hall. Smiling again, Naruto went to stand up and disappeared into a puff of smoke. Coughing, Anko waved a hand in front of her face and squinted through the haze. She saw Naruto grinning happily at himself as he patted his chest.

"Sweet, now I can stand up to pee!"

Turning, he then waddled down the hall. Pausing a second, Anko shrugged and went back to eating. She should be used to the boy saying stuff like that by now. Hearing a groan, Anko looked over to see Kurenai sitting up, rubbing her head.

"Oh... I really wish this day would just end already."

"No chance! You still have several more fine hours left before you can call it over!"

Turning to see her grinning friend with noodles smeared all over her face, Kurenai groaned again and fell back onto the bed.

"Just wake me when the day's over then would you?"

Anko just chuckled and turned when Naruto started walking out of the hall with a flush. Looking at the messy woman, Naruto pointed at her.

"Oh, yeah. I wanted to ask what you meant while I was in the shower before too."

Anko grinned. "What was that Naruto?"

"Oh, me doing _that_ in the shower."

Anko quickly looked over at the bed. Aaaaany second now...

"WHAT?"

Bingo.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT NARUTO?"

Naruto looked at the loud, blushing woman cautiously. "Well, Anko said if I was gona be doing _that_ in the shower I should tell her so she didn't waste time cooking too early."

Grinning evilly, Anko looked up at her friend. "Well, while I might know what it is, you might be able to break it to him more gently, hey, Nai-baby?"

She turned a shade redder before turning and diving into the pillows at the head of the bed and digging under them till she disappeared. Laughing, Anko just slurped up her remaining noodles. Standing, she cleaned up the remaining mess and took Naruto to the door.

"Well kid, sorry but I got stuff to do now. You best run along home now and get ready for tomorrow. If everything goes to plan then you're gona need your rest."

She finished off by giving Naruto an evil grin. Totally ignoring it though, Naruto just pouted and looked away. "Whatever. You're just avoiding my question."

Disappearing inside, Anko quickly returned with a little orange book. Tossing it at Naruto, she slowly closed the door.

"Not to worry brat. That book will answer all your questions and more. Anyway, I'll be seeing you tomorrow!"

As the door clicked shut, Naruto looked down at the book. He knew what it was and didn't have any interest in it, but if it was going to answer his questions...

Flicking it open, he began reading as he walked down the stairs.

XxXxXxX

_A/N – Well now, I gotta say that was an exceptionally fun chapter to write! I got it all out in one sitting and I didn't have to change a thing. Sorry about it not moving as quickly as it could have but never fear, the mighty Jiraiya-sama shall make his appearance next chapter! Prepare for perverted levels of unknown proportions! Oh, and all the funnies that come with it. _

_Until then my faithful readers,_

_Lanky Nathan _


	17. Chapter 17

_Hey guys! Guess what? It's time to get Jiraiya-fied!_

**Chapter 17**

"Hmmm... Oh! Yeah that geisha's moves would totally work there. Just work it like that baby... Come on, make poppa sing."

To any innocent bystander, the perverse sproutings of the massive white haired man would be enough to make even a brick blush. Such a feat itself is normally impossible but this man is one of a kind. Untouchable by men, impossibly touchable for women. Some even go as far as to say he got his first idea for his books while still in the womb. His genius knows no bounds. Men grit their teeth in jealousy, woman swoon and faint at his feet. Why, a mere look is enough to make a lady moan in ecstasy. And his glorious path now leads him back towards his home today after a three month trip. Never one to pass up a chance to work though, he was currently scribbling furiously into a little note pad, trying to dredge up every last memory of his stay last night at a more than hospitable location. Laughing to himself, he gnawed on the end of his pen while smiling happily to himself.

"Jiraiya you old fox, this is going to be your best ever! I really must go back and thank those wonderful women for their eagerness to 'pose' for my works."

His confident strut finally brought him to the gates of Konoha and with a deep breath, looked up at the imposing walls fondly.

"It's good to see you again, home. Glad to see you welcoming me with open arms!"

He then turned his gaze towards the imposing tower standing at the base of the mountain. An immoral smile slipped onto his face as he then thought about the large breasted woman that worked within the walls.

"And to you Tsunade-hime, I do hope you come to me with an open shirt as well!"

And with a girlish squeal, Jiraiya took off towards his favourite blond.

XxXxXxX

Currently stationed in the tower though, was not only the Hokage herself, but Naruto with a little orange book hanging out of his pocket, and a broadly grinning Anko. The snake loving kunoichi was currently meant to be feeling guilty for giving the young boy such a disgusting book but was instead taking delight in the manner. She had been summoned after Naruto wandered into Tsunade's office reading the book like it was a recipe for the latest ramen flavour.

"So why did you give the boy such a book? Honestly Anko the child is only thirteen! He shouldn't be exposed to such material yet!"

Anko laughed despite the chastising. "This is coming from the Hokage that sat the boy down between two 'of age' kunoichi's and made him watch a porno."

Tsunade glared at the woman and slapped her desk. "You would be wise to remember your place girl. What I do to help Naruto is none of your business."

Anko snorted and rolled her eyes. "With all due respect Hokage-sama, your method didn't exactly do anything to help him. So I tried a similar technique. We still haven't even tested if it worked yet!"

Tsunade was just about to say something when a large figure filled up the window.

"Goooooooood morning everyone! Did you miss me?"

He tilted his head back and looked down his nose, the very figure of a man. Tsunade's eyes sparkled and Anko instantly dropped to her knees as his presence overwhelmed the star-struck girl. Naruto instantly snapped to attention and bowed respectfully to the man he was honoured to call sensei.

"Oh masterful Jiraiya-sama, it has been too long since you have left! I have been dreaming of you since the day you departed and my bed grows ever colder with each passing night! My heart cannot deny what is inside and for too long, I have ignored my true feeling for you. Please, take your princess now. I need your expert touch to satisfy my desires. Take me here, as I am!"

In a smooth movement, Tsunade ripped her shirt from her shoulders, revealing the mammoth bra that was barely holding back the blonds enormous chest. She pushed it towards the older man, eyebrows creased in desire, eyes glistening in the sunlight and her lips ever so slightly pursed, just waiting to be kissed.

Jiraiya, never to be insensitive to a needy woman, nodded sagely and reached out to take her chest in his hand, and leaned in for the kiss.

Now, what actually transpired outside of the delusional perverts head went something more like this.

He jumped into the window with a splat before moving to open it and toppled in. Staggering to his feet, he bypassed Naruto who was picking something massive deep in one nostril and a bored Anko who was looking out the window disinterestedly. He then babbled something about boobs and a woman's neither region before oozing forward. Not even looking at Tsunade's face, a red haze covered the old man's cheeks and he instantly reached a hand out to grab the impressive bulk of breast not too far from his head. Unfortunately for him though, he never quite made it as Tsunade's fist of reality quickly came crashing down onto his head and deposited him into an untidy mess on the floor. Shaking her head in disgust, the Hokage sighed.

"That filth never learns. Seriously, it's like he has a permanent Genjutsu placed over his head that activates when a woman is near."

Toeing him slightly, the Sannin groaned into the floorboards. Shaking her head again, Tsunade took her seat. She noticed with some irritation that Anko had moved over and started poking the felled man with a stick she had picked up from somewhere. Her eyebrow began twitching when Naruto laughed and took up a seat opposite to Anko and started poking him too. Glancing down at her hidden sake bottle, he saw it still had some left in it. Brilliant. Quick as a flash, she picked the bottle up, swigged the rest of it and had it back in its position before the others even noticed her flinch. She smiled smugly at her skill. The old girl hadn't lost her touch yet. Hearing another groan from the man, Tsunade looked over. Seemed he had finally come around. Snapping her fingers a few times, she managed to shoo away the two Shinobi pestering him.

"Right, Jiraiya, it's good you're finally back but there are more pressing concerns than your report at the moment."

Lifting himself from the floor, the man dusted himself down and looked at his superior. "Oh really? What poor defenceless lass needs my saving this time?"

Slapping her hand to her face, Tsunade tried ever so hard to retain her temper. "No. There is no girl that needs saving. It's Naruto. He is the problem."

Jiraiya looked back at the blond still digging around in his skull. "More of a problem than normal or just his usual mess?"

Signalling Naruto forward, Tsunade lifted Naruto's shirt up to reveal his seal. "More of a problem than normal. You see, just these past few days Naruto has actually lost control of his Oiroke no Jutsu, which is spasming out of control."

Jiraiya's pervy look returned full force as he remembered it. "Ah yes, brilliant technique that. So how do you mean he 'lost control' of it?"

Tsunade motioned for Naruto to explain. "Yeah, well, I just woke up a girl. I can't change back either when I'm stuck as one. Tsunade baa-chan thinks something weird is happening with each time I use chakra too. Not to mention old fluffy-wuffy's chakra spikes every time I change."

Jiraiya cocked an eyebrow. "It's actually Yoki but what would you care. Anyway, so you think something is up with the seal hey? Let me take a closer look..."

Leaning down, the old perve then noticed a very familiar book poking out of Naruto's pocket. Grinning broadly, he clapped Naruto's shoulder.

"About damn time you started getting into my literature boy!"

It was then Anko that spoke up before Tsunade got a chance. "Actually, more like trying to teach the little brat a bit of the birds n bees. For all of his hanging around you, he actually knows jack about sex and sexing. With this whole weird gender switch thing going on, he's really been getting interested in what happens down there."

Jiraiya's eyes widened in surprise. "No way! I have explained the finer side of women MANY times to him!"

Naruto just relocated his finger and started picking his ear. "I never paid any attention Ero-Sennin. You were always half cut when you tried to explain it and when 'boobs' and giggling is all I can get from you, it doesn't explain much."

Jiraiya went to say something but stopped, thought a moment and then conceded the point with a shrug. "Still, I'm sure you could have picked up more than that if you had paid attention. Anyway, how much of that book have you read?"

Naruto checked his bookmark. "'Bout twenty pages from the end."

Jiraiya smirked. "In that case, you should be an expert of the topic by now. How about a little test for my young student?"

Tsunade growled at Jiraiya. "We need you to check the seal. Not assess his sexual knowledge."

Jiraiya just tutted at his old team mate and shook a finger. "Ah, but it is important! Who's to say that some fine young kunoichi won't come along and flat out defeat him because he has never been taught this?"

Hearing the possibility of a complete defeat, Naruto instantly jumped onto his teacher and pulled him down by his jacket.

"You GOTTA give me this test! I cannot lose to anyone! Not now, not ever!"

Jiraiya motioned to the distraught Naruto and nodded slowly. "See? He needs this. It will only take a moment."

Leaning in, Jiraiya made eye contact with the boy. "Ok, I'm gona ask you a few questions and you gotta answer them as best as you can ok? After reading my book though, you should pass with flying colours."

Nodding determinedly, Naruto readied himself.

"Ok, what does a cow have four of that Tsunade has only two of?"

Naruto, after a moment said, "Legs."

Jiraiya looked over at Tsunade. The woman was glaring at him pointedly, promising death if he involved her again. Swallowing, Jiraiya decided to steer clear of any more Tsunade related questions.

Looking back down at Naruto, he continued. "What's in your pants that you have but Anko doesn't have?"

Anko grinned, thoroughly amused. Tsunade however, was not. She went to move in to slap the man until Naruto replied, "Pockets."

Eyebrows lifting in surprise, Jiraiya tried again. "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

At this point, Tsunade was ready to snap the old lecher's back over her knee. This was getting out of hand.

"Bubble gum."

And with that, even Tsunade looked at Naruto in mild shock. The answers were legitimate... but seriously?

Stealing himself, Jiraiya dropped another one. "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Taking a moment, Naruto replied, "Shake hands."

By now, Tsunade didn't even care about the questions. She was just too surprised with the answers Naruto was sprouting. Holding a hand up to silence the white haired man, Tsunade leaned in and then asked her own.

"Naruto, what word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

The three adults leaned forward in apprehension. Sure he couldn't get this wrong...

"Firetruck."

Leaning back into her seat Tsunade slapped her own face in disbelief. This child was a true enigma. Nothing anyone had told the boy seemed to stick! Looking over at her equally shocked friend Tsunade could do nothing but shake her head. The silence then claimed the room for a few moments until a small giggle broke it. It slowly grew until Naruto had tears in his eyes and was fighting for breath. The three adults just watched him, not even caring to think what was going through the blonds head. After a while though, Naruto finally settled himself down enough to talk.

"Haaaaa that was a good one. I got you all so good! You should have seen your faces!"

Looking at him curiously, Anko tussled his hair. "What do you mean kiddo? You sayin' you know the _other _answers?"

"Yup!" And instantly proceeded to re-answer the questions, in all their perverted glory. Once done, Anko and Jiraiya had a matching set of grins on their faces and Tsunade was fairly red cheeked, remembering that one of the questions was about her. Growling, she pointed at the door and glared at the conceited little kunoichi standing on the other side of her desk.

"You out. And you..."

She pointed at Jiraiya.

"You are to do your damn job of looking at Naruto's seal and making sure nothing is going wrong! Now hop to it before I start throwing things."

Knowing that Tsunade could throw things with enough power to decapitate a man, Anko instantly disappeared out the door and Jiraiya dropped to his knees.

"Alright, alright, Hime, don't get those delicious panties in a knot. Right, let's see what we're dealing with..."

Tracing Naruto's seal, Jiraiya began frowning and he reached deep into his coat before pulling out a wad of notes.

"There... there is something changing with the seal. It is only incredibly subtle, but something is definitely going on. I can't quite see... what it is though. The fourth was the master of this stuff as you already know so I'm gona have to double check some things to figure this out."

Quickly jotting down the new seal design, Jiraiya flicked his hand at Naruto in a dismissing motion. "You can leave. Go play house or something and then come back. It isn't all that big a change so it won't take me too long. Now shoo brat and let me work."

Looking over at his Hokage, Naruto saw her nod once and grinned. Leaping from the building, he giggled as Tsunade bellowed after him, "USE THE DAMN DOOR FOR ONCE YOU LITTLE RAT!"

XxXxXxX

_A/N – And here you go! Hope it went alright. And I really hope I got Jiraiya right. I just went as perve as I possibly could when thinking how to write him. I think it worked..._

_Anyway, I got assignments I should be doing now. _

_Lanky Nathan_


	18. Chapter 18

**_*Edit* _**_Ok people, I have had a couple of my lovely reviewers (IdaAreIda, Inuyonas, Shiso no Kitsune) throwing me ideas as to what is going to happen to Naruto in the story. I do have something planned and I have been dropping hints as to what it is from about chapter 12. Because of this, I have decided to set a little challange! If you're interested, let me know what you think is happening and I'll be sure to respond and let you know if you're hot or cold. To anyone who guesses the ending, I'll write you a chapter of your very own! ... or, draw you your favourite character from your favourite series! ... or something. Anyway, it's time to get your sleuth on! ***End Edit***_

_I just had one of the gnarliest crashes of my life last Friday night. Got taken to hospital and got given the green whistle. I gotta say, that green whistle is amazing. I was high as a kite and couldn't feel a thing. Morphine has got nothing on that little plastic pain-killer. Gotta be thankful for the little things. _

**Chapter 18**

Naruto skipped down the road merrily. Not even changing into a girl right now could dampen his mood. Old Ero-Sennin was here, he was checking his seal and soon enough, he was gona be back training at full strength and to top it all off, he got a new training partner! He came ever so close to dancing down the street but managed to restrain himself. There were some levels of weird that only Gai and Gai-clone ventured into. Never the less, the public could tell the boy was happy and steered clear. Jumping into his favourite stall of all time, Naruto cleared the gap from the tent flap to the seat in a single bound and slapped a hearty hand down on the bench.

"Four beef ramen old man and keep 'em comin'!"

Looking over from his pot, Teuchi's eyes widened happily at the sight.

"Naruto-kun! Good to see you! Ayame, would you help this poor starving boy out?"

"Immediately, father!"

Instantly a flurry of action, Naruto had a bowl before him in less than ten seconds.

"Thanks Ayame-chan!"

Snapping his chop sticks, he cried out the usual pre-meal gesture and tucked into it energetically. Cleaning up that bowl and starting the next, Naruto didn't even look over when another figure entered the establishment.

"One soy ramen please."

Completely ignoring the person, Naruto continued to tuck into his food.

"Naruto-san."

Seriously, this had to be the greatest thing ever. Naruto quickly offered up thanks to the kind soul that guided him here. He would be lost without ramen.

"Naruto-san."

Licking his lips, Naruto grabbed the next bowl and started inhaling.

"Naruto-san."

Twitching, Naruto rubbed his neck were something seemed to be annoying him.

"Naruto-san."

Giving it a good scratch, Naruto tried to ignore it but itch wouldn't leave.

"Naruto-san."

Hearing someone say his name, Naruto looked over. Seeing a shrouded face focused on him, Naruto realised that was what the itch was.

"Oh, Shino! When did you get here? How are you?"

Even through the massive coat and thick, dark glasses, the boy seemed to retract into himself.

"It apparently does not concern you the slightest."

Naruto's eyes thinned as he looked at his acquaintance.

"What? I just asked how you were."

Shino sighed and pushed his glasses up. "I had requested your attention several times before you initiated contact. It was seemingly apparent you did not wish to engage with me."

"...Oh."

Not fully understanding the strange guy, Naruto just shrugged and went back to eating. "Well, what are you doing here? I didn't pick you to be one for ramen. You seemed too logical and stuff to like ramen."

Shino's hidden eyebrow twitched. "Just because I am of a logically based thinking pattern does not mean that I am without taste. I happen to find ramen a thoroughly enjoyable experience, despite its complete lack of nutrients."

Naruto paused for a second and tried to make heads and tails of the statement. Coming up a blank, he tried to be nice.

"Uh, yeah, I like ramen too!"

Sighing again, Shino knew it was too much to ask for a reasonable conversation with the irrational blond. Grabbing his steaming bowl, Shino methodically snapped his chopsticks and began spooning calculated mouthfuls into himself. The two boys sat in silence for a bit but for some reason which irked Shino, Naruto kept throwing him weird sidelong glances at odd intervals. Finally caving under the scrutiny, Shino set his food down and turned to face his blond companion.

"What is it that you need to keep looking at me for?"

Naruto sucked in the rest of his meal before burping and answering. "I duno. You're just like, so perfect with your mouthfuls. What's up with that? It's like you count each noodle in each bite."

Shino realised this could take some time to explain. "To sate your curiosity, yes, I do indeed count the noodles. Is that such an anomaly?"

Naruto looked at him strangely. "Uh, yeah? Why do you do that? How can you not just stuff your face with this amazing food?"

Shino held up a lecturing finger. "It is proven that a mouthful no bigger than two fingers is the most manageable for a bite. Digestion starts with the mouth and as such, I wish to begin the process as thoroughly as possible."

Naruto looked at him in silence, a few stray noodles sticking out of his mouth. "You count your chews too?"

"Twenty-six times per bite."

Naruto slowly sucked up the stray food. He nearly said something but paused. Shrugging, he just ignored it and decided to get on with his own meal. Who was he to question someone else's eccentricities? Lifting the bowl high, Naruto began drinking the broth until a very unfortunate event occurred. In a puff of smoke, Shino waved his hands in front of his startled face. He heard Ayame scream in surprise and some serious gagging. Summoning his kikaichū to blow away the cloud, he looked down. And there before him on her hands and knees was a violently gagging blond girl. Instantly reacting, Shino picked her up and placed one arm around her middle, just under her breasts and then gave her a mighty thump in the middle of her back. In a loud "HUCK", the blond heaved up the still warm broth all over the dirt. Coughing, she wiped her mouth and glared at herself.

"Stupid freakin' fox just _had_ to pick now didn't he."

The girl looked at the spoiled broth forlornly. "I'm sorry ramen! I didn't mean it!"

Sighing, she slipped into her chair and held her head with her hands. "Just wait until Ero-Sennin works it out. Not long now. Not long at all."

Remembering her saviour, she then turned to face Shino. "Hey, thanks for that! I could have died. You're a real good friend, you know that?"

Noticing an even stiffer than usual boy, Naruto raised an eyebrow and waved a hand in front of his face. "Hello, earth to Shino? You there?"

Coughing slightly, Shino stepped back and bowed slightly. "I'm sorry... but where did you come from?"

Naruto's eyes widened in surprise. Shino didn't realise? Well, she supposed even the most attentive ninja was prone to lacks of concentration every now and then. Dropping back into her seat, Naruto motioned for him to sit.

"Oh, don't worry about that Shino. It's just me, Naruto."

"Naruto?"

Sitting beside her, Naruto didn't fail to notice the straighter back. "Yeah, me. This is just a jutsu gone haywire. Don't worry about it hey, it'll all be fixed soon."

"Ah... ah."

Looking up at the boy, Naruto thought she noticed something. Leaning in, she tried to see what it was. Shino started leaning back but Naruto grabbed his arm.

"Hold still."

Peering at the boy's face, Naruto felt a grin tug at her lips. This was awesome.

"Shino... are... are you blushing?"

Sitting up even a bit straighter, he said nothing. Liking the reaction, Naruto's grin widened even more.

"You ARE, aren't you!"

Shino remained silent and tried to continue with his meal. But Naruto wasn't having any of that. Oh, ho-ho no, definitely not. Slipping out of the stool, Naruto slid up beside Shino and 'accidentally' rubbed up against him.

"Shino-kun... why are you blushing?"

Watching him bring a shaking hand up, Naruto's grin turned positively evil. Sliding around to his other side, she casually rested her head on his shoulder and watched the boy struggle to eat.

"Is it because of little me?"

Watching the food reach his mouth, Naruto giggled as he smeared a little bit across his cheek.

"Oh Shino-kun would you look at that? You missed a bit!"

Reaching out, Naruto grabbed the single noodle and slipped it between her lips before sucking it in demurely. Shino's reaction was immediate. Clamping his hands over his mouth, the boy managed to stop the food from being forcibly blown from his face but failed to hide the significant dribble of blood that chose that moment to trickle from his nose. Turning, he dashed out of the tent and disappeared down the road. That just left Naruto holding her side in pain as the gasps of laughter wracked the girl's body. An unamused Teuchi looked over his shoulder at the girl and waved his ladle at her.

"Oi! Quit flirting with the customers! It's not good for business you know?"

Still laughing, Naruto pulled herself back into her seat and began eating her food at a much more manageable rate. Seeing that usually stoic boy react in such a way was more than Naruto could have hoped for. What she did to get that reaction was totally fine too. Nothing she hadn't done before. So why did she seem to like it in a different way?

XxXxXxX

Tsunade sat at her chair, enduring the man before her. It was only her respect for him as a master sealer that kept her from grabbing him by the hair and throwing him to Suna. But it was quickly wearing thin. Slapping away yet _another_ attempt to grab her bosom, she changed her mind and caught the offending hand.

"Alright bub. How about we make a deal. What hand are you dominant with?"

Jiraiya leered at her. This could be it. "Right handed Hime."

Tsunade nodded. "And what hand am I holding?"

Jiraiya wriggled his captive fingers invitingly. "My right hand dear."

Tsunade smirked and then layered on the pressure. The mighty Jiraiya let out a girly squeal as his hand quickly disfigured and let out a few unhappy cracks under the force.

"Right, here's my deal. You stop trying to grope me and I'll let your hand go. Keep it up and you'll be giving yourself lefties for the next six months. I'm sure you know how awkward that is and for someone of your 'nature', it would prove rather frustrating, yes?"

Jiraiya just whimpered as he held his arm.

"So, do we have a deal?"

Seeing the old perve nod, she let him go and saw him jump back, holding his burning hand. Quickly standing up straight, he stuffed the hand into his pocket and continued with his mission report. She smirked because she knew it hurt, no matter how well he hid it. Leaning back, she crossed her fingers and smirked happily. Sometimes, she loved her job. Rarely, but sometime.

Hearing a knock at the window, the two Sannin turned to see Naruto looking in through the pane. The reactions varied though as one sighed while one started panting. Standing quickly, Tsunade looked up at the taller man and pointed a finger at him.

"Jiraiya, down."

He made no motion to indicate he heard her. Clapping her hands once, she tried again.

"No, bad Jiraiya! I said down!"

Her response was for the old lecher to move toward the window slowly. Growling, she thumped him hard enough to send him into the back wall of the room where he crumpled into a heap.

"Good! Now play dead and stay."

Turning, the busty blond opened the window and Naruto hopped in, happy that she didn't have to deal with Jiraiya just yet.

"So how'd the seal checky thing go? Did Ero-Sennin find out what's wrong with me?"

Tsunade shrugged. "Duno. The last five minutes has just involved him giving his mission report and failed attempts at boob grabs."

Scowling at the memory, Tsunade then did something very out of character. Spinning around, she grabbed her chest and shook it at the unconscious man.

"Yeah, you want this? Yeah? Well tough luck you old fart 'cause these are MINE."

Turning back, she sighed and looked down at Naruto. The girl didn't really know what to say so they fell into an uncomfortable silence for a few moments.

"You really needed to get that out of your system hey."

The faintest tinge of red coated the Hokage's cheeks and she scratched her eyebrow awkwardly. "Uh, yeah. All good now but."

Hearing a groan, the two of them looked over and saw the sage pull himself to his feet. Quickly grabbing him, Tsunade marched him over to a spare chair and tossed him into it.

"Ok Jiraiya. Naruto here wants to know what you found out about the seal. Now spill before I have to make you."

Holding his head, Jiraiya held up a hand. "Yeah, yeah. Just hold the threats for a moment babe. Still getting over that last one."

Reaching into his coat with his other hand, Jiraiya pulled out a bunch of papers and laid them out in front of them.

"Alright. What I managed to work out was that essentially the seal is changing. I'm not sure how, or why, or even if the Forth meant for it to do this, but it is."

Naruto and Tsunade looked at him, unamused. "You didn't tell us anything we didn't already know."

Jiraiya hummed an answer and pulled out the replica of Naruto's current seal and the way it should have looked. "Ok, well, you can see here that there are these small, weird swirls starting to form off to the left hand side. I can kinda understand what they are but they make no sense..."

Looking up at Naruto seriously, he motioned at her shirt. "Show me the seal now."

Naruto gripped the hem of her shirt and pulled it down while Tsunade glared at him. Sighing, he rubbed his head.

"Look, while a flash of boob would be fantastic, I actually need to check to see if the seal has changed when you have transformed into a girl. Ok? I promise that I won't touch anything."

Naruto's eyes thinned but she nodded never the less. Slowly lifting her shirt, she stopped it just beneath her breasts. Jiraiya let out a small sigh of disappointment but continued on with his work.

"Ok, mould some chakra..."

Seeing the seal come into focus, Jiraiya held up the two sketches either side of Naruto's tummy and frowned.

"Well, this is weird."

"What?"

He pointed at Naruto's belly button. "That's the center of your stomach yeah? Well have a look, the seal has moved ever so slightly to the right. Those swirlies have also extended a bit."

Pressing the paper down over Naruto's stomach, Jiraiya carefully kept his face neutral to hide the joy he was getting from touching her soft skin. "It's definitely a very strange occurrence indeed."

Frowning again, he traced the seal with a finger, poker mask still firmly in place. "It's almost like the whole seal itself is growing."

Groaning, he pushed himself to his feet and cracked his back. "In any case, I need to find out more about this. While I don't know what it is exactly, what I can definitely say though is that the seal is not compromised in any way."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Naruto lowered her shirt and looked up at the taller adults happily.

"However..."

Naruto's stomach dropped with the word.

"...With how the seal is progressing, I'm going to have to follow you around to see how it's changing. Looks like you're gona be having some good fun times with your uncle Jiraiya! Aren't you excited, Naruto-chan?"

Unable to hold his mask any longer, the perve face broke through in full force, fingers waving lecherously and everything. While Tsunade proceeded to redeposit Jiraiya back into the wall, Naruto groaned and dropped her head into her hands. This was the last thing she wanted.

XxXxXxX

_A/N – Woo! Good chapter! I had alot of fun writing that one and I really think it's one of the funniest chapters I have written so far. Atleast, I hope so. It better be or else! *Shakes fist menacingly* It also has plot progression too so that's all fronts covered. *Smiles proudly* Anyway, I'll be seeing you fine people next chapter!_

_Lanky Nathan_


	19. Chapter 19

_Alright! Last chapter I set a little open ended challenge to everyone to see who could guess the ending to the story. Well, __Inuyonas sat down, had a thought and worked it out. In the process, he gets a prize of his choice, whether it be a drawing, story or whatever, so long as it's internetable. So congrats Inuyonas!_

_Anyone else who wants a guess is more than welcome though and the little comp is still open for those interested._

_But yeah. Story._

**Chapter 19**

Naruto was striding along happily. Behind him was Jiraiya, grumping away unhappily to himself. The reason being was that Naruto had swapped genders just a short time after they left Tsunade and as such, left the old pervert babysitting something he was not interested in at all. Sighing, he kicked a rock across the road and sighed again. Seeing no reaction, Jiraiya sighed again, louder. And then again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

...

And again.

"DAMNIT YOU OLD PERVERTED FROG STOP SIGHING!"

Dropping his arms weakly, he looked at the boy in distress. "But it's so _boring_! Can't you change over so I atleast have something sexy to look at while I wait?"

Naruto sent the man a glare. "Why would I? YOU'RE the one who stuck his hand up to follow me around all day. Besides, even if I actually wanted to, I can't. Ever since I lost control, I can't change between boy and girl."

Jiraiya whined and looked at the ground in despair. "Well that's just great. I'm stuck playing sitter for this brat, and he can't even make it worth my while."

Naruto's hackles raised and he pointed a finger at the man. "OI! I'm right here Ero-Sennin! I don't even want you following me! You can't teach me anything right now either so you're completely useless!"

Puffing up indignantly, Jiraiya glared at him. "What are you talking about you ungrateful little whelp? I have years of experience in both battles and relationships that someone like you should be _begging_ to ask me about."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "I hated history enough in academy. I don't wana hear it from you. And as for relationships, what would you know? If I wanted to know how to get a dirty girl for one sleezy night in some skanky love hotel, then yeah, I'd come to you. Till then though, no."

Jiraiya looked away proudly. "So what? It's not like you could do any better. Atleast I can actually get girls."

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "And I wana actually remember their names. The only girl you can remember is Tsunade baa-chan and that's because she's been blowing you off for years."

Jiraiya just smiled at him knowingly. "Ah, but it's those ones that blow you off that are worth chasing! I'd follow that woman to the ends of the earth and back if it would get me a date."

Naruto just gave him a dead stare. "So you're openly admitting you have a stalking problem?"

Jiraiya gave him a puzzled look. "What's to declare? It's public knowledge."

Slapping his face, Naruto gave up on ever understanding the old lecher. Taking one last look at him, Naruto just started walking, intent on ignoring him. Shoving his hands in his pockets, said man just began strolling after his little blond charge, whistling an annoying tune. After a while though, it started annoying him as he forgot the rest of the song and ended up whistling a loop so he stopped. Looking around, he started playing a favourite game of his. He liked to call it surprise size. It was just guess the measurements of the hottest girl in sight and then use his amazing ninja talents to find out if he was right.

Meanwhile, Naruto was struggling to concentrate on nothing while the old pervert behind him was muttering away. All he was hearing was little giggles, squeaks and random numbers being emitted at random intervals. Finally having had enough, the blond spun around and glared at the man.

"WHAT are you doing?"

Jiraiya just pointed at a fairly attractive girl. "Chest, 89cm. Waist, 61cm. Hips, 81cm."

He then concentrated for a second before scowling. "Damn. One centimeter out on all. Must be a bad day."

Naruto just looked at him oddly. "You're guessing everyone's measurements?"

Jiraiya gave him a dirty look. "Pfft hell no what do you take me for? I only guess the sexy ladies sizes."

Naruto growled. He then pointed at every girl in the area that he knew Jiraiya would like and listed their sizes.

"Ok, you know them now. Can you please shut up now?"

Jiraiya's eyes widened when he heard that. Looking at the nearest 10 girls, he sent his little frog hopping over and gasped. "You're right! On all of them! How did you do that?"

Naruto just shrugged. "What does it matter? You know the sizes, you can be quiet. Simple."

Jiraiya shook his head. "No, seriously, that is an amazing talent! Tell me, what is Tsunade's sizes?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Chest, 106cm. Waist, 65cm. Hips, 85cm."

Jiraiya leaned back in surprise. "Do you have any idea how long it took me to get those numbers? How did you get them? Huh?"

Naruto grinned slyly. "Ok Ero-Sennin, how tall am I?"

Jiraiya chuckled. "You mean how short. You're a midget."

For once Naruto didn't arc up. "How tall is Tsunade?"

Jiraiya made a motion about his shoulder height.

"So, with her that tall, and me this tall, where abouts does that put me on her figure?"

Jiraiya had a quick think before his eyes widened. "That is so not fair! It's like a permanent peep show of those lovely breasts!"

Naruto's grin widened. "Not what I was meaning but I knew that's what you'd come up with so sucks to be you. What actually happens is her tag hangs out the back of her shirt all the time and I noticed I happened to guess the right numbers."

Jiraiya desperately tried to hold back the tears at the unfairness of it all. "But how did you even guess in the first place?"

Naruto shrugged again. "I duno. Like I said, I just know."

Jiraiya crossed his arms and huffed. "Well that just makes my day even worse."

Naruto chuckled. "And that just made my day complete."

*Bamph*

Jiraiya looked up and instantly started drooling ferociously. "WHO'S MY GIRL!"

Naruto sighed. "Ok, I take that back. My day sucks now too."

Trying her best to ignore the fapping pervert, Naruto spun around and started running away. "Screw this. I've had enough of him for the moment."

Unfortunately though, Jiraiya instantly appeared in front of Naruto, although with a more normal face on. Taking a few steps back, Naruto raised her fists.

"What, you wana go old man? Come on, I'll pick you apart!"

Jiraiya shook his head and twitched. "Not now Naruto. I need to check that seal."

Naruto eyed him suspiciously as he twitched again. "I don't trust you. You're up to something."

Jiraiya just knelt down. "Look, do you wana be able to train again or not? Now let me see."

Hearing her training being put on the line, Naruto hesitated for a second but then slowly lifted her shirt. Instantly Jiraiya slapped the two seals over Naruto's tummy and checked their placement.

"Mmm... it has definitely moved again. Those swirls are forming something too..."

Looking over her breasts, Naruto tried to see the seal. "Ugg... I hate these boobs. I can't see anything!"

Ever the gentleman, Jiraiya instantly reached out and pushed Naruto's boobs flat. Shrieking, Naruto jumped back and glared at the pervert.

"What the hell? I trust you and you grab my tits?"

Jiraiya shook his head. Seeming he had just got his pervy fix, the twitch stopped. But he wasn't gona tell Naruto that. "No, I was pushing them flat so you could see the seal too."

"Yeah bullcrap. You just wanted to cop a feel! I feel totally violated!"

Frowning slightly, Jiraiya squinted at Naruto. "Uh, sorry to change the subject, but are you feeling ok?"

Looking at the man cautiously, Naruto nodded. "Yeah I'm ok, except for when you groped me."

Jiraiya nodded slowly. "Hmmm. Maybe so, but... something seems different. While I may be Konoha's super pervert, I do notice the little things and your attitude has changed somewhat. Have you been experiencing anything like that lately?"

Looking at him in surprise, Naruto nodded. "Yeah! I actually disowned orange!"

While any other person would just laugh, Jiraiya actually took it seriously. He knew how much the boy loved orange and to actually badmouth the colour was like a taboo to him. So to say that while he was a she...

"Anything else? Had any attraction to the opposite sex?"

Naruto looked at him incredulously. "Well, dur, I am a guy."

Jiraiya slapped his head. "No, I meant while you are girl. Have you had any weird feelings for any guys? Feelings like when you look at Sakura for example."

Naruto went to say something but paused, blushed and then started dry reaching. Jiraiya watched as his student ran and heaved into the bushes beside the road.

"I'll take that as a yes. I can say I'd be doing the same thing too if it was happening to me."

*huck* "I am not attracted to Sasuke. I am not attracted to Shino. I am not attracted to Neji, or Kiba, or any boy for that matter." *huck* "Oh I feel disgusting... What is wrong with me?"

Jiraiya smirked hearing Naruto. "Well, it's just natural for a growing girl to like boys."

Naruto instantly stood up, every hair raised.

"I AM NOT A GIRL!"

Jiraiya chuckled. "At the moment you are. It sure felt like it in any case."

Grabbing her chest, Naruto growled. "So you DID do it just to cop a feel."

Jiraiya shook his head. "No, not intentionally but it helped prove my point. You are physically a girl and I might press to imagine, becoming a girl mentally too."

Naruto's eyes widened as realisation set in. "No. No, I am a little boy! I'm not a girl! I'm not turning into one! Ero-Sennin I don't wana be a girl!"

Instantly bursting into tears, Naruto ran into a surprised Jiraiya's chest and grabbed a hold of his shirt. Holding his arms up in confusion, the man hesitantly patted Naruto's back.

"Uh... there, there Naruto. You're not a girl. Well, actually you are but – "

He was cut off as Naruto let out a wail when she heard that.

"BUT, when you are a boy, you are a boy. Not a sign of girliness present. Did you hear me?"

Sobbing into his shirt a couple of times, Naruto nodded. "So what's happening to me?"

Jiraiya sighed and scratched the back of his head. "I wish I knew kid. Anyhow, let's see that seal again. See if I can't work anything out for you yeah?"

Nodding shyly, Naruto listed her shirt timidly and let Jiraiya lift the seals up.

'I'm so glad I only have to deal with this for half a day. Sucks for Tsunade who's got her all tonight.'

Seeing a hopeful Naruto peaking over the top of her breasts, Jiraiya sighed. Time for a white lie. "Hmm... well, it seems like this swirl here is indicating a mental change. It's only just appeared though so that may be what's causing it. Once the seal right's itself though, this will disappear and you'll be back to normal."

Squealing happily, Naruto clapped. "Woo! Guy power!"

Jiraiya looked around and saw a few bystanders give him a seedy look when Naruto cried out. Coughing, the man just ignored the displeased stares and continued checking the seal. Stares like that would do nothing to him. The levels of embarrassment he had had endured on his travels would be enough to kill any of these mortals.

*Bamph*

Coughing, the duo waved the smoke away.

*cough* "Perfect timing!" *cough, cough* "Let's see if anything changed." *Achoo!*

When it cleared, Jiraiya wiped the snot off Naruto's belly and looked at the seal. "It progressed further. Naruto, I'm not sure what's going on but I think you really need to come with me back to see Tsunade."

Looking down at his stomach, Naruto frowned. The seal had definitely grown and was now looking like a sideways egg.

"Yeah... I guess so. That's the fastest I've ever changed back from girl to boy too."

Nodding grimly, Jiraiya stood up. "Right. Back to the Hokage."

Picking Naruto up, he jumped off to the protests of the boy.

XxXxXxX

Jumping in through the window, a bored Tsunade looked up from her paper work. "Back so soon?"

Dropping Naruto onto his head, Jiraiya nodded. "Yup. The seal is starting to deform at a faster rate than before. It's now the shape of an egg."

Pulling the boy to his feet, Jiraiya showed Tsunade the seal. "Now, no matter what kind of seal you're using, it is always symmetrical. Symmetry is the key to making a good seal work."

Tsunade nodded. "Yeah, I already know that. So why's Naruto's an egg? How is it working?"

Jiraiya then just stood back up scratching his head. "That's what I don't get. I have never seen anything like this and I have no explanation as to why it's happening. I don't even know why the seal is still actually working. For all intents and purposes, the second the seal started growing, Konoha should have been levelled by the Kyuubi breaking free."

Naruto and Tsunade instantly stiffened when they heard this.

"So what the fox is gona break out of me?"

Seeing the boy beginning to panic, Jiraiya placed a calming hand on his head. "No, no, no. If that was to happen, it would have already have happened ages ago. Besides, have you heard anything from it lately?"

Naruto shook his head slowly. "Nothing more than the spikes of chakra it gives off when I change."

"Yoki. But yeah, you see? Nothing has changed, everything is ok. The seals just disfigured, that's all. Ok?"

Naruto sighed. "But that's what's so freaky! Everyone should be dead now... I don't know what's going on! I wish I never invented the stupid Oiroke no Jutsu."

Inhaling sharply, Jiraiya waved his hands in front of Naruto's face. "Hey, hey, not so hasty! It is a brilliant diversionary jutsu that even took down the previous Hokage yeah?"

Pausing a moment, Naruto relented. "Yeah, I s'pose you're right."

Sighing in relief, Jiraiya turned back to face Tsunade. "Anyhow, I recommend that someone stays with the boy until whatever this is climaxes. I don't know what to expect so hanging around with him would be best until then."

Nodding in agreement, Tsunade looked up at her old team mate. "If that's the case, can you look after him for the rest of the day? I really can't with all this crap lying around."

She motioned to the mini Everest of paperwork.

"But tonight, I suppose I can look after him. I really don't want Naruto exposed to your sleeze any more than necessary."

Puffing up, Jiraiya thumbed in Naruto's direction. "I was planning to drop you with him tonight anyway. I have... things to do. Oh, and girl or boy, he is my student and I won't be doing anything dirty to corrupt his mind."

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and I hate gambling. Now get out and don't bother me until five unless it's urgent."

XxXxXxX

_A/N – Ever had one of those moments where you just get into this epic typing mood and BAM you pump out a bajillian words in under an hour? Yeah, I just totally had that. Was good too! Rather happy where this is going. PLOT DEVELOPMENT!_

_I also gotta say, I don't actually know Tsunade's sizes, save for her bust. I tried finding it but the only listing was for her boobs. If anyone knows them, just leave them in a review and I'll change it over =)_

_But yeah, see ya's next chapter._

_Kthxluvyasbye_

_Lanky Nathan_


	20. Chapter 20

_Alright! I just wanted to start the Twentieth chapter off with a rant about Naruto Shippuuden movie 4. For those who haven't seen it, I'm not gona say much about anything but I'll still put spoilers around it just so I don't get anyone raging at me._

_***Start not much of a spoiler and more of a rant***_

_WHAT THE HELL NARUTO? Or whoever directed the movie. Dead set talk about a two trick pony. But ok, let's talk about Naruto's goals first. He wants to be the greatest Hokage ever. Fine dream and damn well hope he gets there. Ok, to be the Hokage, you need to be the strongest ninja in the village/world. This is where my gripe comes in as you will find..._

_Naruto is fighting this bad dude and he's getting owned. Like, totally and completely dominated. So, what does he do? Kage Bunshin! Cool, it's a sick move does well in most situations, good choice. He then gets worked like all hell. Alright, gotta rethink the strategy. Maybe Rasengan? Ok, try that. Epic fail was epic. Hmmm, so seeming they don't work individually, why not put them together? Fair call... buuuut, nope fail. So what else should a ninja of his calibre try... I know! _

_Kage Bunshin!_

_No? Then maybe..._

_Kage Bunshin!_

_Hmm. No deal. How about – _

_Kage Bunshin!_

_What? No way you defeated my Kage Bunshin? Well, in that case try my..._

_Kage Bunshin!_

_You see the pattern? Like what the hell batman? You think after realising it doesn't work the FIRST HUNDRED TIMES that it's not gona work at all! But nooooo, whoever did that movie had Naruto use the same move over and over and over and over and over to the point I was like ALRIGHT ALREADY WE REALISE IT DOESN'T WORK! DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT DAMN YOU! Honestly after watching that you'd think Naruto has the IQ of a retarded dog. Not cool. I don't think I've ever been more frustrated and disappointed in a movie. Yeah, Naruto is one determined S.O.B. but there is a limit to just how far determination and one trick will get you. Seriously._

_If it wasn't for the amazing animation I wouldn't even bother keep the file._

_*** End not much of a spoiler and more of a rant***_

_*Sigh* _

_Ok, now with that out of my system, I can continue. I actually have a few shout outs too!_

_Firstly, __Shiso no Kitsune. He worked out the challenge and for his reward, asked for an omake of his choosing at the end of the story. So thanks to him, you get a super sized chapter! I suggest you thank him for being awesome..._

_And secondly, I topped 300 reviews! How good is that? Granted, there are a whole lot of fics out there that have over ten times the reviews I do but still, it's an achievement for me! The 300__th __note was claimed by a champion by the name of __**Slayer End **__and he left me a stellar review so for that, I thank you and every other one of my amazing fans for helping me reach this benchmark! _

_For the record too, the bit where Naruto says 'I love you' to Sasuke is just Naruto being obnoxious. I can see him doing that just to get under someone's skin so DON'T TAKE IT LITERALLY. _

_Now, with possibly the longest intro ever out of the road, we have another chapter to read!_

**Chapter 20**

Over the next few hours, Naruto's 'incidents' gradually increased in frequency. It would come as no surprise then that this had Jiraiya on an emotional rollercoaster.

For a few ever so brief moments, he would be lost in ecstasy as he escorted the most gorgeous blond he had ever seen around Konoha, only to have his heart smashed upon the cold hard ground of reality every time Naruto swapped back. It was a seriously tiring experience. Currently though, Jiraiya was floating on cloud 9.

"Oh come on babe, won't you just give me a little peak?"

"For the one MILLIONTH TIME, NO!"

"Please? I'll stop asking if you give me a quick peep show..."

"I swear, if you weren't a freaking Sannin I would have killed you by now."

"...Please?"

"ARRGH! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Jiraiya just giggled and leered at Naruto's sizeable chest. "Now, what size would you be?"

Jumping back in horror, Naruto squealed. "What is your problem old man? You're perving on a _guy_!"

Jiraiya reached out to tussle Naruto's hair, only to have his hand slapped away indignantly. The man then snickered as Naruto quickly ran her fingers through her hair, pulling the few lose locks back into place.

"Yeah, you're _such_ a guy right now my little Naru-chan!"

Screaming girlishly, Naruto pointed at her stalker in fury. "Will you just leave me alone? I cannot handle this anymore!"

Jiraiya just stood up straight and puffed his chest out. "I'll have you know that I have been especially signed to watch over you, courtesy of the Hokage's word. I am going nowhere as it is my duty to my village and Hokage that I keep you safe." The grand speech then fell flat on its face. "So give ol' uncle Jiraiya a geeze!"

A hand then unexpectedly whipped out and caught the man fair across the face. The following screech then would have turned him completely deaf had he not known basic medical ninjutsu. "NO! No matter how much you ask, or beg, or bribe, the answer will always be NO! You are giving me the biggest headache so just leave me the hell alone!"

Naruto then whirled around and stomped away, completely and utterly livid with fury. Jiraiya ignored the multiple stares he was getting as he rubbed his cheek. While this was nothing out of the ordinary for him, he was actually conducting a test of sorts. With Naruto's seal changing so drastically, the seal master was convinced it was effecting her emotions too. So for the last several hours he had done nothing but attempt to molest the girl. His findings, while occasionally pleasant and rather sexy, were backing up his hypothesis. Naruto was turning into a girl, in every way possible. He had seen the scans Tsunade had, he had seen the evidence, hell, he even had felt the evidence. And with that, the last thing to change was her personality and emotions. Rubbing his cheek some more, another thought popped into his head.

'She seems far more angry than normal. That slap had some real power behind it! Heh, must be that time of... the... no freaking way.'

He watched the girl stalk away, the general populace quickly making a wide berth for the fuming female. She was cranky alright, no doubt about that. She also had the headaches but other than that, there were no other symptoms. Frowning, Jiraiya cupped his chin. While he may be overreacting a bit, in this case, it was DEFINATELY better to be safe than sorry. Jogging to catch up to his charge, he called out to her.

"Yo, Naruto! Look, I'm sorry about all that ok? How about I treat you to something?"

There was a puff of smoke and a resigned looking male Naruto sighed as he looked down at the ground. "Yeah, whatever. I suppose I can't get rid of you just yet anyway. The sooner you fix this, the sooner I can train. Besides, if you weren't pervy, then you wouldn't be my pervy sage!"

Naruto flashed the man a fake smile which Jiraiya returned. His head however was focused on other things.

'That mood swing was enormous. Far bigger than any man or woman could hope to experience. It's almost like there's two totally different people living within his body without him even knowing. This is rather troubling. I best play it safe for the moment.'

Reaching out to tussle Naruto's head, he succeeded this time and began walking down the road; boy by his side.

"So, what do you feel like my young student?"

He already knew what he wanted so mouthed the word as Naruto shouted his answer. Smiling, Jiraiya then began leading Naruto down the street.

"Don't you ever get tired of ramen boy? Like, it's tasty and all, but really there is so much more out there!"

Naruto then turned serious and looked up at Jiraiya sternly. "Ramen is only the greatest food of all time. Not only is it filling, it comes in a wide variety of flavours and is high in carbohydrates, exactly what a growing body like mine needs. It also has a high sodium content which is the perfect cure for muscle cramps. It is delicious, nutritious and above all, incredibly tasty."

Jiraiya stopped and stared at his pupil. "Did you memorise all that?"

Naruto blinked several times. "Memorise what?"

Jiraiya's eyes widened slightly before he started walking again. "Uh, nothing. You know, don't mention that again ok?"

Not quite understanding, Naruto just nodded. The duo then fell into silence for a bit until Naruto spied something. A very profitable something. Profitable being filling in Naruto's books. Tugging on his teachers' sleeve, Naruto looked up at him.

"Hey, can I put a rain-cheque on your free meal?"

Raising an eyebrow, Jiraiya nodded. "Uh, yeah, I suppose. What's this about?"

Naruto just grinned. "I don't think you'll have to pay for me today, that's all. Wait here k?"

Dashing off, Naruto disappeared around a corner and left a confused Jiraiya standing aimlessly on the street. It wasn't too long though until Jiraiya heard a voice start shouting angrily.

"Just leave me be you retard! Go pester someone else!"

"Na-ah you promised and I'm calling in that favour now! Just think, one day down, only six to go!"

"NO!"

"Awww come on Sasuke, don't tell me you've gone back on your word? Doesn't the last Uchiha have any honour left?"

"Ooooooh that's dirty dobe."

"Heh heh it works doesn't it?"

"... I hate you. I hate you so much."

"I love you too Ducky-kun! Now, RAMEN!"

Appearing around the corner came Naruto with the biggest, sleaziest grin ever plastered across his face. He was also dragging a highly reluctant heart throb along by his shirt, every fibre of his being emanating complete and utter revulsion toward the event. Coming to a stop in front of Jiraiya, Naruto bounced on his toes while Sasuke looked for an escape.

"Sasuke just offered to buy me all you can eat! How awesome is that?"

Jiraiya could not bring himself to believe it was voluntary as he looked at the two teens. "Oh really? Why did he agree to it?"

Naruto tapped a finger to his forehead as he remembered. "Well, Sasuke was getting chased by his fan girls and I just happened to be there and –"

"Say one more word and I will kill you where you stand, consequences be damned."

Giggling again, Naruto looked up at the amused man. "So, shall we?"

Nodding, Jiraiya then watched as Naruto towed Sasuke along by his shirt as the energetic blond sprinted towards his home away from home. Shaking his head and laughing to himself, Jiraiya started after the two in a slow jog. No need to interrupt the love birds just yet.

XxXxXxX

Sasuke was currently cradling his head in his hands. At every cry of "MORE!" his mood dropped even further. While he may have had his entire heritance behind him, Naruto was eating at such a pace that he thought even his generous bank savings would be run dry by the seventh day. Looking up the blonds smirking teacher, Sasuke sent the older man a glare.

"You didn't have to come. This is just me upholding a deal then I'm leaving."

Jiraiya just chuckled knowingly. "Oh, that's ok. I just wana see if anything interesting happens."

Sasuke grimaced at the insinuation of more horror to come. Poking his own cooling ramen, he flinched again when Naruto called out for what seemed his fiftieth bowl. Just as he received it though, Naruto went up in a cloud of smoke. Coughing, the customers waved their hands to clear the air. When they could see again, Naruto was now tucking into her meal again although with a bit less gusto and more refinement. Raising an eyebrow, Sasuke noticed the change but just passed it off as the crazy blond's weirdness coming into play again. Jiraiya however had started eyeing them in anticipation. Not knowing something that directly affected himself always made him nervous and right now, his alarm bells were going off chops.

Coughing, Sasuke decided now was a good time to leave. "Ok Naruto. I'm going now whether you're full or not. What do I owe?"

Hearing the price, Sasuke struggled to stop himself from face-palming and handed over the desired amount. It was then that he felt a _very_ unwelcome body attach itself to his person.

"Thanks Sasuke-san! I know its part of the deal but it was still really nice of you. So, yeah, thanks!"

The beaming smile that was being directed at him instantly made him feel very anxious. "What the hell dobe? Why are you hugging me? Do you think I _wanted_ to buy you this? What is wrong with you?"

Eyes wide, Naruto instantly sprung back and decided that the floor was very interesting. "Uh, I – um... uh, you know, hugs amongst friends?"

Sasuke took a worried step back. "No. Hugs amongst girls are to be expected. Hugs like that are NOT to be expected between guys. You are way to freaking weird man... please don't follow me!"

With that, he fled the restaurant like a pack of rabid fan girls were chasing him.

Naruto was now staring down at her hands in a mixture of horror, disgust and disbelief. Jiraiya chuckled a moment before quickly plugging his ears.

"**WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?"**

Grabbing the girl, he shunshined her away to a safer place and set her down on a stump. The girl just continued to stare at her shaking hands in a comatose. Seeing her reaction, he shook his head and sat down beside her. He didn't know if it was the right thing to tell her the extent of what he discovered but after that show, it was time, no matter how funny he found it. Leaning back, he glanced at Naruto out of the corner of his eye.

"So do you know what's happening?"

Naruto didn't move a muscle when she answered. "I'm turning into a full blown girl. Aren't I?"

Jiraiya secretly smiled. He really didn't want to tell her that so the fact she figured it out herself helped heaps. Keeping an impassive face, he sighed.

"Yeah, I believe so. Not temporarily either."

Naruto sighed and looked up at her teacher in sadness. "I really didn't wana be a girl. I hate this."

Seeing the self-loathing, Jiraiya quickly leant in and put a firm hand on her head. "Yes, it's ok to hate this, but there surely must be a reason for this and I WILL figure it out. Trust me. And while you do seem to be turning into a girl in every sense of the word, have you noticed though that your male side hasn't changed at all? When you're a boy, you are completely a boy. But when you're a girl, you are becoming more and more a girl. So I'd hazard a guess that while you may be becoming a girl while a girl, it won't affect you at all while you're a boy. Understand?"

Naruto nodded unhappily and looked down. "Yeah, I s'pose. I really don't wana be like this though. I mean, I just _hugged_ Sasuke! Like, what the hell? He's a total douche! I wouldn't wana hug him even if I was a girl!"

Jiraiya chuckled. "Apparently not." Waving down the glare, he continued. "Wait, wait, wait, you didn't hear me out. Why do you think so many girls chase him? Yeah, he has a bad background but so do you. So why? Because he is a good looker. It doesn't matter how undesirable your personality may be, if you look ok, the physical attraction will remain, even a little bit. So with you becoming a girl, you can't totally stomp away the face that you are now a tiny bit attracted to him. Besides, he is pretty sexy isn't he?"

Naruto gave Jiraiya a wide eyes look and shuffled away from him. "W-what? Do you like boys too?"

Jiraiya raised his eyebrows and reached out to grab Naruto's shoulder. "NO! Not at all! It's more like..."

In a horrified screech, Naruto fell off the stump and scooted away from the man on her backside. "STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

Quickly following her, Jiraiya tried to calm her down. "No, Naruto wait! Let me explain!"

Shaking her head, she ran away again.

XxXxXxX

A traumatised Naruto now huddled behind Tsunade's impressive build, glaring heatedly at a highly frustrated Jiraiya. Seeing the tension, Tsunade pointed at the door. "Naruto, out. I'll make sure Jiraiya doesn't follow you. Ok?"

Never once taking his eyes off him, Naruto cautiously made his way to the door before dashing out of it. Sighing, Tsunade rubbed her brow and slumped back into her seat.

"So now what happened?"

Jiraiya dropped into his own seat, exhausted after having to chase the girl turned boy all over Konoha for the entire afternoon. Ignoring Tsunade's cry of protest, he took a sip of the ever present bottle of sake on the Hokage's desk and leaned back.

"You wouldn't believe what kind of afternoon I've had. I'm so glad it's your turn to mind the kid."

Tsunade shook her head and sighed again. "When it comes to Naruto, most anything is believable. Care to enlighten me then?"

Jiraiya nodded tiredly. "Yeah. It went something like this. After we left, I tested a theory I had on Naruto. Basically, I tormented him whenever he was a girl to see his reactions."

Tsunade leaned in dangerously, cocking back a fist. "That just sounds like you normally, pervert."

Quickly holding his hands up, he waved at her disarmingly. "No, no, no not like that! Well, yes, but it was for a reason! I was thinking that Naruto was completely turning into a girl and I wanted to see just how true that was! To do that I did stuff every normal female hates and didn't I get a corker of a reaction every time. Tsunade-hime, Naruto is pretty much a girl in every way now. He even went as far as _hugging_ Sasuke after he treated her to lunch!"

Tsunade's eyes doubled in size and she leant over the desk in disbelief. "NO WAY! They are like the biggest rivals since you and Orochimaru! Why did he even treat Naruto to lunch in the first place?"

Jiraiya nodded. "I know. It seemed Naruto did something for Sasuke in return for a week's worth of ramen bought for him. I tried to find out what but Sasuke seemed rather adamant that it was kept secret. But anyway, seeming Naruto is a propper girl now whenever he changes over, he's... no, _she's _now attracted to the opposite gender like any other normal girl. I merely tried to enlighten her to that fact and that's when she decided to run away from me. She swapped back to a he during the chase sometime too. I mucked up my words somehow and how he thinks I like boys."

Tsunade giggled into her hand furiously while a blushing Jiraiya just struggled to hold his composure. Eventually though, the woman's laughter subsided enough to allow her speech.

"Well, it wouldn't surprise me if you went through a guy to get the girl!"

Puffing up heatedly, Jiraiya glared at the laughing woman. "I'll have you know I have a STRICT no pole policy! It doesn't matter how hot the girl, if there is a guy involved, I am out of there!"

Tsunade just laughed even more at the thought while Jiraiya fumed to himself. After several minutes, the woman still didn't seem like she was going to stop anytime soon so Jiraiya just stomped over to the window angrily.

"Fine then. I _was_ going to tell you what other kind of problems Naruto was having and how to combat them but if that's how you are, I'll just leave you with this. Naruto changes gender every couple of hours now and I think his female form is coming up for her monthlies. Laters."

The laughter instantly stopped and Tsunade rushed to the window in terror as Jiraiya disappeared from view.

"**WHAT?"**

XxXxXxX

_A/N – not as funny a chapter as I have written but it is leading up to the climax of the story. I'd say there are maybe 2 or 3 chapters left in this baby? Not sure but that's a rough estimate. In any case, it's close to being completed. _

_NOW! Here comes __Shiso no Kitsune's Omake! This is kinda unrelated to the story but never the less; it could happen if given the right circumstances. It involves Naruto and Tenten, right after they watched the 'educational' video with Tsunade. Enjoy!_

XxXxXxX

**Caring for Your Weapons - An Omake for Shiso no Kitsune**

Naruto trudged along, bored out of his mind. Quite literally, he was bored out of his mind and for good reason too. After that rather anatomically graphic movie he had been forced to watch, Naruto was quite happy to be 'not at home'. Ambling along, he noticed his aimless trek had led him to the target practice area. He knew he had been forbidden to train, but throwing weapons didn't really need any chakra so didn't count. Lining up, he pulled out the few mandatory kunai he always carried and concentrated before launching a few at the nearest target. His aim was still abysmal but without a little chakra it was even worse. Sighing, he wandered over to the other side of the target and collected his weapons. Concentrating again, he threw them back at the target, missing again but this time he managed to get a rather girly shriek from the other side of the board. Running over, he saw Tenten standing there in surprise, having dodged the poorly thrown kunai. Seeing her assailant, she glared at him and shook one of the metal things at him.

"Is this yours?"

Naruto nodded sheepishly. "Uh, yeah, my bad. Sorry about that Tenten-chan."

Sighing, she handed them back to him and put her hands on her hips. "Seriously Naruto, there's a reason why these targets are ONE WAY."

Naruto nodded and looked away. "I know, but I kinda wasn't thinking. I haven't really tried to think of anything since that night with Tsunade."

Tenten instantly blushed at the memory. Oh horrors of horrors. Quickly shaking herself from the dirty thoughts, she nodded. "Uh, yeah I can sympathise with that."

She shivered again and the two of them fell into an uncomfortable silence. It lasted that way for a little bit until they slowly looked back up at each other. They didn't move for a moment until both of their eyes slowly began to drop.

Past the neck...

Past the shoulders...

Past the chest, wait, no, pause there for a second. Hmm, nice. Continue.

Down, past the stomach, down to the...

Lingering on each other for a moment, they then realised what just happened and both turned into a flapping, blushing mess of action, desperate to forget what just happened. It was Tenten that took the initiative and managed to get out a few squeaky words.

"S-so Naruto! You seem t-to be struggling with y-your throws! Want a hand with that?"

Not as trusting of his voice, Naruto just nodded. Quickly running to his side, Tenten over emphasised everything in an attempt to make him forget... stuff.

"S-so, to throw a kunai correctly, you need to hold the blade by the handle. Raise your arm at the elbow so the blade is pointing straight behind you. In one motion, bring your arm down and release it as the tip of blade points toward your target. Ok?"

Nodding numbly, Naruto did as instructed and hit the target a little left of bulls-eye. It seemed he threw better when he wasn't thinking. Tenten however cheered far too ecstatically and turned to the still numb boy.

"Brilliant Naruto! Hi-5!"

Still not completely over the previous embarrassment, she threw her hand out before the blond could react and high fived Naruto square in the face. Not noticing however, Tenten just pointed back at the target.

"Ok, that was good! Try this too. Hold the kunai with the blade in your palm and the handle pointing out, in line with your middle finger. Keeping your wrist straight, raise your arm and throw the blade as you bring it back down, putting enough spin on it so that the blade turns and points toward your target in flight."

Not really noticing the red hand print on his face, Naruto threw the kunai again and struck a little more out of aim. Seeing this Tenten shrugged and patted the boys shoulder.

"That's ok. Some styles suit other people better. Wana try some shuriken now?"

Naruto nodded and pulled out a few. Smiling a bit, he looked over at his teacher as she palmed her own.

"Raise your arm over your head as you would when throwing a ball. Focus on your target and release point. Bring your arm down and release the shuriken as it comes in line with your target. Put some spin on the blade so it turns through the air, allowing any one of the points to strike the target."

She demonstrated and the motioned for Naruto to do so. Now a bit more determined, Naruto eyed up his target and threw. The shuriken flew through the air and struck the far edge of the board. Frowning, Tenten looked at Naruto.

"What happened? Your first throw was near perfect!"

Naruto frowned too as he looked at it. "I duno! I just did what you said and threw."

Looking at his arm and then at the target, Tenten sighed. "Well, that's weird. What were you thinking about?"

Naruto shook his head. "Nothing, I was still a bit... gone from... you know..."

Now, when Tenten is just hanging around, she's just like any other girl. But when it came to weapons and their application, she was a dedicated master. Now just a calculating machine, she nodded.

"Ah ok! So all we need to do is make you go numb again."

Jumping behind Naruto, she quickly ran a gentle hand up the boy's leg, side and chest before taking up his arm in her own. He stiffened and Tenten leaned in close to his ear.

"Ok big boy, let's see what you can do as I guide you. Just lift your arm, see the target and _throw._"

She breathed into Naruto's ear warmly on the last word as he threw. His chakra spiked and in a poof, he went up in a cloud of smoke. Coughing, Tenten ran out of the smoke and looked over at the target. The shuriken had blasted a hole through the middle of the target, decimating it by the force of the throw.

Clapping joyously, Tenten bounced a few time on the spot. "Woo! That was awesome Naruto! I haven't seen anyone do that in ages!"

Smoke clearing, Naruto now stood there as a girl, wiping her eyes as she looked at the target.

"Wow! I did that? That is awesome!"

Tenten nodded enthusiastically. "Uh-ha! You could be a weapons specialist is you could control yourself!"

Naruto nodded determinedly. "I do! Let me try again."

Running over to Tenten, the girl grabbed Tenten up in a big hug and firmly gripped the kunoichi's backside. In a shrill squeal, Tenten stiffened as Naruto let go and lined up the target again. Concentrating, she threw and missed. Pouting, she stared at the defiant star.

"Damn. Didn't work. It must only work when you do it to me or something. Can you feel me up again?"

Tenten just squeaked in shock at the rapid turn of events. That was not how it was meant to happen.

"N-no, how could I? That was just to see if it worked!"

Not deterred, Naruto pressed her case. "Yeah, and it did! So do it again k? And keep doing it until we work out how to make me throw right without being fondled."

Tenten blushed as she looked at Naruto. "B-but you were a boy when I did that!"

Naruto shrugged. "So? I'm still a boy on the inside." Spinning around, she patted her bum and then wiggled it. "Come on! Time to get a handful of this!"

Hesitating, Tenten lifted a hand. Steeling herself, she shut her eyes tight and ran up, grabbing the blonds backside firmly. Hearing a girly squeak, she blushed heavily and ran her fingers down Naruto's arm.

"O-o-ok, n-now throw."

Hearing a loud thwak, Tenten peaked out through one eye and saw another bulls-eye. Naruto cheered loudly, jumping around in happy circles.

"This is so awesome! Thanks so much Tenten-chan!"

Tenten just nodded, still not quite over grabbing girl-Naruto's bum. Hearing Naruto stop, she looked at her.

"S-so we can safely assume you have a hidden talent here. W-well done!"

Naruto cheered again. "Yeah! Who's awesome? I'm awesome! Oh yeah, I've got enough awesome for three people! That's right! Time to get some more sexy time and throw!"

Jumping at Tenten, Naruto grabbed the girls hands and mushed them straight into her own chest. Tenten's face instantly lit up like an explosion as Naruto let out a small moan.

"Wow, I wasn't expecting it to feel like that. Ok... woah..."

Turning back to the target, Naruto hurled several kunai and shuriken all at once. Each struck a perfect bulls-eye. Shaking herself out of the strange haze, Naruto looked at her work and whooped happily.

"This is great! Tenten-chan! Did you see?"

Hearing nothing, Naruto turned around.

"Tenten?"

The girl lay sprawled on the grass, her eyes swirling and a small dribble of blood oozing from each nostril. Naruto's eyebrows raised when she saw the sight.

"Wow, I didn't realize Tenten was _that_ big of a closet pervert! Oh well, just wait until she wakes up and then we can go again!"

Settling herself down into the grass, Naruto grinned happily at the thought of continuing her 'training' as soon as her friend woke up.

XxXxXxX

_A/N x 2 – That omake was so much fun to write! I just did that all in one sitting and I loved it! It wasn't exactly what Shiso asked for but the story totally created itself. Sorry Shiso! I hope it's still ok mate. _

_So now, I take my leave. Hope you liked the chapter and if it moved you to review, please do! They really make my day. See ya's next chapter!_

_Lanky Nathan_


	21. Chapter 21

_Hey guys! Sorry for the late update. Tafe is finally drawing to a close and I have been frantic trying to get all the assignments and work finished on time. _

_I also wana say a big thankyou to SSokolow. He left me the longest review possible (over a full review page of 10'000 characters. That big) and I have been chatting with him for a while now of how to improve my writing style. This story won't change too much because of how far through it is, but the next story I undertake, I will definitely be putting some of his ideas into practice. _

_So with that massive wait done, I give you chapter two-one._

**Chapter 21**

Tsunade hesitated outside the room Naruto had disappeared into. She raised her hand to knock for the thousandth time but once again couldn't muster up the courage. Running her hand through her hair, she growled in annoyance. Damn that Jiraiya. If he hadn't chucked that sooky, she would have been a whole lot more prepared for this. Granted, he did have a reason, but still.

What made things worse was that now, Tsunade didn't know if it was gona be a male or female behind the door ever since the changes started speeding up. Shaking her head, she growled again and slapped her cheeks a few times.

"Come _on_, you're the freaking Hokage! You can face down leafs most powerful enemies without flinching and yet you can't even speak to Naruto. I s'pose though... he can be a bit of a handful... and most people can't understand what he is on about... bah, I'm such a wuss! Ok, let's do this."

Opening the door, Tsunade yelped and only just barely dodged the flying mud pie aimed at her face. Glaring at the room, a tuft of blond hair and a matching set of blue eyes poked over the coffee table.

"Baa-chan! So happy it's not Ero-Sennin. Dirty boy lover. Wonder when creepy ol' snake eyes sunk his fangs into him... oh, nice dodge by the way. I swear you were gona get hit for a second there."

Eye twitching, Tsunade stepped into the room only to have to jump high in the air, legs out in a perfect splits as a ball of what looked like feathers, gum and fur just missed her crotch. Landing, she screamed at the boy.

"NARUTO!"

The accused just pointed a finger at her. "I had to make sure you weren't Ero-Sennin in disguise. He would have squealed way louder than you with something like that aimed at his balls."

Staring at the little deviant, Tsunade struggled to put her frustrations into words. "I cannot comprehend you! Are you _really_ that suspicious of the old lecher? Where the hell did you get all that stuff from anyway?"

Naruto shook his head wisely. "A ninja never reveals his secrets. You should know that Baa-chan. Even I learnt that in academy."

Fighting her growing urge to thump the little troll, she took a deep, calming breath and levelled herself. Smoothing her shirt down, she allowed several seconds before smiling and walking forward. Her neck then prickled and she ducked down, only just avoiding the balloon filled with a substance she really didn't want to know about. Anything that smelled like that was definitely hazardous.

Snapping upright, Tsunade unleashed her crazy eye on Naruto and started cracking her knuckles. "Alright brat, there was no excuse for that one."

Having expertly caught the balloon of death, Naruto cocked his arm back. "Yes there was. A ninja will never trust his eyes. Everything is suspicious until proven otherwise."

An indent in the wall signified Naruto's abrupt arrival into it after Tsunade rushed forward and nailed him in the gut. Rubbing her fist, Tsunade sneered at the hole.

"That proof enough for you?"

Popping out of the wall, Naruto coughed the dust away and smiled at her. "Yup! Let me just take down the other traps..."

Tsunade's eyebrow rose as she watched the boy run from corner to corner. Her confusion quickly changed to amazement as trap after trap after trap was pulled from corners of the room the Hokage didn't even know existed.

"How... how did you even get all this set up so quickly?"

Naruto looked over his shoulder briefly as he worked. "Kage Bunshin is a wonderful thing."

Shaking her head, Tsunade sunk into the couch and rubbed her head. "Ok, remind me when you get a little bit older to allow you to completely remodel the Hokage tower's defence system weekly."

Pausing, Naruto shot his favourite grandmother a beaming smile. "Really? Honest and truly?"

Tsunade smirked up at him. "Who else can create such elaborate snares in the space of a few minutes? You do that and no one will ever be able to tell exactly how to infiltrate the tower."

Grinning, Naruto turned back. "Well you have my services at your disposal!"

Naruto then went up in a loud puff of smoke and a thump sounded out from the floor.

Naruto was now on her head, legs folded over her body after she slipped from the box she had been standing on. Groaning, she wriggled around until she fell to the side and sat up, rubbing her head.

"Awww that sucked. Tsunade Baa-chan, can you come watch me just in case I fall again?"

The blond woman's eyebrows instantly rose as she worked out what was just said.

"Excuse me?"

Naruto got up and dusted herself down before running her fingers through her hair, pulling it straight.

"Just come and stand here so you can catch me if I slip again. Please?"

Shocked beyond belief, Tsunade just nodded and walked up behind the girl. The prankster smiled happily before turning back to the trap. She then let out a small growl and started muttering.

"Honestly, what was I thinking? I should have done this totally different. Everyone expects roof traps. I should have booby-trapped the floor and lower walls."

Tsunade listened to the girl ramble and realised now what Jiraiya was on about.

'This... is like she is a completely different person! Does she even realise what she's mumbling about? Does she even realise what she just asked?'

Taking a breath, Tsunade wondered how to word her question. "Naruto..."

The girl looked over her shoulder. "Yes, Baa-chan?"

"Did... are you sure you want me watching you? I mean, before now you would push me away for being too protective."

Naruto nodded slowly. "Yeah... I suppose I would... hmmm. I duno, I guess I'd just rather not take the chance at the moment."

Turning back, Tsunade was then shocked to hear Naruto start humming a little tune to herself, surprisingly mostly on key too. Deciding to venture into the red area, Tsunade pressed on.

"Um, Naruto, did you realise you're being very... well, you're seeming a lot more softer than when you're a boy."

Pausing, Naruto thought on it. "Yeah, but I'm not minding too much actually. I wonder why?"

Shaking her head, Tsunade turned Naruto around. "Naruto, you are being _girly_! Jiraiya said you abhorred the idea not an hour ago!"

Naruto gave her a strange look. "Ab...horr?"

Remembering this was Naruto, girl or boy, Tsunade reiterated. "You were so unhappy about it you were nearly in tears! Even that sounds totally unnatural for you."

Naruto just shrugged. "I duno. I'm just not minding too much anymore. Weird huh."

Not bothering to ask, Tsunade lifted up Naruto's shirt. Tsunade then tried very hard to ignore the girly squeak that came from above her. The seal was now almost twice as wide as it was tall and covered all of the girls stomach and halfway around her sides. Dropping her top, Tsunade frowned in desperation.

'What is happening? Damnit Minato, why did you have to be so brilliant at this crap! Not even Jiraiya can work out what's going on!'

Sighing, Tsunade headed for the door and motioned for the girl to follow. "Come on, this has been a big day. I need a bath and you smell like you haven't showered in days either."

Naruto giggled. "Yeah, that's probably true. I've been too busy with sorting myself out to think about that. A good soak would be nice though."

Tsunade hmmm'd in response. "In that case, let's head to the hot springs."

XxXxXxX

Tsunade currently had a large conundrum. She was standing with Naruto at the baths with their towels all ready for a good soak. The problem was though, Naruto was still a girl. The idea never crossed the Hokage's mind on the way here as it had been too frazzled by Naruto's incredibly awkward change. But now that they were here, it was a blazing problem.

Naruto had always been a boy and as such, bathed on the boy side. Naruto, now being a girl couldn't. Well, she technically could, but everyone knows how that little story would end. But having always been a boy, Tsunade couldn't really take Naruto to the girls side because of all the girls. Not currently having the brain power to work out the question, Tsunade just stood at the entrance staring blankly at the doors. Naruto then decided she had had enough just standing there and grabbed her Hokage's hand.

"Come on Baa-chan, let's go in yeah? I don't mind."

Startled, Tsunade pulled back. "Wait, you can't!"

Naruto looked up at her. "Why not? I'm a little girl so it's not like you don't have anything I don't."

Shocked into silence for a moment, Naruto took this chance to pull her along.

"But what happens if you turn into a boy?"

Naruto just laughed merrily. "Then throw me to the boy's side! Easy!"

XxXxXxX

Tsunade looked around nervously at the other patrons currently enjoying the warm waters. Glancing at Naruto for the hundredth time, she saw the girl still was exactly that. Wondering how everything had gotten so out of hand, Tsunade rubbed her head.

"Honestly Naruto, you shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't have let you in and you shouldn't be a girl. Hell, this whole thing should be impossible!"

Naruto opened one eye slightly. "Oh hush. It's fine. Like I said, if I turn back, just throw me over. I pinkie swore to keep my eyes closed on the flight anyway so there's nothing to worry about."

Sinking into the water, Naruto sighed bubbles as her hair pooled around her in a golden halo. Tsunade however crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yes there is something to worry about! How about the fact that everyone in here is wearing only a wet towel? Some not even that?"

Naruto just shrugged. "My eyes are closed and I don't care. If I want boobs, I can just look under the water. Got a perfect set here."

Tsunade couldn't really dispute the logic as Naruto _did_ have a perfect set to look at. Shaking her head, she got rid of that thought and replaced it with the fact Naruto did have her eyes closed. Rolled her eyes at herself, Tsunade sighed. Sometimes she was as bad as Jiraiya. Looking down at Naruto, Tsunade wondered how she was going to handle this. The blond child was totally messing with her mind in a way none had before. Leaning back into the water, the busty woman decided to just relax and let whatever happens, happen. No use stressing when she was meant to be de-stressing. Feeling the minerals really begin to work on her skin, she sighed and imitated Naruto. Closing her eyes, she let herself drift off.

XxXxXxX

A rush of bubbles disturbed the water next to the Hokage's head and she roused. Suddenly, she shot away.

"Honestly Naruto! Women do fart sometimes but that's just overkill!"

What she got as a response was a high pitched giggle. "Your towel fell away Baa-chan."

Looking down, Tsunade saw that her impressive bust was available for the world to see. Looking over, she then saw that Naruto had copped an eyeful before squeezing his eyes shut tight, as per his pinkie promise. Growling, Tsunade grabbed Naruto and hurled him into the air. He arced high and as he soared over to the male side he let out a cry of, "Best night ever!"

XxXxXxX

Naruto was currently sitting in Tsunade's house with a large grin on his face. Tsunade was there as well, however with a much more unamused look on hers. Ever since she met up with Naruto after the bath, she hadn't been able to wipe the smile from his face. She did suppose that it was a good thing though that all the sex-ed talk had sunk in. She just wished it didn't have to be her on the receiving end of that grin.

Sighing, she walked up the hallway and opened the linen closet. Throwing Naruto some covers, the woman pointed at the couch. "Well, seeming I don't have many visitors, or atleast, wanted ones..." she growled at the memory of Jiraiya sneaking into her room many more times than once, "I don't have any spare beds. The couch is the next best thing so get yourself comfortable ok?"

Grin still firmly in place, Naruto just nodded and lay down. "Alright! My first sleep over! You have a great sleep! Goodnight Baa-chan."

Tsunade quickly flicked off the light so Naruto wouldn't see the pained look on her face. This was the poor boys first sleep over? Tsunade just wished she could actually make it worthwhile for the kid. Turning, she slowly walked to her room.

XxXxXxX

Something poked her.

Groaning, Tsunade rolled away from it.

It poked some more.

Opening one bleary eye, Tsunade looked up. Through the sleep, she could make out a small blond haired girl. Sitting up, Tsunade struggled to work out what was happening.

"Mmmmph?"

Naruto gripped the neck of her shirt and looked away. "Uh, I kinda had a bad dream... again... so I was wondering if I could just quickly jump in with you..."

Mumbling incoherently, Tsunade just shuffled across and lifted the blankets. With a barely stifled cry of joy, Naruto jumped in and instantly latched onto her. Tsunade's eyebrows jumped briefly at the contact but her sleepy mind quickly dismissed it. Throwing an arm over the girl, she fell asleep almost immediately.

XxXxXxX

Tsunade was forced from her sleep as she was wracked with a coughing fit. Looking at the now boy in her bed, Tsunade waved the smoke away.

"Ok *cough* you said would only stay for a bi *cough, cough* bit, so you can jump out n –"

Naruto suddenly went up in smoke again and Tsunade had to climb out of bed as the amount of smoke overwhelmed her. Coughing violently, she waved her hand to see through the smoke.

"Naruto?"

Hearing a girly cough from within the smoke, she waved a bit harder.

"Baa-chan! What's happening? *Cough, cough* I'm a girl!"

Naruto popped again and the smoke quickly began to fill the room. A boyish voice then shouted from the smoke.

"Baa-chan! Where are you?"

Another bang and Tsunade ran to the window and opened it so they could breathe.

"I'm here Naruto! *cough, cough* Where are you?"

"I'm on the bed! *cough* I'm scared!"

Shaking her head, Tsunade made a motion out the window. Instantly an anbu member appeared.

"Find Jiraiya and tell him to come to my house immediately! *cough, cough, cough* It's an emergency! Tell him it's Naruto and he'll understand. GO!"

In a mumbled acknowledgement, the man disappeared. Turning back into the smoke, Tsunade walked back towards her bed. She just hoped Jiraiya would get here in time to work this out.

XxXxXxX

_A/N – I think that's the first cliffy I've left you guys with so far isn't it? Well, it's about time for one I say! Hate me, love me, indifferent me (if that even works), I don't mind. Just remember to let me know, ok? I'm not too sure how well the chapter worked. Is it too rushed or still doin ok? In any case, I hope you enjoyed it all the same._

_I'll be bringing the next chapter shortly!_

_Lanky Nathan_


	22. Chapter 22

_My good readers, I got over 30 reviews for that last chapter! Thankyou so very much! You sure know how to make a dude's day =D_

_Now my peeps, here we go with the next chap! With this, the little comp I was running has ended. Thanks to everyone who had a shot at working out the question! I now present you the answer to all that has been happening up until now. Read on my good people, read on._

**Chapter 22**

Jiraiya now stood in the recently sealed Hokage's room, rubbing one eye sleepily and casting a minor wind jutsu to rid the area of the recurring smoke billowing from the boy... girl... boy... girl... Naruto. Seeing Tsunade nibbling her lip in worry, Jiraiya stored that sexy little memory for later and got down to business.

"So how long has this been happening?"

Tsunade didn't look away from the disgruntled child before her.

"Only just seconds before I summoned you. It's stabilised... I think, but stable isn't really something we can call this right now."

Jiraiya nodded. Cracking his fingers, he wriggled the stiffness out of them and then strengthening his wind jutsu, walked over to Naruto.

Lifting the blond's shirt, Jiraiya took one look at the seal and whistled. Watching the woman lean in, Jiraiya quickly mustered up his trademark sneaking skills and took a good look down her top. After getting his fill, he spoke.

"Have a look at this! The seal is warping slightly with every change, but with how quickly Naruto swaps genders, it looks like its moving! Really is quite interesting if I do say so myself."

Tsunade slapped her head in exasperation and then cuffed Jiraiya. "That's all you can say? Really? I thought you would be so much more useful than this."

Pride wounded, Jiraiya looked up at Tsunade in a pout. "I may be amused but that doesn't give you the right to knock my seal skills! You damn well know that I'm the best since The Fourth. So let me finish what I was saying before you distracted me."

Clearing his throat, the man traced a line that was slowly growing down the middle of the seal. "This is what is concerning me. I have a general knowledge of every seal stroke on Naruto except this one growing down from the top. It's also the one that is forming the fastest. I'm honestly stumped. But, unless this new line is a threat, I can confirm again that there is nothing structurally wrong with the seal, no matter how strange it looks. It really is amazing."

Tsunade growled and stood up, hands on her hips. "Well that was a great load of help. You just told me the exact same thing as you did last time."

Jiraiya shrugged. "There's only so much I can do. I wouldn't dare tamper with the seal as it is now. Who knows what would happen. All we can do is sit back and wait it out unfortunately."

Tsunade sighed and leaned back on the desk. Her eyebrows crinkled in concern and she looked at the seal again. It was almost mesmerising the way it slowly moved; the way the whole thing was being pierced by that one growing line. The swirls and strokes and dots and circles all seemed to dance around each other in perfect time, some growing, others shrinking, but never loosing time to the inaudible beat.

Shaking her head, Tsunade rubbed her eyes. Staring at that thing for too long could hypnotise a person. Taking another look at the boy, her heart went out to the poor child. If she could just have worked out what was happening with him, she would have used every available method to fix it for the kid. Rubbing her neck, she glanced at the seal again. Only this time though, something about its design sparked her memory. Walking up, Tsunade traced a long nail over Naruto's stomach. The flesh beneath her finger rippled as Naruto let out a laugh.

"Oi baa-chan, watch out! That tickles!"

Smirking slightly, Tsunade poked him a little more to get her to laugh. Relenting, she leaned back as she studied the seal again. Nodding slowly, she definitely recognised something.

"Oi, Jiraiya, have a look at this."

"Hmm?" Strutting over, the tall man eyed up the seal. He looked at the lengthening line. It was going to touch the other side of the seal soon. "What's up?"

Tsunade pointed to the seals design. "I've seen something like this before. Can you think of anything?"

Jiraiya cupped a hand to his chin, absentmindedly blowing away the smoke. "Well... I can't think of anything Hime. What do you see?"

Tsunade leaned back. "Something I see every other day of the week."

The line jumped closer to the bottom edge.

"And that is?"

Only a few more centimetres.

"Cells."

And in one final change, the line separated the seal in half.

In that instant, Naruto buckled forward, holding his stomach as a red light began to shine through the seal.

"Aw no I feel sick! Not, now, please not now!"

Jumping up in alarm, Jiraiya and Tsunade managed to catch the falling boy. The single medic started rubbing his back soothingly as the changes picked up pace.

"Breath Naruto, just breath. You'll be ok."

The twisting of Naruto's face made her doubt her words though. She looked up at Jiraiya for help as the transformations sped up even more. Her heart sank when she realised the old man was just as bewildered as her.

"Hnnnnn this hurts!"

Jiraiya and Tsunade were both taken aback by the strange mix of voices that came out. With Naruto changing so rapidly now, anything he/she said moulded together to give the impression of two voices coming from the one mouth. As the glowing seal picked up luminosity, so did Naruto's pain seem to increase. Really beginning to fret, Tsunade looked up at Jiraiya.

"Isn't there anything you can do?"

And for the first time in her life, Jiraiya gave her a totally lost look.

"I... really don't know."

Turning back to the blond, Tsunade just rubbed Naruto's back harder.

"Come on then, we'll get through this together. All three of us. We won't leave you. Not ever."

Naruto made no acknowledgement that he heard her say anything as he sunk to the floor, cradling his gut. He moaned in pain, eyes clenched shut.

"Baa-chan, I can't take this anymore! It hurts! IT HURTS!"

Trying her best to ignore the dual voices, Tsunade lay him down on the floor. "I'm here for you Naruto, don't worry, Baa-chan's here!"

Standing back, Jiraiya noticed the build up of chakra faster than Tsunade. Grabbing his old team mate, he dragged her back, earning a slap for his efforts.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? LET ME GO!"

Holding her back, Jiraiya shook his head. "Can't you feel it? His chakra's gona explode!"

And then, with an agonised duel yell from the floored child, it did.

The rapid succession of pops from Naruto increased to such a staccato that it began to hum deeply. Tsunade and Jiraiya had to hold up their arms as a mini whirlwind filled the office, paperwork, pens and all other manner of stationary items being whipped up into the air. Again Naruto screamed and then in an actual explosion, smoke filled the room, cutting the light to a third and reducing visibility to mere centimetres.

Coughing harshly, Jiraiya quickly summoned up his wind jutsu and began clearing the smoke. Tsunade held a sleeve up to her mouth and squinted through the haze.

"Naruto? *cough, cough* Are you ok?"

"Yeah, it doesn't hurt *cough* hurt anymore."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Tsunade began to make out Naruto on the floor as Jiraiya's jutsu did its work. She giggled to herself. All this stress and smoke must have gotten to her. It almost looked like Naruto had too heads!

"Hnnn, why is there someone in my clothes though?"

Tsunade froze. That voice was distinctly female.

"Your clothes? My clothes!"

And that one was male.

"Who are you?"

"Nah, who are you?"

"I asked first!"

"I don't give a damn!"

Pausing a second, Tsunade then rushed forward and waved away the smoke. What greeted her sight was more than enough to stun her for a few good seconds.

"Baa-chan what the hell is happening?"

"Yeah, what's he doing in my clothes?"

"I already said they're my clothes! Get out!"

"NO! What will I wear? YOU get out!"

Jiraiya came and stood beside her, stunned into silence as well. The reason for this was there were two Naruto's in Naruto's clothes. The catch though was one was the usual boy, the other his Oiroke version. The fabric was being stretched to the limit of its capacity as both kids fought, each demanding the other get out. Working on auto pilot, Tsunade piped up.

"Um, just saying, but for one of you to 'get out' means that both of you will have to..."

Pausing, the two bickering 'twins', for lack of a better word, paused and looked at each other. Nodding, they came to an agreement.

"Fine, I get the pants, you get the top."

Girl Naruto nodded. "Yup, sounds fair."

And with that, they began to undress. Whirling around, Tsunade grabbed Jiraiya and spun the old lecher around too. Ignoring the squabble behind them, Tsunade stood on her tip toes and whispered into her friend's ear.

"What the HELL just happened?"

Jiraiya just shook his head. "Until I see the seal, I know as much as you do."

"OI, MIND THE BOOBS WOULD YOU?"

Spinning around, Jiraiya's perve sensors locked onto the pair and he started panting furiously. Naruto currently had a full hand on his female counterpart's chest as he struggled to pull himself free from the top, thoroughly squashing the tissue beneath. Growling again, the girl bopped the boy on the head harshly.

"OW! Oh, you're gona get it now!"

Instantly degrading into a fighting pile of limbs, legs and swearing, Jiraiya just drooled on lovingly at the scene before he found himself face first in the wall. Sighing, Tsunade rubbed her head and moved to help the two. Unfortunately though, a harsh ripping sound filled the room and the two children tumbled apart as the fabric separated. Sitting up, the two of them stared at the remaining threads, tears glistening in their eyes.

"My jacket..."

"My pants..."

Jumping up, they glared at each other furiously.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

Growling, they then jumped at each other, now a naked, fighting pile of limbs, legs and swearing. Eyebrow twitching, Tsunade raised a fist.

XxXxXxX

Both children now sat before the Hokage, wrapped in separate blankets and both sporting a large bump on their heads. They were glowering at each other out of the corner of their eyes, but neither moved for fear of another smack. Trying to find a way to breach the topic, Tsunade frowned.

"So, it seems this might be the end of it. How are you feeling Naruto?"

Both spoke up.

"Yeah, not bad."

"I'm alright."

Pausing, they then looked at each other unhappily. Tsunade sighed.

"Ok, first thing's first. What are we gona name you?"

"Who, me or her?"

"Yeah, who? Him, right?"

"Nah, don't be a retard. _You're _the girl. I'm the real Naruto."

"I'm just as real as you! After rubbed me up you should be able to tell."

"SILENCE!"

And that they did. Cowering under the furious glare Tsunade was giving them, they looked at each other sheepishly and muttered an apology. Maintaining the glare, Tsunade pointed at the girl.

"You. You will be renamed because being a boy, other Naruto won't have any problems with it. You however, will. So now's your chance to think up something."

Frowning in thought, the girl pursed her lips. "Nothing comes to mind just yet..."

Naruto then piped up. "What about Naruko?"

The girl looked at him, unamused. "Sasuke came up with that."

Naruto shrugged. "So? It's close to Naruto and it's all I can think of that isn't already taken."

The newly dubbed 'Naruko' ran the name over her tongue. "Hmmm, yeah, what the hell. It's not the worst name out there so it'll do."

Tsunade sweat-dropped. She expected them to take atleast a few hours. It wasn't her choice though so who was she to worry?

"Right, Naruko it is. With that settled, we need to check your seals to see what's happened and why you split."

Both blonds nodding, they channelled some chakra and opened up the blankets so their stomach's were visible. Waiting a few moments, Tsunade realised Jiraiya was still headfirst through the wall. Pulling him out, she dusted him down and pointed at the seals.

"Inspect."

Groggily looking at the two, the perve shook his head and got to work. He 'ummed' and 'ahhed' while tracing each seal. Reaching into his jacket, he pulled a notepad from within one of the many hidden pockets and quickly referenced the notes to what he saw. After a few minutes, his eyebrows rose and he leant back.

"Well I'll be."

The other three members looked at him. Tsunade poked him. "You'll be what?"

Naruto giggled and motioned Naruko in closer. "An all boy gang bang member."

Glaring at the snickering blonds on the floor, Jiraiya continued. "What I _meant_ was that I worked it out and it surprised me. You know how there are an unlimited amount of seal variations in the world? Well, this is just another one of them. It seems that the Fourth worked out a way to write identical seals with a gender in mind. If you compare the two of you, both seals have the major structures in place, but the actual construct is different. Think of it as two bridges being built, one a suspension, the other a beam. Both do the exact same thing and have all the major things in the same place, but they're just built differently."

Naruto and Naruko both looked at the old man like he had rocks in his head.

"What?"

Tsunade shook his head. "Never mind that you two. What I want to know is why the Fourth sealed Naruto to split like that! How did you even work it out in the first place?"

Jiraiya turned to face the Hokage as the two blonds on the floor promptly lost interest. "Well, to answer your second question, I reverse engineered it. Think about it like a maze. How hard is it to work it out going forward? It takes a while. But starting from the finish, you can trace it back to the start in a matter of seconds. That's just what I did. As for your first question, who knows? I can't understand the majority of the seal so this is just another thing to add to those in the list. Maybe he didn't want Naruto to be alone? Maybe he didn't even want a boy? I honestly can't say. I'd say just remember to ask him in the next life for me."

Tsunade's eye twitched. "Are you insinuating that I am old?"

Instantly realising his slip, Jiraiya jumped back, hands up soothingly. "No, no, not at all! What I meant was – "

Jiraiya breathed a sigh of relief as Naruko cut the adults off.

"Oi, Ero-Sennin, me an' him were just talkin' about how old fuzzy's chakra spiked every time we swapped places. What was up with that?"

"Yoki, Naruto... Naruko. It's Yoki. As for why..."

Quickly scanning over his notes again, he nodded. "It seemed that the seal had been designed to drain the fox's energy for this to occur. That way you wouldn't suffer extreme chakra exhaustion during the process."

The blonds 'ah'd' silently, paused, shrugged and then got back to chatting. It was Jiraiya's turn to sweat-drop at the two kid's nonchalance.

"On another note though, how come you weren't surprised when you first appeared in each other's clothes? Surely you must have been atleast a little shocked?"

The pair shrugged. "I duno. It just felt like I had known her my whole life so something like that wasn't too unreal."

"Yeah. Besides, we were fighting for clothing rights anyway so we didn't have time to think about that other stuff."

Pulling the man aside, Tsunade then whispered excitedly into his ear. "Did you hear that? It was like they had known each other their whole lives!"

Jiraiya nodded, not quite following. "Yeah... so?"

Rolling her eyes exasperatedly, Tsunade spelt it out for him. "That means they're like brother and sister! What was the one thing Naruto always desperately wanted but never had?"

Understanding dawning, Jiraiya's face split into a genuine smile. "Family."

Leaning back, his smile was met with an equal one from his heart throb. "Precisely. But with how observant our two little siblings are, I think we're gona have to tell them."

Nodding happily, the two turned around. Taking the initiative, Jiraiya started it off. "Right, as much fun as this is though, we're gona have to work out housing for Naruko."

Looking up at him in shock, the girl's eyebrows crinkled together. "But – but I already have a home!"

Tsunade shook her head. "Naruto has a home. As for you though, the only time two juveniles can share a house is if they're brother and sister."

As planned, Naruto jumped up to the distraught girls defence. "Oi! I don't care if she's my sister or not! She can stay with me! I don't mind! Besides, she was me to begin with so that kinda does make her my sister!"

Having let the words rush out before thinking them over, both youngsters froze as what Naruto said sunk in.

"Wait, sister?"

"That makes you my brother..."

Turning, they looked into each other's eyes.

"So that must make us..."

"Family."

Turning to look up at the Hokage, they were greeted by her wide smile. "That makes you family."

Tears springing to their eyes, the blond pair looked at each other. Each knew exactly the kind of pain the other had to deal with their entire lives. And with that knowledge of never being alone ever again, they jumped into each other's arms, both crying happily.

XxXxXxX

_A/N – And there's your answer. Kinda sappy, but I didn't mind it too much. There was more I could have thrown in but I think that's a good place to stop. Next chapter will feature more funnies and other stuff for everyone. Till then though, hope you enjoyed and I leave you to your lives._

_Lanky Nathan_


	23. Chapter 23 new arc

_Wow. The output of love for that last chapter blew my mind. So many reviews! Thankyou everyone! Also, I just wana quickly say to all the anno reviewers that while I do greatly appreciate the feedback, if you have an account could you sign in with it? Not that I'm picky, it's just that I like to reply to every review I get so you guys miss out unfortunately._

_I also got my 400__th__ review last chapter too... who would have guessed that I would have such a privilege? The lucky sod who claimed that one was a girl by the name of __Kaitaru Seras Viktoria Hatake. Thankyou so very much for that and to everyone else, I thankyou for your support!_

_ONWARDS TO THE NEXT UPDATE!_

**Chapter 23**

Naruto smiled. Not that forced one he sometimes had to put up when someone insulted him. Not that full tummy smile that he had after a bowl of ramen. Not that goofy smile he put on to cheer his friends up. No, this one was a totally new smile.

This was the smile of a boy who found his lost family. This was the smile of complete satisfaction.

Snuggling down next to his sister, he wrapped his arms around her and his smile broadened even further. A small giggle next to his ear and the hug returned made him feel like his grin was going to separate his head into two parts.

As soon as Tsunade had unleashed the life changing revelation upon the two, they had proven to be inseparable. Neither had taken a shower because Tsunade wouldn't let them in together. Something about it being inappropriate. Naruto couldn't understand why. Didn't brothers and sisters usually do that kinda thing together? Maybe it was just because they were still at Tsunade baa-chan's. Oh well. Not that it overly bothered him though. For the moment, he couldn't care if he was sleeping in mud. Just so long as his sister was there.

XxXxXxX

Naruko dipped her head under her brother's chin and wriggled in closer to his chest. Who knew that sleeping with someone was so _warm_. It wasn't just the skin that felt wonderful, it was the insides as well. Bits of her that she didn't know could feel warm were being touched with a loving heat for the first time and she relished it. Her tummy felt like all the butterflies in the world had decided to gather in there and tickle her insides like crazy. At one point she even wondered if she was going to be sick she was that happy.

Tsunade had ordered them to stay with her for the rest of the night so she could make sure this was the end of the strange transformations. Upon arriving at her house, she had asked if they wanted separate beds. Instantly both shook their head vehemently, declaring that they would share the couch. Where as one may see it as abnormal affection between siblings, Tsunade saw it for what it was. A simple innocent desire to be with one another.

As it was, Naruko had nothing to sleep in so Tsunade offered her a shirt many times too big for her. The girl had squealed happily and swished it back and forth on her body like a dress. While smiling, Tsunade couldn't help but wonder why Naruko was so naturally girly, even though she had had no prior knowledge of actually being a girl. Maybe it had something to do with the seal? Curious in any case.

Never the less, the second the 'bed' was ready, they both dived under the covers and wrapped arms around each other before turning to look back up at their stand in grandmother. While Tsunade wasn't the most emotional woman in the world, seeing those two pairs of bright blue eyes staring wide-eyed up at her nearly made her squee at how adorable they were together.

Bidding them goodnight, Tsunade quickly left them to themselves. Walking to her room, she smiled to herself as she felt a weight she didn't even realise she carried lift from her shoulders. Closing her door, she smiled again.

It had been a good day.

XxXxXxX

Fluttering her eyes, Tsunade registered that it was morning. Rolling to her side, she wiped the sleep from her lashes before sitting up groggily. Stretching, her still mostly asleep mind noted that that had been the best sleep she had had in ages. Pulling herself from her bed, she scratched her rump as she wandered down the hall. Yawning again, she smiled to herself at the prospect of finding those two adorable little kids fast asleep together. Foot tingling as it made contact with the cold tiles; she happened to look across at the kitchen and noticed a few things. The first was that there was white everywhere. Like, _everywhere_. The next was that in the middle of that white, were two equally white blonds desperately trying to clean everything up. They were muttering quietly to each other as they frantically tried to dust everything up.

Raising an eyebrow, Tsunade leaned over the bench. "So, what are you two up to?"

The sound of her voice shocked the two incredibly and Tsunade was hard pressed to hold back the laughter threatening to break loose. Flour powder had gone everywhere as they startled, leaving only their wide blue eyes visible as they blinked up at her.

They looked at each other for a moment before the left set of eyes replied.

"Um, we were hungry but we didn't wana wake you up. You didn't have any instant ramen so we tried making something else. Unfortunately though... the flour kinda got away from us..."

Tsunade smirked. That had been Naruko. So that meant...

"Y-yeah Baa-chan. We really didn't wana wake you. Anyone who snores that loud deserves to rest."

Tsunade's smirk vanished and her eyebrow started twitching. "Snore you say?"

Both head nodded. "Yeah! You sounded like something that lives in the forest of death. You sounded like you _really_ needed it."

Eye twitching some more, Tsunade realised that if these two were any less cute, they would have been kicked out promptly. Reining in her temper, she sighed.

"Fine. Well, I did have a great sleep so thankyou for your consideration. As for this mess, let's get it fixed shall we?"

Smiles appeared and the trio jumped into gear. Quickly cleaning the place, the three of them salvaged as much of the flour as possible before standing. Looking at the remains, Tsunade had an idea.

"Hey, did you wana try something? I picked up the recipe on my travels. They're called pancakes."

Nodding the two smiled. "Yeah, for sure! Anything would taste better than what Naruko-chan could cook up anyway."

The girl looked at her brother, eyebrow raised. "Not like you could do any better. I know everything you do."

Naruto giggled. "Yeah, that's why I know you suck."

Tsunade rolled her eyes and they burst out laughing. Turning her back on them, she began fishing out the necessary equipment to make the pancakes.

"How about you two just go sit out in the lounge room. If you both suck as hard as you imagine, then you'll be little help right now. I'll teach you how to cook later, but at the moment I can't be stuffed. So shoo, I have work to do."

Smiling brightly, they nodded and skipped out of the kitchen, chatting merrily. Shaking her head, Tsunade smirked. Whatever Minato had planned for his son had worked out more perfectly than even he imagined, she supposed.

XxXxXxX

"MORE PLEASE!"

The dual call of extras elicited a groan from the busty woman. While having two Naruto's was all well and good, _feeding_ two Naruto's was a whole other game. Each had eaten enough for four adults so far and they were still screaming for more. Wiping her brow, Tsunade shook her head. If this is how it was always going to be, then the owners of Ichiraku were set for life. Hearing them shout again, she replied likewise.

"OI! This ain't some restraint you greedy brats! You're lucky you're getting this much so just sit down, shut up and wait like normal humans!"

Hearing nothing for a moment, Tsunade sighed. She then stiffened when she heard something. It couldn't be.

Stealing a glance around the corner, she saw Naruto looking down dejectedly and Naruko sniffling away to herself, tears slowly rolling down her face. Eyes widening, Tsunade only just realised her slip up. 'Normal humans' was a sore topic for Naruto so this probably just crushed them. Rushing out, she gathered them up into a hug and hushed them quietly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it ok? My tongue just slipped like it does sometimes yeah?"

Seeing them look up, both red eyed, her heart melted. "Look, how about I make it up to you? I'll cook you breakfast not only today, but for the next week. How does that sound?"

Seeing them nod slightly, Tsunade smiled. "Good! You just sit there and wait a little bit ok? The next round will be done shortly."

Rushing back into the kitchen, she didn't see the two mischievous blonds turn and grin at each other triumphantly. Free brekkie for a week. Poor Tsunade was too easy for her own good. Grabbing their knife and fork, they waited happily, tummies gurgling.

XxXxXxX

Sitting down tiredly, Tsunade felt like she needed another sleep. Those two bottomless pits had eaten not only all the mixture made from the salvaged flour, but from another two bags of the stuff as well. Collapsing back into her couch, Tsunade began regretting offering them breakfast all week. She was going to be broke and totally eaten out of house and home come seven days. Rubbing her head, she tuned into the twins chatting happily at the other end of the couch.

"...yeah that's what I mean! Can't you see how effective it would be if you lay traps from the ground?"

"Yeah, but hiding stuff in the corners of the roof is not only harder to spot, but the shadows themselves can be used!"

"So can the shadows on the floor but!"

"I suppose, but I'd still think ceiling traps work best. Take Kakashi-sensei for example! That duster that landed on his head. Classic, and so simple."

Listening to the two of them, Tsunade's eyes slowly began to widen as she realised something. There was two Naruto's. Each knew exactly what the other was thinking, but had their own individual slant on everything. Two Naruto's. Two of Konoha's worst prankster in the history of the village.

Feeling the need to hyperventilate, Tsunade held a hand to her chest. This could be absolutely devastating to the city! One Naruto on his own could lead a whole squad of ANBU around the streets in a game of cat and mouse for hours. She did not even want to begin to think what two could potentially do. Needing to do something about the rising panic attack, Tsunade stood up quickly.

"Ok you two! I have deemed it ok for you both to begin training! I'll have you thrown on Team 7 too Naruko, as you are essentially Naruto. Go find Jiraiya and get him to start you on some exercises!"

Instantly, the two of them jumped up and started bouncing off the walls.

"REALLY? HONEST AND TRULY? AW YOU'RE THE BEST BAA-CHAN!"

Feeling two solid bodies collide with her in a massive tackle-hug, Tsunade stumbled back to maintain her footing before in a burst, they disappeared out the door in a blaze of energy and excitement. Falling back into the couch, Tsunade dramatically draped an arm across her forehead. It was about time that was ov –

Sitting bolt upright, Tsunade nearly screamed. She had just sent them both out into the city without any form of story to cover up why there was now two children of the fox! Scrambling to her feet, Tsunade shot out of the house, desperately trying to catch up to the troublesome pair.

Honestly, this day couldn't start out any worse!

XxXxXxX

_A/N – hey guys! Sorry it's a bit shorter but I felt compelled to get another chapter up quickly after so many people reviewed last time! Think of it as a present to you all =D Anyway, I really had fun with this chapter and I have oodles of ideas on where to take this story next! Hope you got a laugh out of it! Catch you next time!_

_Lanky Nathan_


	24. Chapter 24

_Hello everyone! How are you? Sorry about the delay, but I FINISHED MY DIPLOMA OF GRAPHIC DESIGN! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! _

_So yeah, because of that, I have been doing absolutely nothing and just trying to unwind. I still think I have assignments! I gotta get outa that mindset and just chill bro._

_As such, everything has taken a hit, stories included. But never fear, here is the latest instalment! Please, enjoy!_

**Chapter 24**

"Oi, watch it!"

"OUCH!"

"SORRY!"

For the past few minutes, that short conversation had been repeated maybe twenty or thirty times as the blond pair hopped, skipped, jumped, cart wheeled, flipped and flapped through the streets with an overwhelming amount of energy. A decimated trail of civilians lay in their wake, most not fully comprehending what hit them, just barely catching a glimpse of the assailants as they shot down the road.

As for the twins though, they were finally allowed to train again! Right NOW! The excitement level was well past their usual capacity and as such, delight, happiness and exhilaration was virtually spewing from their bodies. They laughed joyously and bounced off everything they touched, homing in on their target. Let it be known that Jiraiya was shivering like he was stuck in the land of snow stark naked. Like most men would in his situation, he had crawled into some small hole and tried to cover his tracks. The man definitely knew something horrible was headed his way. Maybe something a tiny bit good, but mostly bad.

The tiny bit good though probably had something to do with Tsunade trailing far behind the young tear-a-ways. She was charging along as fast as she could in bare feet, growling at the fact that she forgot her shoes. Something else was nagging her, but she pushed it out of her mind for the moment. That was nothing compared to catching those two first. Thankfully though, so far everyone she had seen had been so disorientated by the human wrecking balls that they hadn't actually noticed that fact just yet. Pulling her hair behind her ear, she pushed off the ground and landed up on the roofs, desperately trying not to think about the gross slimy thing that just squished between her toes as she landed.

XxXxXxX

"WOOOO Naruko-chan! Whoever finds Ero-Sennin first buys the other the first bowl of ramen!"

"You're on nii-chan!"

"Whoop, sorry!"

"WATCH OUT BRAT!"

"Well then you can SHUT YOUR FACE!"

Laughing gleefully, the siblings dashed away from the red faced man in a flurry of clothing and curse words. Rushing down the walls of one building, Naruto suddenly skidded to a halt and sniffed at the air. Naruko quickly copied and took a whiff too. Their eyes met and predatory grins crossed their faces.

"I smell..."

"Pervert."

Looking off towards training ground 13, they squinted slightly before dashing off, target in sight... smell. After dodging a few more people and the occasional dog, they came to a stop in the field. Looking around suspiciously, they tried to pinpoint the man.

"Where is he?"

"I know he's here. I can feel it."

"Mmm, me too. Ah well, SEARCH!"

"RIGHT!"

Instantly diving into the scrub, leaves popped up all over the place as they dug around. Sporadic tufts of hair and backsides briefly made appearances too as they moved. Being so preoccupied with their searching though, they never noticed Tenten wander into the area. The bun haired girl looked around curiously as she heard strange grunts coming from different areas of the field. Blushing slightly, she quickly clenched her eyes shut, desperately trying to rid herself of some unsavoury thoughts. Ever since that session with her, Tsunade and Naruto, once seemingly innocent things now made her think of much more saucy interactions. Tapping the side of her head a few times, she sighed and called out.

"Hello, who's there?"

A blond head popped up, complete with hair filled with leaves and bright blue eyes.

"Oh, hey Tenten-chan! Sorry, just kinda in the middle of something."

Disappearing before she could respond, Naruto quickly got back to foraging. Looking in his direction with a lopsided smile, she propped her hands up on her hips.

"What are you even doing?"

His voice floated out from a bush. "Hunting for Ero-Sennin."

Tenten let out a bark of laughter. "Jiraiya-sama? You honestly think you can find him when he doesn't wana be found?"

This time, Naruto's voice floated out from the other side of the field, catching Tenten off guard.

"Yup! We can smell him."

"Wait, what, we? And how did you get over there so fast?"

"FOUND HIM!"

And with a manly squeal, Jiraiya was thrown from the trees and landed on his bum heavily. Rubbing it tenderly, he looked around as two children dashed towards him. Tenten however, wasn't so prepared.

"Huh? Why do you have only one clone out Naruto? I'd have thought you'd need heaps more to catch Jiraiya-sama. And... why's she a girl?"

Before the boy could answer, a large thump sounded out behind her. Spinning around, she was confronted by her idol in all her glory.

"Naruto! Naruko! Finally, I caught up."

"Wha...?"

Now thoroughly confused, one could almost see little question marks floating around Tenten's head.

'Why is Tsunade-sama calling the clone Naruko?'

Striding forward, Tsunade ignored both the girl and the old lecher. "You two! No more moving around for the moment ok? I forgot to come up with a plausible explanation for Naruko's appearance."

Hearing a girly giggle, the group turned to see Jiraiya, mad blush and all, scribbling down furiously on a notepad before him. Frowning, Tsunade knew that meant only one thing. Stomping up to him, she glared down at the perve.

"What's gotten into you huh?"

The man's nose just started bleeding and he scribbled down some more notes. Growling, the woman lifted him into the air.

"Answer me!"

Jiraiya giggled again. "Well Hime, I couldn't help but notice both you and little Naru-chan over there forgot something. Not that I mind though! I'd much prefer if you both go around like this much more often."

"Huh?"

Looking down, Tsunade realised what he meant. It also explained a whole lot of the weird stares that she had gotten on the way here.

"Huh! So that's why he squeaked when I got near him!"

Turning, Tsunade saw Naruko looking down at herself in a similar predicament. The problem for them both was that in their hurry, neither had changed from their sleep clothes. Considering that the both of them were then in basically just an oversized t-shirt, anyone could tell what was underneath.

"I never did pick the two of you to sleep braless!"

Naruko squeaked indignantly while Tsunade glared daggers at the man. "What the hell you pedo! She's only 13!"

Jiraiya shook his head. "I've always stood by the rule look but don't touch for minors. Though I'm not above putting one on lay-by for when they come of age!"

That comment found the man then firmly implanted in a tree. Glaring at him, Tsunade shook her fist violently before calming down.

"Uh, Baa-chan, you might wana pull your shirt down. We can kinda see everything."

Noticing that indeed the shirt had hiked up in her exertion, she pulled the material over her panties with as much dignity as she could muster and then coughed into her hand. It didn't help her poise that both blonds were snickering at her heavy blush. Tenten was also very red faced, but had turned away to provide the woman with some semblance of privacy. Sighing, Tsunade rubbed her forehead.

"It's ok Tenten. You can turn around now."

Looking back over, Tenten nodded sheepishly and turned back, looking at the ground. It didn't help that the top didn't quite cover everything but who was she to tell her that? Deciding to change the subject, Tenten spoke up.

"Um... so, Hokage-sama, what were you saying about Naruko?"

Realising that Tenten was indeed standing there, Tsunade cursed under her breath. That was something she didn't need. Deciding to just come up with something on the fly, Tsunade pressed forward.

"Uh, Naruko is that girl there. Yes she does look a lot like Naruto but that's because... well, because – "

"She's my sister, that's why!"

Slapping her hand to her face, Tsunade growled angrily as Tenten's eyes popped from her head. Trust Naruto to throw a whole tool box of spanners into the works.

"No! Impossible! You've been alone since forever! Oh, I didn't mean it that way, but still, how? She looks exactly like your Oiroke no Jutsu! That can't be possible."

Glaring at Naruto, Tsunade turned to the babbling Tenten. Tapping her lightly on the top of her head, she deposited the girl into the ground.

"Right, now that you're quiet, we can explain. It seems that Naruko was indeed a sister of Naruto's it's just she had been living in a remote area of the land of fire for her whole life and has only just been found."

Sighing, Tsunade shook her head. Anyone higher up would instantly see through the lie but for the moment, it would suffice. Tenten however, had rushed over to Naruto and taken him up in a massive hug and was squealing happily.

"Oh Naruto! I can't believe this actually happened to you! Ah, I'm so HAPPY for you!"

Squealing again, she quickly detached herself from the boy and reattached herself to the girl.

"Naruko! It's wonderful to meet you! I'm Tenten, Naruto's friend! Welcome to Konoha!"

Playing her part perfectly, Naruko hugged her back and beamed at the girl. "Thankyou! I can't wait to get to know you more!"

Letting the three kids drift into the back of her mind, Tsunade started thinking more about the problem at hand.

'What can I do now? Tenten is just overwhelmed at the moment. Surely she's gona pick up the holes in that tale soon enough. I can tell the Jounin the truth I suppose. But what about everyone else? I really didn't want to have her as Naruto's long lost sister. It's so cliché. So what could I do... I duno. Maybe if I just run with it, it could really pass off as truth. As sappy as the story is, such an occurrence is incredibly rare, so why not push that fact. *sigh* I hate being Hokage sometimes. Stupid Naruto for winning that damn bet."

Coming back from her thoughts, Tsunade tuned back into the conversation.

"... and then my last team member is Rock-Lee. He is an incredible fighter, is not a bit eccentric."

Seeing both blonds shudder at the boy's mention, Tsunade chuckled to herself. That was one problem that would take care of itself. Interrupting, Tsunade placed a hand on both girls' shoulders.

"Sorry to intrude, but I was wondering if you could do something for me Tenten?"

Instantly alert, the girl snapped to attention.

"I was wondering if you could take Naruko out and about and show her the place from a girls point of view? Also, drop through the clothing departments as little Naruko's wardrobe is a bit limited at the moment."

"Of course, Hokage-sama."

Unfortunately though, Naruko quickly interjected. "But Baa-chan, we were finally gona be let train! Why can't I now?"

Staring down at the defiant girl, Tsunade sniffed. "You _really_ want to train in just a t-shirt and panties? While I'm sure Jiraiya and maybe Naruto will enjoy it, I'm pretty sure you won't."

Naruto blanched at this while Naruko and Tenten blushed heavily. "T-Tsunade-sama!"

The woman just winked deviously at them. "What? They haven't seen each other since forever so proper sibling bonds haven't been formed yet so..."

"BAA-CHAN!"

"TSUNADE-SAMA!"

Laughing out loud, Tsunade held her shirt down to protect her womanly bits from exposure. After a few moments, she calmed enough to talk and wiped a tear from her eye.

"Oh come now, I was just kidding. Lighten up hey? In any case, you just go do that and then you can train with Jiraiya. Oh, and make sure you get some regular clothes, Naruko."

Whooping loudly, the girl danced around a bit, shirt flapping everywhere freely. Tenten looked on, sweatdropping somewhat.

'My, she's a bold one, that Naruko... I wish I had some of her confidence.'

"Niiiice!"

Turning, the group then saw that Jiraiya had managed to pull himself free of the tree and was giving Naruko two thumbs up as he grinned on happily.

Said girl just jumped at the man and crash tackled him into the ground. "Enjoy it as much as you can old man cause that's the last you'll ever get to see of it. Naruto, hold him down would you?"

Jiraiya huffed as a second body landed on him, knocking the wind out of him. Removing herself, Naruko looked back at Tenten and smiled. "Well, shall we?"

Nodding, Tenten went to leave but paused. "Um, Tsunade, may I be able to train with Naruko and Naruto as well? I would love to get to know her more, that's all."

Raising an eyebrow, Tsunade looked down at the man. "Uh, yeah, if he says yes I shouldn't see why not."

Quickly layering on the sweet talk, Tenten lent in. "Oh Jiraiya-sama, might you let me? You are one of the mighty Sannin and one of the most powerful men in the world! I could learn much from you so phleeeeease?"

Jumping up, Jiraiya tossed Naruto away in a spray of limbs like he weighed nothing. "Well now, since such a beautiful young woman such as yourself asked so politely, I suppose I can allow you one session of training with the mighty Jiraiya-sama!"

He then began hopping around on one leg while cracks sounded out from nowhere. Tenten stepped back, not quite sure what was happening. Looking at Naruto, the boy finished dusting himself and threw a thumb over his shoulder.

"Not sure what that deal is, but I just called it the 'Dance of the Man Whore'. It suits him in any case."

Tenten ah'd silently as Jiraiya finished up his shuffle. Bowing towards Jiraiya, Tenten quickly grabbed Naruko's hand and took off with a goodbye over her shoulder. Crossing his arms over his chest proudly, Jiraiya looked down at the blond boy at his feet.

"You might as well run along with them brat. Knowing you, you're probably hungry by now, so get yourself some ramen and come back. It'll give me some time to organise some lessons. Now scat."

Cheering loudly, Naruto exploded after the girls in a large cloud of dust and sticks. Coughing, Jiraiya waved the air clear and looked over at Tsunade.

"So are you really going to go through with that story? Naruko being Naruto's sister?"

Tsunade frowned. "I'm not sure. I guess it'll work for the moment. Any of the Jounin who really need to know can be told the truth, but just for now I say just stick with what we have."

Jiraiya nodded slowly. "Hmm. I'm wondering just what kind of impact this will have on the village. Two pranksters of that level living under the same roof is deadly."

Tsunade shivered. "You got that right."

The woman then looked up sharply as an unexpected jacket found itself draped across her shoulders. "What are you doing?"

Jiraiya looked down at her heroically. "You are cold! And I'm definitely not one to leave a fair maiden like yourself uncovered."

Looking at him cautiously, Tsunade tentatively wrapped it around her tighter. "Thanks... though I'm not sure how you knew that."

Ruining his previous poise, a glob of drool oozed from his mouth and his fingers started twitching as a blush spread across his cheeks.

"Why anyone can tell when a woman is cold when their nipples are poking out through their tops that far!"

The resultant explosion rocked the entire of Konoha to its very foundations.

XxXxXxX

_A/N – And that's a wrap. I hope you liked it everyone! I had fun writing it and once again, sorry for the delay. May this chapter have brought you many laughs!_

_Lanky Nathan_


	25. Chapter 25

_Hello everyone! Guess what, next chapter is up!_

_I'd just like to say that I also finally cracked 500 reviews and over 100'000 story views. Honestly guys, thank you so much for bringing me to this stage! This story is for all of you who helped me get here so thank you!_

_I must also mention the reviewer who claimed number 500. He has been following this story for a long while so I'm happy that it was claimed by Shiso no Kitsune! _

**Chapter 25**

Loud calls and laughter forewarned of the trio that literally exploded into the streets. A hapless fence was sent into a house in splinters as a powerful fist was thrust through it. Most of the populace just decided that this was too much for one morning and went back inside after that. The ones that decided to brave it though were then treated to the sight of one blond boy in an unsightly orange track suit bounding down the street, followed by an equally blond girl in nothing but a t-shirt and undies and a very exasperated brunette kunoichi desperately chasing after them. Those few left quickly decided then that bed was calling and swiftly shuffled back inside to avoid anything else unpleasant. Ignorance is bliss after all.

Completely unaware of this, Naruto and Naruko continued to whoop and shout as they raced towards an unprepared Ichiraku's.

"Oi! Wait up would you? Naruko! Don't you think you should get some pants atleast before food?"

Naruko just giggled gaily and skipped across a few tables. "And miss out on valuable ramen time? I think not! Food first, clothes later."

Naruto hollered his resounding agreement and cart wheeled along the walls. "You got it Nee-chan! Noise game, GO!"

Instantly taking up the cue, Naruto and Naruko began screaming out "RAMEN!" on every alternate second. Groaning, Tenten plugged her ears and tried to keep up with the two.

XxXxXxX

Sasuke was having a slow morning. Kakashi had been even more slack than usual since Naruto had been put on suspended duty and as such, training was at a near standstill. It was frustrating, but had its up points. The fact he actually got to go out and buy groceries was one of them. Usually he was too spent after a day of gruelling training to buy anything other than a few instant meals. So he decided to take advantage of the moment and get out early morning before any of his raging stalker/fangirls could corner him. He wasn't more than a few steps into the main street though that his breathing hitched as his ears picked up the repeated screams of 'ramen'.

Glancing at the nearest hiding hole, Sasuke quickly weighed up that swallowing his pride for a minute or two and hiding down a smelly alleyway was a far greater positive than being caught by _that_. Diving into it, he shuffled as far into it as possible and waited.

XxXxXxX

The twins barrelled down the street merrily, noise not decreasing in the slightest. Tenten was struggling to keep up, despite being their senior. She did not even notice the two of them stop suddenly and sniff at the air. Seeming it was Naruko that was running along the footpath, she collided with the girl and sent the both of them sprawling. Rolling back to her feet, Tenten looked at the girl.

"What are you doing _now_?"

Naruko jumped up and dusted herself down. Looking back the way they came, Naruko failed to note her shirt had hiked up somewhat, leaving Tenten to dash forward and pull it down for her, less she be done for indecent exposure.

Naruto didn't notice any of this and just called out to his sister. "Hey! Can you smell that? It's a tiny bit like smoke."

Naruko nodded in reply. "Yup. Is it down between those houses?"

Naruto dashed towards it. "I think so. Be back in a sec!"

Tenten looked at the pair with surprised eyes. She couldn't smell a thing. Noise suddenly broke into her thoughts as a wide variety of curses filled the air, along with Naruto chirping happily.

"Naruko! Free breakfast!"

"Huh?"

Totally out of the loop, Tenten just waited curiously for Naruto to re-emerge. Eventually he did, covered in dust and muck and dragging something behind him. When able to see the person, Tenten's eyebrows shot up. It was none other than Sasuke Uchiha. And wasn't he putting up a fight.

"Let me go you cross-dressing transvestite! I have many things to do which specifically do NOT involve you!"

Naruto was not one to be pushed away easily though and dragged him further out from his shelter. "Awww, come on! We have a date for breakfast!"

Struggling harder, Sasuke nearly resorted to biting Naruto's arm. "That just makes me want to get away even more! Homo!"

His movements stopped abruptly as a pair of fine arms entwined themselves around his neck and an ample chest pressed into the side of his head.

"Oh come now Ducky-kuuuun, don't be like that!"

Stiffly looking up, Sasuke saw the pair restraining him. His eyes started widening as panic gripped his chest.

"No. No, no, no, no, no, NO this just has to be that damn dream again! Come on Sasuke, wake up, this is not real!"

Naruko giggled and played with his hair. "What, you dream about us? How sweet!"

Pulling himself free, Sasuke pointed accusingly at them. "Dream? DREAM? You mean my second worst nightmare!"

Naruto looked at him weirdly while Naruko just continued to tease him. "Come on Sasuke, I just want the ramen you promised me."

Sasuke shook his head. "Yes, you. Not you and a clone. What the hell is up with how solid she is too?"

Naruto's eyebrows rose. "Oh, that's right. This isn't a clone. This is my sister!"

Sasuke's face instantly drained of all colour as the pair of blonds before him shared equal grins. "No, impossible. You've been tormenting me with her for a few days atleast. So what is it?"

Naruto frowned slightly. "_IT_ is my sister. And _you_ owe us ramen."

Sasuke looked like he sucked on a salty lemon. "Perhaps, but I only agreed to feed you. No others."

The twins looked at each other, shrugged and crossed their fingers. "Oiroke no Jutsu!"

In a puff of smoke, they swapped places, except now Naruto was wearing an over sized shirt and Naruko was in the orange jumpsuit. Calling out the technique again, there now stood two Naruto's and then again, two Naruko's. Finally puffing back to normality (or so Sasuke thought), the two of them grinned.

"Well then Sasuke, which of us will you feed? We are Naruto, and we are Naruko. We can become one or the other. So... who's who?"

Staring at the two of them, Sasuke struggled to work out this new, highly unpleasant phenomenon. He looked over and saw Tenten staring at them in equal amounts of shock. Sighing, Sasuke realised that it was easier to just suck it up, feed the creature and be done with it. Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Sasuke stomped forward grumpily, his morning thoroughly ruined. The blond pair behind him quickly exchanged winning smiles and ran forward, scooping up a surprised Tenten with a sharp squeal.

XxXxXxX

As Sasuke dashed away from the ramen stand, two Naruko's waved goodbye to the fleeing boy, calling out as seductively as possible. Once he was out of ear shot though, Naruto quickly returned to his male state and the pair fell into a giggling heap. Tenten just ignored the duo, opting to focus on eating. Atleast that was a steady consistent in this moment of her life. After being witness to Sasuke's torment by those two, she could hardly remember which was which. The way they swapped identities to fluster the boy was disturbingly brilliant. It was almost like they functioned off one brain. Finishing off her bowl, she thanked Ayame and left the money. Walking from the shop, she patted her tummy and stretched. Looking back at the blond girl, Tenten called to her.

"Naruko! Come on now, we have to get you some clothes. Tsunade-sama's orders!"

"Yup!"

Jumping to their feet, both blonds dusted themselves down for the second time that day and sent Tenten a beaming grin.

"Lead the way! What shops are best to buy in?"

Before Tenten could answer, a harsh shriek sounded out from behind the group.

"I GOT YOU NOW!"

Turning, the three saw an irate Ino charging them down, murder in her eyes. That quickly changed to confusion though as she saw the two Naruto's. Skidding to a stop, she pointed at them.

"Hang on, what are you doing? Which of you are the real Naruto?"

A little confused from the rapid change in moods, Naruto raised his hand. "Uh, I'm the real me. Technically she is too cause she's my sister. But yeah..."

Ino squinted scrutinisingly at Naruko. "So, that means you only just turned up or something?"

Naruko leaned back as Ino invaded her personal space. "Uh... yeah, that's it."

Nodding once, Ino then spun around and smacked Naruto across the back of his head, hard. Instantly on his knees, Naruto didn't even get the time to absorb the full effect of the pain before his ear was screamed off.

"Do you have ANY idea what you left me with when you ditched me the other day? Those were some of the most expensive clothes in the shop you destroyed you klutz! I had to borrow money from daddy to pay it all! Not to mention I now have a bad name within that store you little troll!"

Having said her bit, Ino sighed, straightened and then sent a beautiful smile at a rather startled Naruko. "So, sister! It's lovely to meet you! I didn't realise this dropkick had family. I'm Ino Yamanaka."

Taking the extended hand tentatively, Naruko nodded. "T-thankyou. Uh, we were just about to head off sorry..."

As the town busy-body, such an excuse was rendered void by simple fact that she didn't know who this person was yet.

"Oh, that's ok! I can take time off from training. My sensei is one of the laziest in the village so he wouldn't care if I miss a session. So, where you headed? Why on earth are you only in a shirt too? And how come you look so much like Naruto's female form? Like, seriously, you are identical to her. You sure you're not a clone? Come here let me check!"

Instantly backing away from the forward girl, Naruko struggled to keep the inquisitive hands at bay. "Uh, we were just going shopping and – ah! – this is what I slept in so – don't squeeze my cheek so hard! – that's why I'm in just a shirt and – WOOOO~!"

Naruko instantly cut off in surprise as one of Ino's hands landed on her chest and squeezed.

"Well I'll be! You really are his sister!"

Blushing a very strong red, Naruko rubbed the offended breast. "Well dah! Didn't I just tell you that?"

Ino just smiled. "Yeah, but if you know this guy the way we do, you'll know to double check anything he says. Oh, hi Tenten!"

Tenten sweat-dropped and waved back weakly, a bit put off she was only just noticed. "H-hello, Ino-san."

Jumping forward, she grabbed the brunettes' hands and looked at her excitedly. "So you were going clothes shopping huh? Can I come? I know the best places! Not to be rude or anything but I'm way more girly than you and know more places than you ever could so it makes total sense I should come and help, yeah?"

A frustrated tick went off above Tenten's head, but was already being ignored by the infuriating girl who was fawning over Naruko's shape. Leaving them to themselves, Tenten dropped to her knees and rubbed Naruto's head where he was cradling it.

"Hey, you know we could probably just let Ino and Naruko go and we go back and start warming up, if you want."

Looking up at her with a tear in his eye, Naruto gave his sore spot one more rub. "Ok, think about what you just said, and tell me what's wrong with that."

Quickly going back over it, Tenten understood. "Yeah, that wouldn't be so smart, would it? Poor Naruko-san would come out looking like a dolly and be mentally scarred."

Naruto sighed and stood up. "Right. Now, to try and finish this as qui – "

He was cut off by Naruko's squeal as Ino unexpectedly lifted her shirt up to get a look at her figure. Whistling, Ino nodded, rather impressed.

"Very nice Naruko-chan!"

She was then tackled to the ground by Naruto as he pulled his sisters top down. "What are you doing to her?"

Ino just giggled from beneath the boy and looked up with excited eyes. "After seeing that amazing body, I just KNOW I'll be able to dress her to be an absolute knock out!"

Throwing Naruto off her with little effort, Ino grabbed Naruko's hand and ran off, dragging the distressed girl along behind her.

XxXxXxX

"Oh, this is cute! Hmmm, match it with this and... kyaaa, you are adorable!"

"Uh, Ino, we were meant to be getting clothes for Naruko..."

Tenten was currently dressed up in a skirt and top that she otherwise would never have looked twice at. She looked over at the blond pair, both struggling to hold in their laughter. She glared at them before being distracted by Ino probing an interesting area on her body.

"AH! INO! Personal bubble! Watch the hands, too!"

Ino just snorted and continued measuring. "Nonsense. To get the perfect fit, you have to get riiiight up into those nooks and crannies."

Tenten let out a shriek as Ino pushed the measuring tape a _long_ way up her leg. Batting it away, Tenten crossed her knees and held her skirt down, all the while blushing furiously. "H-honestly, Ino-san! This is a bit much! I hardly know you! Besides, we are here for Naruko, not me. Tsunade-sama's orders!"

Looking up with curious eyes, Ino paused. "Lady Tsunade?"

Tenten nodded. She noticed the twins were still laughing at her, so she quickly thought of a little payback.

"Besides, why dress up me? Naruko needs it more _and_ what with Naruto being able to transform into an identical replica, you can try out twice as many outfits at once!"

The laughter stopped instantly as Ino whirled around, stars in her eyes. "So TRUE! Naruto! Woman! Now!"

Pausing, the twins exchanged a glance. Naruto tensed to make a dash for it, but a strong hand latched itself onto his arm.

"Na-ah. If I have to endure this, so do you."

Staring into his sisters eyes pleadingly, he saw no pity. Sighing, he relented. After all, if he was her, which he was, technically, he'd have done the same thing. Bringing up his hands, he grumbled the technique's name and with a pop and a pout, two Naruko's now stood there.

Clapping happily, Ino positively glowed. Grabbing her tape, she walked towards the worried pair.

"Alright, time to make you sexy!"

XxXxXxX

Naruto, Naruko and Tenten all walked from the store, eyes wide, hands full of bags and a healthy blush across their noses. While Naruto and Tenten were the same, Naruko was now dressed in the most gorgeous blue and purple top and skirt combo. The fact was mostly lost on the three adolescences though, due to their current state of shock. Unfortunately, Tenten hadn't managed to get away from Ino like she had hoped. No one could, not while that girl was in her natural habitat. As such, all three had been subjected to the most rigorous of fittings. Naruto pulled at his pants leg occasionally, wondering if there were any more unexplored places down there he hadn't known about. Ino had been very thorough. Seeing his sister tug her pants the same way, he felt a small amount of comfort to know that he wasn't the only one. They remained in an awkward silence for a while until Tenten broke it.

"You know... for all that we bought, we still haven't got Naruko any ninja clothing."

The girl nodded and looked behind her. "Yeah, that's ok. We can do that now actually. Just so long as Ino doesn't find us. I don't wana be touched there again."

All three members shuddered at the thought and looked around. Establishing that the area was now indeed Ino free, they picked up their pace. Nearing a fork, Naruto pointed down a road with one bag filled hand and changed direction.

"Right, before we do anything, can we atleast drop all this off at home? I don't feel like lugging this around while we train."

XxXxXxX

Jiraiya let out a gentle snore as he rested against a rather comfortable tree. He had waited much longer than he expected and since it was such a beautiful day, decided to take a nap in the morning sun. He had dropped off near instantly and was currently involved in a most delightful dream. That was quickly ripped to shreds and smashed against the cold hard ground of reality as a horribly harsh cry was unleashed right next to his ear.

"TIME TO WAKE UUUUUUUUUP!"

Opening his bloodshot eyes, the man looked sideways to see the disgustingly happy smile of Naruto blinding him. Groaning, he then began the process of relocating his joints through a series of painful sounding snaps and cracks. Finally standing up, he pushed his fists into his back and shivered euphorically as his spine popped back into its natural curve. Yawning, he scratched his head and looked down at the still grinning boy.

"What took you, brat?"

This instantly quietened Naruto and he looked at the ground with a numb look on his face. "We ran into Ino while clothes shopping."

"Ah. That explains it then."

While not friends with many of the youth, Jiraiya definitely knew which girls graced the change rooms most frequently. Ino topped the list by several hundred places. Looking up, he was then rapidly woken up by a most wonderful sight before him.

Naruko now stood before him all kitted up in her Kunoichi gear and looking just delicious. Her feet had the standard issue sandals on, but under those were a light coloured stocking that rose up her leg and disappeared under the short orange skirt. A pair of dark tights sat under it to cover her modesty and all that was held up with a belt covered in pouches and pockets. Her top was a lighter orange, mixed with some earthy browns and whites. It was unbuttoned about halfway down her chest, revealing the gray mesh beneath it. A pair of deep brown, fingerless gloves adorned her slender hands and a single, solid looking pad rested on her right shoulder. And to finally top off the package, her hair was pulled back in a single pony tail and tied up with an orange ribbon.

Not a dot of makeup had touched her face and yet Jiraiya was spellbound. Ideas instantly began flooding his mind and he whipped out his notebook and began scribbling away on it furiously. It took the young adults a moment to realise why he was scribbling, but less than a third of that time to grab the book and rip it to shreds.

"GAH! What the hell did you do that for you little punks? That was proving to be a most brilliant new arc!"

Naruto blew a wad of snot onto it and crossed his arms. "No, training now. Tsunade-baachan said so."

Jiraiya dropped to his knees dejectedly and began sobbing pathetically. Naruto felt a bit sick at this and took a step back. "Look, it's not the end of the world. Besides, you help me and Naruko-chan enough and maybe... MAYBE, we can help you remember what you lost. Deal?"

Instantly on his feet, Jiraiya stuck his hand out, all business. "Deal. Now, shake."

Looking back, Naruto saw his companions nod. Taking the old lechers hand, they shook once. Smiling broadly, Jiraiya then motioned to the paddock behind him.

"Right! Firstly, we need to establish just where Naruko's level of skill is at."

Jumping forward, Naruko looked up, smiling brightly. Struggling to control the nose bleed, Jiraiya handed her a piece of paper.

"Ok, check your chakra type. Although I already have a good idea what you'll be."

Nodding, Naruko did as instructed and the paper was ripped in two.

Tenten however was amazed. "No way! Another wind user? That's so awesome!"

Jiraiya sweat-dropped. She still was believing the sister thing? Ah well. It makes life easier for everyone for the moment. Motioning for the two blonds to follow him, Jiraiya walked out into the middle of the field.

"Right. I brought you out here so Tenten won't hear this part. Seeming you two are literally identical, I want you both to channel some chakra. I have this theory I wana test out."

Glancing at one another, they shrugged and focused. Jiraiya watched on attentively, not a single detail missing his eyes. As they pulled forth more strength, a blue glow began to surround each of them. The only thing this time though, was that the aura was slightly off center.

"Curious... Kids, channel more."

Neither moved, but the power outage increased. Jiraiya began to smile as the aura around the two moved even more off center. He hadn't expected this at all, but wasn't this a pleasant surprise. What he _had _been expecting was a drop in both blonds chakra amount. Instead, their auras were actually pulling towards the opposite twin, straining to make contact with the other.

"It must be because their chakra signature is identical. It's simply wanting to merge back into one..."

Eyes instantly wide, Jiraiya's breath hitched. "ONE? Naruto, Naruko, stop now!"

"Huh?"

Unfortunately, at that moment the auras made contact and Jiraiya was near floored by the amount of power that exploded from the duo. Wind blasted from them both as a dust cloud was forced away, the power only growing. Squinting against the sticks and dust, Jiraiya struggled to look into the glowing mass of energy that surrounded the kids.

"Naruko! Naruto! Are you ok? Can you hear me?"

The power instantly receded at the comment, separating away from one giant ball, back into two and then fading from sight. Cautiously looking in at the pair, Jiraiya noted their stunned faces.

"Are... are you ok?"

They both nodded as a smile broke onto their faces. "That... felt... incredible..."

A whoosh brought them back to their senses as Tsunade and a group of Anbu appeared. Dashing forward, Tsunade looked around urgently.

"What the hell was that?"

Jiraiya motioned to the still power drunk teenagers. "They were that. Tsunade... I think we discovered something interesting."

Glancing between the two of them, Tsunade gave Jiraiya a confused look. "I'll say. Why did it feel like Naruto just exploded?"

Struggling to find the words, Jiraiya gave up after a bit and shrugged. "Well, I guess he... they did."

Glaring at the tall man scrutinisingly, Tsunade waved at the Anbu squad. They disappeared in a small swirl of leaves. Placing her hands on her hips, Tsunade frowned.

"Well, explain then because I must know why it felt like a bomb just detonated."

Nodding, Jiraiya called out to the now excited pair. "Oi, can you do that again? Just don't let it get to the boom stage."

Seeing them nod and channel their chakra, Jiraiya pointed to the glow around them. "See how it's off center?"

Tsunade's eyebrows rose. "Yes actually! What's going on with that?"

Jiraiya clicked his tongue. "Well, seeming that their chakra signal is identical, I assume it just wants to be back with one another."

Tsunade looked up dangerously. "Couldn't that have possibly meant that if they touched, they merged again, or simply just exploded, literally?"

Jiraiya took a cautious step out of the woman's reach. "Perhaps... but they kinda got to that stage faster than I could call out to them."

The next think Jiraiya knew was the sensation of a dead body. Tsunade had punched his arm, but seeming it was Tsunade, the effect was greatly magnified.

"Well you are a fool of a man for letting it get out of your control. You're just lucky they seemed to accentuate each other, rather than kill each other."

Nodding, Jiraiya begrudgingly accepted his mistake. "I suppose. It's all good now though. I actually have a couple of other tests I want to run past them, now that we know about this."

Tsunade thinned her eyes dangerously. "You be very careful then old man, because if they get hurt because of your curiosity, I WILL cut off your arms."

Jiraiya began sweating and held his hands up calmingly. "Now, now, that will never happen!"

"It better not."

Disappearing, Tsunade took her leave and left a slightly flustered Jiraiya in her wake.

'Phew, that was close. Better be a _bit _more careful.'

Rubbing the back of his neck, Jiraiya looked around and then noticed a stunned Tenten gazing at the twins. Sighing, Jiraiya began walking over to her. Why couldn't she have just passed out or something, like that girl Hinata? Life would be much easier if she'd be so kind.

XxXxXxX

_A/N – ok everyone, hope you enjoyed the update! I've given you all a longer chapter because I'm not sure if I'll be able to get up another one for a while. I'm actually due to head out of my country for 2 months in the next week, meaning I'm not gona have any access to the computer at all._

_Never fear though, because I'll come back all refreshed and stuff and full of revitalised funnies! Yosh. _

_Anyway, I have an omake for you all, on another way Naruto and Naruko could have been greeted._

**Omake**

Tenten let out a bark of laughter. "Jiraiya-sama? You honestly think you can find him when he doesn't wana be found?"

This time, Naruto's voice floated out from the other side of the field, catching Tenten off guard.

"Yup! We can smell him."

"Wait, what, we? And how did you get over there so fast?"

"FOUND HIM!"

And with a manly squeal, Jiraiya was thrown from the trees and landed on his bum heavily. Rubbing it tenderly, he looked around as two children dashed towards him. Tenten however, wasn't so prepared.

Running up to him, Tenten poked the boy in the chest. "So, what's the deal with the clone?"

Naruto blinked. "Clone?"

Tenten nodded. "Yup, this one."

And punched Naruko square in the face. Naturally, the girl didn't take too happily to that and bounced around furiously, swearing her head off while holding her throbbing nose.

"Tenten! What the hell did you do that for?"

Instantly a deep shade of red, Tenten ran over to Naruko. "Oh I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I didn't realise you were the real one! Here, I'll pop the real clone so you get the conversation!"

And threw a kunai into Naruto's arm.

"KEYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

It was now Naruto's turn to run around in circles, tears running freely, clutching the metal weapon poking out from his flesh.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Bu – but you, you're a clone, but who wait, what?"

XxXxXxX

Struggling harder, Sasuke nearly resorted to biting Naruto's arm. "That just makes me want to get away even more! Homo!"

His movements stopped abruptly as a pair of fine arms entwined themselves around his neck and an ample chest pressed into the side of his head.

"Oh come now Ducky-kuuuun, don't be like that!"

'Oh HELL no.'

Pulling one arm free, Sasuke swung his fist around, soundly collecting Naruko in the face for a second time. Instantly the girl let go, holding her face and cursing violently. Managing to shake off the male holding him, Sasuke spun around and glared at Naruto.

"So you're the clone?"

Not given time to answer, Naruto was engulfed in a fireball. Again, the boy let out a shrill scream and dashed from the flames and down the road, straight into a barrel of water on the side of the road. Staying submerged for a few seconds, Naruto's head eventually popped up with a loud gasp.

"SASUKE, YOU BASTARD! Your damn lucky I heal fast!"

Glaring at the spot Sasuke used to occupy, Naruto found him strangely absent. Looking around, he heard Tenten call to him.

"Uh, the second he realised you were both real, he shouted something about his worst nightmare and ran back home, I think."

Naruto just looked off in the direction of the Uchiha. Who knew that Sasuke dreamt about him? Naruto shivered. That was a bit much gay for him in one day.

XxXxXxX

Having said her bit, Ino sighed, straightened and then sent a beautiful smile at a rather startled Naruko. "So, sister! It's lovely to meet you! I didn't realise this dropkick had family. I'm Ino Yamanaka."

Taking the extended hand tentatively, Naruko nodded. "T-thankyou. Uh, we were just about to head off sorry..."

As the town busy-body, such an excuse was rendered void by simple fact that she didn't know who this person was yet.

"Oh, that's ok! I can take time off from training. My sensei is one of the laziest in the village so he wouldn't care if I miss a session. So, where you headed? Why on earth are you only in a shirt too? And how come you look so much like Naruto's female form? Like, seriously, you are identical to her. You sure you're not a clone? Come here let me check!"

And nailed Naruko, once again, in the face. Fires of hell exploded around the girl as she glared daggers at the shocked blond before her.

""DAMNIT, WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE PUNCHING MY FACE TODAY?"

Naruko found herself ignored though as Ino had already run over and punched Naruto in the face to verify his existence. Seeing her brother collapse in a spray of nose blood, Naruko twitched violently before grabbing Naruto from the clutches of the evil girl and dashed away at breakneck speed. Her and her brother had some serious pranks to develop.

XxXxXxX

_A/N – and there you go. Hope you enjoyed it all!_


	26. Chapter 26

_How's it goin people? It's been a while! So yeah, all back from America now and finally had time to poke this out between riding, working and training. I won't keep you any longer though so I give you the latest update!_

**Chapter 26**

Jiraiya sat pondering the peculiar duo sparing in the middle of the field. Having left them with instructions to practice taijutsu, he had retreated to sit in the shade of one of the many trees surrounding the training grounds. Hearing another loud battle cry, he frowned in confusion.

The puzzle he was currently trying to work out was Naruko. Certainly, she was like Naruko in many ways, but it was the fact she was an individual that had him so stumped. Having only just been 'born', the old Sannin expected her to be much more boyish. The fact she was so naturally girly was just bewildering. It was like she had lived within Naruto since day dot, developing a personality and identity all of her own. Shaking his head, Jiraiya sighed.

In any case, it didn't matter what he thought until he worked out the seals. Thinking back, he remembered what the pair first said about each other.

"Like they had known each other their whole lives... there must be something else within that. But what?"

Groaning, the man pressed a hand into his temple and stood up. Calling out to the pair, they finished up and jogged over, hardly spent even after half an hour of high energy output.

"What's up Ero-Sennin? Wana teach us something now?"

Jiraiya shook his head. "No, not just yet. Now, hoist those tops up. I gotta take another look at those seals."

Both teens raised an eyebrow. "But didn't you copy them down before?" Naruko's eye's thinned. "You're not just trying to get another look at my body are you?"

Jiraiya snorted. "Please, you honestly think your adolescent body interests me _that_ much? If I was really that desperate, I could have just run down to the baths and had a quick look while you two trained."

He quickly stored that brilliant idea away for later use. With those two keeping each other company, research will be much easier.

Naruto glared at his teacher sceptically. "We can't be too sure. So what's the real reason?"

Jiraiya rolled his eyes. "I find it flattering that you think I truly am that perfect, but I'm sorry to break it to you that even I, the mighty Jiraiya-sama, make mistakes from time to time. If I missed even a tiny dot, that could explain why I can't work out anything."

Sighing, the twins complied and rolled their shirts up carefully, only exposing as much as necessary. Bringing the seal to the surface, Jiraiya knelt down and began studying his notes.

'Hmmm... it looks perfect.'

Glancing from paper to skin, he double, triple and then quadruple checked his work. Not a single thing was missing, and yet, it still felt like there was something glaringly obvious he was missing.

Narrowing his eyes, he fixed his most powerful stare on the seal in hopes it would reveal its secrets. 'Come ON! What am I missing?'

The blonds above him looked down in disinterest. "So, are you done yet? We've been here for like ten minutes and we're hungry."

Jiraiya hushed them. "Just a few more minutes. I'm sure you can last."

XxXxXxX

Slowly walking back to the training field, the bun-haired girl sighed. After witnessing that crazy explosion of power from the twins, Jiraiya had suggested she go for a walk to clear her mind. She refused, wanting to see what would happen next, to which Jiraiya picked her up and threw her over the trees, calling out to her that she should _really _go for a walk. Pouting at the memory, she kicked at the ground grumpily. It was so not fair! Next time he tried something like that, she'd be sure to lodge a kunai in his arm. Wandering back into the area, she looked around curiously at the lack of bodies and training.

"'EN'EN!"

Hearing the muffled call, she looked around and saw the pair each with a box of ramen in their hands, sitting next to Jiraiya. Blinking, she jogged over.

"Hey guys... what's up?"

"'Eh, 'iria w'n'ed oo 'heck ou' 'ose pheals."

Tenten sighed. "Swallow first, Naruto."

She watched him heave down a mighty mouthful. "Yeah, Jiraiya wanted to check out those seals."

Tenten raised an eyebrow. "And the ramen?"

Naruto went to speak but was cut off. "Ah-ah-ah swallow first."

Nodding, he swallowed and burped. "Well, he was taking so long that we got hungry, so we sent a clone to get us take away."

Agreeing it was a good idea, the girl dropped to the ground besides the older man. Leaning in curiously, she checked out the two seals. Her eyebrows rose as she took in the complexity of them. She gasped softly, eyes soaking up every detail.

"This is... unbelievable! Did you design this Jiraiya-sama?"

The tall man shook his head slightly. "No. I'm trying to work out something within them that I just can't seem to get. It feels like I'm looking right at it though..."

Tenten shrugged and leaned in. She regularly dealt with seals so who knows? Having no idea what to look at first, she twisted her head from side to side, trying to see it from a different angle. After a moment, something caught her eye. Shuffling around, she looked down at the seal from upside down. Her eyebrows widened and she looked up.

"Uh, Jiraiya-sama... can I ask you something?"

The man hmm'ed quietly. Taking it as a yes, Tenten carefully traced a section of one of the two seals.

"What's up with this? It's like a standard storage seal, only written differently from anything I've seen before."

"Hmm?"

Snatching the paper away, Jiraiya flipped it upside down and glared at the seal. His eyes began to widen as realisation sunk in.

'This... bah, I am so STUPID! For a little fourteen year old girl to spot something so simple! There is definitely something out about this though... wait a moment.'

Checking the other seal, he found the inscribing missing. He absent mindedly noted that it was also what differed between the seals. It still didn't explain its unique design though. Looking back and forward from paper to paper, the Sennin began to breath faster and faster.

'This is what I'm looking for! Now to try and work out exactly what it means!'

Springing to his feet in a blast of energy, he pointed at the surprised twins, now covered in food from the shock of his activity. "You two, rest of the day is over. Go gorge yourself on ramen or something. My tab."

Ignoring the joyous hollers, he then grabbed a shocked Tenten and with a surprised squeak, easily picked her up and hugged her solidly.

"My girl, you are a genius!"

Planting a careless kiss on her forehead, he then chucked her high into the air and took off like a bullet for the Hokage tower. Landing solidly on her backside, Tenten didn't even notice the bruise form from the landing. She had a powerful blush across her nose as the reality of what just happened sank in.

"A Sennin just kissed me... a Sennin!"

Looking back over to where the trio were previously, she found them absent, the only thing left of them being a dust cloud as the twins disappeared off to Ichiraku's.

XxXxXxX

"ME FIRST, ME FIRST, ME FIRST!"

That was the only warning Ayame had before the front of their shop exploded before the two hyperactive blonds. They continued to argue as they struggled for a seat, despite there being an entire row free. Finally pushing his sister down, Naruto didn't even spare her a second glance as she rolled away through the dust.

"AYAME! Hit me with two of everything on your menu and keep it coming!"

In a flash, Naruko was beside Naruto, now covered in dirt and dust but still beaming a thousand mega-watt smile.

"Same for me too!"

Taking a moment, Ayame looked at the two. "Didn't you just come in and buy a box each just a while ago?"

They nodded, drool beginning to ooze from the sides of their mouths. "Yeah, they were clones to buy us a snack to tide us over to lunch."

Shaking her head, Ayame turned around to her dad and called out their order. His voice floated back, not overly concerned, but still curious.

"So, how exactly are we paying for this round?"

If anything, the twin's smiles widened even further. "Ero-Sennin said tab him!"

Despite knowing he had a rather sizeable bank account, Ayame still felt a little sorry for the man. Once these two were finished, the small stall would have enough money to shut the doors for a month and still comfortably survive. Still, so long as the bill gets paid, the food shall flow. Catching the two bowls thrown at her from the back, she skilfully spun them around on her hands, bringing the warm bowls to rest in front of the ravenous duo. With barely a cry, they attacked the food with a gusto many found disturbing. Hardly a minute passed before they dropped the bowls from their mouths and called out for seconds. Smiling good naturedly, Ayame quickly replaced them and moved to fill the next bowl. Today was going to be a good day. Noticing a movement at the door, Ayame looked up.

A shy young girl had moved to enter, but had promptly taken to hiding by the entrance as she watched the two blonds eat. She had come in search of Naruto, but now that she had found him, all confidence left her body, again. Taking a few shivering breaths, Hinata summoned enough courage to step in the door and slowly made her way up to her not so secret crush.

"Hey Hinata-san! Make yourself comfortable. I'll be right with you."

Having their attention drawn to the girl behind them, both teens smiled happily and waved at her. Naruto shuffled over one seat and motioned for her to sit down, not wanting to spray her with partially chewed ramen in a failed attempt at speaking. Familiar blush springing to her face, Hinata hesitantly made her way over and dropped herself down between the two. Taking a moment to compose herself, Hinata looked up at them. While never one to question the motives of her love, she still couldn't quite understand why Naruto had a female clone eating with him. Hearing a voice, Hinata looked up at the boy.

"So how ya doin' Hinata? Been training much?"

Hinata nodded slowly, her foggy mind trying to piece together a coherent sentence.

"S-so... Naruto-kun, why are you e-eating with a clone?"

Both blonds instantly swallowed and sent the girl beaming smiles that instantly made her head light. "Oh, you don't know yet do you! Hinata, this is my sister, Naruko. Say hello, Naruko-chan!"

Extending a slightly grubby hand, Naruko licked her lips of any remaining food. "Hey! Naruto-chan told me heaps about you. You gona have anything? Ero-Sennin's paying!"

Food was the furthest thing from the lavender haired girls mind as reality sunk in. 'Naruto-kun has a sister? Naruto-kun has been talking about me?"

Feeling her consciousness begin to wane, a set of strong hands grabbed either arm and held her upright until she was breathing normally again. Finally looking down, she saw each one belonged to each blond either side of her. Still wolfing down their food, they had concerned looks on faces as she composed herself.

"You alright Hinata-chan? You started going all weird for a second there. Ok now?"

Not trusting herself, she merely nodded as a bowl was placed in front of her. Looking up curiously, Ayame smiled.

"Naruto-chan ordered you something. He pretty much has unlimited food supply today so you just got included in that."

Sighing dreamily, the Hyuuga heiress took to poking the food happily, not quite believing that she of all people was being shouted a bowl of Naruto's precious ramen. It also did wonders for her courage and clearing her breath, tried to make conversation.

"S-so Naruko-san, I had n-no idea Naruto-kun had family! W-where have you been hiding all this time?"

She tried to keep the upset edge out of her voice. While she would have very much loved to have been by Naruto's side since the beginning, she also knew that if Naruko had been there, life wouldn't have been nearly as hard for her crush.

"Well, I've been living by myself as well for a long while. I used to have a grandad that would visit me frequently and taught me basic ninja techniques, but then he died and I've been on my own since then. It wasn't until some ANBU stumbled across me that I even knew Konoha existed! Not to mention a brother... I still don't even know what direction it was that I used to live in."

Giving her another smile, Naruko then went back to eating vigorously. As for Hinata, the girl was trying her best to understand just what happened. Could she _really_ have come from something like that? As convincing as the girl sounded, it still seemed way too simple to be the truth. Real life was rarely like that. Calming herself, she tried to look underneath the underneath. While she didn't think she was the brightest girl, she still knew she was pretty good at sensing lies. She was a Hyuuga after all. Silently running the conversation back through her mind, she tried to see anything the girl did that hinted at a lie. But try as she might, nothing seemed to spring forward. It still seemed strange, but for the moment, Hinata was content to believe the story. Perhaps later when they weren't watching, she would have a closer look at the two with her Byakugan.

Naruto however, was secretly very proud of his sister! The story was highly convincing, somewhat mixing his own life in with the fabrication surrounding her. The way it slid off her tongue also made it sound very persuasive. Baa-chan was really the greatest for having come up with that idea! Slurping down the last of his bowl, Naruto called for thirds... or fourths... whatever bowl he was now up to. Greedily eyeing up the mixture, Naruto dug in.

XxXxXxX

Pen hit paper furiously, scribbling away at another scrap of paper as the seal master tried his damndest to unravel the mystery behind the upside down storage seal. He could already tell that it had been designed with a much more delicate function in mind than the average seal. The extra half marks surrounding the lettering indicated that whatever it was to hold was very long term, and was also to preserve whatever was contained within at a pristine level. Frowning again at it, Jiraiya checked over the crosses and spotted yet another tiny dot he had missed. Factoring that into the equation, he quickly crossed out his last idea. The seal wasn't just meant to preserve the contained object; it was to 'feed' it. He couldn't think of any other way to describe it as that pretty much summed it up. The seal was to draw a consistent amount of untainted chakra, straight from Naruto into the containment. Growling, the man nearly snapped his pen in frustration.

"Damn you Minato, why did you have to be so good at this stuff? What did you store in him?"

Scratching his head, Jiraiya stood up and walked over to the window. He looked out over the town and sighed. Pushing his hands into his back, he popped his spine and sighed again happily. Taking a whiff of fresh air, he turned and observed the room he had rushed into. Such was his excitement that he hadn't checked out where he had ended up. It was now glaringly obvious that it was the janitor's room, complete with mops, brooms and other equipment hanging from the wall. He turned back to the window with an unamused look on his face. It figured that the mighty Jiraiya would unravel the most complex seal ever conceived in some little closet. Resting his chin in one large hand, he began revisiting what he had discovered so far.

"So what we have is one crazy seal holding back the Kyuubi. Within that seal is a storage seal that acts like a leach, equipped to maintain its contents via Naruto. The seal isn't on Naruko's belly for some reason though. What does Naruto have that Naruko didn't?"

Pondering it some more, Jiraiya noticed a few small finches playing around outside the window. He chuckled, wishing that sometimes he could just fly away too. Not to mention baths would be so much easier to infiltrate. Groaning, he turned away and went to sit back down. Rubbing his tired eyes, he ran over the idea one last time.

"A storage seal on Naruto. What in heaven's name is it?"

Closing his eyes, he began replaying that thought over and over in his mind. He reached an arm under his shirt to scratch his stomach but paused. Something had clicked. It couldn't be possible though, could it?

Scratching through the seal papers again, he focused on the unique design for one last time. And with that, saw exactly what he was looking for. Grin spreading across his face, the Sennin kicked the door off its hinges and charged off to find Tsunade.

XxXxXxX

About a half hour earlier, the Uzumaki twins and Hinata had exited the ramen stall all looking very well fed. Even after stalking him for so long, the Hyuuga girl still couldn't fathom where the object of her affections managed to put away all that food. And after witnessing Naruko easily match him bowl for bowl, Hinata was more than prepared to admit the girl was of the same blood. There was hardly a soul who could keep up with that boy. Smiling a little, she blushed when she thought of what the food bill would be when they were happily married. It was a good thing her family was rich!

"Oi! Check this out! Hinata, quick, follow us!"

Broken from her lovesick dreams, the shy girl saw the two blonds dash off into an alleyway, something trailing behind them. Wondering what they had now, she tried to catch up to them. Rounding the corner, she found out that Naruko had managed to swipe a few helium balloons. Before she could say anything though, one was thrust into her hands.

"Ok, on three, we all inhale the whole thing! You good, Hinata?"

Not quite following, she nodded unsurely but never the less undid the knot. Naruto and Naruko weren't half as delicate, instead opting to simply rip a hole next to the knot with their teeth. Both grinned widely before looking at Hinata.

"Ok, 1, 2, 3!"

Breathing out, all three teens inhaled the gas and stumbled backwards into the wall as their heads swam. Hinata moaned, but to her surprise a high pitched squeak emerged from her lips. Naruto and Naruko both burst out laughing, the sound of their own voices only adding fuel to their fire.

"Bahaha this is great!"

"You sound like a chipmunk!"

"Oi Naruko, squeal as high as you can!"

And with a nod, the girl let out an ear piercing whistle-note that made all three of them cringe. Looking at each other, the siblings burst into laughter again before looking over a Hinata.

"Hey, hey, Hinata, what do you sound like?"

"Yeah, say something!"

Blushing slightly, the heiress stuttered out a shy hello before quickly slapping her hands over her mouth. That didn't stop the pair before her from losing it again and drop to the floor, tears sliding down their cheeks. Breathing deeply, Hinata rid herself of the excess gas in her lungs and let out a sigh as her voice returned to somewhat normal. The next thing she noticed, Naruto and Naruko were whispering furiously between themselves before looking up at Hinata. Not having been on the end of this particular look before, she backed up, not sure what to expect.

"Hey... Hinata, can we trust you with something?"

Nodding hesitantly, Hinata swallowed.

"Great! Ok, what we need you to do is go distract that store owner for a moment. Just ask him a question about his shop or something, alright?"

Not quite understanding what they were planning, the girl still left and hesitantly walked up to the owner.

"Uh, h-hello there..."

Seeing a Hyuuga heiress of all people standing out the front of his store, the man ran up to her.

"Hyuuga-san! How are you? What brings you here?"

Pausing, Hinata tried to think up something to distract with. "Uh, I just wanted... um, I was just curious to see if you had a-any fox masks?"

Silently congratulating herself on a fantastic strategy, she looked up hopefully at the man. Two blond blurs that disappeared into the shop didn't escape her notice either.

"Oh, yeah we just had a new shipment in today actually. Their hanging over here if you'd like to follow me."

Following the man, Hinata kept her eyes peeled for any sight of Naruto. Hearing the shop owner's voice, she turned to see what he had.

Her breath caught as he held up the most adorable little fox faced mask. He noticed it and grinned. "Not bad hey! Not too many people want fox masks these days though so these ones sell for cheap if you're interested?"

Nodding quickly, the girl counted out the money needed and handed it over. Another two blond blurs shot out from the shop and Hinata quickly thanked the man, slipped the mask over her head and ran off. Passing a bin, she heard her name called and backed up. Behind it were the twins, holding a large cylinder between them.

"That was great Hinata! Just what we needed!"

She blushed at the compliment but pointed at the metal tube. "So w-what's that for?"

Naruko looked down and grinned. "Oh, nothing really. We're just borrowing it for this awesome prank we just thought up! It'll be back before he knows it's missing."

Her brow furrowed as she began to worry her bottom lip. "A-are you sure?"

Naruto waved a hand nonchalantly. "Yeah, it'll be fine. Now come _on_! We have pranking to do!"

Hesitating a moment, Hinata swallowed her fear and took off after the giggling pair, wondering what on earth they had planned.

XxXxXxX

Jiraiya groaned again as another member of Konoha stated that the Hokage had just left to return back to the tower. He had been chasing the frustratingly sexy blond all over for the last half an hour, desperately trying to find her to let her know what he discovered. The chase had led him from one end of the city to the other, and now finally to the farthest shop in the whole community. Looking at the tower in the distance, he sighed and took off, hoping his crappy luck won't have him pointed back in a different direction.

XxXxXxX

Tsunade and Shizune wandered into the Hokage's room, chatting about the various errands they had just run. Shizune laughed at mention of a certain silver haired Jounin, dropping another full file on the desk before sliding into one of the few chairs in the room. Feet aching, Tsunade copied, sliding into her own grand chair. Unfortunately though, the two weren't given a moments rest as the door slid open.

Shizune's breath caught in her chest and Tsunade let out a very deliberate sigh, wishing she was a thousand miles away. Looking up at the man through her fringe, the blond tried to be somewhat reasonable.

"Hello, Danzo."

"Hello, Hime. And how are you doing this afternoon?"

Tsunade's eyebrow twitched. To hell with being reasonable, this guy rubbed her all the wrong ways like no one else could manage.

"Good, pleasantries are out of the road. Now, what do you want now?"

Taking his time, the old war hawk slowly walked around the room, looking up at Hokage's past. He said nothing until the twitch above Tsunade's eye became a full blown wink. Turning to face her, he began in his usual way.

"Oh, nothing much. I have however, heard an interesting little something from the grape vine. Might you have an idea what it is?"

Tsunade never got a chance to answer as Jiraiya burst through the window in a flurry of activity. "Hime! You'll never guess what I just worked out!"

Seeing the ticked off look in her eye, he backed up. Surely he hadn't done anything yet? Quickly looking around though, he found the source of her ire.

"Oh, Danzo. To what do we owe the pleasure?"

A ghost of a smile graced the old man's face. "Oh, nothing as important as what you were about to say, I'm sure. Please, continue."

Frowning, Jiraiya could have kicked his luck fair in the balls and still not be happy. He'd prefer to chase Tsunade all over the globe compared to this. Looking down at the woman, he saw her motion for him to continue. Shaking his head tiredly, he slapped a palm to the wall and created a sound barrier.

"Well, as I was saying, I discovered something about what I was looking into that you would probably be interested in. You seem to be caught up in something though so..."

Danzo shook his head. "Nonsense. I have a hunch though that what you were just talking about may have some form of reference to why I am here."

Jiraiya looked at him cautiously. "Do tell?"

Danzo started walking around again, stalling as much as possible. "As I was saying before you... arrived... I have heard of a certain something that could possibly be as much a threat to this village as it could be a benefit."

The two remaining Sennin's eyes narrowed.

"Sources indicate that there is now a second certain child running around. I don't have many details on what exactly is happening here, but from what I have been led to believe, there are now TWO Kyuubi jinchuuriki's running around."

Tsunade raised her eyebrows. "What would have given you such an idea?"

Danzo blinked. "Let's just say a little bird told me there was an unusual amount of chakra output earlier in the day that matched the container. Upon investigation, there were two individuals who looked surprisingly similar exuding this energy."

Tsunade said nothing, just staring evenly at the man. Taking the silence as a challenge, he walked up to the desk and placed a hand on it.

"I know you know what I'm talking about. Said sources indicate that you both were at that location at that time of the morning. So I have come here with a proposal."

While nothing moved externally, Tsunade's gaze hardened significantly.

"I wish to have the girl given to me. You can keep the boy. Seeming the girl was never really here in the first place, handing her over to me would impact no one of any significant status in the village."

Tsunade bristled as Danzo indirectly called Naruto insignificant. "Now listen here you... old..."

The Hokage's speech slowed, her brow furrowed in confusion. Something wasn't right. Looking up at Jiraiya, she saw he had noticed it as well.

"Jir... Jiraiya... what is going on?"

The tall man would have started giggling if it wasn't so serious. Tsunade was starting to sound like a little girl.

"I honestly can't tell you, Hime."

His own brow furrowed in confusion as his voice took on a warped, somewhat nasally sound. Looking over at Danzo, he saw he was just as confused as they were.

"Hokage-sama, I request to know exactly what is going on."

A snicker from behind him had him spin around sharply. Shizune had a hand to her mouth, desperately trying to muffle the giggle that so very wanted to break free at the sound of his high pitched voice. Her own voice was now rather squeaky and she sounded like a little toddler who had played a prank. Leering over her, Danzo laid on a considerable amount of intent.

"Was this your doing?"

Despite the pressure, she couldn't help but laugh again at his voice. "N-no, Danzo-sama. Honestly, it wasn't anything I did!"

Hearing a snicker from behind him, he saw that the two older members had taken to laughing at him. Feeling his rage begin to rise, he made for the door as fast as his dignity would allow.

"This isn't the last you'll hear of me."

The room was just filled with more laughing at the squeaky quality of his voice. Whirling around, he stormed out the door, slamming it forcefully behind him. That broke the tension and they all laughed at the humiliated man for a moment before calming themselves.

Steeling his features, Jiraiya began to look around. "So what is the cause of this then?"

Tsunade let out an amused smile. "This is helium. I'll give you one guess who did it."

Shizune let out a bark of laughter that sounded more like a high pitched yip. Jiraiya slapped a palm to his face, grin still on his mouth.

"Of course. Dead set, that kid is a genius. None of us even noticed what was happening until our voices changed."

Looking around he called out in a loud, slowly deepening voice. "Oi brat! We know it was you that did it! Count your luck that I don't know where you are right now cause otherwise my foot would be so far up your ass your could taste the dirt on my sandals!"

XxXxXxX

Elsewhere, Naruto, Naruko, Hinata and the gas cylinder had made a clean get away, all three of them incredibly impressed with how well that went.

"Hinata-chan, you should come along some more! That Byakugan of yours is brilliant pranking material!"

Growing slightly woozy at the compliments, Hinata struggled to keep it together. "T-thankyou N-Naruto-kun. It was pretty fun, w-wasn't it!"

The glowing smiles that reached her eyes made her heart flutter but didn't have time to ponder it as the two blonds grabbed her hands and dragged her away rapidly, both excitedly conversing over who they should prank next with their newest member.

XxXxXxX

Back in the Hokage's room, everyone's voices were back to normal and Tsunade had to rub her head. That child was a true devil when he wanted to be. Looking up at Jiraiya, she gave him a lopsided smile.

"So what are you gona do with him?"

Jiraiya shrugged. "Well, I ain't letting him get away with this, otherwise I'd look soft."

Tsunade nodded. "Don't make it too harsh though, he really saved our necks just then."

The two other members nodded in agreement. Shizune then spoke up, bringing their attention back to why the man was in the room.

"So Jiraiya, what did you discover about Naruto?"

Jiraiya grinned broadly. "All I can say is that Minato is a freakin' genius unlike anyone ever before."

XxXxXxX

_A/N – and there you go! Seeming it's taken me so long to get it up, I thought you guys deserved a long chapter as a peace offering. Yes, there is a cliffy and it is all to be revealed next chapter. Props to anyone who can work out what's been discovered!_

_Until next chapter,_

_Lanky_


	27. Chapter 27

_And here we go for the next chapter. Just found out I need surgery on my ankle. Sick tits. _

**Chapter 27**

Tsunade leaned back, her eyebrow raised slightly. "Yes, we have all established that Minato was an exceptional mind. So what else has he done to further this?"

Pulling out a couple of sheets of paper from within his coat, Jiraiya slapped them down on Tsunade's desk. He then stood back grinning happily. Shizune moved up beside her friend, curious to see exactly what was going on. Gesturing, Jiraiya encouraged them to look deeper.

"Go on, what can you see? Look underneath the underneath."

Tsunade rolled her eyes at the well over used statement and leaned in. "Ok, well, all I see is a bunch of scribbles 'n' stuff."

Shizune nodded her agreement. While a profound media, neither women were much chop when it came to high level seals. Chuckling, Jiraiya nodded. "Yup. Unless you're one of the greatest seal masters ever, like myself, you can't see a thing."

Ignoring Tsunade's growl, he then quickly reached out and flipped them upside down. "Can you see anything now?"

Again, blank looks dominated the faces of the teacher and student. Seeing this, Jiraiya couldn't help but stir up a little trouble. "You know... it was Genin that clued me into the seal..."

Flicking Jiraiya a frustrated look, Tsunade leaned back. "Well good on them. What do you want, a medal of recognition for them or something? I hate seals. They're boring and time consuming. Just spit out what's the secret and stop stalling like some dramatic film actor. You aren't near good enough for that."

Grumbling, Jiraiya's ego deflated a little and he pointed to one of the seals. "Fine then. Don't come crying to me though when I'm a superstar. Anyway, I'll walk you through this. This is Naruto's seal."

Ignoring Tsunade's growl, he pointed at the left one. "And this other one is Naruko's. Can you see a difference between them?"

Only waiting a moment, Shizune pointed at a specific line segment that encompassed Naruto's seal. "The other one doesn't have this."

Flashing her a dashing smile, Jiraiya nodded. "Indeed! And that little difference is what makes this seal so ingenious. Care to hazard a guess at what it looks like?"

Tsunade rolled her eyes, looking like she wanted to be down at the bar. Shizune though, ever diligent, was studying it intently. Taking a few more moments, she sighed. "I duno. It looks really familiar, but I just can't pinpoint it."

Conceding her point, Jiraiya explained. "Well, it is more advanced than what you normally would see but you did well so far. The only reason this Genin could pick it out was because she works with seals every single day as part of her training. In fact, the girl is actually lucky to have been able to spend as much time with me as she did, seeming she will never meet anyone as great as myself."

While Jiraiya was talking, he failed to notice Tsunade's temple throbbing as her patience wore thin. As his directionless, self inflating drivel continued, her temper grew until she finally decided to take a short cut. Standing sharply, she grabbed the papers, grabbed Jiraiya, and quickly stuck all three to the wall with the help of a few pens.

While being stuck to the wall was a novel experience, Jiraiya was more baffled by the fact he was actually hanging a half foot off the ground. It was a pretty good effort from the blond woman, considering Tsunade was near a foot shorter than him.

Standing back, Tsunade looked up at him, smiling acidly. "Ok, no more head-swelling. Cut to the chase and spell it out for us less informed people."

Chuckling nervously, Jiraiya swallowed. "Right you are. I s'pose trying to help you work it out yourself was a bit of a long shot."

The pen that imbedded itself in the wall just under his most manly of manly places helped him realise that that probably wasn't the smartest thing he could have said to calm the volatile woman. Taking a few moments to make sure he wouldn't squeak when he spoke, he started again. "Ok, so we know there's something different about Naruto's seal. That's actually because it was designed to hold not only the Kyuubi, but something else."

Nodding, Tsunade motioned for him to continue. "Now, for the life of me I couldn't work out what was sealed in there, but it wasn't until I looked at it from another angle that I worked it out. Usually, you simply assume that you store an object and then remove it as necessary. You don't seal people simply because when you do that, you cut off every one of their senses from the outside world. It's like they die upon sealing, and when they are unsealed, depending on the length of time they are sealed, they can come out with only a severe case of claustrophobia, ranging right up to a complete lobotomy. The unique case with Naruto however, is that the Kyuubi, while encaged, can see outside the seal! So, if that's the case, what could that other seal hold?"

Biting her thumb nail, Tsunade looked over at her partner. "If you're hinting what I think you're hinting..."

Shizune however, was completely in the dark. "What? What else is in Naruto's seal?"

Jiraiya shrugged. "Well, I'm not sure, but it could certainly hold something like –"

At that instant, the door to Tsunade's office was smashed open, an absolutely livid Hiashi Hyuuga glaring at all three members in the room. His piercing gaze rested on Jiraiya a moment longer than the other two, but then passed him on, deeming him to be unworthy of his recognition at the moment. Stomping in, his form then revealed an amused Tsume Inuzuka following him. This had the three original members of the room raising their eyebrows, as it was common knowledge that the two heads of their respective clans very rarely spoke.

Not waiting to be questioned, Hiashi decided to jump right into it. "Hokage-sama, I have very distressing news I must bring to your attention."

Ignoring him for the moment, Tsunade leant to the side to get a glance at the Inuzuka head. Straightening, she then looked up at the Hyuuga.

"Really now? Please elaborate."

Steeling himself as only the most proper Hyuuga can, Hiashi began. "It has come to my attention that a certain superfluous individual has been involved in a number of destructive excursions. It also seems that the person in question has seen fit to draw my eldest into his web of ruffian behaviour."

Taking a moment to convert all that into laymen's terms, Tsunade cocked her eyebrow. "Really now? And what proof of this do you have?"

Gesturing to the shorter woman by his side, Hiashi stepped back. "Nothing has been attempted on my grounds as of yet, but I brought a victim to validate my claims. If you would, Inuzuka-san."

Brushing him off, Tsume stepped up. "Yeah, it seems like what stuffy said is the case. I saw Hinata-chan, Naruto-kun and some other blond chick running around the boarders of my territory just before everything went to hell."

Sighing, Tsunade rubbed her eyes as she heard Jiraiya let out a snort. "That brat is fast to make it here to there in only a few minutes."

"Shut up Jiraiya, you're not helping." Resigning herself to her fate, she closed her eyes. "Alright, mind telling me what happened?"

Scratching her cheek, Tsume let out a growl of approval. "Well, while nothing was actually destructive, it was just very time consuming. That boy actually has a streak of brilliance in him. If his brains were dynamite, he wouldn't be able to blow the wax out of his ears, but let him loose on a pranking run and he's a genius. I still don't know how he got past all of us undetected. A couple of the things those three got up to were like taking the hinges off ever second door, rigging the windows up with rubber bands to snap on the hand of whoever opens it, replacing perfume with bitch pheromones..."

She trailed off at Tsunade's questioning look.

"We keep some 'puppy juice' around to help the older dogs when they can't seem to get the jig into their legs. That being said, when a few of the female members of our pack were dressing up for tonight, they got the fright of their lives when they were swamped by a few dozen horny young males. Human and otherwise."

She thought of her daughter Hana. Poor girl didn't know what hit her. Grinning at the memory, Tsume continued. "That was one of the big ones. The other major one was they went and half filled all the dog bowls with sake. So we basically had an entire house full of drunk, concupiscent animals either rolling all over the floor, or rolling all over our woman. I'll tell you what though, we pretty quickly found out which human members of our pack drank the dogs water."

Tsume let out a bark of laughter, Jiraiya joining in heartily. Tsunade heard even Shizune let out a delicate snort before composing herself. Allowing herself a smirk, Tsunade then motioned at Tsume. "So what do you want to do about this?"

Butting in, Hiashi stepped forward. "I propose that we severely discipline this thug, as well as his female counterpart and have my daughter returned to me immediately. This cannot continue!"

Holding up a hand, Tsunade silenced him. "Hold on one second there. Let me get this straight. Tsume, these three pranked your house?"

Seeing her nod, Tsunade continued. "Now, Hiashi-san, did these three do anything to your house?"

Shaking his head tightly, Tsunade grinned. "Alright! With that established, it means that Tsume, you have the right to bring any complaint you deem worthy of recognition to the table, as well as any suitable punishments. Seeming nothing has actually happened to you yet, Hiashi, you have no say in this."

Tsunade then sat back smugly, watching the furious look on Hiashi's face develop as he realised he had been snookered. Tsume seemed to love every minute of it too, if the look on her face was any indication. Grinning, Tsume shook her head. "Nah, leave those three alone. If anything, they showed us the flaws in our defences."

The tall man's face began to grow red as he barely restrained his anger. Spluttering, he turned to face the cheeky lady by his side. "T-this is preposterous! How can you let them get away with not even a slapped hand?"

Patting his arm, Tsume looked up at him. "Oh hush you old prude. Kids will be kids, even if they are officially recognised as adults. Let them have some fun once in a while."

Snapping his arm out of her reach, Hiashi glared at everyone before spinning sharply and storming out of the room. Waiting a few moments, Tsunade then finally allowed herself a laugh at the proud man's expense. "Well that was unexpected. So how did he even talk you into coming along?"

Tsume shrugged. "I duno, he overheard me talking about them and before I knew it, had me standing here."

Nodding, Tsunade understood Hiashi had that strange ability. Shrugging, Tsunade leaned back on her desk. "So, anything else you wish to add?"

Imitating her superiors shrug, Tsume looked up in thought. "Not really. Though I would recommend that Naruto be officially let loose through the village every six months or so to prank everyone. If anyone can help keep our security tight, it's that boy. I can't imagine too many other people sneaking through the holes that kid can."

Nodding, Tsunade quickly wrote it down on a scrap of paper. "Alright. We'll have to put it to the board, but why not. We get half the clan heads to raise their hands, and little Naruto has a new job."

Grinning, Tsume nodded. "Can't think of anything better for the kid actually."

A ripping sound filled the room which was then quickly replaced with the bodily thump of something solid hitting the ground. Looking over, the three women noticed that Jiraiya's clothing had given way under his weight and deposited the regal man in a heap. Thumbing in his direction, Tsume looked up questioningly at the Hokage.

Noticing her look, Tsunade waved her hand dismissively. "That? Just ignore it. I had him in a time out."

Snorting, the furry lady rolled her eyes. "Well, if that's it then, I'll take my leave."

Seeing Tsunade motion, she waved bye to Shizune and strolled out the door. As the door closed behind the woman, Tsunade turned to face Jiraiya climbing to his feet, clutching the ripped fabric over his shoulders in an effort to keep the clothing on his body. Dropping into a seat, Jiraiya sent Tsunade a pouting look. "You went and ripped my clothes! Do you have any idea how much these things cost? Not to mention what could happen if they fall off me while I'm out and about. Women for miles would betray their husbands!"

Tsunade snorted. "I doubt it. Anyway, get back to what we were talking about before we were interrupted."

Sighing, Jiraiya decided to just get on with it and save as much of his pride as he could. "Well, yeah, as I was saying, the seal within the seal would be able to hold not only inanimate objects, but living beings as well."

Shizune finally caught on and leaned in. "Wait, so you're saying a person is in Naruto's seal?"

Tsunade sat down and leaned back in her chair. "Not anymore it seems."

And with that, the final piece of the puzzle fell into place for the girl. "Naruko!"

Jiraiya nodded. "Yup. Seems that the girl has been inside Naruto from day one. Though for the life of me I have no idea how those two devious parents managed to hide it. Any ideas, Tsunade-hime?"

Cupping a thoughtful hand to her chin, Tsunade frowned. "Sometimes, though extremely rarely, twins can have such a close chakra pattern that even experienced medical nin can't pick up the fact there's two of them. But upon delivery, you'd have thought that everyone would have been notified that there were twins. Unless..."

Shizune lent in. "Unless what?"

The blond looked over. "Minato sealed the Kyuubi straight into Naruto as soon as he was born. Now, I theorise that maybe, just maybe, he sealed Naruko into Naruto as a precaution. Yes, he wanted Naruto to be seen as a hero, but Minato wasn't dumb. He must have assumed that on the off chance that the village did reject them, it would have been safer to have a little boy face the brunt of it, rather than a girl. Naruto got away without too much damage, but think about what if it was Naruko? Being a girl, she could easily be more susceptible to more... physical... attacks."

Both Jiraiya and Shizune blanched at the thought. That anyone could even think of doing that to a little girl was just sick. "So Minato sealed Naruko into Naruto for that reason?"

Tsunade shrugged. "Honestly, I have no idea. It might have been for that, it might have been for a totally different reason. Right now, it's all just speculation."

The room fell silent for a moment as the information sunk in. Shizune frowned at the revelation, until something else came to her attention. "So... seeming Minato and Kushina knew about the both of them, you think they would have named Naruko something else then?"

Jiraiya and Tsunade shared a glance. "Yes, though it must have never been documented, or hidden away somewhere deep in the books of old sensei somewhere. Either way, we couldn't tell them that because doing so would mean exposing Minato and Kushina to Naruto way too early."

Just then, a sharp rap at the door drew the attention of the three.

"Come in."

The door opened revealing an out of breath Chuunin, looking up at them desperately. "Please come quickly, it's the academy!"

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. "What about it?"

Catching his breath, the Chuunin continued. "Well, it's pink!"

XxXxXxX

Hinata ran like a madman, fear filling every fibre in her body as she followed her two clearly insane blond partners. How Naruto could do this on a regular basis was completely beyond the heiress. She had to wonder though, where Naruko's priorities lay. The girl had been here only a day or two, and yet she was already eager to prank the neighbourhood. Granted, it had only been chalk dust... a butt load of chalk dust, but still. Hearing an angry cry from behind her, Hinata let the thoughts go for a moment and just concentrated on keeping up with the noisy duo in front of her.

Just then though, two blurs swept in, one catching the blonds in front of her and the other sweeping her up with a squeal. Barely a moment later, she found herself on top of the Hokage monument with Tsunade holding her up and a topless Jiraiya holding the twins.

Naruto noticed the lack of clothing and looked up. "Why you naked? You been training?"

Jiraiya looked at Tsunade. "No, unfortunately Tsunade-Hime saw fit to ruin my top."

Naruko glanced between the two. "You bein' a perve again?"

Tsunade laughed. "Close enough to it."

Setting down her package, Naruto and Naruko didn't receive the same gentle treatment as Jiraiya simply dropped them on their faces. Hinata opened her mouth to protest, before it died in her throat amidst the churning emotions. Seeing them jump to their feet though, Hinata felt content with the knowledge that they were ok.

"Oi what's the idea old man?"

"You wana go us?"

Laughing, Jiraiya shook his head. "Even with two of you, you couldn't take me. Now shut up and turn around. Tsunade-Hime wants to ask you some questions."

Glancing up at the taller lady, the two sent her a questioning look. Deciding to jump straight into it, Tsunade began.

"Alright, first things first. I got reports of all three of you vandalising the place. What gives?"

Hinata started spluttering out some form of an apology while the Uzumaki twins just raised their hands to the back of their heads. "So? It's not like it hurt anyone. Besides, the more the merrier."

Tsunade crossed her arms. "You could atleast show a little remorse like Hinata-chan here. Had Tsume wanted, she could have punished you for what you did."

A pair of bright grins appeared at that. "Nah, she's cool! She wouldn't do something like that! Besides, it _was_ a good prank, am I right?"

Naruto elbows his sister and she giggled before nodding. Raising an eyebrow, Tsunade tried not to agree. "You're just lucky Tsume _is_ 'cool'. Had you gone and pranked someone like, say, Hinata's father here, you would have been in a whole other world of trouble."

Hinata started to sway on her feet at the thought of what her father would do to her had they really gone through with the twins original plan. The look on the blond kids' faces wasn't too promising either.

"Yeah, we'd have to be extra sneaky to get past his eyes. Damn bloodline. It does make things more fun but!"

Looking up at Jiraiya, she saw the man shrug. It's not like they could actually change their minds now that it was set on it. So with that, she decided to drop Tsume's idea.

"Ok, Naruto, you remember when I told you I'd let you remodel the Hokage tower's security system?"

Placing a finger to his lips Naruto nodded. "Yup. Why, you calling me in on this?"

Shaking her head, Tsunade smirked. "Nope, not yet. However, despite you ransacking the Inuzuka compound, Tsume was thoroughly impressed with how well you managed to exploit the holes in their defences. She requested you be assigned a special mission every six months."

Both Naruto and Naruko's eyes lit up at the prospect, eagerly awaiting the details. "So what is it, huh, huh? Saving a princess from some evil over lord? Destroying an enemy ninja compound? Escorting a shipment of ramen?"

The twins started drooling and both adults present shook their heads in dismay. Talk about a one track mind.

"No Naruto, this will be a mission kept within out boarders. You will however find it is right up your ally. Tsume wants to have you allowed to go absolutely wild with pranks every six months on the whole village to keep everyone on their toes. In times of peace, people get lax, but with you appearing every now and then, it'll be sure to keep the ninja sharp."

If there was ever a time that Naruto was in danger of killing himself by smiling, it was now. Tsunade honestly had to wonder just how the whole top half of his head didn't slide off. Seeing the outburst of energy imminent, Tsunade stepped back just as the twins exploded, jumping high in the air and high-fiving each other with a loud crack.

"This has got to be the BEST assignment EVER!"

Tsunade nodded but quickly motioned for Jiraiya to hold them still. Grabbing their arms, they still hopped all over the place so he chucked them to the ground and sat on them. They let out an 'oof' as the air was knocked out of them but kept grinning all the same.

"Now, just so you know, I'll have to have this passed by the council seeming it will involve all those present, but I'm pretty sure it'll be put through. The only reason I'm telling you now is because even if it doesn't I'll assign you a onetime only mission to do this. Clear?"

Beaming up at the Hokage, the twins nodded. "Yup! But we gotta have Hinata-chan come too cause she was the biggest help getting us into Kiba's home."

Eyes widening, the blond lady turned to Hinata. "Is this true?"

Blushing, the girl stuttered out her answer. "W-well, maybe perhaps I h-helped a l-little..."

Nodding, Tsunade placed a hand on her shoulder. "Right. You'll be a part of this team too then. A perfect three man squad for this."

Whooping happily from beneath the heavy man, Naruko pointed at the shy girl. "Yeah! Go us! Hinata-chan, we need to make up an awesome name for our team! What do ya recon, The Killer Prank Patrol?"

"Uhh..." Not quite sure what to make of it, Hinata just nodded hesitantly as the two grounded blonds began exchanging name ideas.

Hearing a yawn, Jiraiya looked over and saw his crush stretching dreamily. Try as he might, he couldn't stop the small amount of drool oozing from his mouth at the sight of those delicious breasts bouncing with the movement.

"You all done for the day Hime?"

Rubbing an eye, Tsunade nodded. "Yeah, it's only early but to hell with it. Shizune can finish off, she loves paper work. As for me, I'm taking these two home."

Standing, Jiraiya picked at his tattered robes. "Well, in that case I'll go change. I can't really be seen going around like this."

Seeing her nod, he disappeared. Dusting themselves down, the blond pair smiled up at their stand-in mum. "So, home time you say?"

Nodding, Tsunade started walking.

"What about Hinata?"

Stopping, she looked over her shoulder. "What about her? She'll go home, sleep and then meet up with us tomorrow."

Seeing Naruko shake her head, Tsunade turned around fully. "Nah, we wana have a sleep over! Let her stay please? Just count it as part of the mission! Besides, it'll be an awesome excuse to build a pillow castle!"

Looking over at the hesitant girl, Tsunade sighed. Fighting this would just make for a troublesome night. "Do you want to stay, Hinata?"

Eyes widening at the offer, Hinata's small hands cupped in front of her chest nervously. "W-well, I wouldn't want to intrude, it _is_ very sudden too so you might be put out, not to mention I don't have any sleeping clothes..."

The girl stopped mid sentence as a weight slung itself over her shoulder. "Awww, come on! You can just use one of Baa-Chan's old shirts! They make great sleeping nighties. Super soft."

Seeing Naruko's happy face right next to her own, the girl couldn't help but blush at the close proximity.

"Yeah, it'll be alright! Baa-Chan's got this sorted, right, Baa-Chan?"

Tsunade rolled her eyes and they pressured the poor girl to come. She knew she would though, what with her crush on Naruto and all. Signalling, an ANBU member popped into existence beside her.

"Tell Hiashi that Hinata has been put on an overnight mission and won't be returning home."

"Yes, sir."

"That is all."

Sounding out an agreement, the man disappeared in a swirl of leaves. Looking back at the trio, she saw that Naruto was now hanging off Hinata's other shoulder, while the girl swayed dangerously. Grinning, Tsunade walked up just in time to catch the girl as she fainted. Motioning for the pair to follow, they began trotting after her, chattering away happily about how good life was for once.

XxXxXxX

_A/N – Sorry about the wait but I've been sick and as such, the chapter has probably suffered. Not much story development, but hopefully it'll keep you entertained a while longer. Don't forget to leave some love. Love is always appreciated._

_Catch ya,_

_Lanky_


	28. Chapter 28

_Hello again my faithful minions. Guess what? Last chapter just tipped me over 150'000 views and 600 reviews. So to everyone who has read this and helped me make this important milestone in my life, thankyou. _

_Acceptance speech out of the road, review number 600 was taken by this fine fellow - Sukaretto Miyuki! So thanks aye =D glad you could take it! A long time reader like you deserves it._

_I'd also like to take this moment to inflate my ego slightly and just claim that I landed two never before done tricks on my BMX. I managed to bag a 360 front flip and a 360 front flip no hander. Don't know what that is? YouTube it. It'll make your day._

**Chapter 28**

Hinata found herself standing awkwardly in the middle of the lounge room, self consciously tugging down the hem of a rather large shirt on her frame. It hung down a third the way of her thighs, but it felt way too short to her. Her respect rose a tiny bit for Ino, thinking about how brave that girl was for wearing such a short skirt everywhere. Hearing another bang, Hinata came back from her thoughts only to be then knocked flying by two equally airborne bodies.

Hitting the ground, the three of them slid a bit across the smooth floor before coming to rest in a tangled web of limbs. Tsunade's head popped out from the kitchen and surveyed the mess before her. Sighing, she walked over and picked the two giggling blonds off the blushing Hyuuga and gave them a shake.

"Honestly, can't you two calm down yet? It's nearly bed time so atleast start acting tired!"

The female of the two squirmed a little more, trying to escape. "But we're not tired! We've got so much stuff to catch up on and... and... just _stuff_ to do!"

Shaking her head Tsunade raised them in front of her eyes. "Now listen here. You three have a mission tomorrow and unlike you, Hinata here doesn't have an unlimited amount of energy ok? So for her sake, calm down."

The shy girl blushed at the mention and struggled to put a sentence together. "N-no, it's ok r-really. I d-don't n-need that much s-sleep anyway."

She then shrunk under the gaze Tsunade laid upon her. "Don't you go try and rationalize their behaviour, Hinata-chan. Even if, on the off chance you don't need much sleep, I for one love my sleep and am not willing to have it disrupted by these two."

Throwing them into the couch, Tsunade tried to ignore the joyous laughter that came from the two as they bounced off the couch. One may have guessed that 1 + 1 of something equals double the number. In this case, it seems Uzumaki had defied logic again and somehow managed to be triple the handful they were when they were only one being. Hearing them getting ready to jump off the couch, Tsunade spun around and pointed a finger at them.

"Ah-ah! Don't you move. I'm just grabbing you three a drink and then you're going to bed."

Hearing them whine unhappily, the Hokage rolled her eyes and snatched the milk out of the fridge. Pulling three glasses from the cupboard she then reached into her medicine cabinet and dug around before finding a strong sleeping powder. Tipping liberal amounts into the milk, she quickly tucked it away and hurried back to the impatient duo. Thrusting the liquid into their hands, she stood back.

"Good now, drink."

She then watched as they all drained every last drop, satisfaction glowing in her eyes as her wily plan took hold. Lowering the cups, all three made a face before Naruto looked up at her.

"Hey Baa-chan, is this off or something? It tasted weird."

Seeing the other two nod, Tsunade quickly spun off a lie. "No, I put in it some active recovery powder that I had to help you be at 100% for tomorrow."

She then pointed at the beds in the corner that they would be sleeping in. "Now, get over there."

Seeing the blond duo yawn, she grinned internally, happy to see it working. Tsunade jumped slightly though when a thump sounded out behind her. Turning, she saw Hinata face down on the floor, snoring quietly. Scratching her cheek, Tsunade sweat-dropped slightly.

'Whoops, shouldn't have put so much in that third cup. Oh well.'

Scooping up the heiress, she dropped her onto one of the mattresses and saw the Uzumaki twins slide into their own, eyes drooping. Seeing them snuggle down under the sheets, Tsunade nodded once and flicked the lights off. Wandering into her room, she pulled the door closed behind her and began to change. Reaching out to grab her nighty, her ears twitched as they caught the very faintest of rustles in her bathroom.

'Oh hell no.'

Quickly slipping on the garment, she thanked her lucky stars that she had decided to wear a training bra and bike pants today in place of her usual get up. Sliding over to the door, she gently twisted the door handle before opening it as hard as she could into the face of the man behind it. Crying out, he clutched his injured nose as his note pad flew gracefully through the air to land with a soft plop in the toilet. Not a moment later, Jiraiya began sobbing as Tsunade quickly hit the flush.

"H-how could you? That was going to be a best seller!"

Tsunade growled at her insatiable old teammate and cuffed him over the ear. "That's what you always say you lecher."

Looking up through the tears he flapped the arm not holding his nose. "Well dah! The notepad with that big seller is always the one that gets destroyed! Why can't you just be grateful that you'd be the star of the next world's best seller?"

Kicking the man through the door, she watched him land in a corner. Dropping down on her own bed, she crossed her arms under her chest and one leg over the other. Jiraiya's favourite, uber sexy, no-mucking-around pose.

"Because I wanted to become a ninja, not a porn star. Now, what do you have to say about Naruto's seals?"

Sitting up, the man rubbed his head gingerly. "What makes you think I'm here because of that?"

Tsunade leaned in, eyes growing cold. "Because you know too well that if you aren't, your balls are going in a specimen jar and being sent to Orochimaru."

Instantly paling, Jiraiya coughed and nodded. "A valid point. In that case, I'll just get on with it."

Mealy leaning back, Tsunade just watched as Jiraiya pulled a few notes out of his coat and sifted through them. After apparently reaffirming his discovery, he tucked them away.

"Alright, are we able to get the Uzumaki's in here?"

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "Is this somehow related to the seal breaking within the next hour?"

Jiraiya threw her a funny look at the question. "Uh, no... but I don't see how this relates to – "

Tsunade quickly cut him off with a wave of her hand. "Then not a chance. I only just got those two to bed and I'll be damned having to do that for a second time."

Smirking, Jiraiya thumbed at the door. "It almost sounds like you're taking care of a couple of toddlers in there. Poor little Tsunade-Hime!"

Tsunade grunted. "Yes, poor little me. Those two are a nightmare. Now get on with it, I'm tired."

Smirk still in place, Jiraiya continued. "Alright then, well to start at the beginning of this all, I have to ask you a question, how do you think Naruto really created that masterpiece, Orike no Jutsu?"

Tsunade looked at him like he had a third eye. "Uh, chakra, hand seals, all the usual stuff?"

At this Jiraiya chuckled and raised a lecturing finger. "Yes, that's how, but how did he get all the physical parts right? He only just truly worked out everything about girls, so how could it have been so perfect?"

At this Tsunade paused. Having a quick think, she looked up at him. "This has something to do with the seal split and Naruko, doesn't it?"

Jiraiya nodded. "Very astute Hime. The fact that he created it when he only just started unlocking his chakra leads me to believe that it was the beginning of a kind of timer on the seal. That started things off and with that, Naruko was allowed out."

Tsunade nodded, but then frowned as something else came to mind. "But what about the fact that an adolescent could create a full grown woman? How do you explain that?"

Jiraiya nodded. "Good question. Until I speak with Naruto, I can't be certain but this is my idea. Henge was always Naruto's strongest point in the academy. Now, Naruto knew an adult wouldn't be susceptible to a naked girl's body..." both adults quickly shivered at the thought. "So when the mental image of the Orike no Jutsu came forth, he had the basic building blocks to work off. It isn't really that hard either. Everything below more or less stays the same from birth to death; the only major change is up top. So all Naruto had to do was check out a few bikini magazines, throw down a few seals, pump some chakra into it and let his imagination do the rest."

Tsunade hummed as she milled over the idea. It was quite plausible, once laid out like that. She then thought about the breast tissue that Naruto had begun to form just after his jutsu had gone haywire.

"So let me try work out the next bit. The seal had some form of timer on it, so that meant it was waiting for a specific moment to properly activate, like when he reached a certain point of maturity or chakra capacity."

Jiraiya quickly jumped in. "It could even have been slowly draining chakra and was just waiting till it had the necessary reserves stored to activate."

Nodding, Tsunade continued. "So, it activated, and that was when things started going silly. I'm guessing that that's because the seal was allowing Naruto to begin to adjust for the end split? I'm saying this because Naruto actually started developing into a woman upon each transformation. First breast tissue, then the rest later."

Jiraiya nodded slowly. "Yeah, that could be the case. It would also be a viable reason as to why his moods were changing. And on top of that, it would also explain why he was complaining about the fox's chakra leaking. His body was basically becoming too full in a weird way."

Tsunade closed her eyes and then mashed her palms into them, sighing as she did. "Well, whatever. This is some very good news, but too much for my head to fully take in just now. Come back tomorrow and we'll talk it over some more with the kids." Lying back, Tsunade flicked her hand at the window. "You are dismissed."

Sniffing slightly, Jiraiya crept a little closer to the bed. "But... that bed looks very big and your delicate body will take forever to warm it up. Perhaps I could just jump in and warm it up for you quickly?"

Rolling over, Tsunade shook her head. Two words came from her lips and were plenty enough to convince Jiraiya to head for the exit.

"Balls, Orochimaru."

Having climbed out the window, he pulled it closed after him and peeked through one last time. Smiling to himself, he thanked whoever it was that blessed him with such a wonderful team mate. That last notebook may have unfortunately passed on, but the subtle jiggle of Tsunade's backside and breasts as she had changed was etched into his memory plenty good enough to start taking notes again. Pulling yet another pad from inside his jacket, he could only curse the fact she had decided to wear a training bra and bike pants today.

XxXxXxX

Hinata's ears twitched the next morning as the soft calls of birds from outside the window gently roused her. She sighed contentedly, the covers tightly packed around her small form and holding the heat very nicely. If it wasn't for that odd breeze against her neck, she would have quite happily drifted back off to sleep. Shrugging her head in that direction, a soft tickly sensation brushed her cheek, making her giggle.

"...hmmm..."

Funny, she could have sworn there was a voice beneath the tickle. Cracking an eye, a couple of golden strands of hair came into focus, lying on her pillow. Lowering her eye, she saw them become a part of a much larger group, and then disappearing into the swirling mass of hair beneath that. Something squeezed her middle and Hinata was suddenly aware of two sets of arms holding her tightly. She tried to look over her shoulder, but being on her side, made things rather difficult. The cool sensation of breath on the back of her neck confirmed the presence of another human behind her. Trying to move, the arms just gripped her tighter, holding her very firmly in place.

Both eyes were now open as her mind started to catch up with what was going on. From the volume of hair that was in front of her, she could only guess that that was Naruko. Seeming that left only one other person to be holding her back, she began to heat up quite nicely at the thought.

Naruto. HER Naruto. In HER bed, with his arms wrapped quite tightly around HER waist. Granted, Naruko was also attached to her front, but she could only thank her ancestors that it was the girl that had her head so close to her chest. Had that been Naruto... well, she would have just been sent back for a nap that much faster.

Still, it left her in a rather torn state. One half of her was afraid that they would be caught in such an improper position, and that the ramifications could very well humiliate her into seclusion for years. The other half however was screaming violently back at the other half to just shut its face and enjoy the moment, to hell with the consequences. Besides, with the strength of those two separate grips around her waist, it wasn't like she was going anywhere soon. So with that, the blushing girl simply closed her eyes and tried to downplay the excitement boiling around in her tummy. Unfortunately though, a few seconds later came the sound of a merry click and a womanly giggle. Snapping one eye open, she saw Tsunade holding up a camera with a very satisfied smirk on her face. The red girl's face doubled in brightness as she struggled to get away from the embarrassing situation.

"Well isn't this precious?"

"T-T-T-T-T-Tsunade s-s-s-sama! T-t-this i-isn't wh-w-what you think it i-i-is!"

Tsunade just giggled again at the girl. Poor thing nearly had to be read by Morse code once she got flustered enough. Mealy waving one hand, the Hokage quietened the girl.

"Hush hush, its ok. Besides, you'll wake those two up if you keep making all that noise."

"Mmmm... Tsunade-baachan, why you talking so loud for?"

The lady rolled her eyes and smiled at the sleepy grammar. It was so cute. Seeing the prison guards beginning to open their eyes, the Hokage decided she'd better start up breakfast. A deal's a deal after all.

Back with Hinata, the girl fearfully looked down into the sleepy half closed eyes of Naruko. The blond and her had a stare off for a few seconds before the blond realised it wasn't Naruto she was holding. Looking around dopily, she failed to find her brother within the imitate vicinity.

"Where Naru-kun?"

Hinata said nothing, but rolled her eyes over her shoulder as a blond head appeared on top of it.

"I'm here. What's goin' on?"

"Nothin'..."

The two then fell silent for a moment, the only thing breaking the quiet being Naruko's rather large yawn. Looking down, Naruto then noticed the beet red girl staring up at him.

"Hey-ya, Hinata-chan. What ya doin' in our bed?"

Looking around, Hinata quickly determined that it was her bed. It seemed these two were rather restless sleepers and had jumped mattresses during the night. Her response to this however was cut off by a loud dry fart that ripped through the room. Two sets of arms or no, Hinata broke free from the restraints like they didn't exist and stared down at Naruko in horror as Naruto began laughing out loud.

"Morning farts are the best!"

"N-NARUKO-CHAN!"

The accused girl herself began to get the giggles and pretty quickly, both blonds couldn't contain themselves. Tsunade briefly appeared at the doorway, an eyebrow raised in surprise.

"Who was that?"

Hinata just pointed at Naruko, still shocked into silence at the foul bodily function. Tsunade however just whistled, quite used to that kind of thing through being a medic. "Well that was an absolute ripper. Let's hope it doesn't smell."

Disappearing back into the kitchen, Tsunade left the mortified girl to herself. Looking back down at the now settling blonds, Hinata began to back away, just in case it did carry a fragrance. The twins however just wiped away the tears and looked up at Hinata.

"Oh, it's ok Hinata. It wasn't that bad. Besides, everyone does it." Naruko looked at her brother in amusement after addressing Hinata. "I guess I'll start doing it each morning though if you really find it that funny."

Naruto just rolled his eyes and grinned as he pushed himself to his feet. "Of course you know I'd find it that funny. Now, let's eat!"

Dashing for the table, Naruto and his sister brushed past the still stunned Hyuuga and battled for prime seating position. Successfully knocking his sister flying, Naruto took his well earned seat and didn't flinch the slightest as Naruko appeared beside him in a flash. Sharing a grin with his sister, they then looked at the kitchen and shouted out. "So what's for breakfast, Baa-chan?"

Tsunade's distracted voice came back a moment later. "Same thing as yesterday. I don't have anything else that I can make that much of."

Shrugging, Naruto settled back into his chair as he readied his tummy for the influx of food. Just then, he heard a window open and he saw Jiraiya climb in. He heard Tsunade growl from the kitchen and grinned at the old man.

"Must you really? Honestly, the door is like RIGHT beside that window!"

Jiraiya didn't answer and just dropped himself down beside Hinata. Stunning the already quiet girl into silence with a heartbreaking grin, Jiraiya leaned to the side to try catch a glimpse of Tsunade cooking.

"How'd how end up cooking for these two? You know how much they can eat."

The woman just shrugged despite being hidden. "Don't ask. I gotta do this for the rest of the week."

Jiraiya let out a bark of laughter at the predicament. "You too aye? Seems Naruto is getting everyone to buy him food this week. First Sasuke, now you." He looked down at the widely grinning boy. "How do you do it?"

Naruto just tapped his nose. "Sasuke, I can't tell you. Tsunade, I could tell you, but I don't wana. Oh, and that reminds me, you still need to pay off that tab at Ichiraku's."

Tsunade let out a snort and Jiraiya paled. "Hang on, when did I do that?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "You know, yesterday when you dashed off after Tenten worked out the seal secret for you."

Jiraiya paled further. "Oh yeah... I forgot about that."

Tsunade then appeared, stalling any further talk about Jiraiya's soon to be much smaller bank account. In each hand was a plate, piled high with what looked like close to 100 pancakes on each. Dropping them in front of the blonds, she quickly slapped away their hands as she pulled out another plate from behind herself.

"Ah-ah, some of these are Hinata-chan's."

Grabbing 3 from the top of each pile, she dropped them onto the plate and then dropped it in front of the surprised Hyuuga. "H-Hokage-sama, you really didn't have to!"

Tsunade just shrugged it off and returned to the kitchen. "Nonsense. It's bad manners to feed these two pits and not feed you as well. Besides, your apart of the team so we need you full as well."

Unnoticed, Jiraiya looked around at the vast amount of food as his bottom lip trembled. "What about me, Tsunade-hime?"

Tsunade's uncaring voice floated back. "What about you?"

"I'm hungry too! I've been working non-stop on this case for you and Naruto, so surely you can spare a pancake to two for me?"

"Fair enough. Get some off Naruto, if he'll let you."

Looking down at the boy, the little blond growled viciously as he pulled his plate in closer to his body. Raising an eyebrow, Jiraiya simply used his vastly superior ninja skills to throw the boy out the window faster than he could register. Quickly stuffing several pancakes in his mouth, Jiraiya struggled to swallow the lot just as Naruto reappeared, twigs and all.

"Oi you cheap old frog! That was so not fair!"

Jiraiya shrugged. "Life's not fair. Get used to it. Besides, you still have ninety something left."

Fixing the man with a poisonous glare, Naruto stuffed himself another mouthful, his eyes never leaving Jiraiya's. Unintimidated, Jiraiya just leaned back and looked down at Hinata, who was slowly making her way through her own meal. She looked up at him cautiously, wondering if her small pile was next to be robbed.

"Hey, once you're done with that, I'll actually have to ask you to leave the room. I gotta talk with these two alone. Secret ninja business 'n' all that."

Satisfied her food wasn't in danger; she nodded and picked up her pace a little. The room fell into silence then as the group finished off, the only noise being Naruto and Naruko's loud slurps and occasional burps as they ravaged the towers before them. Tsunade appeared close to the end of the meal, a cup of tea in hand.

"So have you worked out anything further?"

Jiraiya shook his head. "Nothing new. Just more stuff to cement what I said last night."

Hearing the clatter of plates as the three Genin finished up, Jiraiya pointed at the Uzumaki twins. "Alright, you two come with me. Hinata, just head back out to the lounge room. We'll be back in a sec."

Motioning for all three blonds to follow him, he walked into Tsunade's room and shut the door. Locking it and placing a palm on it, he sealed it and turned back. "Alright. Naruto, Naruko, I actually have a few questions to ask you that will hopefully spread some light on why you're as you are."

Hearing the unusual seriousness in their teacher's voice, they nodded. Tsunade dropped onto her bed behind them, quietly listening in.

"Alright, this may surprise you, but I actually have a theory that Naruko was sealed inside Naruto."

Both twins' eyes widened as they heard this. "Really?"

Jiraiya nodded. "Yup. The first question I have for you is in regards to when you started swapping genders involuntarily. Did anything feel weird while that was happening? Did it feel like there was any form of pulling or pushing on your bodies?"

While Naruto shook his head, Naruko nodded slightly. Jiraiya cocked his head in interest. "Really? What happened during that?"

Naruko's brow furrowed as she tried to find the right words. "Well... I duno, it just felt like something was pulling at my body. Only bits and pieces at a time but towards the end it was all over me, like it was trying to drag me through a wall."

Jiraiya nodded. "That would make sense. It was actually Naruto's body getting ready for the split. Bits of you were being moulded into his form to make sure that when you split, everything inside the seal was correctly replicated outside the seal."

Naruto took a moment, but then piped up. "But... if that's the case, why did I need to actually go through that? Wouldn't it have just meant that whatever was inside the seal would have just been unsealed, like a standard kunai or something?"

Jiraiya shook his head. "I have a theory for that as well. I'm thinking that due to Naruko never actually having any physical exercise, she would have been rather stunted in her growth."

He pulled the seal papers out again and pointed at a section of them. "See this bit? It acts as a major part of the containment seal, but when written by itself, it actually is a kind of copy-and-paste symbol. It was one of the first bits of the seal to distort, so I'm thinking that what it was doing was copying all of Naruto's strength and stamina, to you."

The twins mouthed a silent 'oh' and left it at that. Continuing, Jiraiya slipped the papers away. "Now comes the tricky part. Why do you both have a seal on you? Wasn't the fox simply sealed into Naruto? So my question is, did you both see the fox exactly the same every time you were dragged down there?"

The twins shared a glance before Naruko spoke up. "It seemed the same I suppose... I never really noticed anything."

Jiraiya threw a cautious glance at Tsunade. "If you're able, could you go down there now and see what it's like?"

Tsunade's eyes thinned, but could see the point. Sharing another glance, the twins nodded.

"Uh, yeah, we s'pose so."

Nodding, Jiraiya motioned for them to sit on the bed. "Well then, please, go down there and see if you can get anything out of the fox."

Silently crawling onto the bed, the twins nodded before closing their eyes.

XxXxXxX

Opening their eyes, the twins found themselves standing side by side in the usual dank drain. Swallowing, they moved forward, towards the dark end of the tunnel, where they knew they'd find it. A few minutes passed before they came before the cage. Not too long after that, a set of giant red eyes appeared, quickly accompanied by an equally huge malicious grin.

"**My my, to what do I owe the pleasure of my captors?"**

Naruto took the initiative and stepped forward. "We're actually here to ask you about us, and what's going on with the seal."

The fox's grin dimmed somewhat at the mention of the seal. **"Ah yes, that horrible thing. Aside from that, what makes you think I'd know anything about your problem?"**

Deciding to rub him up a little, Naruko stepped forward too. "Well, you always tell us how much more advanced you are than us humans, so seeming you _are _so great, we thought you'd know what's up."

The fox looked somewhat chuffed that the child acknowledged its superiority. **"Don't think I don't know what you're doing. But for your efforts, I suppose I could shed some light on it all."**

The twins nodded, not willing to say anything lest they anger the beast.

"**While you two may very well be separate now, I still am one. I am simply held in two halves."**

Naruko frowned as she tried to understand it while Naruto just spoke his thoughts. "But how is that possible? Nothing can be split in half and still think as one being, can they?"

The fox growled. **"Do not limit me to your own restricted understanding of time and space. I am a creature of the ages; a chakra construct of infinite possibilities. So do not think that just because there is now 'two' of me that I do not retain my singular consciousness." **

The response flew over both blonds heads by several feet, but they memorised it never the less, in case Jiraiya could make heads or tails of it.

"So, what did it look like when we came to you before? Like, before we separated?"

The fox rolled its eyes. **"Particularly bad, I must admit. In a way that you could understand, it was like two solid bodies trying to coexist in the same space. Due to this cursed seal and the fact this is technically your mind, it is possible, but it didn't look any better. Now that you are of two separate bodies and as a result, two separate minds, your consciousnesses have separated, thus allowing you now to view each other."**

Still thoroughly in over their heads, Naruko tried to make sense of this. "So, why could you see us while we couldn't when we came and saw you?"

The fox shrugged. **"It seems the human mind does not allow you to see what it cannot comprehend."**

Their minds boggled through and through, the twins just nodded dumbly. "So why didn't you tell us this earlier?"

The fox let out a bark of laughter that blew the kids back a few paces. **"What reason did I have to tell you? That you looked even uglier in here than you did out there?"**

The twins blushed slightly. A little angry, Naruto stepped forward, his fist raised. "W-whatever! I think we look real good! I bet we did even when we were together!"

The fox snorted. **"A matter of perspective. Now leave me, so I can get back to figuring out how to break this damnable seal."**

And with a solid mental thrust, the twins were forced out from their minds.

XxXxXxX

For all the time spent inside, it was only a few minutes that passed outside before they opened their eyes and stared back at a curious Jiraiya and Tsunade.

"Well?"

Both twins faulted, before glancing at each other. "Uh, we're not too sure what this even means, but this is what was said."

And with that, the duo replayed the scene between them; each reminding the other of certain things said that they forgot. Once they were done, Tsunade looked as dumbfounded as the twins felt, while Jiraiya had a thoughtful look on his face. Looking up at him, Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"So? What was said?"

Jiraiya looked at the three of them. "Really, what they just said _is_ the simplest way to say it. Because I've worked with seals and other things that play with space and time, I can grasp it. To someone like yourselves, I think the only way to work it out is to just repeat it in your heads several times over until it clicks."

The younger two of the three shrugged, unconcerned with it. They didn't think they'd ever understand, so why bother if it'll never be a problem? Tsunade kind of had to though, seeming she was the Hokage and all. Biting her nail, she frowned. After a moment, she sighed. "I give up. For now, let's get you two back out with Hinata and ready for your mission. Jiraiya... just be ready."

Rather surprised with the out of place comment, the man looked at Tsunade innocently. "For what?"

The evil grin that came from not just Tsunade, but the Uzumaki twins as well instantly had him on a razors edge. "You'll soon find out."

Very much _not_ wanting to find out, Jiraiya quickly jumped out the window and disappeared into the bushed without a further word. Laughing, Tsunade dropped a hand on each twins shoulder and walked them out.

"Naruto... Naruko... this could prove to be one of the best days since I took up the title of Hokage. Do your best to make me proud, you hear?"

Two high beamed smiles were shone back up at her as they left the room.

"Yes sir!"

XxXxXxX

_A/N – Merry Christmas to you all! I hope you all had a fantastic day and Santa got you what you wanted ;) _

_Anyway, this rather long, plot filled and descriptive chapter is my late present to you all. I would have had it uploaded earlier, but I've been having alot of internet troubles at home lately -_- not fun._

_SO! I hope you all enjoyed it and do please remember to drop me a little review! That could be your Christmas present from you to me =D_

_Lanky_


	29. Chapter 29

_Well sup peeps. I knew what I wanted to write. I knew how the chapter plot was going to go. And yet the words still refused to come. Writers block sucks super massive balls._

_Chapter time._

**Chapter 29**

The three Genin stood before the Hokage's desk, one glancing nervously at her companions as their skin visibly wriggled in excitement. Hearing the shuffling of papers, Hinata turned her gaze back to the Hokage as she tapped the edges of the mission forms into a neat pile. Raising her piercing eyes to look at the group before her, Tsunade steeped her fingers before her. Realising this, she quickly crossed her arms under her breasts.

'Damn, that's what Sarutobi-sensei used to do and he was as old as the hills. Must resist the urge in future.'

Clearing her throat, Tsunade began. "Alright. You already know what you're doing. I'm classifying this as a B rank for one simple reason. This is going to expose any flaws in the village and clan defences so I need you three to be as through as possible. If there is something you can exploit, do so. If there's an unguarded hole, you climb down it and find out where it goes. You find a guard asleep? I want them so shocked upon awakening that they'll have trouble even closing their eyes for the next week. Naruto, Naruko, you two are possibly the most devious pair ever to have graced this fine city. Make sure everyone knows why you're that good. Hinata, you are going to assist these two in any way possible. If you can get these two through the whole day without being spotted once, I will personally recommend to your father that you be placed in training for infiltration and information retrieval."

Hinata's eyes widened somewhat at this, not quite believing what she was hearing.

"So with that, I give you until Nine PM tonight to complete this mission."

Snapping to attention, the Uzumaki twins saluted Tsunade crisply, each sporting a thousand megawatt smile. "Yes sir!"

Hinata followed suit in a slightly less exuberant manner, mealy bowing and muttering a, "Yes, Hokage-sama."

With that, Tsunade leant back and clasped her hands behind her head. "In that case, go forth my minions and reap havoc."

With a surprised squeal from Hinata, Naruto and Naruko each grabbed one of the girls arms and had her out the door before Tsunade could raise her eyebrow. Chuckling, the lady shook her head and dropped the file into the 'OUT' tray. Reaching under the desk, she pulled out a bottle of sake and took a hefty swig, sighing as the liquid ran down her throat.

She knew there was going to be a lot of paper work involved in this, but for once it would be totally worth it to see all those upstarts in the council with their feathers completely ruffled. Grinning, Tsunade took another mouthful before dropping the bottle back into its place.

"Go forth my minions indeed."

XxXxXxX

Tsunade sat at her desk looking over some mundane D rank mission report, trusty bottle of sake by her side to help ease her way through the paper pile to her right. Sighing, she looked to the clock and frowned. It was now 8:30pm and not a single peep had been heard all day about anything. She had expected atleast one or two clan heads to come storming in by now, demanding an excuse. Unfortunately, the most exciting thing that had happened all day was a Chuunin that had accidentally broken her leg in a training mishap.

Rolling her eyes, she looked over at the pile and growled. Honestly, everything there would be the same as what she read several thousand times before. Quickly extending her senses, she verified that there wasn't anyone within fifty feet of the office. Smiling, her hands flicked through some seals and she inhaled a slightly larger than normal breath. The small fire jutsu was then disrupted as a pair of small hands clamped themselves over her eyes and a deafening voice rang out, "GUESS WHO?"

Naruto then had to take a step back as the current Hokage exploded into a massive coughing fit as black smoke poured from her mouth and nose. Deciding to wait it out, the trio of Genin walked around to the front of the desk, patiently enduring the loud gasping noises and gags Tsunade struggled through.

Finally after one last mighty cough, Tsunade welled up a mass in her mouth and spat the thick black substance out the window, not sparing a thought for the cry of outrage from the fellow it landed on. Wiping her mouth, she then rounded on the beaming Naruto, eyes narrowed dangerously. Storming forward, Naruto quickly held up both hands.

"Ah-ah it was for the mission Baa-chan, the mission!"

Pausing, she looked at his comrades. Naruko was just standing there confidently while Hinata shivered under the heavy gaze of her superior.

"How so?"

This time Naruko stepped forward. "Well, you said the village gets lazy in times of peace. You're a part of the village too, so we thought we'd see how you were doing." She giggled. "Even though it was super funny, sorry Baa-chan, but you fail!" Both blonds then held their fists out, thumbs down, tongues out.

Though the temptation to smack them was overwhelming, Tsunade swallowed her anger and sighed. She _was_ the one who authorised the mission so she should have expected something like this, or put down that attacking the Hokage was off limits.

Slouching down on the edge of her desk, Tsunade crossed her arms and sighed. "I suppose so. But still, why am I the only one you have targeted? I haven't heard a single complaint all day!"

The grin that crossed the two blonds face, and even to some extent Hinata's, put the wizened lady on edge. Tilting her head slightly, she narrowed one eye.

"That just proves how awesome we are, doesn't it? A whole day and not one report! We're just too damn good!"

Tsunade then took notice that they had all shed their normal clothing and had actually replaced it with matching sleek black, skin tight assassin gear. She nodded to herself beginning to understand.

"So that's why you three are now in those suits?"

The Uzumaki twins narrowed their eyes in disgust but nodded. "Yeah, Hinata talked us into it. Orange _is_ the colour of legends, but because Hinata isn't as good as us at hiding, we needed to get black."

Naruko picked at the fabric on and around her breasts and grimaced. "It also makes everything stick out and look bigger, ya know? I'm just glad none of our classmates saw us else they'd never let us live it down."

Tsunade looked over at Hinata and noticed the girl blushing fairly heavily, with a little trickle of blood running down her top lip. The Hokage snickered to herself but said nothing. Seems like Hinata had had a good day following Naruto around and getting a fine look at his backside. She didn't call her out on it though. The world knows the girl would die of embarrassment.

Nodding, Tsunade grabbed her bottle and took a swig, removing the lingering taste of ash from her mouth. Looking at the clock, she saw it was now 8:45. Seeing her check the time, Naruto ran up and grabbed her hand, pulling her away from the desk. Eyebrows raising, Tsunade allowed herself to be led towards the door.

"Where are we going?"

A helpful pair of hands placed themselves in the middle of her lower back and stared pushing. Looking over her shoulder, Tsunade saw Naruko pushing her along, a brilliant smile on her face.

"Well dah, we gotta show you! We'll just have enough time to get to the top of the Hokage Mountain!"

Now thoroughly curious about just what these three had managed to do, Tsunade picked up the pace. "You didn't do anything too destructive, did you?"

Naruto shook his head, not looking back. "Naw, well, nothing too lasting. Besides, it still hasn't happened yet!"

XxXxXxX

The four ninja now stood on top of the third's head, looking out over the town. Looking around, Tsunade couldn't detect anything abnormal so looked down at her companions. "Well, what are we waiting for?"

Naruto shook his head and grinned. "Nah, not yet, we still have thirty seconds to go."

Raising an eyebrow, Tsunade looked back out over the city. Fifteen seconds.

"Alright Hinata, hit it!"

"Eh?"

Looking over, Tsunade saw Hinata close her eyes and start moulding chakra.

"Nah, nah, Baa-chan look at the city!"

Tearing her eyes off the concentrating girl, Tsunade unconsciously began counting down with the two bouncing blonds either side her.

"Five!"

Tsunade felt a gentle chakra wave flow from Hinata.

"Four!"

At the edge of her senses, she felt something react to the girls energy and disappear.

"Three!"

A couple of soft pops were heard at the bottom of the mountain, signifying the beginnings of something big.

"Two!"

Holding her breath, Tsunade almost was almost tempted to close her eyes.

"ONE!"

And then with a joyous cry from both Uzumaki's and even an excited little squeal from Hinata, the city lit up in an explosion of colour. Tsunade's eyes widened as a chain reaction set off thousands of little bombs throughout the city, coating everything within eyesight in paint. Then a multitude of voices raised and almost as one, every single person, ninja or civilian, screamed out one name furiously, "NARUTOOOOO!"

Eye's wide, Tsunade looked down at Naruto, his eyes full of uncontrollable glee. "You see that Baa-chan, DO YOU SEE IT? Everyone thought that me painting the Hokage's faces was bad! Well how about this then Konoha? I painted the WHOLE CITY!"

XxXxXxX

The next day, Tsunade had the Hokage's room full of screaming, messy, frustrated and sleep deprived ninja, all calling for the immediate discipline and subsequent stripping of one Uzumaki's station as a ninja.

It seems that none of them had taken it too kindly when every wall of every home had had a little paint bomb explode onto the wall, with a grinning Naruto's face as the result.

Tsunade actually wondered why more of them weren't impressed with the Genin's effort. Standing from up on the Hokage's Mountain, she had seen that the three of them had managed to arrange the bombs in such a way that a single, massive grinning Naruto face had covered the whole city. It was actually kind of daunting how well they had managed to set it up.

Smiling despite the enraged cries, Tsunade leant back and let them vent. They'll understand the reason soon enough. For now though, the Hokage just smiled, knowing that she had been let off very easily.

XxXxXxX

Stretching, the busty Hokage sighed happily as she walked out of her prison/workplace. After dealing with that rabble, she was happily looking forward to her night alone. Everything had been sorted out after many hours of fighting with them, but it had taken a very big toll on her mental health i.e. in the form of a headache of legends. Tsunade considered taking a sicky the following day, but just snorted at the thought. The world's greatest medic, taking a sicky? Not likely. Dropping her arms back to her sides, she looked to the sky and smiled as the stars twinkled merrily in the sky. She thanked whoever was out there watching over them though that she had managed to convince Naruto and Naruko to go home for that night. Now all she had to worry about was the breakfast rush in the morning. Hearing a rustle, Tsunade looked to the side and saw Jiraiya's head sticking out of a bush.

"Psst, Hime."

Rolling her eyes, Tsunade stopped. "What do you want?"

Jiraiya frowned and mealy walked from the bush. As soon as she saw him, she let out a very unladylike snort and slapped a hand to her mouth to stop herself from bursting out laughing. It seemed Naruto had held a special place for his old sensei, for every piece of clothing on had 'WARNING: PERVERT' written on it somewhere.

"Look what that piglet did to me! I can't go anywhere without every lady glaring at me! How am I meant to get my research done like this?"

Tsunade stuck her tongue out and bit it gently in an attempt to stop laughing. "Well, atleast everyone knows you for what you are now."

Jiraiya scrunched his eyebrows in frustration. "But that's the thing; I don't _need_ something like this to tell everyone that! I'd be the first person to admit it! This though... this is severally inhibiting my ability to work! I could claim compensation!"

Tsunade shook her head. "You never will be allowed to claim compensation when your 'work' involves peeking in at naked girls. Besides, how did Naruto manage to get you? I thought you were better than that."

Jiraiya grumbled something before speaking up. "Not Naruto, Naruko. That little devil used her amazingly sexy whiles to have me lower my defences before she slapped me with all these tiny bomb things. The reason I haven't changed too is because those brats went and tagged every change of clothes I had." His face then took on a slight leer. "I'll tell you what though; did she look fine in that tight black suit or what? The way it clung to her boobs and the slight jiggle she put into her hips..." He sucked up a stray line of drool. "Absolutely incredible."

Tsunade frowned at the lecher trailed off. "Normally I'd have smacked you halfway through that spiel, but if I did then I'd be a hypocrite."

Jiraiya's eyes widened somewhat. "You mean you were checking out Naruto?"

Tsunade shook her head. "Of course not, the boy is thirteen, and besides, they develop later than girls."

Jiraiya grinned and slid up beside her. "So your saying you wouldn't...?"

Tsunade pushed him away. The gentle shove sent him into a tree ten meters away. "Leave me be. If he's to look anything like Minato when he grows up he'll be a stunner for sure. But as of the moment he's still just a snot nosed tadpole."

Pulling his head from the tree, Jiraiya turned back to Tsunade. "So what was that last comment about?"

Tsunade grinned to herself. "Let's just say little Hinata had a wonderful day following that boy around."

Jiraiya clued on instantly and a matching grin sprung to his face. "Ah I see... maybe I should follow them sometime..."

Tsunade grabbed his clothes and pulled him down to her eye level. "Don't you dare. Besides, that mission was a once off thing. You won't ever get another chance."

Just as she was about to let him go, Tsunade noticed a mark on the man's usually clean chest. "Wait, what's that?"

"Eh?"

Looking down, Jiraiya pulled his shirt open to reveal a large, 'You been tagged, _biatch_' scrawled diagonally across his chest and stomach. Tsunade couldn't catch herself in time and let out a mighty bark of laughter before grabbing her nose and managed to reduce herself to a bunch of painful sounding snorts. Jiraiya meanwhile was looking down at himself in horror, trying to rub the stuff off him.

"Damn that girl! She used permanent ink!"

Tsunade snapped her eyes shut as an extra powerful snort rocked her small frame, bringing tears to her eyes. Dropping to the ground, she didn't particularly care who saw as the leader of Konoha tried her best to stop herself from death by laughter. Even when that boy was nowhere to be found, he still managed to make her day complete with some totally unexpected stunt like this. Turning away from Jiraiya, Tsunade took several deep breaths as she managed to calm herself somewhat. Wiping away the tear marks down her cheeks, she took a deep breath and turned back to face her team mate. Just then though, Naruto came belting down the street, tears streaming from his eyes and panic clearly visible in them.

"Baa-chan, Baa-chan, Baa-chan, please help! Help!"

Instantly on edge, she opened her arms as Naruto barrelled into her at full speed. Grimacing as his force knocked the wind out of her, she tried to pull his crying face away from her chest and get him to look at her.

"Naruto, there there, what's wrong? Tell me, otherwise I don't know what's going on ok?"

Naruto muffled something into her shirt and started crying harder.

Frowning, Tsunade forcefully pulled him away and knelt down to his eye level. "What was that?"

Clenching his eyes shut, the boy bundled his fists together before screaming out, "THEY TOOK HER! NARUKO'S GONE!"

XxXxXxX

_A/N – Ain't I a stinker? Please, feel free to let me know in a review ^.^ Try have a guess who dun it too aye? I bet you can't work it out! _

_Sorry the chapter's a little shorter, but I just pumped it out so you fine people weren't left wanting any longer._

_Lanky_


	30. Chapter 30

**_*NOTE* Sorry about the double update. I accidentally deleated the chapter (somehow =S retard alert) while fixing up some little mistakes._**

_So after a tense wait, it's time to find out what happens! Get checkin peeps._

**Chapter 30**

Not fifteen minutes had passed before Tsunade was back in her hated office, along with the still sobbing Naruto and an actually serious Jiraiya. Not much had been said between the three as they waited for the summoned ninja to arrive. In an act totally out of character, Kakashi turned up first, his eye gleaming with a certain light that could only come from years in such a service as his. Not too far behind the man followed Gai, eternal smile hidden behind a serious down turn of his mouth. Rounding out the group was Kurenai and Anko. Several glances were taken at the more unstable of the two women but that was it. Standing to attention, they waited on their leader.

"Alright, we have a bit of a problem. I'm also going to release some classified information to you so remember, lips zipped. I'll start off by saying that we have a missing persons case. I have already sent out ANBU to scout for any leads so we'll hopefully get something soon. The reason I have called you four here personally though is because you each have had something to do with Naruto here within the last few days."

Pausing, she looked down at the still distraught boy. "Now, each of you know about Naruto's little problem with his jutsu he created. You also may know of some rumours going around that he had a companion with him as of the last two days."

Seeing a slight nod from each member, Tsunade continued. "Here is the classified information. There was indeed an extra person with him. The story behind her is that she is Naruto's sister that was found living deep in the forests of Konoha. The thing is though; she really _is_ his sister, only she wasn't living in the forest. She was actually sealed within Naruto until now."

The four Jounin stiffened but said nothing. Tsunade nodded slightly. Good. "It was all a part of the Fourths plan to store the Kyuubi and lower the risk it could break out. Now, if you haven't already worked it out, Naruko is the missing person."

"Naruko, Hokage-sama?"

Tsunade shook her head. "Sorry, it's been a long night as you can imagine. That is Naruto's sister's name. Brief description, she looks exactly like Naruto's Oiroke version. Long blond hair, whisker marks, fairly well developed body for a girl her age. It isn't too hard to picture. Now, from what Naruto here can describe, he was flanked by three ninja, all dressed completely in black with standard white masks on. The only traceable thing Naruto could see was on the mask of the ninja that snatched up his sister. It had a wide mouth, two triangles on each cheek in what appeared a deep blue and wide set eyes. I certainly don't have any knowledge of such a member in my ANBU so any ideas who it could be?"

The room then fell into silence as the Jounin thought. It certainly didn't seem like anything a foreign village would have, nor should they have gotten hold of such information unless there was a mole in the town. That was impossible though simply because other major secrets would have been leaked by now. There was only one other option, but surely he wouldn't be so brass as to organise something like that?

Kakashi took a small step forward. "Forgive me for implying but, perhaps it might be Danzo-sama?"

Tsunade frowned at the idea but said nothing. Taking it as permission to continue, he did so. "I can only think of such a mask like that being found in Konoha. If there is nothing like that in ANBU, then I wouldn't mind hazarding a guess that Danzo-sama has one of those in his room. The only thing that keeps nagging at me though is that it is _far _to brazen for something he would normally do. He is a man of the shadows, and even if it is night time, it still doesn't add up."

Tsunade nodded. "I came to the same conclusion as well. He did come into my office a day back, requesting Naruko as an agent. Of course I refused, but still, there's a motive."

Jiraiya, quiet up until now, spoke out quietly. "But what could he want her for now? There is no real reason for him to randomly attack now. Also, that man can disappear just as well as I can when he wants to. So assuming he does in fact have Naruko, where is it that he could have taken her?"

Again the room fell silent. Nothing added up. It certainly seemed like Danzo, but this kind of thing just wasn't the man's style. Thoughts flew through the heads of all members but unfortunately, everything came up blank.

Sighing, Tsunade bit her lip. "Well, us sitting here on our hands isn't going to sort anything out. I want each of you to back trace where you were with Naruto these last few days to see if anyone suspicious had been following you. Myself and Jiraiya will head out to the training fields to see if anything was left."

The usual dismissal though didn't come as the Hokage bent down to Naruto's eye level. "Hey kid, can I get you to help us out here? We'll need your help if we're gona find Naruko ok?"

Seeing the tuft of hair buried within his arms nod, Tsunade smiled. "Thanks Naruto. Can you stand up now?"

Another nod later and Naruto was pulling himself to his feet with a little help from Tsunade. Turning back to the group, Tsunade pointed at Naruto. "Alright, Naruto is going to act as our radio. We each will have one as per usual, but seeming we'll be spread out over a distance, the range will be affected. This is where Naruto comes in. He can simply create a clone and have it disperse, relaying the information to us all."

Naruto wiped his eye and looked up in confusion. "But how am I meant to do that?"

All Jounin looked down at the boy. "You didn't know?"

"Know what?"

Tsunade looked over at Kakashi and gave him a very disapproving glare. "You mean to say you have a student that has a forbidden technique that YOU know, yet you don't teach him the finer things about it?"

Actually having the decency to look sheepish, Kakashi scratched his cheek. "Well, you know, we have been pretty busy with mission lately –"

He was cut off with a wave of Tsunade's hand. "Enough. That is NO excuse. I would have expected better of you, especially as a former ANBU."

Kakashi fell silent with a simple, "Yes, sir."

Growling, Tsunade dearly wanted to rip the lazy man a new one but refrained. Turning back to Naruto, she explained. "Any clone you create instantly transmits any information it obtained back to you, as well as to any clone still in existence once it dispels. So you could have a clone on the other side of Konoha and have it disperse, and you'll instantly know what's going on over there."

Perking up slightly, Naruto let a little smile slide onto his face. "That's pretty cool Baa-chan..."

Tsunade smiled in response. "Indeed it is." Her smile then dropped and she levelled Kakashi with a dangerous gaze. "Well now, after 5 minutes that _should_ have been used elsewhere, we can continue. Naruto, can you please create a clone for each person here?"

With a soft mumble, six equally depressed clones popped into existence. Smiling sympathetically, Tsunade nodded. "Thanks kid. Now, everyone! I want Naruko found by sun up, NO excuses."

Again she levelled Kakashi with a wilting glare.

"All clear?"

"Sir!"

Tsunade made a sweeping motion. "Then move out! We have ourselves a girl to find!"

XxXxXxX

Kurenai and Anko decided it was best to stick close, seeming that they had been together most of the times they had been with Naruto. Keeping the boys clone close, they scoured every tree, every alley way, every bed and every seat that the blond had occupied with them. Not a single leaf was left unturned as the accomplished kunoichi diligently worked to find even a hint of an unexplained visitor.

Pulling herself from behind an old dumpster, Kurenai walked out into the street, fingers pinching her nose as she left the smell. Anko respectively dragged herself out of a tight gap between a couple of buildings. Smoothing out her well ruffled clothing, she sighed and then began to comb out several thick cobwebs from her hair. Seeing her friends questioning gaze, she shook her head.

"Nup, not a single thing out of place there."

Kurenai frowned as her frustration rose. "Same deal here. I just hope the other groups are having better luck than us."

Turning, she spared the two depressed blonds sitting by a wall a glance. Her eyes hardened as she thought of the person responsible. Should she catch this man, she would make sure that all was left of him was a shell of a body. She would imagine that Anko would more than gladly take over after that.

XxXxXxX

Kakashi was busy trying to think over where he and his student had recently been. It was becoming apparent that after the boy had begun suffering his affliction, Kakashi had pretty much left him to his own devices. It shamed him somewhat to know that he had neglected his pupil in such an awkward time. It occurred to him that what Naruto did outside of training and missions wasn't really his business, but common decency dictated that he could have taken atleast a little interest in the boy. Shaking his head, he came to the conclusion that he was going to have to pick the game up, if ever so slightly. But now wasn't the time to ponder such things.

Casting a trained eye over Team 7s meeting grounds, he quickly came to the conclusion that other than their own presence several days ago, no one else had ventured into the grounds. Sighing, Kakashi turned to face his unnervingly quiet student.

"It seems like no one has been here since us. We'll take the same route back to the Hokage tower as we originally did. I doubt that we'll find anything else though."

The child mealy nodded, falling into step behind his teacher. Casting a lingering glance at Naruto, Kakashi sincerely hoped that they could find the boys sister and manage to bring him back to normal.

XxXxXxX

Gai had taken to carrying Naruto under his arm as the boy was proving to be too unhappy to keep up easily. As a taijutsu specialist, Gai was searching high and low for any and all imprints that could suggest a spy. So far, he had only managed to find the numerous footsteps of the ANBU as they raced around the town trying to find any leads. Taking a breather near his usual training grounds, he dropped Naruto down.

"It seems that your usual youthful flare has taken quite a hit young man."

Naruto didn't reply, mealy bowing his head in defeat. Gai let out a rare sigh at the sight. He had to somehow talk motivation back into the boy or else the mission would be severally hampered. Placing a large hand on the top of Naruto's head, he twisted his wrist and made the blond look up at him. Sending him a rather watered down version of his usual smile, Gai raised a thumb.

"Come on now, we can't have a strong, young lad like yourself all depressed. Sitting around like this won't solve anything, especially when it comes to finding a loved one. You need to be proactive!"

Gai's voice steadily rose, despite the man's attempt to stay quiet. "Naruko isn't dead yet! She has a fiery spirit that rivals your own! No, she is most definitely alive and well! So you'd do well to raise your head, find these vile people who kidnapped your beloved sister, and then beat what youth remains in them right back out of them!"

Despite some indignant cries from villagers telling him to shut up, Gai smiled as Naruto's eyes hardened. Nodding one, he reached up and tightened his head band.

"You're right, Gai-sensei! I can't be all emo and Sasuke like now. I gotta find these people."

His eyes darkened. "They will not get away with it. Believe it."

Letting out a hearty laugh, Gai clapped Naruto heavily on the shoulder. "That's what I want to hear from a student of mine! Now, let's continue looking!"

After a moment of hearing nothing, Gai looked down.

"Whoops, it seemed my own youth went a little overboard."

All that remained of Naruto were some thin clouds dispersing into the night. Licking his teeth, Gai pondered his predicament. Realising he still had his radio, he let out one final, barely controlled cry before disappearing from view, just before the flying shoes appeared.

XxXxXxX

Jiraiya and Tsunade split up at the tower, each following their own paths, but organising to meet up with each other out at the furthest training grounds.

Tsunade focused heavily on her own home, trying to determine if anyone had been around recently. All trees within several hundred meters were near ripped from the ground, only to be replanted once found to be clean. A couple of kind words also managed to get Naruto to help, help being him wandering around aimlessly, kicking at loose objects. It wasn't much of an improvement but atleast it was making him do something.

Pushing her fists into her back, Tsunade straightened up from scrutinising an odd scuff in a branch. Twisting, she shivered as her spine popped. Casting a careless glance around, she went to jump off but paused as something seemingly insignificant caught her eye.

A fly. A dead one at that. To any ordinary observer, it was nothing. But to Tsunade, it sparked questions. An insect that size should have been eaten by other small creatures long ago. Dropping to the ground, she looked around.

Dead ants.

Picking one up, she popped the creature into her mouth and swirled it around. Aside from the usual foul taste that accompanied such a creature, she could detect a hint of poison. Nothing lethal to a human, but to such a small insect it was more than enough. Frowning, Tsunade considered this. Whoever was in that tree only wanted to kill that fly. They obviously didn't know that particular type of poison lasted several days in smaller animals though. The ants were just casualties of the fly, but indicated that it had indeed been there for an extended period of time.

Spitting out the ant, Tsunade jumped back up and took a closer look at the fly. Its wings were dry, one having already snapped off. It clearly had been there for atleast a day.

Jumping down, she jogged over to Naruto and knelt down. "Alright, I found something. Someone was here within the last forty-eight hours so that means they were indeed scouting you. We'll start heading over to meet up with Jiraiya. We'll catch this bastard, whoever they are."

Seeing a hint of his usual tenacious glare creep back into his eyes, Tsunade smiled. "Ok, Baa-chan. let's go find out who took my sister." His gaze then darkened as the dispersed clones memories came to him. "And when I find out who, I'll kill them."

XxXxXxX

Jiraiya had been hunting all over the place but to no avail. While he himself may have been a master at disappearing, his forte wasn't in tracking. Sure, he knew all the tricks on how to spot something like that, but just didn't have the natural talent that other ninja possessed. Too many times he stopped to check something that looked like it could have been a lead only to deem it a red herring. Frustrated, he began to overlook other things in his growing need to meet up with Tsunade.

"Come on brat, we haven't got all night!"

Not hearing the usual response, he turned back. Naruto was still there, but had a strange aura around him. It was more dark and ominous than usual. It wasn't the malicious uncontrolled fury of the Kyuubi, but more along the calm, deadly lines of a trained assassin. By no means was it that good, but it was the beginnings of one. Frowning, Jiraiya approved of it, but still didn't like it. Turning back, he pushed off the ground and into the trees.

"Oi, Ero-Sennin, wait up a moment."

Turning back, he saw Naruto studying a dead fly. "This don't seem right. Shouldn't it have been eaten by something by now?"

Dropping down, Jiraiya studied the insect. Taking a quick look around, he spied some other dead insects; cockroaches and the likes. He cursed himself for missing something like that. Had Naruto not picked it up, they could have very well missed this hopefully valuable clue. Picking it up, he sealed it and tucked the scroll away.

"We'll show Tsunade this. She'll more than likely be able to tell us what it is."

Nodding sharply, Naruto took to the trees before Jiraiya was finished. Sighing, the tall man jumped after him. While his enthusiasm was admirable, he _really _needed to be drilled on his consistent need to barge into situations without thinking first. Making a note about that, Jiraiya quickly caught up to the blond.

XxXxXxX

Tsunade only waited a few minutes before Jiraiya and the original Naruto popped through the shrubbery. Jogging up to her, Jiraiya tapped his forehead. "Found anything?"

To his satisfaction, she nodded. "Indeed. It seems someone was around my place within the last two days."

Jiraiya nodded. "Good." Unsealing the fly, he held it out to her. "Naruto spotted this on the way back. It had a number of other dead insects around it. It could prove to be something."

"Hand it over."

Then in an act that surprised all other three group members, Tsunade popped the fly into her mouth. She rolled it around her tongue, eyes looking off to the side in concentration. Finally coming to a conclusion, she spat it out and wiped her mouth. Seeing the slightly disgusted/ curious stares, she elaborated.

"It's the fastest way to identify a poison. Yes, I could use chakra to work it out but that's a spike I'd rather not leave. Anyway, it is indeed the same poison used on the fly I found back at my house."

Jiraiya hummed. "So we have a kidnapper that doesn't like flies."

Tsunade shook her head. "It's unlikely that this individual was the culprit. I'd say something more like a scout."

Jiraiya nodded. "Well that's all well and good, but what leads does this give?"

Tsunade cupped her chin with a hand. "Well, it does narrow down potential suspects. Only a few ninja in the force use poisons. This person obviously didn't understand the chemical makeup of this one, so is either a beginner, hasn't used this particular type before, or was given it by someone who does know about poisons."

Jiraiya froze for a second, and then spoke up. "Do you perhaps think that this person might have been that 'little bird' Danzo spoke of?"

Looking up at the man, Tsunade nodded. "It very well could be."

Jiraiya grinned. "So we find this guy, and we have ourselves a lead."

As the two adults discussed the fly and the spy, Naruto and his clone were holding a discussion of their own. They sat cross legged, heads bowed and eyes closed as they traded comments.

"So what did you find?"

"A dead fly. Baa-chan said that someone killed it with poison."

"That must have been what happened with the fly me 'n' Ero-Sennin found."

"So that bastard must have been following us."

"I swear, I'll kill him when I find him."

"WE'LL kill him you mean."

"Yeah, and the other guys too. NO ONE touches our sister!"

"Damn right. Now it's just how to find her."

"Yeah... but how?"

Falling silent, they pondered the predicament for a moment before sighing and leaning back.

"Man, I just wish there was a way to track her seal."

Realisation hitting them simultaneously, they looked at each other.

"Hang on, would Ero-Sennin be able to do that?"

"Let's ask!"

Jumping up, they ran over and started pulling on his jacket. "Oi, Ero-Sennin, we wana ask you something!"

Looking down in frustration, the white haired man tried to fend the hands away. "Can't you ask me later? Tsunade and I might have something."

Naruto shook his head. "Nah, it's important! We wana know if it'd be possible to trace our seal? Cause if you can, you can trace it right to where Naruko-chan is!"

Pausing, Jiraiya looked at his fellow companion. She shrugged non-committaly. "Don't look at me, you're the seal master here."

Turning back, Jiraiya was met with both original and clone with their shirts rolled up, channelling chakra in an effort to bring the seal to the surface.

"You should be able to do something, yeah? Here, have a really good look!"

Sighing, Jiraiya knelt down. "Alright, alright. I'll have a look. Channel a little more, it's a bit difficult to see in this light."

Nodding in agreement, both Naruto's began glowing blue ever so slightly as more chakra was pumped into the seal.

However, the second that happened, Jiraiya's attention was drawn away from the seal to something far, FAR more interesting. His eyes widened exponentially as the realisation hit him. Jumping to his feet, he grabbed both boys and pulled them in close to his face. "Naruto! Summon everyone here, right now! I know how to find Naruko!"

XxXxXxX

_A/N – how about that? Two cliffies in as many updates! Can anyone guess what Jiraiya discovered? There's a clue in the story somewhere ;)_

_For all who care to read as well, this chapter was GREAT fun to write! It practically wrote itself and had even me captivated with how it developed! Kyaa, I love it!_

_See you next chapter people =D_

_Lanky_


	31. Chapter 31

_For all those people out there who care, I just got out of surgery this week. Ankle is now sore and wrapped up but hey, only 6 weeks till I'm back to 100% =D_

**Chapter 31**

Naruto's eyes lit up as the information was received and he called out to the two Jounin nearby.

"Kurenai, Anko! We're heading over to meet up with Tsunade-baachan! Jiraiya worked out how to find Naruko!"

Both spun around, eyes wide. "Really? How?"

Both Naruto's shrugged. "Don't know, he didn't say. All I know is that we need to get back there now."

Climbing down from the roof they were standing on, Kurenai dusted herself down. "Right. Lead the way then."

Nodding once, both blonds disappeared in a flash, quickly followed by Kurenai and then Anko.

XxXxXxX

Kakashi merely raised an eyebrow once the information had been transmitted. Sighing, he tucked his hands into his pockets and jumped down from the tree he was searching. Landing in a crouch, he eyed up the now determined Naruto and internally smiled. It was good to see some life back in his student. Straightening up, Kakashi looked around.

"Would you mind leading the way? I'd rather not have to try pinpoint the Hokage's location."

Rolling his eyes, Naruto grumbled something about lazy sensei's before jumping into a tree and then vanishing.

XxXxXxX

Back with Tsunade, Naruto nodded. "Alright, everyone is on their way here. Except Gai. He managed to pop my clone with him a while back."

Sighing, Tsunade rubbed her forehead. "To be expected I suppose."

Pulling out her radio, she tuned it into Gai's frequency and barked out a sharp order. A static filled cry of "YOUTH" spat back out of the speaker before falling silent. Rolling her eyes, Tsunade spared a thought for the Genin under the eccentric Jounin's tutelage. How they all weren't all wearing green spandex by now was beyond her. Tucking it away, she turned back to Jiraiya who was still kneeling down. Walking over, she tapped his shoulder and broke him from his concentration.

"So how is it that you suddenly managed to discover Naruko's whereabouts?"

Shaking his head, the tall man got to his feet. "I haven't worked it out yet, but I know a sure fire way to. Rather than tell everyone individually though, I'll wait for them to get here."

Nodding reluctantly, Tsunade backed off and waited for the group. Unsurprisingly, it was Gai that turned up first, the man barrelling through the leaves and branches like they didn't exist. Landing, he snapped into a salute directed at his leader. "Awaiting orders, Hokage-sama!"

The lady waved him down. "Nothing needed just yet. Wait for the others to arrive, then Jiraiya will explain."

Shouting out in agreement, the man then jumped back, landing in a handstand. Raising himself onto the thumb and forefinger of one hand, he began doing push ups, all the while calling out the numbers loudly.

Groaning, Tsunade rubbed her forehead. "I hope this doesn't take too long. I don't know how much of that I can take."

To her pleasant surprise, Kurenai and Anko popped through the trees just as she finished speaking. Landing quietly, they dashed over to Tsunade.

"Orders?"

Tsunade shook her head. "We have to wait for Kakashi. Jiraiya doesn't want to repeat himself."

Frowning, Kurenai nodded while Anko laughed. "Might as well pitch a tent then and get settled down for the night."

"We'll be eating beforehand, yes? I'm a bit hungry."

The snake wielding kunoichi turned to spare the masked man a curious glance before shrugging as he jogged up to them. "Not anymore."

"Shut up, the both of you and come see Jiraiya."

Instantly at attention, they both forewent their bickering and hurried to join the group around the tall Sannin. Seeing them gather around, Jiraiya jumped right into it.

"Ok, I'm not wasting any breath here so listen up cause I'm saying it once. A couple of days ago, I worked with Naruto and Naruko to try establish a power reading after the split. During that time, I discovered that their chakra is attracted to each others in a rather unique way. It actually pulls towards the other as it is generated. Using that, we can basically use Naruto here as a homing beacon to find Naruko."

Eyes widening in surprise, everyone looked down at the startled boy.

"How come I didn't think of that? Hell, why didn't you think of that before Ero-Sennin?"

Jiraiya shook his head, clearly annoyed with himself. "I don't know. Something like that should have jumped straight to my mind." Growling, he continued. "Never the less, we also have another problem."

The group leaned in, eager to hear more. "I don't know if it's because Naruko isn't producing any chakra at the moment, or if it's because of distance, but while Naruto's chakra certainly moves towards her, it's that weak I can't really pinpoint its direct location. I only just realised this so any suggestions would be appreciated."

Kurenai instantly spoke up. "It works with his clone too, yes?"

The man nodded.

"Good, we'll have Naruto create a few more clones and then fan out. Using the slight differences in angle, we should be able to find the epicentre."

Smiling, Jiraiya flashed the attractive woman a grin. "Ah, good thinking there. Konoha's lucky to have you."

Flushing ever so slightly, Kurenai managed to maintain composure. Pervert or not, praise from one of the three Sannin was a big thing.

Turning to the boy, Jiraiya smiled at the downright scary look on the boy's face. "Ready to find your sister?"

The original as well as every clone raised their hands in a cross. "You damn well better believe it." And in a puff of smoke, over one hundred clones surrounded the surprised adults.

"Naruto! That was a little overboard don't you think?"

Growling, Naruto shook his head. "If this finds her faster, then I'll be doin' it."

Getting ready to generate chakra, Naruto quickly paused and then looked up at Jiraiya sharply. "Hang on a second, if this works, then does that mean Naruko might be in my mind, like, with the fox?"

Eyebrows raised as Jiraiya thought over the possibility. "Well, yes, actually, if it isn't distance that causes a problem though. Can you try it out now?"

Dropping to the floor, Naruto already had his eyes closed. "Way ahead of you Ero-Sennin."

XxXxXxX

Opening his eyes, Naruto wasted no time in jumping to his feet and dashing down the sewers of his mind till he reached the giant cage. Taking a deep breath, Naruto cupped his hands to his mouth and shouted.

"NARUKO-NEE! OI, YOU HERE?"

"**Shut your gaping hole human, I was sleeping."**

Naruto spun around to see the massive face of the fox glaring down at him. "You! Have you seen Naruko-nee in here?"

The demon spat off to the side. **"And what makes you think I'd tell you such a thing? Get out of here before I overload your chakra coils."**

Naruto just glared right back up at the monstrous being. "Like hell you could, fuzz ball. The seal stops that and you damn well know it. Now, have you seen Naruko or not?"

"I said I'm over here!"

Turning, Naruto ignored the fuming demon behind him to see his sister standing there, frowning. Rushing forward, Naruto took her up in a massive hug. The girl make a choking sound as the breath was squeezed from her before she was set down. When she looked back up into her brothers eyes though, her own features darkened as she saw the fury in his tear filled eyes.

"I've been so worried. Do you know where you are now?""

Shaking her head, Naruko growled and tussled her hair with a free hand. "No, unfortunately. The second they grabbed me, they stuffed me into a bag. When they finally took me out, all I could see was that I was in some big dark room. There were a few people off to the side I swear I could almost recognise, but then something chopped the back of my neck and I woke up here."

Frowning, Naruto stepped back. "So you didn't see anything of any use?"

Again, the girl shook her head. "No."

Sighing, Naruto took her hand in his and gazed fiercely into her eyes. "Well, don't worry, we're coming to get you! You remember how when we trained, our chakra pulled together? Well that's how we're gona find you!"

Eyes widening, Naruko's face lit up. "No way! That is so cool!"

Naruto nodded, but then frowned. "It is, but for some reason, it's not working as well as it did that day. Ero-Sennin thinks it might be because we're too far away from you, or because you ain't generating any chakra at the moment."

Naruko had a quick think. "Well, I'm not too far away I don't think. I wasn't travelling all that long before I was unbagged."

Nodding, Naruto released his sister's hand and stepped back. "Well, that's good. If you get any chance, you try explode out all the chakra you can, ok?"

His sister smiled back, looking every bit as dangerous as Naruto. "Don't you worry. I'll level the entire building if I get the chance."

XxXxXxX

Barely thirty seconds later, Naruto opened his eyes and stood up. "She was in there. I asked where she was and all she could tell me was that she was in a big dark room. She doesn't think she's too far away though because she wasn't travelling that long."

Nodding Tsunade stepped back and pointed to the mass of clones before her. "Alright then! Follow Kurenai's idea and fan out, single file. Then, get generating and let's find this girl!"

In a unanimous cry, the blond mass before her thinned out. Quickly reaching position, they all clasped their own hands and began generating a sizeable wave of chakra. The adults then looked at the blue glow surrounding the group and frowned when they saw its pull. Making a hand signal, several ANBU appeared by Tsunade's side, all waiting for her command.

"Naruko has been located. Spread out over the Hokage monument and seal off the boundaries. Go!"

Grunting in acknowledgment, they disappeared. Seeing them vanish, Tsunade walked forward.

"Hokage Mountain hey? Well, time to move!"

XxXxXxX

As the group dashed towards the massive monument at the center of the town, they managed to pick up a few other Jounin along the way after they sensed Naruto's chakra raise. Asuma was one of the first to join in, falling back beside Kurenai and getting filled in off her. Shortly after him, Genma Shiranui appeared, toothpick and all. He was briefed by the Hokage before nodding and disappearing, going off to assist the ANBU with their mission. Others appeared and were promptly spread out with the ANBU as well. Drawing closer to the mountain, Jiraiya noticed that the tug on Naruto's chakra was increasing.

"Oi Naruto, start cancelling clones, it's getting easier to detect her."

Grunting in affirmation, Naruto dispelled fifty of the clones.

"Oh and Naruto..."

Looking over his shoulder, the boy eyed up his mentor. "As much as I know you want to start blowing holes in the mountain, this will be a silent mission, meaning NO noise until we reach Naruko. Got it?"

Frowning, Naruto looked forward again but nodded never the less. "Got it. But once we find her..."

He let the threat hang in the air. Sighing, Jiraiya shook his head. "Naruto, I know what you're thinking and I'll seal all your chakra away if you don't listen to me. We need you with your head screwed on straight, not just as a mindless destruction ball."

Turning around in protest, Naruto fixed his angry gaze on the old man. "But what about the bastards that snatched Naruko-nee, huh? What are we doin' with them?"

Jiraiya matched the glare levelled at him easily. "We capture them and then send them to Ibiki."

The silent response as the blond turned back around unnerved the Sannin more than if Naruto just blew up in his face. He could try and imagine, but when it came to working out that boy, he could never be 100% sure what he was going to do.

XxXxXxX

Deep within the mountain, a certain less than reputable individual's senses perked as they picked up a very slight change in chakra from the village Jinchuuriki. It seemed that the boy was on the move. Chuckling to himself, he took a sly look at his counterpart. The man beside him hadn't taken his focus off the naked girl before him, such was his concentration. Just then, a masked ninja tried to interrupt them, bowing low.

"My Lord, something urgent that requires your immediate attention has – "

The man was silenced by a kunai that sunk in between his eyes before he could even move. It seemed the high profile person was quite serious in his command to not be disturbed under any circumstances.

Licking his lips in anticipation, his eyes flashed as the boy neared. He would have liked to have known who else was out there, but the chakra suppressing walls stopped all but the strongest signals getting through. Smiling, the man merely went back to observing the girl before him. He liked surprises sometimes. It made things fun.

XxXxXxX

The group now rested at the base of the Hokage monument. All but seven of Naruto's clones now remained, each having suppressed their chakra as low as they could manage. Though it was a sensible idea, the boy and his clones still argued vehemently against it.

"But how are we meant to find Naruko if we don't follow my chakra?"

A clone dispersed as Jiraiya cuffed the back of its head. He tisked in annoyance that it wasn't the real one. "Sometimes, you just have to make do without. By all means, you could charge right on in there with your chakra blazing, but you may as well walk in with neon lights strapped to your arms and legs, shouting at the top of your lungs and have a massive kill-me sign lit up on your back."

Grumbling to himself, Naruto crossed his arms and fell silent. Sighing, Jiraiya turned to the rest of the group and motioned them in closer.

"Alright, we'll each take one Naruto with us to try and find a way in. I'll take the real one as to protect him the best. Kurenai, you head west and scour the bottom of the mountain. Anko, same deal, except you're up high. Kakashi, Gai, you two head east and look that way. Tsunade and I will look around on top. Asuma, stay here and be on the lookout for anyone suspicious. Once you find something, pop your clone. Understood?"

They all nodded once and disappeared. Grabbing a Naruto in each arm, Jiraiya and Tsunade then began scaling the face of the mountain expertly, each melting into the shadows and effectively disappearing from sight. Upon reaching the summit, Jiraiya dropped the two kids and they all disappeared into the trees. Quickly gathering under the roots of a particularly large tree, Jiraiya made eye contact with the other three members.

"Alright, you already know what we're trying to find, but not what it could look like. Kakashi and Anko have a history of these kind of hide outs so there was no need to tell them this. What we're looking for is something hidden in plain sight. It could be as insignificant as a pebble that opens up the ground. The one thing that will help you find such a thing though is numbers. Nine out of ten times the 'pebble' will be hidden amongst a host of other pebbles to make it less obvious. So large patches of grass by themselves, rock clusters, anything like that is worth looking into. Stay low to the ground and make sure you don't get caught."

He said the last line while glaring meaningfully at Naruto. Naruto glared back, but nodded once in recognition. With that, they dispersed.

XxXxXxX

It had been about ten minutes since the group had broken up and both Anko and Kurenai were beginning to get frustrated. The old stone wall held many promising looking openings that all turned out to be nothing but lizard or snake holes. They had each been nearly bitten several times by angry creatures when reaching in to see if a latch was hidden in there. When one such small mammal managed to sink its teeth into Anko's finger, the thing found itself chopped in half and flung across the rooftops with an angry grunt. Dropping to the ground, Anko sucked her finger as she reached into her bag to pull out a small bandage. The chunk of flesh that had been torn from her finger was sizeable. Seeing Kurenai near her, she tried to speak around her finger while she fumbled about.

"Any luck?"

Kurenai shook her head. "No, I thought I had something about fifty yards from here but it turned out to be a deserted route that had caved in. It atleast tells us though that there has been activity here relatively recently."

Winding the flap of skin closed, Anko tied off the knot. "That means that they probably relocated it somewhere nearby here. While I was with that pedo-snake, when something like this happened, they merely shifted the entrance over a couple hundred feet. It rarely happened though so I'm not sure if that's what they'd have done here."

Kurenai nodded and turned. "Alright then. I'll search the far side of the entrance." Watching her jump off, Anko sighed and began hunting around her end.

XxXxXxX

Kakashi and Gai though were fairing somewhat better. Gai had quite literally stumbled over a rock a third of the way up the side of the cliff when it opened a small hole in the wall. Gai had always said that luck was a part of a ninja's arsenal and it had just paid off in spades for the Jounin. Kakashi and both Naruto's had managed to squeeze in without too much trouble, but Gai had quickly found himself stuck due to his broad shoulders. Kakashi looked over his shoulder as the man continued to try follow his rival.

"Gai, just accept that you can't fit in here. Hold onto one of the clones and keep looking around. A doorway is hardly ever this small, so it probably means it's an air vent or something similar. Check down lower to see if the door is there."

Growling in defeat, the big man retreated. "Fine then, Kakashi. You win this round. But never fear, for next time I will emerge victorious!"

Disappearing from the hole, Kakashi sweat-dropped slightly at the boisterous man. "So... when did that become a challenge?"

Dropping to the ground, Gai looked around; half hoping his luck would pay up again. Naruto landed silently by his side a moment later, looking at the rock face intently. He fingered several indents, inquisitive fingers playing across the holes rapidly. He then jumped as a heavy thump sounded out behind him. Spinning around, he saw Asuma standing there, disinterested look on his face while holding a strange ninja under his arm.

"Got this guy before he escaped. Little blighter managed to get my Naruto though. The ANBU have been picking off other fellows like this all over the shop. They keep appearing from who knows where, and they've begun to start fighting back. At first they were just spectating, but then it started getting messy."

Dropping the man, he leaned down and ripped the strange animal mask from his face. They were all a little surprised though when behind it was the rather blank, unassuming face of a woman. Frowning, Asuma gave her a shake and began questioning her.

"Alright, what's going on here? Why were you preparing to attack fellow nin?"

The woman's face remained black. "I'm not at liberty to say. You were deemed a threat that had to be taken care of."

Gai stood over the woman, piercing eyes having absolutely no effect on her. "I assume you are a Konoha ninja?"

The woman nodded once.

"Well then, how can you justify attacking a fellow ninja? The life of a comrade is of highest priority! It is one of the first things we are taught!"

The woman shook her head. "No, the mission comes first and ALWAYS first. Any action required to complete it successfully is permissible."

Growling, Asuma scratched his head. "Well this sucks. Damn ROOT operatives. Nothing but emotionless drones. We won't get anything from her."

Gai frowned thoughtfully as he considered the problem. "Well, this in itself is even greater proof to Danzo-sama's involvement. We should report it."

Unbeknownst to the two though, Naruto had hesitantly picked up the discarded mask and flipped it over.

A wide mouth, two triangles on each cheek in what appeared a deep blue and wide set eyes.

Naruto's eyes glazed over slightly as the mask dropped from his hands.

"Wha-?"

The two Jounin barely had time to look around before they were blown away from the woman. Naruto, now shrouded in a thick, bubbling mass of red yoki mounted the lady, fists gripping the front of her shirt so tightly that his fingers pierced the tough fabric. Her eyes widened slightly, a single bead of sweat rolling down her cheek as she considered her options. Leaning in, he pulled her ear up so it came level with his mouth. He whispered into it, his quiet voice gravelly and laden with a paralysing killer intent.

"**Where did you take my sister?"**

"I-I cannot say... classified."

Pulling back a claw filled hand; Naruto moved his face in closer, burning the woman's face with the toxic shroud.

"**Sure you don't wana tell me?"**

She hesitantly shook her head, looking like she wanted to say something but unable to do so.

"**Well then, you're useless to me."**

Just as his hand descended, a kunai lodged itself in the base of his skull. His eyes and mouth widened in pain before he exploded in a puff of smoke.

Behind him, a sweating Gai had his hand outstretched from the throw. Wiping his brow, he looked over at Asuma, the man still sitting on his haunches. They then both looked down at the ROOT agent. Despite all her training, she was still staring off into the sky, eyes unfocused, coated in sweat and shivering slightly.

Swallowing, Asuma calmed himself before pulling himself to his feet. Dusting down his pants, he lit another cigarette and inhaled deeply. "Well, there goes our sneak attack."

Gai shrugged, still getting over that last bit of excitement. "We had already been detected. You said so yourself. It's just a good thing ANBU are taking care of that side of things. Never the less, everyone will be more on edge after that. We must hurry."

Grunting in response, Asuma walked over to the comatose kunoichi. He quickly tied her up in several layers of rope and fastened it securely. Once done, he hoisted the Kunoichi over his shoulder, settling her weight over it evenly. Turning back, he nodded at his fellow Jounin. Gai returned the gesture and then the ninja split, Gai doubling his previous efforts to find anything and Asuma taking the woman off to Ibiki.

XxXxXxX

Kakashi felt the brief chakra flare from below, before it cut short. At that instant though, Naruto flinched and nearly kicked the man's face in. Not even having to ask, Naruto growled out an explanation and stared shuffling forward twice as fast.

"Bitch down there was the one that stole my sister."

Sighing at the uncontrollable blond, Kakashi deduced that he was too reckless to keep with him. He quickly sliced the ankles of the clone and dispersed it. Tucking away the kunai, he prayed Naruto would forgive him as he began shuffling forward again.

XxXxXxX

Over with the women, they both whipped their heads over to the source of the chakra flare. Feeling it cut short, they instantly looked down at the Genin with them, each now growling dangerously.

"Naruto, what happened?"

Neither looked back, instead each taking a few steps forward. "Asuma-sensei found the one that took my sister. They also have a lead too. Let's go."

And before either woman could say anything, the blonds dashed off. Sighing petulantly, Anko dropped down beside her friend.

"That boy is way too energetic."

Kurenai nodded. "He still has much to learn. However, this isn't the time. Come on, let's catch up."

XxXxXxX

Both Jiraiya and Tsunade glanced over at the cliff edge before jumping on both Naruto's in a pre-emptive action. His surprise quickly turned to rage as his memories filtered back to him and he began thrashing, shouting loudly all the while.

"Oi, let me up! I gotta get down there! That woman who took Naruko is down there as well as a way in!"

Tsunade dispelled the clone beneath her with a single flick while Jiraiya settled for slamming the boy into the ground hard enough to crack it. Slightly dazed and now quiet, Jiraiya dragged the boy into a shaded spot, dropping him there just as Tsunade arrived. He quickly came to but found himself unable to scream his protests, having had a silencer seal thrust upon him. Instead, he sent his mentor the most menacing gaze he could possibly muster while flapping around. Slumping to the ground as a paralysis seal found a home next to the silencer, Jiraiya quickly began talking.

"Look, I know you hate me right now but there were several reasons I did that. The first being that after that, this place is going to be swarming with ROOT. Next, it's too far to be practical. Thirdly, there are going to be atleast four fully qualified Jounin there already. Us being there would make it too crowded and we'd get under each other's feet. And finally, yes, there may be a way in down there, but there MUST be more than one way in, so we stay up here and continue searching. While unwanted, that flare of yours will draw the most attention, so if we can get in through a back door, we'll get the drop on these guys twice as easily. Clear?"

Naruto just glared at the Sannin for a moment until Jiraiya remembered the seals.

"Whoops."

Removing the silencer seal, Jiraiya held a finger to his lips. "So are you going to cooperate?"

Naruto growled but then sighed in resignation. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Just let me up so we can keep searching. I wana find these pricks now and rain down hell on them!"

Tsunade rolled her eyes and motioned at Jiraiya to undo it. "That's the best we'll probably get for now. Let him up so we can get on with it."

Nodding, Jiraiya stepped backwards as Naruto flexed an arm. Jumping to his feet, his eyes blazed intensely as he began marching back out. He was quickly pulled back though as Jiraiya knelt down. "Now remember, this is about stealth. Not everything is about massive explosions and fancy jutsu. This is real, and if we're not careful, something _very _bad could happen to Naruko. So I want you to promise me you'll focus and not let your emotions control you."

Visibly shaking, Naruto managed to speak out through his clenched teeth. "I... I promise."

Jiraiya held his hand out. "Shake on it."

Naruto just glared up at him. "You know that my promises are unbreakable. I never go back on my word. Now quit stalling and let's get on with it."

Sighing, Jiraiya dropped the hand. "Well, atleast relay it to the remaining clones ok?"

Nodding once, Naruto created a clone only to coat hanger it a split second later as he softly stomped off into the trees. Moving up, Tsunade rested a ghost of a hand on her tall friends arm. "I'm worried about him. I've never seen him so angry."

Jiraiya nodded. "Indeed. This is the worst thing that could have happened. Taking away family that he had only just been reunited with was just begging to have him to level the area. I'm just glad he's still able to have sense talked into him."

Tsunade nodded. "Any more of this though and we'll have to immobilise him. We cannot have him risk his and his sister's life like this."

Grunting in response, Jiraiya began walking after the boy.

XxXxXxX

Kakashi grunted as another stray rock dug into his shoulder. Shuffling past it, he paused as he reached a sharp bend. This could prove a problem, assuming he got stuck. While not a claustrophobe, being wedged seventy feet into a mountain was enough to make him nervous.

"Well, all or nothing."

Twisting onto his side, he managed to get his torso around easily enough. Now came the hard part. Turning a full one-eighty degrees, Kakashi groaned as his back cried out in protest at the overly extended angle. He just had to get his thighs past it... and with a painful crunch across a sharp rock, they did. Sighing, Kakashi ignored the trickle of blood that began running down his knees. He now _really _hoped this had an exit because he would have next to no chance of getting through that backwards.

He crawled forward for a small while longer until his fingers touched something solid in the dark. Running them around the edge of the object, it seemed like a dead end. Uncharacteristic panic began to fill his chest and the Jounin took a moment to calm his nerves. Surely there had to be a reason for a hole this deep into the mountain. Running his fingers around the edges again, he quickly verified there was nothing there. Moving across the face of the blockage though, he found a little latch that he flicked. In a joyful moment, a grey light filled the hole as tiny vents opened across the stone. The stone wasn't even that thick either. Creeping forward, he peeked through the holes to try work out where he had come to. He didn't really get a chance though when he heard a body's movement behind him. Tensing, he knew he wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight like this. Hearing an evil chuckle, he readied himself.

He then jumped as a hand slipped itself up his pant leg and wiped away some of the blood.

"My my Kakashi, you really do taste nice."

Letting out a relieved sigh, the man turned his attention back to the portal. "Anko. What brings you down this merry way?"

He heard a chuckle as she shifted behind him. "Oh, not much. Just when I heard you decided to crawl down here, I couldn't help but follow! Call it the snake in me."

He sighed as he visualised her wink.

"I will say though that I'm rather impressed you made it past that tight corner. Of course, I didn't have too much trouble but for a male, you're surprisingly limber."

Kakashi tried to ignore the woman's breath on his legs as she moved up beside him. How she did that in such a tight space though was beyond him. Shuffling over, he let her squeeze up beside him.

"Well isn't this cosy? So where are we anyway?"

Not looking at her, Kakashi watched a ROOT operative walk past them. "I think we've stumbled into one of the ROOT change rooms, if the humidity is anything to go by."

"Oh! Men or women's? Not that it matters though."

This made Kakashi look at her. "Excuse me?"

Anko smiled and licked her lips. "What? I can admire a well proportioned female. Why do you think I hang around with Kurenai so much? I'll tell you now, it's not just because she's loyal. Loyalty being most of the reason, but not all."

Kakashi swallowed and turned back to the vent. Not sensing anyone, he gave the opening a tentative nudge. It didn't move too much but still gave somewhat. It looked like he'd have to break it. Placing both hands over it, he gave it a little more of a heave. The rock strained but didn't give.

"Anko, place your hands over mine."

The odd kunoichi grinned but did as asked. "My Kakashi, in here? But that would be so naughty!"

Kakashi sighed. "Are you intentionally trying to distract me from the mission or is this just normal for you? I need you to push with me to break through."

Chuckling, Anko nodded but didn't answer the first question. On count, they both pushed and the rock gave way with a soft clatter. Quickly double checking the area, Kakashi slipped out first and ducked behind a locker. Anko followed, but not before she swept the rocky remains into the hole. Crouching, she looked over his shoulder, face now finally serious.

"So what now?"

Kakashi's eyes flicked to a shadow that moved. Just a towel. "Now, we search for Naruko the old fashioned way. Let's go."

XxXxXxX

Since Anko left, Gai and Kurenai and the two remaining clones were shuffling around the base of the cliff, desperately trying to find any semblance of an entrance. Groaning, the smaller of the two stood up, stretching her back.

"Blast it all. Anko and Kakashi were the ones good at this. Why did they have to be the ones to leave?"

Gai spoke up without looking back. "I would have gone with Kakashi, but due to a bit much youthful training, I was too big to fit down the hole. As for Anko... well, have you ever been able to stop that woman when she wants to do something?"

Kurenai sighed. "No, I guess not."

Turning, she looked into the trees behind her and considered having a poke around in there. "What was it they said about the latch? It was hidden amongst other similar things?"

Gai grunted in agreement. "Yes, I believe that's what they said. If you would like, you can search in the trees for anything."

Accepting the offer gratefully, Kurenai jumped into the trees. A sudden burst of movement instantly had blood rushing in her ears and a hand on a kunai in a split second. Moments later, a body dropped to the ground below. An ANBU flashed before her, quickly offering an apology before collecting its catch. Hand on her racing heart, Kurenai chastised herself for losing concentration and got back to searching.

Minutes passed and nothing was found by either Jounin. Despite both usually being very controlled, even their own considerable patients was being pushed. Gai, surprisingly, was the first to crack. Shaking his head, he called out quietly to Kurenai.

"Kurenai-san, have you found anything useful yet?"

The trees rustled and the woman dropped from above. "No, nothing. It's like that entrance you found is the only one!"

Dropping onto a rock, the kunoichi sighed. "This is impossible."

Gai though, noticed something when she sat down. Looking around, he noticed several other rocks.

"Kurenai, may I request you to sit down on that rock again a bit more forcefully?"

Sending the eccentric Jounin a suspicious look, she stood up slowly. "What would you want me to do that for?"

Not really listening, Gai just waved at her to drop. Blushing ever so slightly, the woman crossed an arm over her chest just in case and dropped. She winced as her backside landed on the edge of the rock, but wasn't given the time to let it sink in when she was quickly pulled off it.

"Gai! What is the meaning of this?"

Gai was now searching around the rock intently, looking for something. "I noticed when you sat down the first time that the rock seemed to move ever so slightly. Under someone of your light weight, it shouldn't have done that. When you sat down again, it moved once more, so there must be something suspicious here."

Kurenai sweat-dropped as she watched the man scratch about. "Surely it couldn't be that easy?"

A soft click sounded out and as Gai pulled himself up, the top of the rock depressed slightly under his hand. They turned as a soundless tunnel opened in the wall behind them. Gai sent the kunoichi a grin before running forward.

"Come now, we don't want to be the only ones to miss out on all the fun!"

Charging at the entrance, Gai nearly entered when he literally bulldozed his way through several ROOT agents on their way out. They all fell off to the sides of the concrete-come-human, either concussed or knocked out. Ignoring that though, Gai quickly ducked under several incoming punches, grabbing a flat rock as he was down. Grunting, he chucked the object at the men, blunt side showing, with a considerable force. Vortices flew off from it before it connected, driving the hapless target back along with all those unfortunate enough to be behind him.

Kurenai was also under siege, having managed to capture several operatives in her powerful Genjutsu's. The annoying ninja had also managed to pop both remaining Naruto's in their first attack. Pulling one close, she glared at him.

"Why are you doing this?"

Wincing under the mental pressure put on him, he stuttered out an answer. "W-we have been o...ordered to protect the base at all costs. The f-future of Konoha lies in there."

Kurenai's eyes thinned. "What do you mean?"

Shaking under the pressure he still managed to shake his head. "C-c-classified."

Sighing, Kurenai waved and every ninja in her illusion was knocked unconscious. Backing up against Gai, she held her kunai at the ready.

"You get that?"

The taller man nodded. "Indeed." He then grinned. "This is exciting though, is it not? We'll hardly miss out on anything at all!"

Rolling her eyes, the woman sighed exasperatedly. "Honestly Gai, try and focus here! We need to get _inside_ the mountain, not play out here with this lot. Where are the ANBU when you need them?"

Gai's eyes twinkled as he easily knocked away the first attacker. Looking off to the side, he saw various masked ninja begin to engage in combat, soft clinks of metal on metal sounding out around them. "Ah, but to get there were must finish them off first! The faster, the better too. So, let us begin a most youthful fight for Konoha!"

XxXxXxX

Tsunade and Jiraiya were looking around near one another, each having come across a potential hidey hole.

"Got anything, Hime?"

"Not yet. Stop asking."

Grinning, Jiraiya cast a sidelong view at his team mate. Bless the soul who thought to hide secret entrances on the ground. Tsunade bent over was a beautiful thing. Oh the possibilities.

Getting back to searching, he quickly reached out with his senses to check where Naruto was. The boy was standing still for some reason, like he was watching something. Not that it really mattered, so long as he knew where the brat was. Scanning the area before him one last time, he stood up and dusted his hands off. Walking over to Tsunade, the woman stretched and looked up at him.

"No deal there either hey?"

Shaking his head, Jiraiya grimaced. "No. Best we move on."

Seeing something though, he pointed at a small mossy patch. "Hang on a second, what's that?"

"What's what?" Quickly leaning down to check the area, Tsunade fingered it tentatively. Finding nothing, she looked up at the man. "Well?"

Sighing, he shrugged. "Sorry, I thought I noticed something amongst it. Let's go."

As Tsunade turned though, Jiraiya let a lecherous grin grace his face quickly before schooling himself. He couldn't help but get a close up look of that fine behind once more.

"Oi, if your done eyeing up Baa-chan, get over here, I think I found something."

Swallowing, Jiraiya glanced nervously at Tsunade. Naruto's little remark had clued the lady into his game and she was not impressed. Trust that boy to ruin every little moment. Coughing Jiraiya strode forward purposefully, getting a safe distance away from the explosive woman. Leaning down, he glared at the boy.

"Well?"

Naruto sent Jiraiya a mildly disgusted look before turning back to the blocks before him. "Well, you said that people hide switches amongst other things, so I wonder if there's anything here. This one is loose but I can't get it to do nothin'."

The object before Naruto ended up being the tomb stone of a proficient Shinobi merchant that had sold within Konoha for years. Around it were gravestones of similar importance. Giving it a test shake, Jiraiya noted it was indeed a bit loose. Looking around, Jiraiya tried to think.

'Right, this is loose, so it may be held in place by several locks. Think you old goat you, think!'

Looking around, he noticed a tiny chip in the side of the rock. He then noticed three other gravestones with a chip in the exact place. Together, the four stones made for a diamond shape. Small, but recognisable to one such as himself. Nodding slowly, he moved over to the left one and gave it a shake. Ever so slightly loose.

"Tsunade-hime, I need you to stand by that grave over there, we might have something."

Raising an eyebrow, Tsunade complied. Jiraiya saw it wobble when she rested a hand on it. Quickly forming a shadow clone, Jiraiya pointed at the last corner. When it got there, he looked at his group members.

"Alright, I'm not sure how they arranged this, so it might sink into the ground, fold backwards or lift out. It's like picking a lock. We must do this in coordination though. One my word, we all push down."

He spoke again, and they all pushed. Nothing happened, but Naruto's rock seemed to depress further than the rest. An idea sparked in the old Sannin's mind.

"Ok, maybe each has a different way to unlock. Naruto, you keep pushing down, but Tsunade-hime, you push or pull your rock and see if anything happens. Clear?"

Seeing their nods, he gave the word. Naruto's rock shifted slightly and when Tsunade pushed forward, the stone leant in. Jiraiya and his clone quickly adjusted for this. Jiraiya's rock easily pushed forward as well while his clone struggled a bit longer until it managed to lift the stone out of the ground a few inches. Once worked out, everything clicked into place and the grave situated in the middle of the four switches sunk into the ground.

At that instant though, several ROOT operatives dived out of the newly uncovered entrance, one aimed for each corner of the locking system. Jiraiya caught the incoming fist with an iron grip before catching the man's head and bringing a knee up into his nose, breaking it instantly. His clone mimicked him, except he drove the man's skull into the memorial rock behind him. Tsunade just settled for side stepping the attack, before slapping the agent into the ground. A loud crack sounded out as his head sunk several feet into the hard ground upon impact. Naruto however, was caught unguarded and only just managed to dodge the attack by falling flat onto his back. Seeing an opportunity, he kicked up and caught the ninja in the ribs, winding him slightly. The man then slumped forward as Jiraiya's clone slapped a paralysis seal onto his neck. The clone pulled the man's mask off and started sifting through his targets pockets as it questioned him.

"Why did you attack us? ROOT is meant to protect its own, not kill them."

A black face stared back at him. "I cannot say; it is classified."

Jiraiya rolled his eyes before chopping his neck, rendering him unconscious. Leaving the man, Jiraiya walked back to his original and handed him some papers he found before dispelling itself. Shuffling through them, Jiraiya clicked his tongue as he went.

Tsunade walked over, Naruto a little more hesitantly. Being ambushed like that never sat well with him after the Wave mission.

"So what was that?"

Jiraiya hummed to the question. "Well this pretty much guarantees Danzo's involvement in all this. Looks like we found the official entrance, too. The fact that we weren't swarmed by even more ninja though reinforces my statement earlier about them focusing elsewhere. These though are partial layouts of the tunnels beneath us. I have no idea why this guy has something like this, but I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth."

Tucking the maps away, Jiraiya walked over to the comatose nin and drew a permanent paralysis seal on each of them. Satisfied with it, Jiraiya turned back to the hole. Jumping in, he was followed by the two blonds. Moments later, the grave and surrounding tombstones slipped back up to their original positions with a soft click.

XxXxXxX

Kakashi and Anko tip toed through the hallways quietly. There wasn't much to distinguish between the different paths. They all had a light grey coat of paint on the walls, light bulbs every 20 steps and a few light switches along the way. Thankfully though, the paths that branched off to the side sometimes had a few stairs that helped the two ninja keep their bearings.

Thus far they had been moving away from the intense little battle they felt behind them. As such, they had only really had one scare when they had to duck into a spare room as someone ran past. They were currently counting to the standard one hundred breaths before moving on. Turning to her counterpart, Anko grinned.

"Nothing like a little break and enter to get the heart pumping, right Kakashi?"

Kakashi just looked up to the roof lazily. "Truthfully, I'd rather be home right now. I'll miss out on my much deserved sleep."

Anko chuckled and wriggled her eyebrows at him. "Well aren't you lucky then? I get to keep you company the whole night. Not many other guys get to say that."

Sighing, Kakashi easily read between the lines. Why couldn't Kurenai have come down that hole instead of this insane woman? Finally reaching one hundred, Kakashi leaned around the door and looked out.

"Alright, stay low."

Sliding out, both ninja began running swiftly through the halls.

"So where are we headed first?"

Kakashi didn't look back. "I have a hunch this way would be a good place to start. What can you feel that way?"

Anko frowned as she concentrated. Raising an eyebrow after a moment, she looked at him curiously. "Nothing. What's so special about it?"

Kakashi smiled under his mask. He secretly took great pleasure from lecturing adults like her, a habit reminiscent of his earlier days as a Jounin. "That's exactly it. It feels like nothing. In fact, it feels like less than nothing. It's almost like a void of anything. That's where I'm guessing the interesting stuff is happening."

Eyes widening, Anko 'ahh'ed as she worked it out. "Nice goin' there Kakashi. I'm so lucky such a great man is taking care of me."

Rolling his eyes, Kakashi just hoped he was right so he could ditch the maddening woman behind him. Suddenly though, Kakashi skidded to a stop, pulling up Anko behind him. He had sensed some movement around the corner just in front of them. Sticking as close to the wall as possible, he crept forward and waited a moment before spinning around holding a kunai at the person's throat. He smiled as he felt a similar pressure on his own neck. Sheathing his weapon, Kakashi nodded to Jiraiya.

"Good to see you found a way in. I hope it was less cramped than mine."

Jiraiya nodded. "Yep, it was nice and spacious. Even had a welcoming committee. So where you headed?"

Kakashi flicked his head down the hall. "You feel that void? I'm guessing something interesting in happening in there."

Tsunade stepped forward and looked both ways down the hall. "Wow, talk about bland. Definitely Danzo."

"Hokage-sama."

Looking over her shoulder, she saw the Jounin nodding his greeting. "Oh stuff it Kakashi. You've done well but you're still in my bad books. Now let's stop playing tea parties and get moving."

Watching her run past him, Kakashi looked down at his blond student. The boy gave him a dirty look. "Thanks for popping me back in the tunnel Kakashi-sensei. Real smooth."

Laughing awkwardly, Kakashi raised a hand to the back of his head. "Ah, sorry about that. A sharp rock poked me and I accidentally hit you."

While the dirty look remained, it softened slightly and a small grin crept onto the blonds face. "Whatever Kakashi-sensei. Let's go get you're newest student already."

XxXxXxX

The group swiftly reached a large door that didn't look like it was being held closed by anything. Jiraiya quickly took head at this stage and placed an experienced hand on the cool metal.

"Alright, there has to be a seal on the other side of this door. The second I break it though, whoever is inside will know we're here. Get in, catch 'em, and see if we can't get some information from them."

They all nodded, yet none looked more serious than Naruto. Jiraiya could tell he was itching for blood. Focusing, he sent out a tiny pulse of chakra through the door, easily deactivating the primitive seal on the inside of the room. With a massive push, he opened it wide and the group stormed in.

XxXxXxX

High above the room, a pair of keen eyes looked down over everything. The owner of them had felt the powerful aura of Tsunade and Jiraiya drawing closer, yet his counterpart had still no idea what was going on. The man was clearly losing his touch in his old age. Having had excused himself, he sat in the darkest corner of the roof, waiting for the show to start.

Feeling a soft pulse of chakra run through the door, the man chuckled and licked his lips. It seemed the old man below had finally caught up to the current events too, if the slight widening of his eye was anything to go by.

"This will be interesting!"

The door was heaved open and several highly ranked Jounin and Sannin dashed in, quickly covering all areas of escape.

"What are you doing here?"

"We got you Danzo. It's over."

The man chuckled again as a cornered Danzo took a step away from his most recent experiment. His voice echoed throughout the room, making him seem even more alone. Suddenly, a powerful aura flooded the confined area and keen eyes whipped over to see the male Jinchuuriki ablaze in a red cloud of fury. Apparently seeing his 'sister' strapped naked to the cold steal bed was enough to break the boy. Yellow eyes lit up in excitement as a barely contained laugh broke free from his lips.

"Ku ku ku ku ku! The demon boy as well as little Anko-chan! This will be most very interesting indeed!"

XxXxXxX

_A/N – Well, did I do as I promised or what? An extra length chapter for all you fine reviewers out there who asked for one. I am a kind author. Review me._

_Sorry for the ending too . I know you probably all hate me for it, but you surely must know who the mystery man is by the end of it!_

_As for the overall chapter, I hope it wasn't too dark compared to the light heartedness of the rest of the story. The main driving force behind it though was Naruto's intense love for anyone who accepts him as their own. So with Naruko, I could only imagine it as a hundred times stronger._

_Just wanted to say thanks as well to hinatasgreatestfan, Otherguy14, Duckboy2000 and __deitarionSSokolow (again. This guy is the man). These four helped me quite a bit with looking over the story and making sure everything is believable. OOC characters without a basis is one of my pet hates so I truly try every time to stay as IC as I can._

_Though brief as well, I hope the banter between some of the adults was enough to satisfy your need for a laugh. _

_I put a lot of effort into this chapter so any review I get would be greatly appreciated. If you spot any mistake I missed, please let me know!_

_So yeah, mass A/N aside, I leave you to your lives._

_Lanky_


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